When you go out to eat and are treated to dinner by a one income family, do you only say thank you to the wage earner?
Do you view income as a family thing or as an individual thing (obvs in the case of a one income family, be it a sahm or sahd or sah same sex person)?
Absolutely not. Now my point of view is coming from a couple that has a child/children. I think being a SAHM/SAHD is just as much if not more of a job than going off to work every day. In that case, both people actually "work" even though only one might bring home a paycheck. And if you're in a committed relationship, living together, have kids, are married, or any of the above, then by definition (most of the time) the income is shared either way. DH and I both work and both of our paychecks go into the back every week and we just both use the money. I know every family is different, but in answering your question, I guess even if the couple had no kids and only one of them worked, if they were "together" then I would still thank them both, just out of general courtesy.
Krystal & Donovan - 12/2/06
Reagan - 10/2/02
Maximus - 3/10/05
Liberty - 12/11/08
My angel in Heaven 1/7/13
If a family takes you out, you thank the family. Makes sense to me.
And I don't just see it as the working parent makes it okay for the other one to stay at home. The stay-at-home parent makes it okay for the other one to work, to focus on a career, etc.
Should I assume that you guys took someone out who only thanked your husband? I think that's rude at worst, inconsiderate or thoughtless at best.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 10 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
I would thank the family/couple, not just the wage earner. My family is a one income family and I would find it odd, even rude, if someone were to thank just my husband if we treated them to dinner. Our family is a unit and we contribute in different ways. The money that my husband earns is our money together. Not just his. Even if we both had jobs the money that we each earned would be ours together, not his and mine.
I hope this didn't actually happen to you. ugh!
I usually thank the person that puts the credit card down usually.
DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03
I'd thank the person who put down the credit card too. Whether it was the wage-earner or the home-maker. If they happened to be sitting next to each other, I'd thank both. If I went to a party at their house I'd go out of my way to thank both, but not at a restaurant. We never let anyone else get the check though and make it a habit to hand the server our credit card for our bill before we sit down. We're weird though.
I would strongly advise against that. A coworker did this a few months ago and the employee got all of the information off of her card and made tons of purchases before it was discovered. She was told that it's one of the more common ways fraud is committed and was advised to watch the transactions take place instead of being as trusting as she was.
As for the OP, even dual working couples may have all of their finances completely split to include who is responsible to pay for each household bill. If the couple is married and paid the tab, we always thank both of them. Regardless of finances, they are married which makes it both of their gift to us in the end. It shouldn't matter who put the card down. It's still from both of them. If they're not married, I thank the person who paid unless they've been committed to each other for a long time. Then we still thank both of them.
DD Twins: 8/4/09 @ 35 Wks - No NICU, woot!
I have to admit to being shocked by the question. I have never even thought of such a thing. In our family my job is to stay at home with the kids while DH works. If I felt the money was all his because he was the one who had a "job" then I would never survive the marriage. If DH had to pay for childcare, a chef, a maid, and a prostitute he would be broke. I contribute just as much to our family as he does, I just do not get a pay check.
I understand not every family works that way, and that is fine. This is just what we have agreed upon in our family.
I think both. Like a few people said, families more often than not work as units. Money is something a family owns as a whole so treating you for dinner is a gesture from both of their ends.
DS - Kaelan April 2009
DD - Hailey September 2010 (my VBAC baby)
Expecting #3 forChristmas!!!
I would thank the couple who paid. My brain wouldn't even go to "well, she works and he doesn't, so I'll only thank her since she makes the money". I'm old-fashioned, I guess, but we don't have separate finances when it comes to checking, and that's what we would use to go out to dinner. It's "our" money, not just his and not just mine.