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Thread: OT - advice needed!

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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Default OT - advice needed!

    Morning ladies,

    I hope you don't mind me posting this in here, I just feel that you will give me honest answers and sound advice.

    DD plays with our neighbours DD (they went to nursery together) and last night, I was in my garden and I am convinced I heard the parents bad mouthing my DD.

    Now lets get something straight, for a 4 yr old I KNOW my DD can run her mouth a little too much. She doesn't swear (cuss) and she's not naughty where she will hit or anything like that, she just sometimes lets her mouth run away with her. Lets say she is gobby. She is also a little bossy boots and when she has friends over, I do have to butt in sometimes and tell her to stop being bossy - it's not a major issue but does need addressing. When I speak to her about it, she agrees with me but nothing changes. If I'm honest though, I am not sure how to discipline her for that or for the back chatting. Advice?

    Anyway, I overheard my neighbours talking in the garden last night and I'm convinced they were talking about my DD. I never heard her name, but things that were said convinced me it was about her. They weren't being/saying nasty things like, 'she's a this that or the other' but I got the feeling they were annoyed from the tone they were speaking in. I also heard the Dad say 'they're both a shower of pr*cks' so I am hoping that wasn't about DBF and I and that they'd changed the conversation to something else!

    My question is, how do I address this? I felt angry last night and wanted to knock on, but I stopped myself. I just feel that instead of talking about my 4 year old, speak to me if it's a problem her playing. I am trying my best for her to turn out to be a good person, but it's bloody hard when you're not 100% sure on how to address certain behaviours. Do I pretend I heard nothing, or do I confront them? What should I ask them?

    Advice would be VERY much appreciated.

    xx
    Last edited by Minx_Kristi; 06-19-2013 at 04:12 AM.
    Me - Kristi, 30
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    I would pretend you didn't hear.

    1. You can't be 100% sure they were talking about your daughter.

    2. I think people often say stuff about others, whether it's kids or adults, and it doesn't mean they don't like that person. Dave & I will talk about certain friends of the kids sometimes and if their parents heard, they'd be upset and not understand that we still like their kids. But we'll talk about how Nicholas is babyish, Michael is too wild, Skyler's a handful, etc.

    I would address it if I felt they were badmouthing my kid around the neighborhood, but having a conversation between the two of them is not a wrong thing to do. It's just unfortunate that you overheard. And maybe you misunderstood.
    Laurie, mom to:
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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Laurie,

    Thank you so much for responding! I'm about to leave the office for home and was worrying about what to do.

    You're right, I wasn't supposed to hear it and as far as I am aware they weren't being nasty about her.

    I'll go with the flow and see if I notice any changes.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 30
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    I totally agree with Laurie. If they say something to your face or you hear it from another neighbor, then address, but between the two of them....a lot of the time I think of talking to my spouse as talking to myself, only he answers back

    The bossy thing, I think the best you can do is interrupt during the play if you think it is a problem for the other kid. I think that if you think it is a problem for the other parents, you could wait a couple of days and then address it when DD goes to their house to play. Something along the lines of "Please dont be afraid to interrupt DD if she is being bossy while the kids are playing. It is something we are trying to work on right now. Do you have any suggestions on how I could address it with her?" Then they would at least know that you see it too and they might be more likely to address it with you, instead of talk about it behind your back.
    Jessica80 and SID081108 like this.
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    Posting Addict SID081108's Avatar
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    Fully agree with both Laurie and Kyla. One of our neighbor girls that Sophia plays with frustrates me sometimes and I'm sure I've talked to DH about it before (although I can't recall then). Just like we talk about our own daughter and things she does that are frustrating....we still love this child and consider her parents our good friends. I would never tell them how to parent their daughter, but I think it's normal for us to get frustrated with her from time to time, as much time as our two girls spend together. I'm more than certain that they get frustrated with my daughter as well.

    "Bossyness" is a hard one. I read once that a girl is called bossy while a boy is called a leader. I agree with that. My first born is very much a leader and as another parent told me once "you can't teach that to a child". It's a personality trait and one that has to be trained to be balanced, moreso than sqaushed out. I have tried to teach my daughter things that she does that will make it hard for other kids to want to play with her....try to teach her to let others be involved in the decision making and not to act like she's anyone's mother (which she loves to do). I see her leadership as a positive trait and just try to mold it into behavior that's acceptable for her age.
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    I agree. I would leave it alone.

    I have a "bossy" kid. I would say it if she was a boy as well hahaha. We're working on the difference between being able to lead and just telling people to do what you want them to do.
    Mom to Elizabeth (6) and Corinne (4)

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    Oh yeah, my girl is bossy too! Not my boy. Juliet reminds me of my older sister sometimes, who was super bossy to all of us growing up. Now she is a teacher, and an excellent one, and a truly stupendous and admirable person. I have faith my Juliet will grow up to be a great and strong woman, we just have to each her not to be so selfish in her bossyness. I tend to take on leadership positions as well, so it's a family trait.
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    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    I'm glad I'm not the only one with a bossy boots to deal with. Sometimes it feels that way.

    That is some great advice to work with, I will have to remember to try and incorporate it in when we play.

    Any advice on the back chat? Do you think ignoring it will make it go away? This is what I have started doing, mainly because if I don't then we row <--- with a 4 yr old? Yes, really.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 30
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minx_Kristi View Post
    I'm glad I'm not the only one with a bossy boots to deal with. Sometimes it feels that way.

    That is some great advice to work with, I will have to remember to try and incorporate it in when we play.

    Any advice on the back chat? Do you think ignoring it will make it go away? This is what I have started doing, mainly because if I don't then we row <--- with a 4 yr old? Yes, really.

    xx
    It got to the point that my son gets no warnings now if he talks back, rudely. His only warning was me telling him the new rule. He automatically has to go upstairs and he loses a privilege for 24hrs. But he is also 6.5 years old.. I don't know if that would be easy to get across to a 4 year old.

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    Juliet is very rude to me sometimes too. She loves me more fiercely than I can imagine and she also treats me the worst of anyone! When she is unacceptably rude I tell her so and refuse to do anything for her. She doesn't like it.
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    Laurie, mom to:
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