Thread: Personal Debate - Christmas Gatherings

Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers

I think the situation is heartbreaking for the kids.

I'm so sorry.

Originally Posted by freddieflounder101

I'm so sorry.

Thank you. The situation has just been such a shock to the family. They were together for over 10 years.

Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers

Thank you. The situation has just been such a shock to the family. They were together for over 10 years.

Believe me, I understand. My parents were married for 11. It was a huge shock to my family back in the early 70s, as society just didn't accept or understand and my dad had to keep things under wraps which goes completely against his nature or his idea of what is right.

If it helps, everybody did come to terms with it and accept it. People who grew up in a generation when such things were NEVER surfaced -- my grandparents, Dad's husband's grandparents, their circles -- everyone came to accept it and even love each other and recognize that we are all family. My dad's husband's dad was a total tough guy, born in Rumania, moved to Canada under difficult circumstances, total man's man tough guy, ended up telling my dad years later, "I love you like my own son, so lucky to have you in the family."

My grandmother ended up hosting their wedding at her apartment many years later, when it became legal in Canada.

And my mom, the one who was hurt by it at first, is friends with my Dad. In fact as she is very ill now and nearing the end, she asked him to come see her, and he unhesitatingly booked a flight.

Not to derail and I know the situation is hard, but maybe it will help to know that these things do eventually get resolved and the pain eases and acceptance comes.

It will take time but the kids will adjust. But I don't deny the pain of the break-up and the confusion all around. It is not an easy thing. I'm truly sorry it's so heartbreaking for them and for the family.

Thank you. My biggest fear at this point is her never letting us see the kids any more.

I'm glad it all worked out and I think it is nice that they are trying to do things like this so the kids don't get pulled in all different directions.

I would be okay at them coming as long as there was no arguing by anyone. The gay thing doesn't bother me. I think that if I bought a present for her before I would still buy something. My aunt's sister came to dinner yesterday and we don't normally exchange gifts with her but I got her a small gift as a token.

Originally Posted by Jessica80

I'm glad it all worked out and I think it is nice that they are trying to do things like this so the kids don't get pulled in all different directions.

I would be okay at them coming as long as there was no arguing by anyone. The gay thing doesn't bother me. I think that if I bought a present for her before I would still buy something. My aunt's sister came to dinner yesterday and we don't normally exchange gifts with her but I got her a small gift as a token.

I agree with all of this, the bolded in particular.

I always buy for people who come to our house for Christmas...but if I were the guest, I wouldn't expect it.

My mom bought as normal for my brother and his ex, and got something small for the other woman. My sister said that it was awkward to have everyone opening lots of gifts and her just getting something small, but no one knew for sure if she would be there or not.

My family's attitude is the more, the merrier. We've had ex-in-laws, former stepkids, even my sister's uncle's girlfriend -- and her husband! (That was an interesting relationship, it was basically a 3-way marriage, they were all together for over 20 years until my sister's uncle passed away earlier this month.) We don't get gifts for anyone outside each of our immediate families so I wouldn't have a track record of getting a gift for my nieces' mom before & wouldn't feel obligated to get her or her partner anything this year.

Having parents break up is always heartbreaking, but ITA with Laurie that it's far better than living in the constant chaos of a broken relationship. Kids know when it's not working.

Originally Posted by Spacers

My family's attitude is the more, the merrier. We've had ex-in-laws, former stepkids, even my sister's uncle's girlfriend -- and her husband! (That was an interesting relationship, it was basically a 3-way marriage, they were all together for over 20 years until my sister's uncle passed away earlier this month.) We don't get gifts for anyone outside each of our immediate families so I wouldn't have a track record of getting a gift for my nieces' mom before & wouldn't feel obligated to get her or her partner anything this year.

Having parents break up is always heartbreaking, but ITA with Laurie that it's far better than living in the constant chaos of a broken relationship. Kids know when it's not working.

Christmas morning was just my parents, my sister and her husband and kids, and my brother and the two woman and two kids. In a larger group setting it would not be as noticeable, but Christmas morning it was much more noticeable.

I understand about in being hard for them to still be living together, but she is the one that made the changes in the relationship. I can understand where he is coming from. I would not be willing to just leave my kids either.