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Thread: Sacred decision by public vote.

  1. #21
    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    The article in the original post may help some families that are struggling with something similar, I just would not risk my child's trust in me by publishing it.

    Here is a situation we dealt with concerning dd2. She has a kidney condition that has causes some medical issues throughout her life. I was speaking to one of my students parents whose child had some of the same issues. I mentioned that dd had the same thing (didnt even say which dd) and said which doctor we took her too. My DD overheard me and was mortified, she felt that anything concerning her body or health was not acceptable for me to discuss with others. After really listening to her and thinking about it I felt bad, she was right it was not my story to tell. I have heard her talk to her friends about it, and to her teacher so she is not ashamed to have it, she just needs to be in control of who she tells.
    Lisa
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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    I don't see how writing about her real son and his real mental health issues in this public way helps her son. I really don't. I can see how it could help her career or get her hits in the controversy it creates......or how it could garnish her sympathy or criticism.....but I don't in ANY way actually believe that this article helps her son or his mental problems. In fact, lets say he gets help via talk therapy or gets totally stable on medication and down the road a potential employer is googling him ~ if, say it comes down to a "normal" candidate or one who was once scary and unpredictible, who do you think might get hired? If this kid is trying to integrate in with his peers, do you think that articles like this HELP him? I don't. I think that they set him up to be teased and ostracized, or for kids to look at him as a kid who may become a killer, because, hey, if his own MOM thinks it why can't they? It is a parents job to PROTECT their children, not to thrust them into the national debate and expose their mental health issues without their consent for all of the internet to read for all time! To me there is nothing brave about that at all.
    Well I don't think it helps his mental health issues, that isn't what I was saying. In this case, it's about protecting your child from committing a terrible act, about protecting the people who might be innocent victims, protecting everyone. So I think there can be a good motivation there, and that hiding behind anonymity might dilute the message.

    But I get what you're saying. There's a reason I'm not out there writing about my kids' personal lives in a public setting.

    But I look at scale, too. There are people doing mom-swapping shows on "reality" tv, families appearing on shows all the time, and these get exponentially more exposure than some column in an online parenting magazine. I would never have heard of this article if it hadn't been posted here, but I've heard of plenty of those awful shows and know the names of some of the families. The article/blog was posted in a very specific community, on a niche site.

    I just can't dismiss the author that easily as someone who is only trying to profit off of her son, not any more than any other writer who loots their families for stories. Fiction writers do it all the time and don't think the people who know them personally can't figure it all out, because they can. I don't see this post as one of the worst, the ones described in the article you quoted are a lot worse.

    I think including the photo wasn't a great choice, though.
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  3. #23
    Community Host Alissa_Sal's Avatar
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    I agree with the article Melissa posted. I also wanted to say that in general I kind of have a problem with parents creating online personas (which will never ever truly go away and will presumably accessible via web searches forever) for their young children. This can take the form of writing about their kids in this way, or in the form of people who create Facebook pages and whatnot in their children's names. I realize that most of the "baby" Facebook pages are totally innocent, a way for the proud parents to share pictures and updates on their children with their loved ones, and all of that. But it bothers me that the potential is there that whenever anyone searches these children's names, for the rest of their lives even, there are going to be things out there on the net that come up that they didn't have any choice over, that they already have an online persona that wasn't of their own creating. That just seems wrong to me. But maybe that's a different argument.
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  4. #24
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    Okay I will go against the grain. I think she is brave. I think she has something really important to say that she feels MUST get out there, and the context is that she is writing on a parenting site about special needs kids. It's the right context. She's not hiding behind a fake identity, she is boldly saying "this is OUR problem" and owning it. I am guessing that she wouldn't be writing for Parenting if her husband had issues with her airing their personal situations, and that she believes she is helping her son, and other kids like him, and other parents like her.

    I have no issue with it and I think she is writing about something important.
    ITA with this, and I'd say that she *is* helping her son if she can keep him from ever getting his hands on a gun when he's not in full control of himself. He takes two psychiatric drugs -- for depression and anxiety -- and I think that fact should preclude having guns in his home even if he's not the legal owner. I'm not fond of parents putting their kids "out there" like this, but she's made a career out of it already, and I don't think this is the subject to censor herself.
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  5. #25
    Prolific Poster bunnyfufu's Avatar
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    Yikes, this kind of first hand narrative always makes me cringe.

    I blog for a living. I don't post my kids names, No pics of us either. It is a hard line to write in a way that is personal and inclusive - as well as anonymous. But I try. Because, ultimately people aren't reading to know about me and my kids . . . more of an every-mom kind of thing.

    So in that way, I would not do this. I question the long term value of it vs. the long term cost to her family.

    But, as an issue I think it is real and way more prevalent than I'd considered.

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