For you SAHM's or anyone who has an opinion on it.
Would you have a guy you didn't know very well over the house so that your kids could play?
Would your husband think that it was strange? Would you be more uncomfortable socializing with a SAHD than another SAHM?
If i were a SAHM....I would have a guy over with their child for a playdate. I don't think it would make Seamus uncomfortable. I definitely would not be more uncomfortable socializing with a SADH than a SAHM.
Seamus was a SAHD for a while so that helps provide personal perspective for me.
There are a few SAHD's in my neighborhood. We have met at the park a few times, but I would be fine with having them over to our house. Like any SAHM though, I like to meet a few times in public before meeting in private. I just feel better that way.
Personally, I find the SAHD's more approachable at the park when it comes to introducing myself. There are A LOT of SAHM's and home daycare providers here and I find the women really clutch together and make it difficult to 'break in' to their circles. I'm still relatively new to this neighborhood, so I think groups that have been formed already aren't really concerned about adding to them. Which I'm okay with, since Violet has no problems making friends. It's more about her anyway.
Oh, ETA, it would not make Greg uncomfortable to have a dad over for a playdate. He's already told me so much.
No, I wouldn't have a man I didn't know well over when I was at home alone with the kids.
If we met at the park and the kids really got along, we could plan another meeting at the park or have the kids get together to play when my DH would be home.
I've never met a SAHD. The very generous benefits for SAHMs do not apply to the other gender so I am unlikely to ever meet one. But sure, if there was one, then we could hang out as the ostracized together.
I have a hard time imagining a situation where I would have either a SAHM or dad over to my house. It's hard for me because I know most everyone around here so the thought of having someone over that I hardly knew regardless of gender is too far fetched for me. For arguments sake though, I can't imagine why if it was something I did it would be any different for me based on the parents gender. I'm used to being around guys, more so than women actually, so I'd probably be more comfortable anyway. DH wouldn't care either way, he's pretty confident in my judgement.
The playground thing doesn't happen to me. I think, like Jordan, i would want to meet/talk a few times on the play ground or other similar places before stepping into the realm of inviting over to my house. But this would apply to both men and women.
However even in that scenario, i don't think a handful of meet-ups really means i know the parent well.
My kids tend to play with other kids from school. Emma is going to a birthday party this weekend, at a classmates house. I actually don't know the parents at all.
I have a standing policy not to have men here when DH is gone. Now I do babysit a lot and sometimes the fathers pick up their kids and stay awhile while the kids play or to wait to talk to DH, but not very long and I am usually making dinner and there are a slew of kids around and we know DH will be home any minute. Those are people I know very well and are very good friends with DH. There is a little girl across the street that is the same age as DD1 and they love to play but she only goes there to play if DH takes her. (He is a single Dad)
I know I must seem old fashioned to some of you, but I would rather air on the side of caution. If I am never in a position to be alone with a man (other than DH), then I will never be in a position to do something with a man that I regret that would hurt my family and my girls. Not to mention I would not want to put myself or my girls in a dangerous position to be alone with a guy that could hurt us.
Wow....so interesting. I can't imagine never being alone with another guy that wasn't dh.
In my profession, I'm alone with men all of the time. Sure, I'm careful about situations, but it isn't uncommon for me to share a meal with a man, visit his house, or travel with a man who isn't my husband. These are professional relationships and we have work to do-- I can't imagine insisting that I not be alone with a man. I would get nothing done. Seriously.
My dh has invited other women & their kids over and it is totally fine by me. He spends a good bit of time with our neighbor and her four children (whose ages match closely with ours....) He'll take her kids for a while and then she'll take some of ours....it works really well and the kids love it. He also has arrangements with other moms from our church where they carpool and have playdates--- though he spends more time with the kids than with the moms, for sure.
He has found that other women take a while to warm up. But I hardly consider a father of four well-adjusted, outgoing kids to be much of a "threat". Sure we should trust our guts, but really? We have found that he doesn't get invited to the winter playgroups with the preschool moms-- that's okay. I think they don't know what to do with him....but if they dug a bit deeper they might find that his days are just like theirs.
I make sure he gets so much lovin' from me that he has no need to look elsewhere so I encourage his socializing with other moms.
DD 8.03, DD 6.05, DS 3.07, DD 5.09, and DS arrived 6.17.12