sibling not invited to birthday party at neighbors?
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Thread: sibling not invited to birthday party at neighbors?

  1. #1
    Posting Addict lovelymomma's Avatar
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    Default sibling not invited to birthday party at neighbors?

    soooo this is a personal debate but im torn on the subject

    scenario: I have a 7yo son & 5yo son, neighbor kids are 7, 5 and 3. I take their 7yo to and from school everyday to make their lives easier since im going there anyway. my 7yo was invited to the 7yo birthday sleep over party but my 5yo was NOT invited and it was made perfectly clear to me that she didnt want him there, when I asked her why not she said "he just isnt invited" the problem I have is the kids talk, I dont think its fair that the three boys play together all the time, its good enough for them to play together but he isnt invited to their birthday party? Literally a flight of stairs away? The kid likes Ethan just as well as he likes Elliott. She said "oh well, we could sing the birthday song together the next day if you really want to"...

    It came up again today that DS1 was RSVP'd for coming and I replied that I needed to talk to DH that while its unfair that DS1 has to miss out on a party I also think its unfair that DS2 has to knowingly miss out on the party and then hear about it Monday morning on the carride to school..

    question is: do you let DS1 go to the party and DS2 miss out or make neither of them go? the mom is adamant that she doesnt want DS2 there. All their children were invited to my DS1/2 birthday parties if it matters and my kids have been invited to their 5yo and 3yo birthday parties in the past too. DH thinks maybe we can take and do something special with DS2... maybe its just one of those "life isnt fair" gigs but i wouldnt ask her kids not to come and spend the night if rolls were reversed, especially considering were in the same building and they play together, they are always included, exc. and it isnt like DS2 is a handful, hes the most laid back of the three.
    Last edited by lovelymomma; 09-06-2011 at 06:50 PM.
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    Community Host wlillie's Avatar
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    Maybe she's worried the other 7 year olds will tease not only her child for having a younger boy at his party, but also the 5 year old. I'd let the 7 year old go; your younger ds will be invited to parties that his brothers aren't invited to too. I think I'd feel differently if it wasn't a sleepover. Sleepovers are more work especially at the age where they have tons of energy.

    Have you asked her if she needed help; maybe she'll let him go if you are there to make sure they all play well

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    I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I would assume it is a "big kid" thing and the birthday boys sibs won't be very involved either (meaning sleeping in the same room as the big kids).

    I've run into this numerous times as my oldest are only 14 months apart (a boy and a girl). Sometimes there are boy only parties and dd doesn't get to go, and visa versa... Se la vie

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    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    I have to say, if I was having a sleepover with a bunch of 7-year-olds (yikes!) along with my own two younger kids, I wouldn't want an extra younger kid around. Some 5yos still need pullups at night, some still wake up & need comforting, some might get scared being in a "strange" place at night & need to go home. Yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with that.

    This is going to be a good lesson for your 5yo that he doesn't always get to do the same things as his big brother. I'd probably tell him he can spend the night somewhere when he turns 7 so I don't have to deal with that question for the next two years. Or if you're OK with a sleepover, then how about inviting their 5yo over to spend the night with you? That would probably make the mom very happy!
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    We have also dealt with birthday parties where one child is invited and the other is not. Thankfully they seem to understand their will be other parties that they are invited to but their sisters are not. It does always make me feel a little sad for the sister that is left out.

    ~Bonita~

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    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    1- It is a bit rude IMO, we always invite whole families to birthday parties.
    2- we have never done a sleepover at a friends house, maybe at 10 or older I will reconsider. Never been invited so far to a friends house without momma coming to. We have slept over at my bff's together with her kiddos there too. I think 7 is too young to be sleeping over at a friends.. Just my opinion.
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    It wouldn't be an issue to me either. Nor do I see it as rude.

    My neighbour's kids and my kids play together all the time... they are 10 (dd), 7 (her dd), 6 (ds), and 4.5 (her ds). Sometimes they all get invited over for each other's birthday... sometimes none get invited... and sometimes only the same age or same sex child gets invited. All depends on what kind of party/celebration it is. I certainly never expect that just because one child is invited, the other must/should be included as well.

    If your neighbour's 7 y.o. is having a sleepover, I'm assuming it is also including some other friends of his around the same age? I guess to me it just makes sense that a younger sibling wouldn't be necessarily included

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    I agree with what everyone else has said. I would probably ask if my 5 y.o. could come for cake/presents but not stay for the sleepover. If she said "no" I'd try not to be offended (though I know it is hard when you see your little one upset).

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    Honestly the only rude action in the scenario is you insisting that your child be invited to someone else's party. Though I'm sure it is hard to explain to a kid, it is a lesson that has to be learned at some point in life. I wouldn't let my 5 year old attend an older kids sleepover.

    I love Stacey's idea of inviting their 5 year old over to sleep over, that sounds like a win win for everyone and a very gracious thing to do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Potter75 View Post
    Honestly the only rude action in the scenario is you insisting that your child be invited to someone else's party. Though I'm sure it is hard to explain to a kid, it is a lesson that has to be learned at some point in life. I wouldn't let my 5 year old attend an older kids sleepover.

    I love Stacey's idea of inviting their 5 year old over to sleep over, that sounds like a win win for everyone and a very gracious thing to do.
    I agree and think the idea of having their 5 yr old over is awesome! Even if it isn't a sleep over, but a late playdate until bed time.

    I think kids need to learn that they can't and won't be invited to everything as they grow up and that is ok.
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