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  1. #11
    Posting Addict Spacers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    DH's daughter was 13 when we met and he would not let her friends stay overnight because he didn't think it was appropriate since he was a single man. She wasn't allowed to have friends stay over until we were married and I was going to be home.
    Did you, as a single mom, allow your boys to have friends stay overnight? If so, why the difference? I'm sad for his daughter that she was deprived of that bonding experience with her friends. I just don't get how there would be any danger when there's half a dozen potential witnesses right there in the same room. What if the parents are married but the mom works until midnight, does she still count, or would you keep your daughter home?
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    DH's daughter was 13 when we met and he would not let her friends stay overnight because he didn't think it was appropriate since he was a single man. She wasn't allowed to have friends stay over until we were married and I was going to be home.
    I'm a bit confused. Her friends' parents thought it was inappropriate? Or HE did? Why would he think it was inappropriate if he was a parent and knew he wasn't going to mess with the girls?
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    Quote Originally Posted by freddieflounder101 View Post
    I'm a bit confused. Her friends' parents thought it was inappropriate? Or HE did? Why would he think it was inappropriate if he was a parent and knew he wasn't going to mess with the girls?
    So what if he was accused of something? It would be the word of a 13 year old girl against his. He didn't want to put himself in that position.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    So what if he was accused of something? It would be the word of a 13 year old girl against his. He didn't want to put himself in that position.
    That's different from thinking it's inappropriate. That is what confused me. I am still a bit unsure of why he would anticipate such a thing happening, but it makes a little more sense this way.
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    I'd have no issue with it. My oldest sleeps over at a friend's house quite often, and it's just the boy and his mom. The thought of anything happening has honestly never even crossed my mind.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GloriaInTX View Post
    So what if he was accused of something? It would be the word of a 13 year old girl against his. He didn't want to put himself in that position.
    How would he be accused of something. There would have to be either mass abuse of all the girls, which I don't see happening, or there would have to be mass collusion among the girls to lie about it, and I also don't see that happening. And it would be the word of my child against his word. I know my child. I can tell in an instant when she's lying, and I would never allow her to perpetuate a lie about something like that. If I thought a dad might abuse her, I wouldn't let her go, but I'm not going to assume that all dads are monsters. I just don't live like that.
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    I had friends sleep over all the time when I lived with my single dad. Actually I had a lot less sleepovers after he married my stepmother.
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    Online Community Director MissyJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica80 View Post
    I don't see a single dad as being a bigger threat than a married dad.

    I wouldn't let my kids sleep over anywhere where I hadn't met the parents so if I knew him and thought he was a decent guy they could go over.
    Agreed. We don't have our kids have sleepovers (at home or away) without taking time to get to know the parents and meet the kids in advance.

    That said, I do believe I understand what Gloria was sharing re: her dh's decision as a single dad. I could understand someone being hesitant to put themselves in the position to be potentially accused of something inappropriate -- particularly if he does not know the kids or parents involved in advance. While I *get* that it would be unlikely with so many present as you'd think that the others would serve as witnesses, unfortunately there are those few kids... particularly in the preteen/teen set... that *may* use an accusation as a means of getting attention, or perhaps even if they didn't appreciate the house rules, acted out of jealousy, etc. Again -- I do NOT believe that would happen in the majority of cases, but the thought if that "1" just happened to land in his home it certainly could serve to give him pause. I know many youth organizations caution from not having another adult present in situations that would not be considered "public" for the same reason.

    I'm sure at times, Gloria's step-daughter may have been disappointed but it doesn't sound as if he isolated her from having friends over... just not to sleep (granted maybe I misunderstood?) -- nor did she say that the sdd was forbidden from going to a sleepover. He sounds like he simply made choices to protect and insure that he was there for his dd for the long term vs. putting them in a situation that -- despite best intentions -- could be misconstrued. Is that *fair* thinking? Not really - but I think most of us likely object to some of the new realities our kids face that our parents didn't think twice about.
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    Mega Poster mom3girls's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissyJ View Post
    Agreed. We don't have our kids have sleepovers (at home or away) without taking time to get to know the parents and meet the kids in advance.

    That said, I do believe I understand what Gloria was sharing re: her dh's decision as a single dad. I could understand someone being hesitant to put themselves in the position to be potentially accused of something inappropriate -- particularly if he does not know the kids or parents involved in advance. While I *get* that it would be unlikely with so many present as you'd think that the others would serve as witnesses, unfortunately there are those few kids... particularly in the preteen/teen set... that *may* use an accusation as a means of getting attention, or perhaps even if they didn't appreciate the house rules, acted out of jealousy, etc. Again -- I do NOT believe that would happen in the majority of cases, but the thought if that "1" just happened to land in his home it certainly could serve to give him pause. I know many youth organizations caution from not having another adult present in situations that would not be considered "public" for the same reason.

    I'm sure at times, Gloria's step-daughter may have been disappointed but it doesn't sound as if he isolated her from having friends over... just not to sleep (granted maybe I misunderstood?) -- nor did she say that the sdd was forbidden from going to a sleepover. He sounds like he simply made choices to protect and insure that he was there for his dd for the long term vs. putting them in a situation that -- despite best intentions -- could be misconstrued. Is that *fair* thinking? Not really - but I think most of us likely object to some of the new realities our kids face that our parents didn't think twice about.
    I agree with you Missy. Dh is a middle school teacher in a title 1 school. The principal is very clear on his expectation that the male teachers on staff are very deliberate in their actions regarding any interaction with female students. He feels the same way about male students and female teachers. He does not worry about his teachers actions, but wants to protect the integrity of his staff
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    This may make me a terrible parent, but I don't have time to get to know everyone else's parents in such a deep way. My kids don't do sleepovers yet -- Juliet's too young and Nathaniel, although he's 9, doesn't want to -- but I am not a stay at home mom so my time is really limited. I know many of the parents on sight or for quick chit chat but there are only a handful I actually know "well". I would still let Nathaniel stay at someone's house if the parents didn't fall into that category.
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