Well yeah for starters, I want to know who would be present, who is normally at the house etc. I live in a small town so it's usually a moot point since I know most everyone already but of course..those new people throw me off .
And yes, the gun question would be something I would ask, not that I would stop them from going but I would want to know how they were locked up etc.
Mom to Elizabeth (6) and Corinne (4)
For me, I absolutely would have to know the parents before letting my daughter(s) sleep over somewhere. I may ease up on this as they get older (much older) but for now both DH and I feel strongly about this. As to the original question, if I knew the single dad and felt comfortable with him, a group sleepover would not bother me.
And I completely understand Gloria's DH's position as a single dad...at some point (typically) those girls are going to sleep and you have NO idea what one of them could accuse the dad of doing while the others are sleeping. It only takes one liar...they do not all need to be in on it. While I agree it's unlikely, it's not a position that my husband would put himself in either.
CARRIE and DH 7/14/07
Yeah, this. I think that its paranoid to not allow your child to have children over for a sleepover if you are a single man.
this is crazy thinking to me. This could JUST as easily happen, the accusation, if the Mom was sleeping. So the answer is to protect yourself don't have any sleepovers, or Dad gets a hotel for the night or something? If we really think that girls are making up sexual abuse allegations this frequently I think that we have a real problem. Do you guys really think that tween or teen girls make up sexual abuse so frequently that this is something that we really need to "guard" against? I don't.at some point (typically) those girls are going to sleep and you have NO idea what one of them could accuse the dad of doing while the others are sleeping. I
Someone who would lie about something like that could just as easily lie and accuse the mom of abuse. There's no way to protect against an emotionally unbalanced or mentally ill person who would think of doing something like that.
Last edited by Spacers; 06-07-2013 at 02:23 PM. Reason: It's "lie" not "like" and that makes a lot of difference to that sentence!
The number of U.S. states in which a person can marry the person they love regardless of gender: 30 and counting!
I have been thinking about since, from my initial, knee jerk, no reaction.
Here is what I have been thinking. I would probably say yes to a group sleep over with 3 or more girls there, as this would give DD a 'group' to feel safe in. However, unless DD knows the dad well and is comfortable with him I would probably say no to just her sleeping over. Not because I am worried about her safety due to him being a single dad, but because she is used to dealing with a female, and I dont want to drop her off somewhere for an extended time and have her feeling uncomfortable and unsure the whole time. I would be fine for a few hour play date, but I dont want her to keep things like homesickness inside because she is worried about talking to a man about it.
This response has as much to do with my child's temperament and upbringing as anything else, I realize that. I just thought it might be a relevant point for the debate. Not all parents would say no due to fear of molestation, but due to other factors. And again I realize my thoughts on this could easily change in the next few years.
Another thing, I would definitely have to talk to the parents if my child was invited to a sleep over and I didnt know the parents well. My big question would simply be who lives in the house, or would be there that night. I do have the added advantage of being able to run those names past the investigative RCMP crew for our town though and although they wouldnt run the names or anything for me, they would let me know if anyone stood out, which would make me feel better.
Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)
I suppose I am very naive, but I wouldn't dream of even wanting to run my kids' parents' names past the police.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 11 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
Apparently we watch too many crime shows (reality ones, not made up dramas) because I absolutely see stuff like this happen (and much crazier) and I guard my children and my family against risks, to the extent that I find it reasonable. I think it is much less likely for a girl to make an accusation when there were 2 or more adults there then when there was just one and it's her word against his. I always know if my husband gets out of bed at night (light sleeper, I guess), so I would be there to say that I know he didn't leave his bed.
I don't sit and obsess over these things, as some of you on this board like to make it sound (as if everyone who doesn't think like you is a wacko). I simply make decisions based on weight of risk vs. return, and I think it's perfectly reasonable for a single dad not to feel comfortable having a bunch of teen girls sleep over. If he feels comfortable with it, and I know him well, then I would be all for my daughter being involved if she wanted to be.
Last edited by SID081108; 06-07-2013 at 04:06 PM.
CARRIE and DH 7/14/07
DH has a firm policy of not being alone with children that are not our own or our nieces or nephews. One reason for this is because we know someone who's daughters had some friends over and they all got together and decided to accuse him of molesting them. Years later they came forward and confessed they made the whole thing up, but not until they did a whole lot of damage to his life. DH does not put himself in a position where it is ever his word against other children's word.
We do let our oldest two go to birthday sleepovers where we know the parents well. Only if we know the parents well. I also would not leave my girls at a sleep over with just a man unless it was someone I knew VERY well like a BIL. One reason for this is that about a year ago it came out that one of Alyssa's friends' father was arrested and convicted of aggravated rape. We knew him and had seen him once a week for years and had had him over to our house without having any idea that he had been raping his daughter on a regular basis for years. It is sickening and a shame that we can not just trust anyone, but in reality we can not.
As I said, we do let our older two go to sleepovers, but I really would ideally want two adults present.
Also, for the record, I am a lot less paranoid about who I leave my kids with than the other members of his department. I recommended my daycare to one of them and she turned it down because the womans husband associates with drug dealers. I figure #1 my 4 year old is not a drug dealers target and #2 the husband is working during the day when my kids are there, so I didnt have a problem with it. I think living with the reality of the horrible things that people do to each other every day makes cops and their families really paranoid, and I try not to be that way. DH likes to know the info on these things, but he usually lets me make the decisions, because he knows he would never let his kids out of the house if I didnt keep him in check. We havent come across a situation yet where he has vetoed me, though a few where I have had to talk him around.
Mom to Arianna (5), Conner (3) and Trent (my baby)