And...i'd also like to add that if the story was simply this:
She agreed to surrogacy
Agreed to having an abortion if needed
Changed her mind when actually faced with the situation
Parents had to accept her refusal and come up with an alternative plan for the baby
I bet it wouldn't even make the news. You might find it as a sample story referenced in some random article on page 28 of a magazine about the risks of choosing surrogacy.
Its the fact that after she changed her mind, she also granted herself the permission to decide where the baby should end up that makes this news.
So lets take the abortion part of it out of the scenario:
If there was no proposed abortion and a surrogate simply decided she knows better than the parents what to do with their child. Would we be praising that individual? I don't think so.
Bonita and Melissa - I think this is a good example of where tone and intent don't always come through on the internet. I believe that Bonita wasn't trying to say that we can't talk about abortion in this thread, but rather that in her opinion, the morality behind abortion in general is not relevent to the case in the OP.
Having said that, I agree that people don't typically like being lectured by other posters. I don't think that's what Bonita was doing, but as a general statement, I would say that I've been posting on this board for like 7 years (:eek:) and I don't think I've ever seen it go over well where one poster begins lecturing another poster about how they post. However it's meant, it always antagonizes. That's why we try to remind people to keep debates on topic rather than debating each other personally - because when you make it personal, it's taken personally.
So....stop debating each other's posting styles, and go have fun debating the topic.
Thank you Alissa. You are correct, I never meant to say that we could not talk about abortion.
Originally Posted by Alissa_Sal
This is the part of the debate I'm so hung up on. How posters, knowing what we know of this individual, can continue to call her a hero, utterly confounds me. She adopted out someone else's child. It is morally repugnant, and how it is legal is very frightening for anyone who would EVER consider surrogacy. In fact, how anyone would consider surrogacy with Michigan laws on the books (if I understand them the way this case seems to present them to be) is beyond me. How anyone can talk about their great morals while condoning this action is truly a study in contradiction.
Originally Posted by KimPossible
I have to agree that she doesn't seem to be particularly moral or she would have done things differently. Obviously she was confused and a bit lost as things went on but that doesn't excuse her actions.
There is the Baby M case from the late 1980s. The surrogate did not leave the state but she did want to keep the baby. There is some other differences as it was her eggs used in the procedure. It went to a lengthy court case, eventually the surrogate (Mary Beth Whitehead) and the adoptive father (from the couple wanting a baby) shared custody. It was this case that changed many surrogacy laws.
Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers
Thank you. My point was that this should be treated like any other case where the surrogate changes their mind. The reason why they changed their mind, IMO, does not matter.
Originally Posted by mom2robbie
I agree that the reason doesn't matter. Like Melis, I can't understand how she had any rights to arrange an adoption for the baby. Rivergallery also agree with this point in a reply to me.
Originally Posted by AlyssaEimers
She was not the egg-donor. She had no genetic link to the baby.
I have a friend who has been a surrogate for the same couple with 3 children - 2 pregnancies. It is a very open and amicable relationship. Her own biological son and daughter spend time with the surrogate family (hard to know how to label them, sorry)via vacations,etc. . . and there is a lot of love and care.
There is a bond for sure, as long as the parties want there to be one. But she is not their mother. Again, I simply find this whole story deeply sad and strange.