Are we too harsh about ourselves?

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mom2robbie's picture
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Are we too harsh about ourselves?

A photographer friend who tries to get women to see their beautiful self posted the following link

Real Beauty Sketches - Dove

So, are women too harsh in their judgement of their beauty?

Do ad campaigns like this make a difference?

bunnyfufu's picture
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Well, that choked me up. I think it's a pretty great example of how powerful our internal voices have an impact.

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I just watched that video, I thought it was very powerful. I love that they have all sketches up too. What a great idea for an experiment.

So one, yes of course I think many women are too harsh in the way they judge their looks/beauty.

Yes, I think an ad campaign like that might help a lot of women.

But more than that, I think women are also too harsh in how they judge themselves. Men do it too. In meditation class we have been exploring this, the names we call ourselves, the insults we say to ourselves, the things we judge ourselves for. We treat ourselves so much worse than we would treat others. I had a talk with my husband about this, I told him to treat himself with the same compassion and love he has for others. It gave us both a lot to think about.

So the same for beauty.

Many many years ago, as in, MANY MANY years ago, I was in a writing class in which we were asked to write a piece describing someone else in the class. I was maybe 18 or 19. A girl I didn't know well had written about me, and I was completely floored by what she wrote. Everything she wrote described someone I wished I could be, but wasn't even coming close to. . .and yet there was that person, seen by her, someone who hardly knew me. It was pretty powerful. Even her physical description, she actually described clothes I wished I owned but didn't. So strange.

So yes yes yes.

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I do think we are harder on ourselves than we are on other people.

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Loved that video. I pray on a regular basis for those I love to be able to see themselves as others see them, even if for just a moment. I will be showing that to my daughters as soon as they get home

I definitely think we judge ourselves way to harshly. We not only notice flaws we dont look for in others, but we berate ourselves for things that are out of our control.

I know ad campaigns can be powerful, in both directions. I have been buying as many dove products as I can since they started the real beauty campaign. I love it

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Being a mom has made me realize how critical conveying a healthy self image is to my daughter. She is going to learn this stuff at home. We work hard to talk about our bodies in only positive ways at home.

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What a moving video!! We probably are too harsh about ourselves.. Men included. I know I am.

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The girl speaking about her dark circles...hit home. I have extremely dark circles pretty much at all times since I was young..and I hate them. I think my girls just need me to be happy with myself. I loved this video.

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I posted this because it made me cry so much. My friend who posted it first did my boudoir session, the pictures were amazing and I could not believe I looked like that. She posted a couple of preview pictures (with my permission) on FB, the comments I received were amazing. I am trying be better about liking my body and in the past year I have done a lot better but years of being told I was fat and ugly have still taken their toll on my self esteem.

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"mom2robbie" wrote:

I posted this because it made me cry so much. My friend who posted it first did my boudoir session, the pictures were amazing and I could not believe I looked like that. She posted a couple of preview pictures (with my permission) on FB, the comments I received were amazing. I am trying be better about liking my body and in the past year I have done a lot better but years of being told I was fat and ugly have still taken their toll on my self esteem.

:bigarmhug: I would love to see the picture if you don't mind.

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"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

:bigarmhug: I would love to see the picture if you don't mind.

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Beautiful pictures, and a beautiful idea.

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"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

Beautiful pictures, and a beautiful idea.

thanks, I actually made an album of about 30 pictures for my husband for Valentine's day, expensive but totally worth it

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I remember years ago there used to be a Glamour Shots photo studio near where I lived. I would love to do something like that sometime.

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While those photos are lovely I would not want my daughter putting photos like that of her on Facebook or on a public site. That's just me. I know we all have our own comfort level of privacy with public sexuality.

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"Potter75" wrote:

While those photos are lovely I would not want my daughter putting photos like that of her on Facebook or on a public site. That's just me. I know we all have our own comfort level of privacy with public sexuality.

I would not allow my daughter either, I however am 43 and the racier photos are not online anywhere.

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My daughter is 4. I meant I would not put them on - sorry, misspoke. Smile in teaching about self image I meant that I would be teaching that - by example- that would not be appropriate for our family/ me/ us. I know that everyone is different. I believe bodies are beautiful and I love my body. As we speak I'm laying beach side in a bikini. However- I personally would not post photos of myself in lingerie or provocatively posed on my Facebook or a public site......it would be distinctly uncomfortable for other people/ former colleagues etc. when I am here in a bathing suit I am surrounded by others in bathing suits. It is appropriate. I do not believe that for me it would be appropriate to pose in lingerie on fb, nor would I personally want to see my friends or fmily in lingerie on fb. Everyone is different. I will be teaching my daughters to find empowerment and positive feedback in different ways. I'm not saying you are wrong- but am saying that that would be wrong for us.

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I must be missing something, but were the pictures posted on FB? There are a lot of things I would post on pg.org that I would not post on FB.

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"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

I must be missing something, but were the pictures posted on FB? There are a lot of things I would post on pg.org that I would not post on FB.

They were posted on my friend's photography page with my name listed as "Miss M". A cropped version of the top picture (just my face) is my current FB profile picture.

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"mom2robbie" wrote:

They were posted on my friend's photography page with my name listed as "Miss M". A cropped version of the top picture (just my face) is my current FB profile picture.

Oh I understand now.

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I think the facebook page of a photographer who specializes in boudoir shots, is an appropriate place for these pictures to be displayed. I would assume they were not the only such pics there, it would not have been a shock to see them.

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Mom2robbie, your pics are very nice. Smile

As a counter point. Locally we have a gal who is doing boudoir portraits too. She sets up a full day of hair,make-up styling by a local lingerie shop. It has been very popular. Costs about $300 to participate. Whew!

Here's her online album:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.499061444748.277150.235147509748&type=3

Her tagline is, "On a mission to save the world by raising self-confidence in women one Fashion-styled session at the time." I've met her and I can say that I believe that she believes in her mission. That's cool in my book.

But it's a little contradictory to the message of the dove ad, because the pics are so styled and treated that they lose some of the natural character. (Mom2robbie, yours look very natural and more of the styling happens within the lighting.)

I thought about doing it when her event rolled around, because it would be nice to have a picture or two of myself that was shimmery and beautiful. But the cost was just way too high for me.

I have another friend who styles and touches up pin-up shots for the local Harley dealership. One of the models was so pleased with her shots that she posted them all over the place. Loads of praise for how 'hot' she looked. But was ultimately, kind of a big let down, because. . . she doesn't really look like that. She's really beautiful in her own right, but the styled shots are costumes, kwim?

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"bunnyfufu" wrote:

Mom2robbie, your pics are very nice. Smile

(Mom2robbie, yours look very natural and more of the styling happens within the lighting.)

Thanks. I did my own hair and had on mascara and lipstick for my photo session. My friend now has sessions where she will have a hair stylist and makeup artist there and it costs more but it is up to you on how your session goes. My session actually lasted 5 hours :eek: as I learned to become more comfortable with having pictures taken - I hate having my picture taken. There was no pressure to do any type of photo and it was whatever I was comfortable with.

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I just have to share this:

Dove Real Beauty Sketches - Men - YouTube

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Bunny- that is hilarious! A friend of mine posted it on fb before, it is so true.. lol.
I know I am very hard on myself.. To the point that I am most self-conscious about parts of my body that other people like!