Wedding Skippers?
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Thread: Wedding Skippers?

  1. #1
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    Default Wedding Skippers?

    Is it okay to skip the wedding and go directly to the reception (say, in the case of a traditional church wedding and reception following at a different location)?

    Is it always okay, no matter what? Is it never okay, no matter what? Is it okay only in a case of necessity (say, a friday night wedding and work conflicts, or babysitter issues)?

    If you DO skip the wedding, do you notify or admit to the bride that you cannot/did not make it? Or, do you pretend that you were there (a la "what a beautiful ceremony!" when you see the bride and groom at the reception?

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    If you are just skipping the boring part and showing up for the party, tacky. I think the wedding is a package deal.

    Now, if you have to work or something and really can't get the time off, then you should let the bride know well in advance with apologies for not being able to attend the ceremony. Don't fake your attendance.

  3. #3
    Posting Addict culturedmom's Avatar
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    I agree with kris. You have to let the bride know ahead of time. Y'all know how much I hate weddings, but I don't think it is right to not go and just go to the fun part with food.

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    It must be something that changes depending on the area you live in. Around here, most weddings are invite lists of 500-700 people and a good chunk of that is family (extended almost always included). It is generally not expected for most of that list to attend the ceremony. We go to mass ceremonies of family and close friends. We are actually invited to a wedding next weekend where we will just attend the dinner and dance. We didn't expect everyone on our invite list to attend our wedding either and they didn't.

    The bride knows we are not coming to the mass and I doubt she expected we would.

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    I think it is ok for a church wedding, but a little tacky and definitely don't pretend to have been there when you weren't.

    Now, I do think it is not appropriate if the ceremony/reception are all at one location. That's kind of an all-inclusive package and you should be there for the whole she-bang unless there are unavoidable circumstances (work, babysitter, etc).
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  6. #6
    Mega Poster elleon17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by momW View Post
    It must be something that changes depending on the area you live in. Around here, most weddings are invite lists of 500-700 people and a good chunk of that is family (extended almost always included). It is generally not expected for most of that list to attend the ceremony. We go to mass ceremonies of family and close friends. We are actually invited to a wedding next weekend where we will just attend the dinner and dance. We didn't expect everyone on our invite list to attend our wedding either and they didn't.

    The bride knows we are not coming to the mass and I doubt she expected we would.
    This was pretty typical for many wedding I went to as well in my hometown, but the invitation would be for which you were invited to. It really was because of space and fitting 500 italians into the catholic chapel isn't really possible. No one is offended, it is just known that for wedding that large only close friends and family attend the mass, and everyone at the reception.
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    I have never actually heard of going to the reception and not the wedding unless they are in two different states. Like for the Bride and Groom to be from to separate states so the wedding and a reception is in the Brides hometown but then there is another reception in the groom's hometown at a later date for the Grooms family that could not make the wedding.

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    If there's good reason to skip the ceremony, then sure. I'd do it if I had to, but would then attend the reception. I'd be honest to the bride and groom as well, if they ask. Sometimes life gets in the way, especially last minute. If something very important came up before hand, with enough time to let them know, I would ring them.

    If I'm being invited to a wedding, it's from people who I care about and who care about me. I can't imagine having it held against me for attending one part and not the other. Regardless of location(s). And I wouldn't even bother about what other guests might think.
    ~Jordan~

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    Do you watch Scrubs?

    I think it all depends completely on the situation. I didn't really care who was at my wedding besides the bridal party, but would have been peeved if people didn't show up for the reception.

    I think the wedding ceremony is more about the couple and the reception is everyone else.

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    No, I don't watch Scrubs but now I am dying to google it I agree at being peeved at people not showing up at the reception as it is a pay by plate sort of scenario and it would be jerky to not show.

    This is a personal debate, won't deny it. It is about a wedding that we are attending tomorrow night. It is going to be 105 or something stupit here, and my kids are in this crazy swim program with 4:30 lessons (it is an every day for two week program). It is a 5 PM wedding, 7pm reception.

    I had originally scheduled our sitter to be here at 4 and take the kids to swim lessons. After living through the lessons all week, I just can't do it. I can't make my poor wonderful much loved sitter head into what is involved in that hour with no toe dipping.....I barely live through it myself. The logistics of the swim program, and dropping off two kids to their individual instructors, and killing time with the baby in the 130 or something degree heat inside the indoor pool "viewing area" then picking up the kids from said instructors are such that I just don't want to toss the endeavor on my babysitter. She is like part of our family, but the logistics involved with driving the three kids there, getting the two kids to the right instructor, living through a little tot on the bleachers in the heat, and getting them all home/to dinner just seems like way way too much. It makes me stabby and I am now used to it.

    We have decided to forego the ceremony and arrive at the reception, after handing off the kids to the sitter post swim program, and quick changing.

    I feel confident that this is the best decision for our family. The bride is a cousin of mine. We likely will not be noticed not being in the church, as it is a large wedding.

    I generally feel that it is bad form to not go to one without the other, but at the same time I feel like my primary job is to meet my families needs, which this solution does.

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