At What age?

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AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560
At What age?

At what age do you think kids should be able to have a FB account? I just read they are thinking of lifting the 13 year old age limit. Do you think this is a good idea?

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4116

I think it would be great if they would add a feature that a parent has to approve friends before they are added. Kids that age are using it now anyway because they have no way to verify your age. My son had a FB account when he was about 12, mostly because he has a lot of cousins that live far away and it is a good way for them to talk to each other. I monitor his page, but if they put more checks in place for parents to set limits that would be even better.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

I'm not sure.....bc I don't yet have kids of that age and not sure how I feel.

That said, it drives me NUTS that I have relatives/friends who let their kids on that are under 13. I refuse to be friends with them on principle....but I can still see their comments, etc. Rules are rules, and I think as a parent it is my job to enforce them--kwim? And I don't FB is anything that any kid *needs*.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

I have young SIL's and nieces on FB. The things they post are many times so silly. I would be fine if FB was reserved for adults or at least older teens.

Joined: 08/17/04
Posts: 274

I'm not friends with young kids on FB and don't intend to be. If they were right now I don't know exactly what I would do but I'm leaning towards no. I don't think teenagers in general know how to safely behave on the internet and never mind a pre teen.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

I think back to the stupid things I said and did at that age and think I would not want every person I ever knew to know that I said that, as well as future colleges and potential bosses to have a record of every crush I ever had.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1535

We have one that is very close to the age that it is ok to have a FB account, that being said we have decided that at this time she will not be getting one. We just dont feel the need to have one right now. She has a blog, it is private and I have to approve anyone that is allowed access to it. She can chat on there with her cousins and friends that live out of state and all conversations can be read by me. So far she is proving that she is very responsible with what she says and really uses it as a way to document what she has going on in her life right now, it has actually been really great for me to read her thoughts and feelings. Whenever she posts she runs right to me and asks me to read it, makes me feel great that she trusts me to know her inner thoughts

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
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That's great Lisa.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

Emma has not expressed interest in using a facebook account and i hope that it stays that way for a little while longer! I know that some of her classmates have them, but i don't think too many so far. She is almost 11. My Daycare provider's daughter has one, she just turned 14 but i know she's had it for a while so she probably got it when she turned 13. I noticed there was a class picture posted and there was only 1 classmate in the entire photo that was not tagged, so pretty much everyone in her class has one.

I think I will be open to my daughter having one at that age but we will have some serious talks about appropriate ways to use it and what to be careful of. I do worry though because i know adults who are friends with young kids...aunt and uncles who are friends with nieces and nephews, things like that and they don't necessarily filter what they talk about on FB for the younger audience, in a similar way that would if they were having a conversation with the child in the room. I also worry about the ability to do things secretly or privately on there that i may not know about, although FB certainly isn't the only venue for this type of thing. I guess i need to figure out what to do in regards to FB, i haven't really yet, but the time is getting close! Ugh.

As for the actual age limit thing, i don't know. I guess it doesn't bother me if they lift it because its rather unenforceable anyway. We can just leave it up to parents to figure out what they want to do about that.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

I have young SIL's and nieces on FB. The things they post are many times so silly. I would be fine if FB was reserved for adults or at least older teens.

You don't have to become friends with anyone on FB that you don't want to. If you would prefer a more mature and less silly audience, don't friend your SIL's kids or any other kids. Or if you feel 'bad' not accepting their friend request, then just hide their posts from coming in through your newsfeed. You would still see some of their activity, but it would be greatly reduced and you would see nothing that just involved them and their other young friends. You can make *your* facebook experience a mostly older teen and adult one.

I mean, i can understand raising concerns about safety and things like that...but "their activity on FB annoys me" doesn't seem like a great reason to restrict anyone's access to FB Maybe thats not what you meant by this. But thats what it sounded like.

fudd8963's picture
Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

"boilermaker" wrote:

I'm not sure.....bc I don't yet have kids of that age and not sure how I feel.

That said, it drives me NUTS that I have relatives/friends who let their kids on that are under 13. I refuse to be friends with them on principle....but I can still see their comments, etc. Rules are rules, and I think as a parent it is my job to enforce them--kwim? And I don't FB is anything that any kid *needs*.

DITTO!!! I refuse to accept friend requests to any kids.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"KimPossible" wrote:

You don't have to become friends with anyone on FB that you don't want to. If you would prefer a more mature and less silly audience, don't friend your SIL's kids or any other kids. Or if you feel 'bad' not accepting their friend request, then just hide their posts from coming in through your newsfeed. You would still see some of their activity, but it would be greatly reduced and you would see nothing that just involved them and their other young friends. You can make *your* facebook experience a mostly older teen and adult one.

I mean, i can understand raising concerns about safety and things like that...but "their activity on FB annoys me" doesn't seem like a great reason to restrict anyone's access to FB Maybe thats not what you meant by this. But thats what it sounded like.

It is not that it annoys me, but that they will regret the things they posted when they are older. I think that it would be wiser if they went through their parents until they are older. For example, my daughter wanted to post happy birthday to someone so she wrote on my account and signed her name after it.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

I don't think it's a good idea. Kids that age have no concept of how far-reaching the internet is, and how much of a "permanent record" it is. I'm not sure I'd let my child have a FB account even at 13; it's going to depend on maturity more than age. The stupid things I wrote to, or about, my friends when I was 13 got tossed out within days or perhaps weeks; things my child writes to, or about, her friends online will be "out there" pretty much forever and I'm not going to give her that access until I'm sure she can be responsible with it.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4116

"Spacers" wrote:

I don't think it's a good idea. Kids that age have no concept of how far-reaching the internet is, and how much of a "permanent record" it is. I'm not sure I'd let my child have a FB account even at 13; it's going to depend on maturity more than age. The stupid things I wrote to, or about, my friends when I was 13 got tossed out within days or perhaps weeks; things my child writes to, or about, her friends online will be "out there" pretty much forever and I'm not going to give her that access until I'm sure she can be responsible with it.

You do know that you have the ability to delete posts right?

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"GloriaInTX" wrote:

You do know that you have the ability to delete posts right?

That doesn't mean they go away. I actually found something online last night that I deleted 16 years ago. It was a query on a genealogy forum about one of DH's ancestors; he later found out that some of the information was incorrect so I deleted the original query and posted a new one with corrected info. Last night he was talking with a relative about genealogy and I Googled this particular ancestor while they were on the phone, and BOTH queries showed up.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4116

"Spacers" wrote:

That doesn't mean they go away. I actually found something online last night that I deleted 16 years ago. It was a query on a genealogy forum about one of DH's ancestors; he later found out that some of the information was incorrect so I deleted the original query and posted a new one with corrected info. Last night he was talking with a relative about genealogy and I Googled this particular ancestor while they were on the phone, and BOTH queries showed up.

Your comments on FB can't be googled unless you have set your comments or profile to public.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"GloriaInTX" wrote:

Your comments on FB can't be googled unless you have set your comments or profile to public.

Maybe not now, but it used to be, and also FB might change things later, especially now that their IPO isn't going very well & they need to start generating more revenue. Or their computers might be hacked and information that is supposed to be private might be made public. The fact is that once information is out on the internet, it's very difficult to control or withdraw, there's always a record somewhere.

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

I'm not sure since I don't have a pre-teen yet, I bet my opinion could change in 10 years when I have a 13-year old. Right now, I assume that under proper parental supervision there shouldn't be an issue. There are plenty of safety features to utilize and you can monitor their friends.

I have a few younger family members on my list and can't help but laugh at all their silly posts. I restrict what they can see me post, most of mine are geared towards my older friends.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

Call me naive but i think there are plenty of teenagers that are capable of not making a fool of themselves on Facebook. One of my babysitters is on Facebook, she is 14 and she has never posted anything that she would regret yet. Sure sometimes she posts 'silly' things, but nothing embarrassing or is going to hurt her future career or anything else. She is pretty mature for her age, really good kid and has a good, involved mother (who happens to also be my daycare provider).

If anything, its the older teens or college age students that probably are most likely to post something they'd really regret later in life IMO.

I think you need to play it by ear, based on your own child's maturity and what your relationship with them is like.

I think this "young teenagers are all going to make a fool of themselves, or regret what they posted, or get themselves into trouble" thing is hogwash.

SOME teenagers will do that, and some won't. Just like the adults i know.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

I would love it if facebook went under in 5 years. I'd love it if my DD said to me in 5 or 8 years' time "What's facebook?" JMO.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

I would love it if facebook went under in 5 years. I'd love it if my DD said to me in 5 or 8 years' time "What's facebook?" JMO.

Oh gosh i hope not! (not that i'm actually that worried) I don't live near any of my family and its a great way for me to be able to stay in touch with them and share with all of them in one easy place.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4116

"KimPossible" wrote:

Oh gosh i hope not! (not that i'm actually that worried) I don't live near any of my family and its a great way for me to be able to stay in touch with them and share with all of them in one easy place.

I agree! My family is spread out too, plus I have been able to reconnect with friends from high school or that I went to summer camp with that I haven't seen in 20+ years. It is great to be able to see their families and what they are doing now.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

I would love it if facebook went under in 5 years. I'd love it if my DD said to me in 5 or 8 years' time "What's facebook?" JMO.

Same here. Pretty much anyone I've connected with on FB was carryover from a birth board here that was deleted, or someone I found by Googling or calling old parents' phone numbers or something of that sort. I've not found a single person I wanted to connect with, through FB itself. I have an email list set up of grandparents, and another of family members & good friends, so whenever I have news to share that doesn't warrant a phone call (and call me old-fashioned, but babies & engagements absolutely do warrant a phone call to immediate family members!) or cute photos of the kids, I email one or both of my lists.

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

I'm with Kim and Gloria on this one. It would be great to have parental controls in approving friend requests. My older kids did not request FB until they were in 8th grade or later, which was the same time most of their friends were also starting to get on board as well. There were only a couple posts that I have had them remove because they were impulse statements complaining about family members when they were much younger, but for the most part they have been very good on FB. I am "friends" with their closest buds per their requests as it is also an awesome way to figure out a few things out on what is going on. I know the other parents of these kids do the same thing. I'm also one who "friends" family member's children as what I am very conscious (very pg rated) of what I post and have no qualms in what they see on my account. Anything more adult would be sent via emails or pm's.

I also have family all over the place and FB is by far much easier than email which takes up lots of space for pictures. FB and Skype have become staples for our family to connect from abroad and I'm grateful we have them.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
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"Beertje" wrote:

I'm also one who "friends" family member's children as what I am very conscious (very pg rated) of what I post and have no qualms in what they see on my account. Anything more adult would be sent via emails or pm's.

I also have family all over the place and FB is by far much easier than email which takes up lots of space for pictures. FB and Skype have become staples for our family to connect from abroad and I'm grateful we have them.

I'm with you on that, I'm not worried about kids seeing what I post because I wouldn't post something like that anyway. It really irritates me when people put foul language on their FB posts.

I have 90 family members just including siblings, nieces and nephews and their kids and their spouses. Not counting extended family like cousins and aunts and uncles. There is no way I could keep up with all of them by email, but it is wonderful seeing what everyone is doing through FB. Not only that but people will post old pictures from when we were kids and stuff that are so fun to see.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Spacers" wrote:

Same here. Pretty much anyone I've connected with on FB was carryover from a birth board here that was deleted, or someone I found by Googling or calling old parents' phone numbers or something of that sort. I've not found a single person I wanted to connect with, through FB itself. I have an email list set up of grandparents, and another of family members & good friends, so whenever I have news to share that doesn't warrant a phone call (and call me old-fashioned, but babies & engagements absolutely do warrant a phone call to immediate family members!) or cute photos of the kids, I email one or both of my lists.

Form a usability/User interface standpoint email is so klunky for communicating with groups compared to FB. I find it interesting that people would favor email for close friends and family over FB. Not saying that it can't be done with email or you *can't* favor email...just that it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I've learned a lot about usability and UI over the course of my career and I just can't fathom choosing email communication over FB. But yes, i guess if truly *no one* in your real life is truly on facebook (which is amazing to me) then using FB doesn't really work Smile

ETA: in regards to internet friends, i once kept a separate FB account for internet friends than my real one. But it was too cumbersome to keep them both going. So i just don't check that account anymore and i added a handful of internet friends to my real account that I really care about and feel like i can trust. I've met all of them IRL once.....except for i think three of them.

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

Exactly, and how fun is it when posting a picture or a comment it turns into a conversation because they happen to be online at the same time? I have been able to catch up with people I have lost contact with over the years that I never would have been able to find via just email. I'm guessing kids today will have much less of this issue than we have. Email addresses change and they leave no forwarding addresses like snail mail. Communication within FB is FAR better than email for the most part. The only time I email now is when I need to send documents or keep in touch with some family who doesn't have FB and that's much rarer than those I see online as those that don't have FB rarely even look at their emails either.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

I do think FB is a great way to communicate. When Caitlyn was in the NICU it was the easiest and fastest way to let everyone know all at once what was going on. Going on no sleep I had no desire to call every family member and monkeys uncle to let them know how she was doing, but still wanted them to know and for anyone who so wished to to pray for her. Also things like drama practices and such it is much faster to let everyone know all at once if practice has been cancelled.

You guys are making me re-think this. I still think though if you are 12 years old or younger, if you want to see pictures or get information that it should be done with your parents or at least very close supervision.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

I'm still not convinced. If I want to have a "conversation" with someone, I'll call them. Posting messages back & forth isn't a conversation IMHO, and anyway, I don't really need or want to have a conversation with everyone I know every single day. And there's so much junk on FB, I don't need or want to know if my sister needs to feed her seals or if my friend is dining at Red Lobster. This generation already seems to think (wrongly) that they are all-important, and I think the instant accessibility of feedback via FB and Twitter is just feeding that arrogance and falsely inflated sense of importance.

Another thing is that I really don't want my kids to turn into those people who are always punching buttons on their phone in all kinds of inappropriate places & times. I want them to learn to use technology in an appropriate way, and that doesn't mean posting to FB whenever you have a thought. I was looking at my nephew's wedding photos the other day and both the bride's brother and the groom's father were looking at cell phones during the ceremony. :shock: Granted, the ceremony had a last-minute date change and we knew my BIL had to be on-call for work, but still... it couldn't have waited ten minutes?

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Spacers" wrote:

I'm still not convinced. If I want to have a "conversation" with someone, I'll call them. Posting messages back & forth isn't a conversation IMHO, and anyway, I don't really need or want to have a conversation with everyone I know every single day.

Even with facebook i don't have a conversation with everyone i know every single day, not even close, so thats quite an exaggeration. That would be time consuming, no matter what medium you use. And they aren't really 'conversations' per say where you sit down and discuss until the whole thing is over.

For example, i posted a picture, that belonged to my grandmother from ages ago. I was just a little kid in the picture. As a caption i wrote "You can tell this picture belonged to my grandmother because she wrote on it" and it spurred on a 'conversation' with my aunt in Arizona, her daughter in CT and her other daughter in London, about how my grandmother used to write on all her pictures, she would color in the her face if she thought it was a bad picture of her and my cousin told me about one that she colored in my grandpa's legs because she thought he was showing too much leg (he was wearing shorts). LOL It was a fun quirky moment and a great memory of how funny our grandmother could be sometimes. And its not like I'd ever call my cousin up just to say "Hey Carolyn, rememeber how grandma used to write all over her pictures?"

Sure i could use email, but like i said, User interface-wise, FB is so much better for this.

And there's so much junk on FB, I don't need or want to know if my sister needs to feed her seals or if my friend is dining at Red Lobster.

I've hidden the people who post drivel. I don't see their posts come into my feed, ever.

This generation already seems to think (wrongly) that they are all-important, and I think the instant accessibility of feedback via FB and Twitter is just feeding that arrogance and falsely inflated sense of importance.

I think there is some of this. The instant feed back thing is definitely something i think about. But i think there are ways to discuss that, handle that and make them learn to deal with waiting for things. I certainly don't think keeping them in the dark ages is a good way to go about it. As we go forward, social media is going to be a bigger and bigger source of communication for things that we will need to know about. If not facebook, it will be with whatever replaces facebook. None of its going away and its only going to be used in more and more ways as we go on. The issue of instant gratification and a potential 'lack of focus' will just be issues we need to focus on and address, which is common when any new 'big/popular' thing comes along. Think of when the internet itself came into existence. All sorts of problems came with it...the solution certainly wasn't to 'not use it' because it introduced new problems.

Another thing is that I really don't want my kids to turn into those people who are always punching buttons on their phone in all kinds of inappropriate places & times.

I agree, i don't like this either. But it is manageable. If i can teach my kids what is appropriate behavior at the dinner table, i certainly can teach them what is appropriate behavior with a cell phone.

I want them to learn to use technology in an appropriate way, and that doesn't mean posting to FB whenever you have a thought.

Sure, i do too. What does this have to do with letting them use it at all though?

I was looking at my nephew's wedding photos the other day and both the bride's brother and the groom's father were looking at cell phones during the ceremony. :shock: Granted, the ceremony had a last-minute date change and we knew my BIL had to be on-call for work, but still... it couldn't have waited ten minutes?

During the ceremony? That's pretty bad.

I think there is a lot to gripe about how some people use technology, i don't really see how that is an argument though that kids need to be kept off of Facebook. I think its an argument that kids need to be taught what is and isn't appropriate and parents need to enforce that.

Joined: 05/23/12
Posts: 680

Have you guys seen that show, "Person of Interest?" I don't remember the person's name but the creator of this tracking software states that he created social networking as a way to collect data about millions of people, very legally. People just give their information away on line. They create networks of people, friend even the remotest of people they ever knew, and put quite a lot out there. I'm not saying that Facebook or any similar site should be banned but rather people should take online safety more seriously. I am not sure kids really understand the importance of online safety to the point of complying with safety measures. I am not feeling particularly paranoid but rather I think this is a good point about how people just give all of their details away like this, and that to me is a very unsafe way to live.

Personally, I would not allow my children to have their own Facebook account. However, I don't think setting any age restriction provides any real protection to the public. Perhaps it's one more thing they thought they should do to cover their own.

It's the parents' responsibility to know what their children are doing. It's parents' jobs to parent, not the world so I don't see a particular benefit to the age of 13 or any age requirement. I am not sure what age children become interested in Facebook. Perhaps for children younger than maybe 10, it's probably the 'parents' who are interested in their children having FB accounts.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"myyams" wrote:

I am not sure what age children become interested in Facebook. Perhaps for children younger than maybe 10, it's probably the 'parents' who are interested in their children having FB accounts.

This year was really the first year i saw any of my eldest's classmates get a facebook account, she just finished the 5th grade. My own DD hasn't expressed any interest in getting one yet and I think i'm going to hold of for a while even if she asks. Maybe 8th grade. She goes to a private school and after they graduate, the kids will be going to many different high schools. So at that point, i could see a reason to have it. Maybe to stay in touch with some of her classmates that she won't be seeing all the time. Thats the 13/14 year old cutoff anyway, I suppose.

Joined: 05/23/12
Posts: 680

"KimPossible" wrote:

This year was really the first year i saw any of my eldest's classmates get a facebook account, she just finished the 5th grade. My own DD hasn't expressed any interest in getting one yet and I think i'm going to hold of for a while even if she asks. Maybe 8th grade. She goes to a private school and after they graduate, the kids will be going to many different high schools. So at that point, i could see a reason to have it. Maybe to stay in touch with some of her classmates that she won't be seeing all the time. Thats the 13/14 year old cutoff anyway, I suppose.

That is what I figured about the age. I can sort of see how a child can have actual best friends in their network and family if they wish, but beyond that I think it's just asking for trouble. Some kids have gone to friending extremes. I think it is unsafe to have such elaborate networks of such openness with people you really don't know who are. So it really just comes down to parents have to parent.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

I have no family nearby. They all live across the country. We Skype all the time. I like it because it's personal and live. The kids and my parents get to see each other and I find it more personal than facebook. Like, a good friend of mine informed everyone she was pg via her facebook. I just didn't find that particularly...IDK...meaningful, I guess. While technology is great and I couldn't do my job without it, I just have little time for the impersonality of social media.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

I have no family nearby. They all live across the country. We Skype all the time. I like it because it's personal and live. The kids and my parents get to see each other and I find it more personal than facebook. Like, a good friend of mine informed everyone she was pg via her facebook. I just didn't find that particularly...IDK...meaningful, I guess. While technology is great and I couldn't do my job without it, I just have little time for the impersonality of social media.

I get what you are saying, some people don't want or need all that extra stuff but i'd like to clear up the misconception that people who use it for that stuff don't have any more personal/intimate contact or communication with the people who matter most to them. Not necessarily saying that is what you meant, but i get that insinuation a lot.

I skype with my parents, i talk to my siblings on the phone. Those who matter most to me already get my real attention. But there are a lot of people, whom i like, and mean something to me but i don't contact them in the same way. For example the story i told above? I don't call my cousin on the phone. We were never that close growing up and she's a lot older than me. I like her, she's really nice and now that we are both older and have kids, we have a lot in common. But we were ever so close that I'm going to ever make personal contact with her in the way you are talking about.

FB has actually helped our relationship. The next time i do see her at a reunion or at a mutual family members we will know a lot more about each others lives, like what our kids have been up to. Or just in general the relationship feels different when you've been able to share a joke or two on a regular occasion instead of see eachother one a year and thats it.

I told people on FB that i was pregnant, but only after the people i would have normally told in person first, were told in person or over the phone if they were far away. Anyone who would have naturally heard just word of mouth and not directly from me? They likely heard it when i said something about it for the first time on facebook. And i don't think thats a big deal. Hearing from someones aunt who happend to run into your mom at the grocery store isnt' very meaningful either.

Maybe there are people out there who take the time to call every single person that they really enjoy and have or had some meaningful relationship with on a fairly regular basis. I dont have time for that....my list of people i want to put in that effort for is extremely small. It was always that way, before facebook even. But there are a lot of people that i would consider friends or past friends that don't fall into that category but its really nice to be able to know more about them in life and how they are doing.

Its also great for finding local resources or hearing about local things. A great place to be able to say "Local People, where can i find a good contractor" or "We need to switch doctors, do you go to one you like?" Or we found out that Mumford & Sons was playing in Portland via a co-worker of DH's, almost decided to go too. We didn't know they were going to be there and probably, in this case wouldn't have found out in time otherwise.

I think there is a difference between demonizing certain people's behavior on facebook and demonizing facebook as a whole and wishing it didn't exist. Facebook has a lot of benefits for a lot of people, and for a lot of organizations, who use it to communicate easily with their members.

Not nec. saying this about anyone here but you know what else i think is weird? Is people who complain about it...but still seemingly use it on occasion.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

"KimPossible" wrote:

I get what you are saying, some people don't want or need all that extra stuff but i'd like to clear up the misconception that people who use it for that stuff don't have any more personal/intimate contact or communication with the people who matter most to them. Not necessarily saying that is what you meant, but i get that insinuation a lot.

I skype with my parents, i talk to my siblings on the phone. Those who matter most to me already get my real attention. But there are a lot of people, whom i like, and mean something to me but i don't contact them in the same way. For example the story i told above? I don't call my cousin on the phone. We were never that close growing up and she's a lot older than me. I like her, she's really nice and now that we are both older and have kids, we have a lot in common. But we were ever so close that I'm going to ever make personal contact with her in the way you are talking about.

FB has actually helped our relationship. The next time i do see her at a reunion or at a mutual family members we will know a lot more about each others lives, like what our kids have been up to. Or just in general the relationship feels different when you've been able to share a joke or two on a regular occasion instead of see eachother one a year and thats it.

I told people on FB that i was pregnant, but only after the people i would have normally told in person first, were told in person or over the phone if they were far away. Anyone who would have naturally heard just word of mouth and not directly from me? They likely heard it when i said something about it for the first time on facebook. And i don't think thats a big deal. Hearing from someones aunt who happend to run into your mom at the grocery store isnt' very meaningful either.

Maybe there are people out there who take the time to call every single person that they really enjoy and have or had some meaningful relationship with on a fairly regular basis. I dont have time for that....my list of people i want to put in that effort for is extremely small. It was always that way, before facebook even. But there are a lot of people that i would consider friends or past friends that don't fall into that category but its really nice to be able to know more about them in life and how they are doing.

Its also great for finding local resources or hearing about local things. A great place to be able to say "Local People, where can i find a good contractor" or "We need to switch doctors, do you go to one you like?" Or we found out that Mumford & Sons was playing in Portland via a co-worker of DH's, almost decided to go too. We didn't know they were going to be there and probably, in this case wouldn't have found out in time otherwise.

I think there is a difference between demonizing certain people's behavior on facebook and demonizing facebook as a whole and wishing it didn't exist. Facebook has a lot of benefits for a lot of people, and for a lot of organizations, who use it to communicate easily with their members.

Not nec. saying this about anyone here but you know what else i think is weird? Is people who complain about it...but still seemingly use it on occasion.

Whoa. You took my post a little personally, didn't you? Who is demonizing you specifically or facebook as a whole? I don't really like it for my personal use and only ever go on to stay in touch with my former pg.org birth board girls who no longer post on them. That's way different than saying that facebook is going to be the downfall of the civilized world an a billion people are going to hell for becoming members. Yeah, that would be demonizing facebook.

I'm glad you enjoy and utilize fb. If it works for you, that's great. You have given specific examples of how it's been a good tool for you. I don't feel that way about what it does for me. I don't care how much use people do or don't get out of fb or how much time they spend on it. I realize that I'm in the vast minority when it comes to my apathy for fb, but it isn't a method of communication that I particularly enjoy. Saying that is not complaining about the site.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

Whoa. You took my post a little personally, didn't you? Who is demonizing you specifically or facebook as a whole?

You were. In your first post you said

I would love it if facebook went under in 5 years. I'd love it if my DD said to me in 5 or 8 years' time "What's facebook?" JMO.

Thats not an "I don't use it but don't care if it exists" statement

And i'm not really taking it personally. I said I'd like to tkae the time to clear up a misconception and that you didn't necessarily insinuate it, but I have seen a lot of people do so on many occasions. I did say that, right?

Not sure what the "Whoa" is about. I'm not angry or anything....if you read anger in my post, there really is none.

I'm glad you enjoy and utilize fb. If it works for you, that's great. You have given specific examples of how it's been a good tool for you. I don't feel that way about what it does for me. I don't care how much use people do or don't get out of fb or how much time they spend on it. I realize that I'm in the vast minority when it comes to my apathy for fb, but it isn't a method of communication that I particularly enjoy. Saying that is not complaining about the site.

Okay well originally you expressed a love of seeing it not exist anymore and that kind of set the tone for me. Like i said "love for it to not exist" is different then "thats cool if people want to use it, but not me"

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

"KimPossible" wrote:

You were. In your first post you said

Thats not an "I don't use it but don't care if it exists" statement

And i'm not really taking it personally. I said I'd like to tkae the time to clear up a misconception and that you didn't necessarily insinuate it, but I have seen a lot of people do so on many occasions. I did say that, right?

Not sure what the "Whoa" is about. I'm not angry or anything....if you read anger in my post, there really is none.

Okay well originally you expressed a love of seeing it not exist anymore and that kind of set the tone for me. Like i said "love for it to not exist" is different then "thats cool if people want to use it, but not me"

You were taking that more literally than I intended it to be. Of course, I realize facebook or someother social media giant will be around in the near and likely distant future, I just hope the intense focus kids have on it these days will have waned. I hate to see some kids sooooooooooo plugged in (and their parents too). Yeah, they'll be something to take it's place I'm certain.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Claire'sMommy" wrote:

You were taking that more literally than I intended it to be.

Gotcha, i couldn't tell that the original time around

Of course, I realize facebook or someother social media giant will be around in the near and likely distant future, I just hope the intense focus kids have on it these days will have waned. I hate to see some kids sooooooooooo plugged in (and their parents too). Yeah, they'll be something to take it's place I'm certain.

Yes me too....but i guess i don't see it as unique to facebook. I think kids should spend less time watching tv, playing video games, on the internet in general, or zoning out to really loud music or pretty much any time-waster.

The world is full of time-wasters, the old fashioned type and the new fangled type.

ClairesMommy's picture
Joined: 08/15/06
Posts: 2299

I know that my feelings about fb also extend to any other plugged in thing that kids can't seem to live without these days. I'm definitely not talking about all kids, but definitely more and more kids all the time. Twitter, video games, whatever. I'm not going to say that I'll never let my kid play a video game, but thinking of it now really turns me off. Thinking about what kinds of friends my kids are going to make (whether they're the zone-out types who are constantly on fb, playing games, watching tv, etc.) worries me, to be frank. Maybe I'm being unnecessarily harsh on fb in particular, IDK. Here's to hoping my kids make friends who exercise moderation and who have parents who give a damn about what their own kids are up to. Wink

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

Today I am very thankful for FB. Last night there was a death in my family. Instead of worrying about waking people up in the middle of the night I was able to read about and send my condolences on fb. Funeral arrangement's and such were able to be spread to hundreds of people in just a few minutes.

Spacers's picture
Joined: 12/29/03
Posts: 4100

:bighug: I'm so sorry for your loss, Bonita.

"KimPossible" wrote:

I think there is a lot to gripe about how some people use technology, i don't really see how that is an argument though that kids need to be kept off of Facebook. I think its an argument that kids need to be taught what is and isn't appropriate and parents need to enforce that.

I'm not arguing that kids need to be kept off of FB until they become legal adults, but they do need to be kept off FB until they reach a certain maturity level to understand the permanence of things posted to the internet and show a certain level of responsibility in other ways that will indicate that they will be able to handle posting responsibly. There's not a magic age that is going to fit every child. And since I think a lot of adults shouldn't be posting a lot of the things they do on FB, I'm not sure those parents will be teaching those lessons to their kids at all. Those of us who want to protect our kids will do so; it's the other people's kids that need to be protected from their own inexperience. That's my argument against lowering the age.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"Spacers" wrote:

I'm not arguing that kids need to be kept off of FB until they become legal adults, but they do need to be kept off FB until they reach a certain maturity level to understand the permanence of things posted to the internet and show a certain level of responsibility in other ways that will indicate that they will be able to handle posting responsibly. There's not a magic age that is going to fit every child. And since I think a lot of adults shouldn't be posting a lot of the things they do on FB, I'm not sure those parents will be teaching those lessons to their kids at all. Those of us who want to protect our kids will do so; it's the other people's kids that need to be protected from their own inexperience. That's my argument against lowering the age.

I agree with you. In regards to the bold, there isn't that much we can do about that. I agree that parents pass their values or lack-there-of onto their kids and we have no control over what they do.

As for that being an argument against lowering the age
1)I don't think in that scenario there is any difference between 13 and 10. Its not like thats enough time for a child to realize on their own that these things are permanent and the consequences of that. I'd argue that 20 isn't old enough if they aren't receiving guidance at home. So wahts the difference

2)The age thing is so unenforceable anyway. Its more of a 'suggestion disguised as an order' than anything else. All you have to do is put in a birthday that makes you old enough. One of the girls in Emma's class, she even put on her profile that she is an NYU student, i think just for laughs and giggles for the most part.

Ultimately its just records in a database and the system doesn't know any better. If a parent doesn't care, or the kid does it behind mom and dads back, the age limit thing is completely meaningless.

I think FB would be better off replacing the meaningless age limit with a warning or suggestion to parents to encourage parental guidance and maybe some robust parental controls if a family were to choose to use them.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

"Spacers" wrote:

:bighug: I'm so sorry for your loss, Bonita.

Warning - Sad and OT

Thank you. It has really thrown us all for a loop. My cousin's 3 month old baby died in her sleep last night. Nothing at all was wrong with her. I already was planning to go home this weekend so I am thankful I will be in town for the funeral, but I can not imagine.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3312

"AlyssaEimers" wrote:

Thank you. It has really thrown us all for a loop. My cousin's 3 month old baby died in her sleep last night. Nothing at all was wrong with her. I already was planning to go home this weekend so I am thankful I will be in town for the funeral, but I can not imagine.

Bonita that is very very sad news. How heartbreaking for the parents and your whole family. Sorry to hear this Sad

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

Thank you. I just can not even imagine what they are going through. I just saw that baby when I was home last month for my Grandfather's funeral. I have been glued to FB trying to find out what happened.