The question is:
What would you do? Or What have you done in this circumstance?
note: yes this is a piece I wrote. I am curious about your responses. xoxo BunnyFufu
Well, I let my kids paint the super-cool playhouses that the Emerson is raffling off, with the warning, "Please be careful and don't get paint on these clothes, ok? I'll be right back!" Yep, 2 minutes later. . . blue paint is swashed across my darling's favorite dress. My head falls, because I know that I am about to become, that mom. Paintbrush back to the tray. Off comes the apron. And then I yank the dress over her head and dunk it into the completely pristine hand-washing bucket by the painting booth. Of course she was wearing shorts and a tank top underneath, but I am sure I looked like a crazy-mama.
Rush home, cancel the stops. regroup.
Okay. Whatever. The kids are fine without the other stops. And they are kind of blissfully wiped out after the weekend's adventure. We bathe and wash and clean. (24 hours later the dress is still soaking but it's maybe gonna be ok.) I let them watch 'Lab Rats' and 'Wild Kratts' for a bit. I turn to Facebook for some veg out time.
If you are like me, you have all kinds of 'friends'. They are your family; aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, in-laws and extended. Also; people you know from school, work and play, both present and past. They all have their weird ways of expressing themselves. Sometimes the newsfeed is strange. No biggie.
But, remember. . . I am in a mood. I am looking to be entertained by a gaggle of people that I signed on for. And I see this:
It's the caption for the picture that I see of an unknown woman. Her jeans don't fit super well. She's bigger and her butt-crack is unfortunately visible. Hell, she has probably been fighting with those jeans all frickin' day long. Finally at lunch, she's sitting down and has given up the fight to make the fabrics meet.
Nope, it's not a great look but here is what I find really flip-floppin' ugly. When that mom, who I really looked up to in high school as a chick who had her act together. Classy and stylish. Smart and popular. Destined to a good life. And now as an adult seems to have it all. Gorgeous husband, many kids, her own home, she's tall-thin-pretty. When she was faced with her preteen daughters and their friends laughing at someone, she had a choice.She could:A: Tell the kids not to be such twerps. Because, that is a human being. Pipe down or we're outta here.
orB: Take a picture of an overweight gal's behind and post it online for kicks.But, can I tell you what's almost worse. That I sat here stewing about it and watching it develop like some weird modern anthropomorphological study. Why didn't I just say, "Hey, this kinda sucks." or "Whoa! Great job teaching the girls what's what!" I said nothing and then. . . the comments started stroking her ego. Praising how awesome she was for being such a quick thinker. How glad they were to know her. "Yum."And we wonder how cyber bullying gets out of hand.I don't know folks.
Yes, I think it's gross that she took that woman's picture and posted it online. Way to teach your kids about kindness! The only part I didn't understand was the part about how she "has it all." Are you saying that you expect her to behave better because she's pretty and has a nice life? It kind of reads like "see, she's not so perfect after all" which is a bit off putting.
-Alissa, mom to Tristan (5) and Reid (the baby!)
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Like the piece, really makes me think. I probably would not have said anything to the offending poster, but I would have brought my kids in there to make sure they saw what someone thought was okay to post.
My thought process would be that I cant effect change in an adult, but I can teach my kids to be better people
Molly, Morgan, Mia and Carson
I expect everybody to behave better than she did. And maybe more trying to highlight the don't judge a book by it's cover idea. I was honestly flummoxed by what she did. That someone who I have always thought of in lovely terms made such an unlovely move, kwim?
I hate photo shaming. I probably would have said something like "Poor lady, " and left it at that. I do kindov agree with Alissa that mentioning the Moms looks or social status isn't helpful ~ it paints it as a "look what the mean girl did because she is pretty" thing, when really the main jist of the article is that this is something that NOBODY should do, you know?
The whole "My girls cant stop giggling" is SO gross.
I kinda blatted all of that out because I just was so shocked. I am not close with this gal anymore - many years and states away. I think my vision of her was shattered a bit. All the things I think about her life, minus this post are so positive. I also strive for a full and happy and good life with some ease. And I admit that I just can't really understand the gleeful meanness of a person who's life has so much to be thankful for. I'd have more sympathy for this mistake (because, I think that's was it is. If we know better, we choose better) if she was somehow struggling. If it were about jealousy, for example.
But nope. She was being the mean girl. And she was getting strokes for it. Just made me feel kinda sick. Cognitively dissonant.
Last edited by bunnyfufu; 08-18-2013 at 04:18 AM.
I think it's pretty crappy to teach your kids to make fun of people like that. But I agree that it's a little off putting to bring up the criticizing mom's status, looks, etc. I don't think it's relevant.
Full disclosure, I did once take a close-up shot of someone's a** at a school event. She was not particularly big, but she was deliberately wearing insanely super tight pants, I mean SUPER tight, meant to hug every curve, and they were hugging every single fold in her not superskinny butt. I do think there's a difference between making fun of someone who is overweight, or just privately (not on Facebook, not to your kids) belittling someone's really awful fashion choices. A girl's gotta have some fun.
I'd never do anything like that on Facebook. It's so gloat-y and mean-spirited, not just laughing at someone, but getting other people to do it too.
Laurie, mom to:
Nathaniel ( 11 ) and Juliet ( 7 )
Baking Adventures In A Messy Kitchen (blog)
It would actually make for a pretty interesting debate. Do we hold the pretty/well off /,healthy kids/big house person to a different standard than the in attractive poor person?