Yet another Mommy Guilt blogger gone viral.

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Yet another Mommy Guilt blogger gone viral.

To the Parents I Knew Four Years Ago: I'm Sorry
I have come to realize many things since having three children. For example, I now know that I can read "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" seven times in a row without going insane. No matter what people say, throw-up is throw-up and I don't care if it is my daughter who is throwing up but her throw-up makes me want to throw up. I am a really fast diaper changer. And it's true: love does not split, but grows with additional children.
But perhaps one of the biggest realizations I've made as a relatively new parent (my daughter turns 4 in March, my twin boys turn 2 in May) is how incredibly judgmental I was pre-children.

You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.
Girlfriend with children who had Nick Jr. on the entire time I visited: I judged you.

Parent at the park who did not pack an organic, free-range, all-food-groups-represented, no-dessert lunch complete with sandwiches cut in cute little shapes, who instead fed your children chicken nuggets, cold French fries and (gasp) chocolate milk? I judged you.

Not out loud, of course. But internally, I was smug. I thought things like I would never have children who would behave in such a manner in public. Or, Doesn't she know the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV until the age of 2? Or, How can he possibly be feeding his children that crap? Has he not read any of Michael Pollan's books?
And what's worse, now that I'm a parent, I realize internal smugness isn't so internal. As a parent, I know when I'm being judged. I can sense it, even when nothing is being said out loud. It's in the look. The double-take. The whisper to the companion they're with.
It's hard not to care about what other people think. But still, that quiet judgment can sting, especially on days when my nerves are shot and my children are in the worst moods -- a combination that often leads to a situation judge-worthy by many.
But now, as a parent, I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good. Last Thursday is a perfect example: My son had a physical therapy appointment a good half-hour drive away. On the way back from the appointment both of my boys fell asleep -- we had eaten lunch out, complete with Oreo cookies and Popsicles for dessert, (judge!) after the appointment and it was close to their naptime. Of course they fell asleep. My daughter, however, who has long given up naps (!), was still awake.
When I pulled into my driveway, I had two choices: Wake up the boys and deal with their short tempers having only slept for 25 minutes, or sit in the van with them while they slept, bribing my daughter with apps on my iPod and promises of candy once inside if she would just sit and be quiet for a half hour longer (!). I chose option B without blinking. And I left the car running (!) the entire time.
When the boys woke up, they were furious because of the cricks in their necks -- thanks to the car seats we bought without good head support to the side simply because they were cheaper (!). My daughter was at her wit's end with being trapped in a car seat in a car that wasn't going anywhere just because I wanted some peace and quiet (!). I took everyone inside, plopped them on the couch, got out some gummy candy and turned on "Little Bear." Two episodes. (!!)

Pre-children: I was going to cloth diaper.
Post-children: I did with my daughter, sort of, but not with my twins.

Pre-children: No TV until age of 2 and then only 30 minutes a day.
Post-children: Ha.

Pre-children: Only organic, healthy, homemade food.
Post-children: My kids love Wendy's.

Pre-children: Public tantrums are unacceptable.
Post-children: Removal of the child is only sometimes doable; predicting when a tantrum is going to strike is often impossible.

Pre-children: Complaints about childrearing and its hardships annoyed me (this was your choice, no?) and saddened me (parenthood is supposed to be a wonderful thing!).
Post-children: Parenthood isn't wonderful 100 percent of the time.

My day-to-day routine isn't what I envisioned it would be four years ago. Some of the things I imagine I'm judged on now are minor, others, a little more major. But mostly they are simple faults and I now know that they don't make me a bad parent. Sometimes I leave dirty diapers on the changing table. My children's socks don't always match. I forget to brush my daughter's hair. I use TV as a way to take a breather. I utilize the fast-food drive-thru. I bribe. I'm sometimes too easy. I'm sometimes too hard. I sometimes make the wrong decision, give the wrong punishment, ask too much, ask too little. But within all these minor and major faults is a singular truth: Most days, I'm doing the best I can. And I honestly believe that's a truth that can be applied to most parents: Most days, we're all doing the best we can.
Because here's another realization I've made as a parent: Everyone's situation is different. There is a story behind every action and inaction. Every parent has his or her own style. Every child has his or her own temperament. What might be a stellar day for my family has been a downright awful day for another -- perhaps the parent's job is in danger, their parent is sick or they just had an argument with their spouse. Perhaps the child is failing math or being bullied at school, or the toddler hasn't slept for two weeks. This can explain the short-temper in the grocery store or the harsher-than-necessary punishment, or the lack of care when it comes to sweets or TV or a late bedtime. We don't know, can't know, someone's entire story.

That said, I believe there are absolutes in parenting so yes, sometimes, I still judge. (And I realize that the irony of this piece is that in writing about not judging others, I'm now judging those who judge.) I know that, for some, it's impossible to provide their children with life's basic necessities: food, clothing and shelter. But I believe we, as parents, must try. I believe we must do what we can to protect our children from harm. I believe we should always love our children, even when, especially when, we don't like their actions, we disagree with their decisions or we're just having a difficult day with them.
But everything else is minor. Everything else doesn't matter. There are children who are abused, who go to bed hungry, who have never known love, and four years ago I was judging the toddler who watched an hour of "Sesame Street"?

I feel bad about my pre-children smugness. I feel bad about the sting I may have, unknowingly, made another feel. I feel bad -- and laugh out loud at the thought -- that I, at one time, before I had children, believed I knew better. Parenting is difficult enough -- there's no reason we should judge one another, not for the things that don't matter, anyway, and not for the things we see a snippet of rather than knowing the full story.
So to the parents I knew four years ago, I'm sorry. I know better now.

I've noticed a new (okay, not so new) trend of "unawesome Mommy" "confessional" type things gone viral. Obviously these appeal to a lot of people.

Do you think that such things are so popular because they are so "real" and "honest" or simply because they are other people admitting that they quit on their goals, so make the reader identify and feel better about quitting on their own.

Are pieces like this positive, or negative trends in parenting/mothering as a whole? Are they making it more okay to have no goals, or to feel like you are part of a club of people who "failed" and think that its awesome or funny or can make you rich by writing wittily about your own failures? Or are they making it more normal to just be "normal" and be okay with it?

The bolding is mine. Do you believe that everything short of "abuse or neglect" is actually "minor"?

Discuss.

mom3girls's picture
Joined: 01/09/07
Posts: 1530

I dont think all bloggers are admitting that they quit their goals, they are admitting that they can adjust their goals and still be great parents. I think most parents have to adjust goals at some point in time, either because the goals were unrealistic, or circumstances changed. We can either feel like failures or not. I think this author is feeling like she has succeeded in her parenting.

I think this is a positive trend. Much healthier then the trend of "Supermoms" that do it all without breaking a sweat or asking for help. In the real world, a lot of us need help from time to time, "Supermom" made us feel inferior for asking for help. Most of us make mistakes from time to time (or EVERY SINGLE DAY) and "supermom" made us feel like failures.

I have a whole list of things that I said I would NEVER do, and have since done. Most of them I realize are because they were pretty lame "nevers" Some of them have been because our lives are completely different then we planned our family. And some are because I have 4 children with wildly different personalities and needs. But honestly I feel better about my parenting now then what I was doing before.

And I dont think everything short of abuse or neglect is minor, but there are so many shade of gray between perfect and awful that I would have at a really large look into a family before I could feel comfortable to assume or judge anything about that family.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

I didn't like the article. It sounds like the quitting type attitude, like she is saying, "let's all just suck at parenting together". I certainly get that ones perspective on parenting changes once you actually have kids - there is no doubt that is true, but it is as if she says "screw it, just do what you need to do to get by". I don't think articles like this one are helpful.

I have read some funny mommy blogs. I got a kick out of this one...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"kris_w" wrote:

I didn't like the article. It sounds like the quitting type attitude, like she is saying, "let's all just suck at parenting together". I certainly get that ones perspective on parenting changes once you actually have kids - there is no doubt that is true, but it is as if she says "screw it, just do what you need to do to get by". I don't think articles like this one are helpful.

I have read some funny mommy blogs. I got a kick out of this one...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

I could not agree more! The article really bugged me. I'm going to write a counter article Smile

Joined: 02/25/12
Posts: 15

I actually liked this article. I don't think it's about quitting, but instead about unreasonable expectations, judging others and perfectionism. For me the point here is that we all need to cut each other, and ourselves some slack. We ourselves strive so hard to be perfect (or at least I do), but sometimes life has other plans. I think this article sums up how I feel about the point of the article in the OP. http://www.livescience.com/6724-dark-side-perfectionism-revealed.htm

And all children are NOT created equally. My brother and I are stark opposites. If people only saw my brother and how he behaved as a child, they would probably judge my parents. If they only saw me (the calm, agreeable, docile child), they would probably think my parents were stellar parents. Yet we were raised by the same parents who used the same parenting techniques. How children act is not 100% due to the parenting technique.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

I think there is nothing wrong with the simple message that sometimes your perspective changes between before and after kids and that due to that your parenting philosophies change slightly too. Thats totally reasonable and i'd say even expected to some degree.

Obviously i don't think its okay to simply just abandon all your goals because they just seem too hard to bother anymore.

There's a difference between admitting to putting your kids down in front of the tv one day because you were at your wits end....and embracing that and saying you are cool with it.

I think its dangerous to turn your back on your goals and continuously validate your reasons why you did. I think its better instead to look at those times where you might 'deviate' from your plan as blips in the radar.....with your goal being to stick to your original plan if you had good reasons to stick to that plan to begin with.

I don't agree with the author's sentiment that everything besides food shelter and protection from harm is minor and doesn't matter.

girlisrad's picture
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1587

I really liked this article. I did a fist pump even...

ABeautifulLife123 pretty much nailed it! Parent your children individually!

I believe these articles are popular for both reasons. There is a sense of relief when you read that other parents unravel from time to time, and knowing that you are not alone is a wonderful feeling.

I also think they are making motherhood what it is was meant to be: real. Erma Bombeck made herself famous poking fun at motherhood, when it was not at ALL popular to do so. These women are doing a fine job of channeling her and making us all wake up and laugh at ourselves again.

To the last question: It is not as simple as that. Again, you have to parent each child as an individual. What will devastate one might not phase the other at tall. But in way? I do think anything short is minor. When we make mistakes as parents, our children have an opportunity to learn from that, as we do. To raise a human being to get ready for all the world will throw at them, I believe seeing both good and bad parenting moments is more helpful than harmful.

Joined: 02/25/12
Posts: 15

"kris_w" wrote:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

I fail to see how this article is really any different from the article in the OP. This article is just more eloquent, and I admit, far more enjoyable to read. But they are both trying to convey the same point.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

"ABeautifulLife123" wrote:

I fail to see how this article is really any different from the article in the OP. This article is just more eloquent, and I admit, far more enjoyable to read. But they are both trying to convey the same point.

I think the message is completely different, they aren't about the same parenting subject. I've read the "Don't Carpe Diem" article before.

The article OP'ed is about the goals you set prior to parenting, and what you do after you actually have kids. Glennon Milton's articles is about how parenting isn't always enjoyable and why thats okay.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

Y'all have to remember that blogs are just what that person is feeling that day. I doubt that it sums up her entire parenting paradigm. It's just another side of the coin. But I don't live on one side or the other and I don't belive anyone else does either (and if you think you can, then I don't believe it is healthy). But the media is nothing but a pendulum. First you get all the crap on one side and then it goes the other way and you get the crap on the other to weigh it all out. The pendulum has to keep swinging to keep people interested.

But no one lives on one side or the other just like a pendulum can't just stop to one side.

I would hate to live my life based solely on the ideology of this one article. But I would also hate to live my life based on the ideology of the articles on the other side of the coin, too. But I like reading about them and taking away what I feel is helpful. So to answer the op, no I don't think this blog is all that harmful or perpetuates laziness or makes it ok to not have goals. I just think it evens it out. The people who have the issues are the people who think it is all one way or the other and so either completely embrace this article as the one true truth or think everything in it is garbage.

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

"Potter75" wrote:

I've noticed a new (okay, not so new) trend of "unawesome Mommy" "confessional" type things gone viral. Obviously these appeal to a lot of people.

Do you think that such things are so popular because they are so "real" and "honest" or simply because they are other people admitting that they quit on their goals, so make the reader identify and feel better about quitting on their own.

I think people like to feel part of a group, negative or positive. If you are feeling that you had unrealistic parenting goals and failed, then this blog would probably speak to you.

Are pieces like this positive, or negative trends in parenting/mothering as a whole? Are they making it more okay to have no goals, or to feel like you are part of a club of people who "failed" and think that its awesome or funny or can make you rich by writing wittily about your own failures? Or are they making it more normal to just be "normal" and be okay with it?

I think it *can* be positive to admit we don't have to be perfect all the time...but to me, this article goes a little far. Maybe it's my perspective on what "average" parenting is, but some of the things mentioned seem to be saying "let's be down with not trying much at all." This is probably because I don't know the blogger, so have no idea of the back story. Does the person work two jobs and is accepting that they won't be able to make all their own homemade bread from scratch? Or is it a parent who stays at home and just doesn't want to make an effort so hits up McDs every night for dinner? Without *knowing* more of the person, I think I tend to lean toward feeling the article is saying "yay for not making as much effort"...but that is likely my own bias.

The bolding is mine. Do you believe that everything short of "abuse or neglect" is actually "minor"?

Discuss.

I do tend to believe that most people love their kids and are parenting them in ways they are comfortable with. I don't think parenting your kids is "minor" so I do think there are important decisions to be made other than just not to abuse or neglect them. Maybe the decisions you thought would be important just change after actually having kids.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

"Khaki" wrote:

I think people like to feel part of a group, negative or positive. If you are feeling that you had unrealistic parenting goals and failed, then this blog would probably speak to you.

I think it *can* be positive to admit we don't have to be perfect all the time...but to me, this article goes a little far. Maybe it's my perspective on what "average" parenting is, but some of the things mentioned seem to be saying "let's be down with not trying much at all." This is probably because I don't know the blogger, so have no idea of the back story. Does the person work two jobs and is accepting that they won't be able to make all their own homemade bread from scratch? Or is it a parent who stays at home and just doesn't want to make an effort so hits up McDs every night for dinner? Without *knowing* more of the person, I think I tend to lean toward feeling the article is saying "yay for not making as much effort"...but that is likely my own bias.

I do tend to believe that most people love their kids and are parenting them in ways they are comfortable with. I don't think parenting your kids is "minor" so I do think there are important decisions to be made other than just not to abuse or neglect them. Maybe the decisions you thought would be important just change after actually having kids.

I agree with all of this.....very well said.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"ABeautifulLife123" wrote:

I fail to see how this article is really any different from the article in the OP. This article is just more eloquent, and I admit, far more enjoyable to read. But they are both trying to convey the same point.

I disagree. The Carpe Diem article is saying parenting is hard. Harder than we probably expected. But, as the author says when she is imagining herself as the one-day-old-lady, "Carry on, warrior". Don't quit keep fighting the good fight because it is worth it.

The article is the OP says, just make it through the day.... screw all those noble plans. And I disagree with that sentiment.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

"kris_w" wrote:

I disagree. The Carpe Diem article is saying parenting is hard. Harder than we probably expected. But, as the author says when she is imagining herself as the one-day-old-lady, "Carry on, warrior". Don't quit keep fighting the good fight because it is worth it.

The article is the OP says, just make it through the day.... screw all those noble plans. And I disagree with that sentiment.

I'm with Kris. While I don't think anyone should hold themselves to unattainable goals of perfection, I think there is room in the middle for "trying" for giving it our best and knowing that that takes strength and determination and sacrifice. And that others are doing their best, too (though this blogger doesn't sound like she is giving it her all IMO....)

Sure, my perspective about having children has changed since I've had a few kids....but in many ways it has made me more resolute in many things (no way am I planting my kids in front of the tv, and heck no I won't let them eat that garbage....I just love them too much to compromise on some of these things.) And while I don't think parents who don't follow the same path love their kids less, for me, I can't fathom doing it any other way.

I love the carry on warrior idea, bc that is exactly how I do feel some days. But it means just that, fight the good fight bc it is worth it. I don't give up, feed them junk and let them go wild. I carry on. Doing the hard parenting bc it is important IMO.

Joined: 06/04/07
Posts: 1368

"ABeautifulLife123" wrote:

I actually liked this article. I don't think it's about quitting, but instead about unreasonable expectations, judging others and perfectionism. For me the point here is that we all need to cut each other, and ourselves some slack. We ourselves strive so hard to be perfect (or at least I do), but sometimes life has other plans. I think this article sums up how I feel about the point of the article in the OP. http://www.livescience.com/6724-dark-side-perfectionism-revealed.htm

And all children are NOT created equally. My brother and I are stark opposites. If people only saw my brother and how he behaved as a child, they would probably judge my parents. If they only saw me (the calm, agreeable, docile child), they would probably think my parents were stellar parents. Yet we were raised by the same parents who used the same parenting techniques. How children act is not 100% due to the parenting technique.

I am in agreement with this and what Lana said.

When it came to "everything else is minor" statement, I read it more along the lines of "Don't sweat the small stuff. Everything is small stuff." In other words it's not worth it to stress over things that may have a small impact on the decision, when as a parent one is doing the best they can. They know it may not be the best choice overall to be implemented in a daily routine, it may be their best choice for that moment as long as no one is getting hurt or neglected by it. It's not worth it to beat yourself up if you know you made a decision that you normally wouldn't have when having an out of the ordinary day like the examples she gave.

Starryblue702's picture
Joined: 04/06/11
Posts: 5454

I think that she was just trying to have a moment of honesty. I feel as though I get judged a lot, especially since I had baby #4. I was embarrassed to even tell people after I found out that I was pregnant, for fear of what they might think of our adding another addition to the family (that actually made child #6, as DH has two sons from a first marriage). I never got to experience the "judging" of mothers, as I was pregnant with my first child at 19 years old. And besides, I was the eldest of five children, my youngest brother is just 10 years old, one year older than my eldest child, so I was fully aware of how children acted as I was around them all of my teenage years. I can see how this woman might feel, though, as there are PLENTY of people that judge mothers on a daily basis. It can be embarrassing just making a trip to Walmart because I get those "geez, could that lady have any more kids?" looks, but I try not to let it bother me. I say that if by writing this blog it makes this woman feel better about herself, or gives her some sense of relief, I don't mind it.

RebeccaA'07's picture
Joined: 11/19/07
Posts: 1628

I liked the article and shared it around - I found the message more about the fact that you might think you will parent in one way, often times once you have the actual child (or several) that line of thinking changes.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"boilermaker" wrote:

I'm with Kris. While I don't think anyone should hold themselves to unattainable goals of perfection, I think there is room in the middle for "trying" for giving it our best and knowing that that takes strength and determination and sacrifice. And that others are doing their best, too (though this blogger doesn't sound like she is giving it her all IMO....)

Sure, my perspective about having children has changed since I've had a few kids....but in many ways it has made me more resolute in many things (no way am I planting my kids in front of the tv, and heck no I won't let them eat that garbage....I just love them too much to compromise on some of these things.) And while I don't think parents who don't follow the same path love their kids less, for me, I can't fathom doing it any other way.

I love the carry on warrior idea, bc that is exactly how I do feel some days. But it means just that, fight the good fight bc it is worth it. I don't give up, feed them junk and let them go wild. I carry on. Doing the hard parenting bc it is important IMO.

I totally agree. I'm sick of lazy parents making a buck off of this new "oh having ideals is sooooooo hard" bs.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

I don't think it is bs. I think there are alot of parents out there who have it a lot hardder then I do. Parents who work long hours and have a lot less money and have to deal with things I don't. Foreclosures, health issues, family issues, single moms/dads. Who am I to call someone lazy because they don't live up to my expectations based on my life.

Are there lazy parents? Sure. But it's not my place to decide who that is. I can see someone struggling, trying to judge themslevs based on all these perfect mom, focus your entire life on your children and if you screw up and don't you suck and your lazy, ideals that are all around us. So if they need to hear that it'sok to suck sometimes to help them not feel like sh!t, then who am I to say it's wrong? I think anyone who reads articles and blogs like this and then feel like it is a free pass to gve up....they are the ones with the issue, not the author.

One of the best threads we had on here was when people shared their ooops moments in parenting. Just because I may share and write that once I dropped my baby and hey, it was OK and it doesn;t mean I suck as a mother because I did the thing that every mother fears, then means I am giving permission for everyone to drop their babies. It doesn't mean I am saying "hey screw that goal of not wantign to drop your child. I dropped mine and she was fine so everyone TOSS YOUR BABIES!!! Yay". It means "Hey **** happens. SOmetimes as hard you try, you are not always goign to be perfect and it is OK."

That's what I take from these kind of articles. If someone takes away that it'scomplete bs, then good. If someone else takes away that it's ok to frak up sometimes and everyone does and it doesn;t mean you are a complete loser of a mom, then good. If someone takes away that it's ok to drop every goal you ahve as a parent and just give up, then they are morons.I guess I give people credit for not being total morons. Smile

But then again, I ok with being lazy sometimes. I mean I am sitting here typing sh!t that means nothign to no one and makes no difference in my childs life. I could be doing a 1000 more productive things with this 15 minutes I spent here. But I am ok with that. And honestly, I don't really care what other parents do or don't do.

I guess it just doesn't bother me all that much. And if someone reads that article and it makes them feel ok for not being societies idea of a perfect mom 100% of the time, then I don;t see that as such a bad thing.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"culturedmom" wrote:

I don't think it is bs. I think there are alot of parents out there who have it a lot hardder then I do. Parents who work long hours and have a lot less money and have to deal with things I don't. Foreclosures, health issues, family issues, single moms/dads. Who am I to call someone lazy because they don't live up to my expectations based on my life.
.

Since I used the word lazy, all I can say is that this is ridiculous, Lana. I'm not calling people in foreclosure with dying mothers and single parents lazy. I'm calling the author of article like this one or other ones that say "Oh, ideals are so hard, lets all go to McD's and lets all talk about it and write about it to validate that its funny to do what is just easy, not best, because I'm in way over my head here".

People who think that there are "perfect moms" out there must be the same ones who believed in the sweet valley high girls and their "perfection". You have to have something wrong with you to think that anyone ever thinks that they are a PERFECT parent, let alone a good enough one most of the time. We all struggle with that, that is universal and a rite of parenting as sure and common as potty training is.

There is a far, far cry between "perfection" or using every second of ones day to do something parenting oriented (awful hard when they are asleep) and this

:The article is the OP says, just make it through the day.... screw all those noble plans. And I disagree with that sentiment.

, to quote Kris.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"Potter75" wrote:

Since I used the word lazy, all I can say is that this is ridiculous, Lana. I'm not calling people in foreclosure with dying mothers and single parents lazy. I'm calling the author of article like this one or other ones that say "Oh, ideals are so hard, lets all go to McD's and lets all talk about it and write about it to validate that its funny to do what is just easy, not best, because I'm in way over my head here".

People who think that there are "perfect moms" out there must be the same ones who believed in the sweet valley high girls and their "perfection". You have to have something wrong with you to think that anyone ever thinks that they are a PERFECT parent, let alone a good enough one most of the time. We all struggle with that, that is universal and a rite of parenting as sure and common as potty training is.

There is a far, far cry between "perfection" or using every second of ones day to do something parenting oriented (awful hard when they are asleep) and this , to quote Kris.

I don't think it is ridiculous because I don't see the article or the author as the way you described in the bolded section. That'snot how I see these kind of articles or blogs. I read it and see her as a mom (not particularly a great writer) who looks back at her pre-children life and realizes how ridiculous her judgments and preconcieved notions were about having children. I think she is trying to be funny and witty. I don't think she nor most parents actually "screw their noble plans". I think as most things in life, they have a picture of what they think parenting will be and get kicked in the arse by reality.

As for my point of perfection, I think that is the swing of the pendulum that were on. Mommy wars, SAHM vs WOHM, BFing vs FM, AP, babywearing, etc. I think mothers have a lot of unrealistic expectations placed on them by society and self perpetuated by each other. My FB page is inundated with perfect mommy posts that drip with judgement. More so then when my kids were very young. So this push to "screw the noble plans" is really to mejust a natural swing to even thigns out.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Maybe it just bugs me because she specifically hits two points where I am passionate:

I thought things like I would never have children who would behave in such a manner in public. Or, Doesn't she know the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV until the age of 2? Or, How can he possibly be feeding his children that crap? Has he not read any of Michael Pollan's books?

I maintain that there is simply no reason an able bodied married parent needs to either feed their babies crap, or let them watch TV Smile I admit that those areas are very important to me, so in re rereading it hit me that that is why this one bothers me more than so many others in this vein.

Thats probably it, really. I'm a Mom of three and maintain those ideals, so I find people who act like it is so impossible to feed their children well or simply not put the TV in front of a baby, well, lazy.

I'm sorry that your FB page is like that, I hide or defriend those people. The truth is, most who need to be braggy about their parenting (especially their methods, like cosleeping or AP or whatever gag worthy thing they attach themselves to as though it defines them) probably suck at it and are terribly insecure, I can't stand insecure people, so out they go Smile Use your hide post feature, you will love FB again Smile

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

"Potter75" wrote:

Maybe it just bugs me because she specifically hits two points where I am passionate:

I maintain that there is simply no reason an able bodied married parent needs to either feed their babies crap, or let them watch TV Smile I admit that those areas are very important to me, so in re rereading it hit me that that is why this one bothers me more than so many others in this vein.

Yeah but maybe what she meant is she went from being in the "I will never" camp to being in the "Its okay once in a while"' camp. And while maybe you wouldn't make that same choice...i think that's a valid choice to make...lots of people already do believe that. And she is now recollecting herself judging these parents on this one moment in time. who knows, maybe they are really in the "once in a while" camp too.

I really don't think she is a good writer, because she goes way overboard on her account with the kids in the car and acts very gung ho about embracing all the things she said she used to be very against. Maybe thats not what she meant to portray...but i agree that it sounds like it.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"KimPossible" wrote:

Yeah but maybe what she meant is she went from being in the "I will never" camp to being in the "Its okay once in a while"' camp. And while maybe you wouldn't make that same choice...i think that's a valid choice to make...lots of people already do believe that. And she is now recollecting herself judging these parents on this one moment in time. who knows, maybe they are really in the "once in a while" camp too.

I really don't think she is a good writer, because she goes way overboard on her account with the kids in the car and acts very gung ho about embracing all the things she said she used to be very against. Maybe thats not what she meant to portray...but i agree that it sounds like it.

I agree. And I give leniency for that. I think her gung ho attitude is just from her wanting to be witty, funny, and trying to convey her enthusiasm for this realization that parenting is freakin' hard. I really don't believe that many people are that excited about being lazy. And I think if you read it in that vain, it's not such a bad blog and definitely not about cheering for mediocre parenting. I just don't believe that is the intent.

Just liek you said Melissa that "all I can say is that this is ridiculous, Lana. I'm not calling people in foreclosure with dying mothers and single parents lazy." is the same way that I don't think the author is talking about the patting one's self on the back for extreme laziness for the sake of laziness parenting, either. I think she is a mom who realized this sh!t is hard and she was full of crap when she judged people who didn't always keep to the standards she FELT she would have as a parent.

I've hidden quite a few people on FB for it (as well as gotten into fights over it). But sadly many of them are in my family and anytime I am tagged or whatever, up pops the issue.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

This portion is what strikes me.

"But now, as a parent, I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good. Last Thursday is a perfect example: My son had a physical therapy appointment a good half-hour drive away. On the way back from the appointment both of my boys fell asleep -- we had eaten lunch out, complete with Oreo cookies and Popsicles for dessert, (judge!) after the appointment and it was close to their naptime. Of course they fell asleep. My daughter, however, who has long given up naps (!), was still awake.
When I pulled into my driveway, I had two choices: Wake up the boys and deal with their short tempers having only slept for 25 minutes, or sit in the van with them while they slept, bribing my daughter with apps on my iPod and promises of candy once inside if she would just sit and be quiet for a half hour longer (!). I chose option B without blinking. And I left the car running (!) the entire time."

Obviously there are circumstances that come up where you just have to do the second best thing. We all get that... Right now my kids are watching Care Bears... I don't like them watching much TV, BUT, we've just moved the 21 month old from her extremely quiet room off of ours to her new bedroom down the main hall with the other kids rooms. It is far noisier and she is a very light sleeper. This is a temporary measure until she gets used to sleeping with a bit of noise. Totally not ideal, but the best solution I can come up with right now....

I just don't think that it the sort of thing she is talking about. At least the example given isn't. It sounds much more day-to-day. I mean a 30 minute drive required a drive through lunch, cookies, popsicles, playing video games, candy, and when they finally got into the house, cartoons??

I agree with Melissa. That is just lazy.

culturedmom's picture
Joined: 09/30/06
Posts: 1131

"kris_w" wrote:

This portion is what strikes me.

"But now, as a parent, I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good. Last Thursday is a perfect example: My son had a physical therapy appointment a good half-hour drive away. On the way back from the appointment both of my boys fell asleep -- we had eaten lunch out, complete with Oreo cookies and Popsicles for dessert, (judge!) after the appointment and it was close to their naptime. Of course they fell asleep. My daughter, however, who has long given up naps (!), was still awake.
When I pulled into my driveway, I had two choices: Wake up the boys and deal with their short tempers having only slept for 25 minutes, or sit in the van with them while they slept, bribing my daughter with apps on my iPod and promises of candy once inside if she would just sit and be quiet for a half hour longer (!). I chose option B without blinking. And I left the car running (!) the entire time."

Obviously there are circumstances that come up where you just have to do the second best thing. We all get that... Right now my kids are watching Care Bears... I don't like them watching much TV, BUT, we've just moved the 21 month old from her extremely quiet room off of ours to her new bedroom down the main hall with the other kids rooms. It is far noisier and she is a very light sleeper. This is a temporary measure until she gets used to sleeping with a bit of noise. Totally not ideal, but the best solution I can come up with right now....

I just don't think that it the sort of thing she is talking about. At least the example given isn't. It sounds much more day-to-day. I mean a 30 minute drive required a drive through lunch, cookies, popsicles, playing video games, candy, and when they finally got into the house, cartoons??

I agree with Melissa. That is just lazy.

I don'tthink that is lazy parenting because I don't know the whole situation. Maybe they never get that stuff but they had a particularly hard day (the child has physical therapy so who knows what happened) and maybe she was rushed and she had to take all the kids and keep the quiet while the other one was with the physician. Who knows. But this is exactly what she was talking about when she talked about her judgmental self before kids and before she could relate.

I'm sorry but I know how hard my lifeis at times so I just cannot judge someone based on one blog entry.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"culturedmom" wrote:

I don'tthink that is lazy parenting because I don't know the whole situation. Maybe they never get that stuff but they had a particularly hard day (the child has physical therapy so who knows what happened) and maybe she was rushed and she had to take all the kids and keep the quiet while the other one was with the physician. Who knows. But this is exactly what she was talking about when she talked about her judgmental self before kids and before she could relate.

I'm sorry but I know how hard my lifeis at times so I just cannot judge someone based on one blog entry.

But, she specifically starts the story by saying "I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good." Then says this story is a perfect example.

I take that to mean there weren't any crazy difficult circumstances. If this happened after being stuck in traffic for two hours or a 5 minute appt taking 60 minutes, that would be entirely different. But, she goes out of her way to explain this was a very normal day.

As to the bolded... I'm not her judgmental self pre-kids. I'm a mother of 4 young children, who is pregnant, works evenings, and who's husband works 50+ hours/week... I can confidently say, I get how hard being a parent can be and what it means to be busy. I also think you can stick to your ideals.

boilermaker's picture
Joined: 08/21/02
Posts: 1984

"kris_w" wrote:

But, she specifically starts the story by saying "I do things judge-worthy even when my children are being good." Then says this story is a perfect example.

I take that to mean there weren't any crazy difficult circumstances. If this happened after being stuck in traffic for two hours or a 5 minute appt taking 60 minutes, that would be entirely different. But, she goes out of her way to explain this was a very normal day.

As to the bolded... I'm not her judgmental self pre-kids. I'm a mother of 4 young children, who is pregnant, works evenings, and who's husband works 50+ hours/week... I can confidently say, I get how hard being a parent can be and what it means to be busy. I also think you can stick to your ideals.

I think that this is part of it for me. It seems that she glorifies these choices even when they aren't "necessary". These weren't extenuating circumstances-- at least IMO. I think about how I would approach it differently (she is a SAHM, no?) and I see a very different path, one that I don't need to make excuses for and that fall within my value system.

I think when it comes down to it these posts reveal what is *really* important to a parent or person trying to raise children. We carefully choose our battles, and it seems to me, that I pick issues that are different than hers. That's fine for her and her family, but it would never fly in my household.

GloriaInTX's picture
Joined: 07/29/08
Posts: 4107

I'm sorry I would never call a mother with a 4 year old and twin 2 year olds lazy pretty much no matter what she does.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

Really? So my merit of simply popping out a slew of kids one is industrious in your world? Interesting.

I continue to agree with Audra and Kris. This woman is glorifying bad parenting, and like Kris and Audra, I say it as a mom of more than one kid with very close age spreads.......not some uneducated non parent making outside judgments.

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

"boilermaker" wrote:

I think that this is part of it for me. It seems that she glorifies these choices even when they aren't "necessary". These weren't extenuating circumstances-- at least IMO. I think about how I would approach it differently (she is a SAHM, no?) and I see a very different path, one that I don't need to make excuses for and that fall within my value system.

I think when it comes down to it these posts reveal what is *really* important to a parent or person trying to raise children. We carefully choose our battles, and it seems to me, that I pick issues that are different than hers. That's fine for her and her family, but it would never fly in my household.

I agree with the bolded. Of course we all do things when circumstances warrant, but her post makes a point of saying there are no "circumstances." I don't generally care how she (or anyone else) parents their kids, but when you put your opinion out there, you have to expect you will get differing viewpoints on the situation. The article felt to me to be similar to how I would relate if someone said "Hey, who cares if you eat two Big Macs? You had a hard day. You deserve it." Or "So what if you smacked your kids around a bit, everyone does it." Those things are against my personal choices in life (as well as some of the situations mentioned in the article), so while I may not care if others make those decisions, I can't just assume there are extenuating circumstances that would make me okay with cheering them on...especially when the author chose not to share them. That's why I related more to the "carry on, warrior" article. It wasn't talking specifics, but just saying that in general we should support one another and fight the good fight.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"GloriaInTX" wrote:

I'm sorry I would never call a mother with a 4 year old and twin 2 year olds lazy pretty much no matter what she does.

As a mat/peds nurse, I can confidently say there are some pretty darn lazy parents out there. How many kids they have is completely besides the point.... sometimes being lazy is how they got all those kids Wink

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"kris_w" wrote:

As a mat/peds nurse, I can confidently say there are some pretty darn lazy parents out there. How many kids they have is completely besides the point.... sometimes being lazy is how they got all those kids Wink

Within reason of course. I am not talking about abuse or neglect here obviously.

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Joined: 12/27/07
Posts: 1630

"boilermaker" wrote:

I think that this is part of it for me. It seems that she glorifies these choices even when they aren't "necessary". These weren't extenuating circumstances-- at least IMO. I think about how I would approach it differently (she is a SAHM, no?) and I see a very different path, one that I don't need to make excuses for and that fall within my value system.

I think when it comes down to it these posts reveal what is *really* important to a parent or person trying to raise children. We carefully choose our battles, and it seems to me, that I pick issues that are different than hers. That's fine for her and her family, but it would never fly in my household.

I pretty much totally agree with everything you said, in all of your posts! But then I have had many people tell me I make things "harder" then I need to because my kids don't watch TV, I give them all homemade foods, made their baby food, cloth diapered, read them dozens of books a day, etc... To me, it's just what parenting is and how DH and I have chosen to do things. It's not right, it's not wrong, it's just what we have chosen.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

Whats wrong with deciding things are okay just for fun as long as they are in moderation?

I don't live to eat at McDonalds but i will be the first one to admit that not EVERY trip we have taken to McDonalds was a trip out of desperation.

Actually almost none were out of desperation probably....some were out of convenience and a little less stress (which is not desperation) and others were because we hadn't gone in ages and the kids asked and we said 'sure, okay'.

I mean if she was STILL saying "Getting junk food is NEVER ok" thats one thig.....but maybe she decided it was silly to be that strict. I'd tend to agree. Going once a month, no matter what the reason doesn't seem so bad to me and maybe somewhere along the way she decided the same thing too. This is just an example...i know its not the one that she specifically gave.

I originally thought i was going to be int he no video gaming system camp. But you know what? I simply decided that it wasn't the end of the world to have one and it might even be fun....as long as we used it infrequently. Every time the kids use it...its not a necessity. I mean, i never would have bought one just "so i can use it in my most desperate moments"

I think you can choose to put the worst/laziest spin on this persons words, or you can choose to look at it in a more reasonable/rational manner.

I think its pretty simple

Turning your back on your goals out of laziness is bad. Deciding that maybe you don't really believe what you thought you did and changing your goals slightly to fit that? Not bad.

If she means the former...then sure. Thats ridiculous...and she would probably never admit to that being her point. If she meant the latter? Just not a big deal i don't think....seems to be pretty normal that you beliefs might change between before and after.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"KimPossible" wrote:

I mean if she was STILL saying "Getting junk food is NEVER ok" thats one thig.....but maybe she decided it was silly to be that strict. I'd tend to agree. Going once a month, no matter what the reason doesn't seem so bad to me and maybe somewhere along the way she decided the same thing too.

Are there lots of other things that you find it silly to be strict about? Like, do you think a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat once a month is silly? Or a Catholic who won't skip mass once a month to be silly? Or, is it silly to send a sick child to school once a month?

Why is it that people choosing to not eat fast food is silly? I'm always so curious about this, because every time this debate comes up someone takes this stance. Why do some people find it so hard to believe or accept that it can be really easy to live life without fast food, and that choosing to do so is somehow less worth of respect than any other parenting (or personal) choice is "Silly"? I wouldn't tell a vegetarian that they were silly for refusing to eat meat. I wouldn't tell someone that they were "Silly" because they refused to spank once a month. What is about it parents who don't need or want to resort to fast food that is so "silly", exactly? I don't really get it.

ETA: Talking specifically about fast food because you mentioned McD, not all "junk food" like the quoted part reads.

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Joined: 05/24/06
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"Potter75" wrote:

Are there lots of other things that you find it silly to be strict about? Like, do you think a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat once a month is silly? Or a Catholic who won't skip mass once a month to be silly? Or, is it silly to send a sick child to school once a month?

Why is it that people choosing to not eat fast food is silly? I'm always so curious about this, because every time this debate comes up someone takes this stance. Why do some people find it so hard to believe or accept that it can be really easy to live life without fast food, and that choosing to do so is somehow less worth of respect than any other parenting (or personal) choice is "Silly"? I wouldn't tell a vegetarian that they were silly for refusing to eat meat. I wouldn't tell someone that they were "Silly" because they refused to spank once a month. What is about it parents who don't need or want to resort to fast food that is so "silly", exactly? I don't really get it.

ETA: Talking specifically about fast food because you mentioned McD, not all "junk food" like the quoted part reads.

I dont' understand Melissa, not eveyrone thinks its so awful to have fast food on occasion. I think its reasonable that some people who thought at one time that it was necessary to abstain from it forever have changed their mind and decided once in a while is okay instead.

If its my use of the word silly...i apologize. Didn't mean to offend you for your own choice. But i do think that is the realization that some people come to. "Why am i being so strict? The everything in moderation rule is good and not harmful"

Just because you maintain that its harmful to do once in a while doesn't mean everyone who once thought that always will.

ETA: And yes, my mom was insistent that we go every week to church and on the one occassion that she found i did not go while they were away traveling she made me go to confession.

And yes, i thought was silly. So i choose to live my life differently.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"KimPossible" wrote:

I dont' understand Melissa, not eveyrone thinks its so awful to have fast food on occasion. I think its reasonable that some people who thought at one time that it was necessary to abstain from it forever have changed their mind and decided once in a while is okay instead.

If its my use of the word silly...i apologize. Didn't mean to offend your own choice. But i do think that is the realization that some people come to. "Why am i being so strict? The everything in moderation rule is good and not harmful"

Just because you maintain that its not harmful doesn't mean everyone who once thought that always will.

ETA: And yes, my mom was insistent that we go every week to church and on the one occassion that she found i did not go while they were away traveling she made me go to confession.

And yes, i thought was silly. So i choose to live my life differently.

I did find it offensive, so thank you :). Just because you have decided that it isn't harmful once a month or whatever does not make people with different convictions from you silly or somehow naive.

I don't agree with that bolded rule when it comes to lots of things. Heroin. Haggis. Veal. McDonalds. Everybody is different.

I'm not implying that just because I used to maintain that it is harmful and still maintain that it is harmful (three kids in) means that everyone should hold steadfast with their own personal beliefs......I simply maintain that just because I choose to does not mean I am "silly".

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Joined: 05/24/06
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I don't think its silly in general. If someone else believes that its harmful enough to abstain forever....then it would not be silly at all for them to continue doing so.

But, if someone comes to the realization that they think its okay for things to be in moderation, then it would be silly for them to insist on abstaining.

Also, I was not trying to say EVERYTHING in moderation is okay. I was saying that is the conclusion that some people will come to with some things.

I don't think everything is okay in moderation either. But some things that I used to think were not okay in moderation...i've changed my mind about and have decided that they are. And if i thought about myself judging people for witnessing a particular instance in indulging in one of those things prior to my personal revelation then, yes i might feel bad about that, because they might have been doing it in moderation too.

And I might try to soothe myself by writing a public apology in the form of a poorly written blog post.

Okay, in reality i personally wouldn't do that most likely, but i can see how some people might.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

Actually the more i think about it, what is the big deal about thinking that certain things that other people believe are silly? You don't think that people believe silly things sometimes?

Fast food isn't good for you. So in general to say that you would never eat it? Not silly. Especially if you don't particularly enjoy it anyway. Or if its an ethical issue, like they are evil or something so you are doing at as a moral stance? Also not silly.

But if you do like it? Miss it because you used to eat it at some point? Don't have an addictive personality? Don't have a serious ethical objection to spending your money there...but just abstain on the principle that its bad for you? Yeah, i think its kind of silly to not EVER eat it...because the occasional indulgence probably would have little to no effect in the grand scheme of things.

I never shop at wal-mart. I go out of my way not to...or sacrfice and do without things in order not to.

I know for certain there are people who think that is a silly thing to do. Silly to 'waste' money by buying elsewhere....or not get something i'd like to have or improvise instead.

Who cares? They dont' agree me. Big deal. Obviously if they don't feel the way i do about the issue my extremism on the topic is going to seem silly.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"KimPossible" wrote:

Actually the more i think about it, what is the big deal about thinking that certain things that other people believe are silly? You don't think that people believe silly things sometimes?

Fast food isn't good for you. So in general to say that you would never eat it? Not silly. Especially if you don't particularly enjoy it anyway. Or if its an ethical issue, like they are evil or something so you are doing at as a moral stance? Also not silly.

But if you do like it? Miss it because you used to eat it at some point? Don't have an addictive personality? Don't have a serious ethical objection to spending your money there...but just abstain on the principle that its bad for you? Yeah, i think its kind of silly to not EVER eat it...because the occasional indulgence probably would have little to no effect in the grand scheme of things.

I never shop at wal-mart. I go out of my way not to...or sacrfice and do without things in order not to.

I know for certain there are people who think that is a silly thing to do. Silly to 'waste' money by buying elsewhere....or not get something i'd like to have or improvise instead.

Who cares? They dont' agree me. Big deal. Obviously if they don't feel the way i do about the issue my extremism on the topic is going to seem silly.

I'm not sure if this is directed at me or not. But I do have an ethical objection to fast food ~ for both myself and my children ~ and couldn't care less if that reason is "good enough" for someone or not.

I'm sure if I said "believing in a magical man in the sky" is "silly" some people might be offended and/or speak up.

You are right though, it shouldn't matter to me if people think that it is silly or not. I guess I simply wanted to point out that it is strange to say that you believe that everything is good in moderation, then say that of course not everything actually is good in moderation, and then think that it is "silly" (a word which I guess could be perceived as being demeaning) if other people have some different "never" list items than you do. Like, I'd never drink Jagermeister, I'm with you on Walmart, and I will never eat veal. Or fast food. So I'm probably sillier than you in some ways. I just don't think that as a generality it is "silly" to have ideals (whatever they are, particularity if they are healthy and/or logical or ethical) and stick to them. Nor do I think that it is impossible.

KimPossible's picture
Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

"Potter75" wrote:

I'm not sure if this is directed at me or not. But I do have an ethical objection to fast food ~ for both myself and my children ~ and could care less if that reason is "good enough" for someone or not.

I'm sure if I said "believing in a magical man in the sky" is "silly" some people might be offended.

You are right though, it shouldn't matter to me if people think that it is silly or not. I guess I simply wanted to point out that it is strange to say that you believe that everything is good in moderation, then say that of course not everything actually is good in moderation, and then think that it is "silly" (a word which I guess could be perceived as being demeaning) if other people have some different "never" list items than you do. Like, I'd never drink Jagermeister, I'm with you on Walmart, and I will never eat veal. Or fast food. So I'm probably sillier than you in some ways. I just don't think that as a generality it is "silly" to have ideals (whatever they are, particularity if they are healthy and/or logical or ethical) and stick to them. Nor do I think that it is impossible.

No, i promise you i really really really didn't mean that the "Everything in moderation" rule actually can apply to "everything" I just used that phrase because it is a common phrase that represents the concept and i was saying that someone might say that rule is good in how it applies to a particular issue.

And i definitely agree that having ideals is not silly. Even if as individuals we may disagree on what ideals make sense or not.

I don't really think we disagree on much. I think you should stick to your ideals and strive to uphold them and not doing so simply because its easier is not a good thing to do, and its even worse to try to justify it in that case. But that, IMO is different than saying "my ideals have changed and i don't believe 'x' anymore"...which does sometimes happen too.

Joined: 05/31/06
Posts: 4780

"KimPossible" wrote:

But that, IMO is different than saying "my ideals have changed and i don't believe 'x' anymore"...which does sometimes happen too.

I agree.

Joined: 10/22/06
Posts: 1033

"KimPossible" wrote:

But that, IMO is different than saying "my ideals have changed and i don't believe 'x' anymore"...which does sometimes happen too.

See, that's reasonable and maybe what the blogger was (poorly) trying to convey. It just came across, at least to me, as not so much that she didn't believe her original ideals anymore, just that she threw them out along the way so that her kids would take a nap. Again, this is fine and her choice, but I guess I just relate more to the good fight to maintain your ideals. Maybe she is sacrificing for some new, wonderful parenting or life objectives, but since that wasn't mentioned in the post she just came off more as justifying giving up (without even presenting extenuating circumstances). Again, her prerogative, but nothing I found to be relatable or inspiring.

Joined: 12/10/05
Posts: 1681

"Khaki" wrote:

See, that's reasonable and maybe what the blogger was (poorly) trying to convey. It just came across, at least to me, as not so much that she didn't believe her original ideals anymore, just that she threw them out along the way so that her kids would take a nap. Again, this is fine and her choice, but I guess I just relate more to the good fight to maintain your ideals. Maybe she is sacrificing for some new, wonderful parenting or life objectives, but since that wasn't mentioned in the post she just came off more as justifying giving up (without even presenting extenuating circumstances). Again, her prerogative, but nothing I found to be relatable or inspiring.

Agreed.

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Joined: 05/24/06
Posts: 3303

"Khaki" wrote:

See, that's reasonable and maybe what the blogger was (poorly) trying to convey. It just came across, at least to me, as not so much that she didn't believe her original ideals anymore, just that she threw them out along the way so that her kids would take a nap. Again, this is fine and her choice, but I guess I just relate more to the good fight to maintain your ideals. Maybe she is sacrificing for some new, wonderful parenting or life objectives, but since that wasn't mentioned in the post she just came off more as justifying giving up (without even presenting extenuating circumstances). Again, her prerogative, but nothing I found to be relatable or inspiring.

Yes i guess i agree with you. I just have such a hard time believing that someone would consciously be trying to send that message. I find it much easier to believe that she means something else more reasonable and just failed to convey that. I guess I feel like being a poor writer and communicator of thoughts is more probable than someone who would truly try to send the message that is okay to give up on your goals and what is important to you.

But i suppose if i just take the article for how it is written, it seems that is what she is saying.

LiveFreeOrDie's picture
Joined: 09/15/05
Posts: 115

I read this blog article. Like all of you, I found it fairly poorly written, but I agree with the author...I said all kinds of stupid **** about how I would parent when I wasn't a parent. In my limited experience as a parent for the past 6 years I can say that my parenting ideals are summed up like this: love the **** outta your kids. I will continue to do all kinds of stuff I didn't think I would do when I wasn't a parent because I'm human. And the magical part about being human is the capacity to love. So I'm going to concentrate on that instead of the ridiculous amounts of TV my kids have been watching lately as I try to pull myself back together.

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