Young bully
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  1. #1
    Posting Addict carg0612's Avatar
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    Default Young bully

    In my daughter's class she has a bully. I've emailed/talked to the teacher. I've emailed/talked to the guidance counselor. Things got better for a while. Now they aren't again. Here is what the girl does (she's 10, btw)

    1. calls names like "you're so stupid", "you're such a baby", "you're so ugly"
    2. lies like "well my mom told Mrs. teacher that you didn't talk to me today so you're going to get in trouble" OR "I told boyX that you like him and want to date him and unless you come sit with me at the boys table I'm going to tell all the boys that"
    3. sent emails with the same type of language
    4. pushing and shoving
    5. stomping on feet.

    Result: my DD and 2 other girls are afraid to go to school and don't want to go to school. Which is awful because my DD loves school.

    Additional info: My DD is not the only one who has had problems with this girl - other parents have contacted me, the teacher, the guidance counselor.

    My issue: I don't feel like enough is being done by the school given this child continues to behave this way with my DD and other children.

    Question: What should I do? What should the school do? Is the school responsible for remediation? How far should the school go? Is this girl considered a bully (by 10 year old standards)?
    Christina + Rory = a grand total of:
    Amelia, Anthony, Andon, Noah, Mason, & Trinity-woof


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    Posting Addict RebeccaA'07's Avatar
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    It seems to be well documented with several children that this other girl is being a bully. If she is calling names, using verbal threats, and getting physical: the school should put a stop to it. Either moving that girl into a another school, class, or whatever strong discipline they can allow. I think it's completely unacceptable for children to be scared of going to school because of a bratty child who is being a bully. I would call the school daily to complain until the problem is fixed.

    Have you thought about taking it to the school board? Can she go to another school?

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    Posting Addict carg0612's Avatar
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    I agree that it's unacceptable. We, very luckily, are in a school system where these types of situations are relatively uncommon. The problem there is that I don't think the teachers and the counselor have enough experience dealing with bullies.

    I don't want to pull my DD out of school because of one kid but I do think the school needs to do something stronger than just "talk to the mom" because they've tried that and it clearly didn't work.

    I just don't know what they should do or how far they should go. Is this girl too young to have a serious reprimand?
    Christina + Rory = a grand total of:
    Amelia, Anthony, Andon, Noah, Mason, & Trinity-woof


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    Posting Addict culturedmom's Avatar
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    Bullying is horrible and should be stopped and dealt with by the school immediately. However,I think we are sometimes too quick adn focused on the label bullying and we get way from the fact that these kids are kids, too. And soemtimes we trun them into characatures and sterotypes instead of seeing them as troubled kids.

    Now I am not sayign that as a way to dismiss or excuse this little girl's behavior (if all you say is true). But when we focus on it as just bulyying and bullies it makes it too black and white and sometimes it's not. My daughter had a new student in her class and everyday she would come home and say how mean she was. Come to find out the little girl comes from a very poor home. I mean so poor that she has to take a shower sometimes in the nurses office cause her water was turned off. She was made fun of by some kids sayign she smelled and her clothes were ugly, so obvioulsy she has put on a front of "hurt you before you hurt me" attitude. I tried to explain to my DD that if she had no food and had to come to school dirty and take showers at the nurses office she wouldbe in a bad mood, too. As soon as DD started treating her with empathy and kindness, the meanness got 100% better.

    Again I am not condoning bullying behavior at all. I am just saying maybe you should not worry so much about whetehr this is bullying or not and talking to other parents, and instead try to get at the root of the issue. And if all else fails, why can't you move your child to another class?
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    I would be the world's biggest pest to the school until they dealt with it properly. Your child does not deserve to be treated that way. Additionally, I would (and have) told my child that if another child gets physical with her and words aren't stopping the physicality that she has every right to physically defend herself and we will back her up on that. My children are not to start fights but they absolutely have the power to end them. Sometimes a bullying child needs to see that other children will not put up with that nonsense and I'm sure not everyone will agree with me on this, but sometimes the way that needs to be shown is with a pop to the face.

    When I was about that age, I had a kid that was bullying me. Yes, I think she was an unhappy child, but she was doing a lot of the behaviors you're describing and ruining my love and sense of safety at school. The teachers and administration generally ignored the issue until this girl pushed the boy with leukemia down and hurt him; she was finally expelled after that (private school). There is no reason it needed to go on that long.

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    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    Definately no too young.
    Complain more, with more parents. Make it very uncomfortable for the principal/superintendant etc.
    Physical violence could be taken to the police... only works well if your DD doesn't hit back.
    3 of my Best Friends children have gotten beaten up at school, one to the point of unconsiousness, and not much is/was done, because they try and defend themselves.
    It all churns my stomach!
    Kids should not have to feel afraid just to learn.
    DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivergallery View Post
    Definately no too young.
    Complain more, with more parents. Make it very uncomfortable for the principal/superintendant etc.
    Physical violence could be taken to the police... only works well if your DD doesn't hit back.
    3 of my Best Friends children have gotten beaten up at school, one to the point of unconsiousness, and not much is/was done, because they try and defend themselves.
    It all churns my stomach!
    Kids should not have to feel afraid just to learn.
    I can't imagine telling my kid they should just take a beating and not fight back so that the police might have an easier time later. That's ridiculous.

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    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    I know I don't tell them that either, but I don't have to deal with this idiocy.
    DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivergallery View Post
    I know I don't tell them that either, but I don't have to deal with this idiocy.
    Any child who spends time with and develops relationships with peers has the potential to be a bully or be bullied.

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    Posting Addict Rivergallery's Avatar
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    The idiocy from the beuracracy of the school district.
    DH-Aug 30th 1997 Josiah - 6/3/02 Isaac 7/31/03

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