OT: What would you say if your SO...

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Joined: 03/11/07
Posts: 164
OT: What would you say if your SO...

decided to go on the Shikoko 88 temple pilgramage. A little back story: my friend Craig lives about an hour from Osaka, Japan and amoung other things is a Buddist monk. He is married and has a beautiful daughter who will be 1 in Dec. Now he is planning this pilgramage, walking 900+ miles over the course of 40-60 days. I support his decisions as a friend who chats on FB regularly but hasn't seen him since college graduation. But I'm not married him. I'm not sure what I'd say if I were in her shoes. He says she's not sold on it. Reading between the lines, I'm thinking that translates to being a little PO'd that he'd consider it now, while Yume is so little.

I'm just a little curious what all of you think.

always_1111's picture
Joined: 08/09/09
Posts: 442

I think being in the military has helped me with separation things like this, so it's whatever to me. If that what my hubby wanted to do, I would let him. Why not? What is there to lose? It doesn't sound dangerous, although I don't know much about it...

RonanTheBarbarian's picture
Joined: 05/10/10
Posts: 1084

It would make me really sad I think. I am sad when Jeff has to work a lot and barely sees Ronan in a day- so I don't think I'd do well if he wasn't going to see him for a few months. But that is not by Jeff's choice so I can't be mad. If it was something that was by choice I'd probably be upset. I think I'm just a little spoiled by being able to see my DH everyday, so it'd be hard to give up that option.

emansmom's picture
Joined: 03/24/09
Posts: 752

I wouldn't handle it well at all!!! I feel like you only see your kids grow up once and they learn new things everyday and to think you would miss that would just be sad Sad (When it is a choice, obviously when it is military and you are called away that is different) Of course my hubby would never think of asking me to do something like this because he knows the reaction he would get! lol

lmh101979's picture
Joined: 07/05/09
Posts: 966

I guess I'm in the minority. I would totally support my DH going on a pilgrimage. If it was something that he felt like he had to do why would I stand in the way? I think that part of being a good partner and a good parent is finding your own happiness and his might just be in communing with nature and god. If I felt called to spend 3 months by myself walking 900 miles I wouldn't understand if DH said no. I can totally respect everyone's right to feel comfortable with their partner's decision though.

verdouxkai's picture
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 826

I think I would support the "idea" of the pilgrimage, but I think the timing could definitely be better. I've supported my DH this last year living apart while he has finished his undergrad because I know it's so important to him, but I can't tell you how glad we BOTH are that he'll be done and back home for good in December! I don't think I could take it very soon AFTER our LO is born.

ourfirstblessing's picture
Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 1094

hrm, i want to say i would be supportive esp. if he felt like it was something he needed to do for personal growth or some 'bigger meaning' ya know. 60 days in the whole scheme of things really isn't that long. esp with baby being so young. I would take the time to do things with my kids/go visit family etc. it might also depend on how much support i had outside of my husband incase i needed help with the kids.

Joined: 03/11/07
Posts: 164

"verdouxkai" wrote:

I think I would support the "idea" of the pilgrimage, but I think the timing could definitely be better. I've supported my DH this last year living apart while he has finished his undergrad because I know it's so important to him, but I can't tell you how glad we BOTH are that he'll be done and back home for good in December! I don't think I could take it very soon AFTER our LO is born.

Yeah, I understand that one. Dh graduated from his PhD program in Nov of 2007. Dd was 6 weeks old. We were building a house here in WI and didn't want to move twice, so Liese and I stayed back in Detroit Metro till April of 08 while he taught university here in Milwaukee.

As for the timing, its actually worse. It takes a lot of time to plan this trip I guess. He won't be going till spring or fall 2 years from now when Yume is about 3. I know it's his dream, but I feel for Yukiko. At least her mum and sisters are fairly close.

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