What Would You Do? (OT...LONG!)

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verdouxkai's picture
Last seen: 7 months 17 hours ago
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 827
What Would You Do? (OT...LONG!)

So, today I've been in a funk. I love my job, but I keep thinking about moving. Here is (what I'll attempt to be) a short version of where I am...

DH and are both from the DFW area in Ft Worth, but moved to Abilene Texas the weekend after we got married to go to college (we were young!)...so Abilene was pretty much "our" town. We lived there for 10 years, have lots of friends there, my BFF is there, etc.

So, in late 2009 I had my m/c, and DH and I were just...off. He got a job offer in Fort Worth and we jumped. Didn't put a LOT of though into it, I think we just wanted to get away from things that reminded us of being depressed. So we packed up and left. My brother let us move in with him while we tried to sell our house, got settled, etc.

Well, the job my DH got turned out to be totally misrepresented and was horrible...he made no money. We killed our savings and ended up declaring bankruptcy. DH was in sales and he hated it, I could tell he was miserable. I told him to go back to school and finish his degree. In the meantime I found the job I'm at now, which I love and had felt like it was going places. In the meantime, we found out that DH would have to go back to Abilene to finish his degree because so many credits wouldn't transfer here.

I decided to stay here, because I loved the job.

Flash forward to now. I still love my job for the most part, and my co-workers, but I'm starting to wonder if it's really going to "go somewhere" or if I'm just going to spin my wheels forever making others above me look good and never make any more significant jumps in pay, status, etc. On top of that I'm preggo...and do I want to raise a family here?

I've been thinking about Abilene a lot lately - it's a small town where everyone knows everyone, but not so small to be boring. It's also close to big cities. My commute there used to be 5 minutes and now it's 45 minutes to 1 hour. The schools are probably more one-on-one, but I probably won't ever make great money there. DH doing his masters work there as opposed to the Metroplex will also be insanely expensive.

So...sorry this ended up being so long...but what would you do? Would you consider seriously looking into moving, or stay the course? I'm still living with my brother, and don't know how long it will take once DH moves back in December to find a job, us have enough money to move into a place of our own, etc...I'm so confused, I just don't know what I want anymore.

Crap...I think I'm just hormonal. :help:

If you made it this far, congrats. Any advice is welcome. :/

eg4cg's picture
Last seen: 4 years 6 months ago
Joined: 11/06/07
Posts: 163

I don't know what I would do... but I wish you the best luck in making your decision...

I live in NY and my family and all of my good friends are in MI, all that my dh and I have here are a few friends, co-workers, and his parents...

things would be easier closer to my family, but job security keeps us here. it is a decision that I frequently debate... so I guess no matter which you choose you will be wondering what if...

best of luck to you!!

xMyLovelyLadyBumpx's picture
Last seen: 3 years 6 months ago
Joined: 02/17/11
Posts: 1198

I am in a similar position.

Im from AZ we had every intention of moving there when Kaylee born but DH lost his job and had to take a less paying job that he then quit because they were not paying him for the hours he worked. We blew through the savings I had while I was the only one working. Moved out.of our place and into a home with DHs dad. Then all my cancer drama caused me to go way into debt and then my seizures started again and dh has yet to find a job as good as the other.
we had the chance to move this feb but decided not too because of ttc and fear of something going wrong. We both regret it so much now. It was the perfect opertunity and we let it pass us by because of fear.

If its fear stopping you, weigh the pros and cons. And don't let a little what if stop you from being happy! I hope you and your dh get where you want to be!

ourfirstblessing's picture
Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 01/07/07
Posts: 1094

we moved to a small town that is close to family and since all of our immediate family has moved within an hr of us. I am so, so thankful for that since we have had kids. I think you really have to think long term about the future for your family. I am not sure i'm reading it right but do you currently have a 45 min commute and if you move you'll only have a few minute commute. Honestly, with kids that's HUGE. I might wait it out to see where dh lands a good job and go from there. Are there jobs in Abilene that would suit him once he finishes his degree?

It sounds like you desire to be in a smaller community and miss what you guys had. what is dh interested in doing? honestly, the biggest portion for me would be where dh would be able to get a quality job (assuming that you have options in various places). GL it's a big decision

verdouxkai's picture
Last seen: 7 months 17 hours ago
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 827

Thanks so much ladies - I think a lot of yesterday was ramped up in my mind because of hormones...I had a good cry when I got home and was able to see things clearly afterwards. For jobs - both DH after school and my own, both towns would probably be equal as far as opportunity...but I would have more opps to grow here. My family is also here, which I think is a big deal with having kids...and once DH has a job we'll move closer to my work which should take care of the commute.

As for what DH wants...he just wants me to be happy, and has said on several occasions that we'll make it work no matter where I want to be. I think I'm off the ledge and pretty much convinced to stay here, at least until after LO is born - I can't leave my insurance now! So...I think I'll talk to DH this weekend when he is here and maybe we'll make some pro/con lists and see if our priorities have changes since we know we're starting a family now.

I hope that makes sense, lol!