The Big Secret

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
Jokr's picture
Joined: 04/19/12
Posts: 282
The Big Secret

So....who's spilled the beans?
Have you told anyone that you're expecting? Are you waiting? Do you have any fun plans for letting everyone know the news?

We've told my mom, and DH and I have each told our best friends - so we've told 3 people, but we know they won't utter a word of it until we make it public. We're planning on telling the rest of our family after our first 'real' prenatal appointment (so I'll be about 8 weeks along) and then we're hoping to hold off on the public (a.k.a. facebook) & work announcements after we get through the first trimester.

.....Anyone else?

hopefulinco's picture
Joined: 01/06/08
Posts: 44

We (and by we, I mean my husband) have told our parents and siblings...he has told colleagues, friends, etc. I plan on waiting until after our first appointment before I tell friends. Then I'll tell colleagues when I return to school in the fall...should be about four months along by then. I don't know when I'll do the Facebook thing! For our littlest, I posted after our anatomy ultrasound. I enjoy my "little secret."

Nichole U's picture
Joined: 03/18/08
Posts: 384

I am a nurse, so my work knows since we don't assign certain patients to pregnant women. Other than that, my dad knows but will not go public until at least our 8 week appt, maybe even after first trimester

cindyanns's picture
Joined: 02/20/10
Posts: 775

NOOOOO....

We won't be announcing until the end of this month/beginning of July.

m/c mentioned:

With my first pregnancy, I told everyone right away. When I miscarried, I had a "friend" say something really insensitive to me. She has a tendency to say some stupid things sometimes, but this was beyond... It was something in regards to "Isn't it funny how you're pro-choice and you've wanted a baby for sooo long. Then when you finally get pregnant you miscarry??" She actually laughed at that. Like she found the irony amusing. This was after I'd been crying for about an hour to her and another friend about it, I still had tears in my eyes. It made it that much more painful.

Sorry, but there is a difference between an abortion and a miscarriage. I don't see the irony and I didn't think it was "funny" that I lost my baby. BTW- I'd never had an abortion. And I'm not even all that outspoken about my thoughts on abortion. She just happened to know my opinion. I would never say something that cruel to someone just because I don't agree with their OPINION, and I still don't understand how she could have said that to me.

ANYWAY... We've told my Mom, Dad, and my MIL. We figure those are the people who will be supportive of me and kind if I miscarry. I don't want anyone else knowing until the risk of miscarriage is lower. Being kicked while I was down was hard enough once.

yipeeladybug's picture
Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1214

We've told family right after the HPT said pg. A few pple at work know I had IVF and having been asking how it's going so now they know I'm pg. All have been sworn to secrecy (or I would never have told them I was doing IVF in the first place!). A couple of friends accidentally found out b/c my DH took a pic of my HPT on my iPhone and when I was trying to take a pic of the 3 of us, somehow the HPT pic showed up instead. They are good friends, so they are also sworn to secrecy now.

My 1st pg was so much easier not to tell anyone!

My hope is to not say anything until the 1st tri...but last time, pple could tell at 10w I was pg! And as you all saw in my belly pic, my gut is already expanding, so I dunno how long I can hide it.

Jokr's picture
Joined: 04/19/12
Posts: 282

Cindy, you have GOT to be kidding that someone was so awful as to say that?!? I can't believe that someone could even *think* to compare the 2!

As for me, I might get outted a bit early. DH and I play on a softball team, with my best friend (1 of the 3 people who knows), my brother, and a few other good friends. Well, DH and I decided to tell our coach and ask that he play me as catcher for the rest of the season - no chance of getting a line drive to the stomach (I had it happen in practice this year - let me tell you did it ever hurt!), and we also play with rules that you can't run the catcher at home plate, so no risk of getting run over on the base line.

.....Well, our coach kinda got this panicked look on his face, and pulled out the rules. Yup, there was a rule change this year that says no pregnant women can play.....I guess the league's insurance just can't cover it on the chance "something" goes wrong.

So we still have 6 weeks (12 games) left in the season, and I've officially been sidelined.

I didn't want to say anything, not even to family, until after the 8 week appointment.....but when I don't play the next few games, and don't drink on a family camping trip in 2 weeks, I'm pretty sure that some of them will figure it out!
DH and I are coming up with ways we can cover it all up until we're ready to make the announcement....

Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 1063

A lot of our friends know about our IVF journey. Not my parents. We are getting an US on Monday and if things look good we will tell our family. We waited until past the first trimester with DS, but with everything we have been through this time - it just feels right. And if we have a MC this time I will need their support anyhow.

Joined: 06/18/07
Posts: 98

I only told 2 friends at work- they knew I was trying, and will keep it secret. I will see my family over the next two weeks (I live across the country from them) and I want to tell my mom on the last day. My sister is getting married, and I don't want mom spilling the beans to anyone. After that, we'll wait until August. I am off for the summer (I'm a teacher) so I will tell everyone at work when I return for the fall. It will be hard to keep it secret on my trip and waiting until August. I just want to tell everyone!

JKfmAustin's picture
Joined: 12/07/10
Posts: 2421

Cindy, that's terrible! I am so sorry!

We are not telling anyone. No one knows about our previous losses (except MIL) or our ttc journey and I'd like to keep it that way. If we manage to stay pregnant past the first trimester then I'll tell a few close family members.

Holly_Anne618's picture
Joined: 04/03/07
Posts: 1271

"cindyanns" wrote:

NOOOOO....

With my first pregnancy, I told everyone right away. When I miscarried, I had a "friend" say something really insensitive to me. She has a tendency to say some stupid things sometimes, but this was beyond... It was something in regards to "Isn't it funny how you're pro-choice and you've wanted a baby for sooo long. Then when you finally get pregnant you miscarry??" She actually laughed at that. Like she found the irony amusing. This was after I'd been crying for about an hour to her and another friend about it, I still had tears in my eyes. It made it that much more painful.

OMG!! I cannot believe she said that to you...How awful? I cannot imagine saying anything like that to anyone regardless of their veiws on certain situations. A m/c is devastating, and that was a very hurtful thing for her to say. Sorry....just had to share my feelings.

We have not told many people. I told a few of my friends from my Aug. 2010 birth board and one other close friend that I keep in touch with via FB, but other than that....no one. We know that we are going to get a lot of grief from people, so we're going to keep it quiet for as long as possible. A lot of people vocally stated their opinions when we had our little boy that we are done having children...and a lot of co-workers thought I needed to take some time and really just focus on the three rascals I've got now. We know this is what we wanted....and we wanted them close together so that we could move out of the baby stage and enjoy the next stage completely. We're not even sure how we're going to tell everyone when we do. I want to try to get a video of Cameron saying his going to be a big brother, but I'm not sure he'll be able to do it yet Smile

cindyanns's picture
Joined: 02/20/10
Posts: 775

"Holly_Anne618" wrote:

OMG!! I cannot believe she said that to you...How awful? I cannot imagine saying anything like that to anyone regardless of their veiws on certain situations. A m/c is devastating, and that was a very hurtful thing for her to say. Sorry....just had to share my feelings.

We have not told many people. I told a few of my friends from my Aug. 2010 birth board and one other close friend that I keep in touch with via FB, but other than that....no one. We know that we are going to get a lot of grief from people, so we're going to keep it quiet for as long as possible. A lot of people vocally stated their opinions when we had our little boy that we are done having children...and a lot of co-workers thought I needed to take some time and really just focus on the three rascals I've got now. We know this is what we wanted....and we wanted them close together so that we could move out of the baby stage and enjoy the next stage completely. We're not even sure how we're going to tell everyone when we do. I want to try to get a video of Cameron saying his going to be a big brother, but I'm not sure he'll be able to do it yet Smile

Thank you for validating my feelings. It WAS hurtful... And I still haven't fully forgiven her for it. I've noticed I have some resentment toward this particular friend even though we've moved past it... It's just one of those things you don't forget so easily.

Why would people be giving you grief over having another baby? I don't think 4 babies is overboard by any means!! The video idea sounds really cute! I made a onsie for Sophia saying "Big Sister To Be- Jan 2013" and that's how I told my husband. Wink And my Mom. I plan on telling a bunch of family that way at our 4th of July gathering this year.

Holly_Anne618's picture
Joined: 04/03/07
Posts: 1271

Our family is always involved in everyone else's business, and a lot of people think that we can't afford the three that we have now, but we can. We're fully capable, and have even started putting money away to pay for baby now. It's just frustrating that everyone feels the need to voice their opinion when it's not necessarily wanted or warranted. I just want positive, happy thoughts or I don't want to hear it at all....kwim?

Florida Mommy's picture
Joined: 02/27/07
Posts: 99

Cindy, wow! I can not believe how rude people can be! She would no longer be a friend of mine, that's for sure!

Holly, I feel what you are going through girl! My own Dad told my DH and I that we should be happy with one and would be crazy to consider having anymore because they are "too expensive and my daughter would have less because of it". I smiled and remembered he is trying to think of what is best (in his opinion) and fought not to be snarky and say something like "so my little sister isn't in your will right, just me so I don't have to HAVE LESS?" He didn't know we were TTC but it still doesn't excuse an unwanted opinion on a touchy subject. I try to live by the mantra raise your eyebrows, not your voice. *This mantra does NOT work well with crazy preggo hormones though LOL*

I am not sure we will be able to keep it a secret for too long. We will be too excited to hold it in Smile