So, I got news that hit me like a slap in the face. Just found out my sister in law is pregnant. Of course it was announced in front of a whole group of people, so all I could do is say, "Oh wow! How exciting! That is absolutely awesome!" Don't get me wrong...I love her to death and I am excited for her...but she is 19 years old, and conceived on birth control pills. Funny how life works sometimes. After everyone left I sobbed for quite a while. I chalk it up to the clomid make me over react, but it still sucks. I am trying everything I can to be really happy for her, but it is so hard.
I am feeling extremely bitter because after the announcement every one was asking us, "so when are YOU going to get pregnant? You have been married a while, isn't it time?" I just said, "I don't want kids." Which of course was a lie, but what am I supposed to do, give them a sob story about how I can't have kids? Nah, we will stick with something simple....anyways....
DH bought me the book, "what to expect when your expecting" when we decided to ttc because we thought we would need it right away, since that wasn't the case I decided that I am going to wrap it and give it to her, some one that can actually use it. We have various baby items that I am going to give to her as well as a diaper stash that dh and I started thinking we would "get pregnant right away" Hopefully that makes up for the way I am feeling, because I feel guilty to be upset when she is so happy.
I threw away my prenatal vitamins, my BBT thermometer and my next package of Clomid because I am done. I cannot take it anymore. Now that I have gotten rid of everything that can give me a chance to get pregnant maybe after I heal for a while I can finally move on with my life that I decided will be child free.
I'm sorry I posted this and I am sorry it's long. If you read the whole thing, you for sure deserve a cookie. I don't need comforting or sympathy. I simply needed a place to vent and pregnancy.org is an awesome outlet. I will stay around here only because I like talking to you ladies, you all are wonderful women that deserve BFP's and I genuinely hope you all receive them in the near future