this might be early but ....?
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Thread: this might be early but ....?

  1. #1
    Prolific Poster Chris_85's Avatar
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    Default this might be early but ....?

    Is anyone planning on hiring a Doula ?
    Have you hired on for previous births?
    when should you have one by?
    how many visits do you get? or do you always have open communication with your doula?
    are there certain questions to ask?


    I would like to this time around but i am a bit over whelmed with all the questions to ask or how to go about hiring one anyway.

    I had a difficult birth, with Lilly and I am hopping that extra support this time will help avoid some interventions and manipulations that occurred during our birth. I try not to think about it but now I find it so much more difficult to trust health care providers. My story still makes me angry and i can not even fathom why or how some things happened they way they did.
    I also have a wonderful Dr. this time but the fear and anxiety while has subsided I feel may return later during this pregnancy, i also have very few options as to which hospital and will most likely be at the same one.
    Chris




    9/18/12

  2. #2
    Posting Addict smsturner's Avatar
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    I would love to know more about them. But I'm not sure we'll get one.

    I'm sorry about your lousy experience!!
    Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan, ds Marcus, ds #2 coming Feb, 2014

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    we have not. but i would talk to your doc about your anxieties. ask for some extra time to discuss things when you schedule your appointment. then be honest and specific about lilly's birth. I did that with my nurses with my second baby (our first was a non-emergency-emergency c-section ~ basically not life or death but still emergent that it happen). So with baby 1 I didn't get to see him until he was almost 2 days old (I was super sick). So I let my nurses know that it was important to me that this time, assuming everyone was healthy and nothing funny was going on, that I get baby asap and be present for everything from bath to booties. They totally understood (it was the same nurses as last time and they all were very sweet) and made sure that I knew exactly what was going on and made sure I was present for all the "firsts". If your doc knows about last time s/he can be more aware of your emotional/mental state so that you are more "onboard" and you can talk about contingencies and if/then situations.

  4. #4
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    I didn't have a doula first time around as I was planning birth center birth (ended up in hospital though). Fortunately, we were able to go over our birth plan with both my nurse and attending OB. Though there were some things that didn't go perfect, it could have been worse and DH was a good advocate for me when I was a little out of it. I don't know if we will get a doula this time since I will be in hospital again. DH is not afraid to speak up but doesn't have the same experience that a doula would. I'm considering having my friend who is a nurse be in the room too.

    I think along same lines as PP, make sure you discuss your concerns with your dr. Though they may have read the hospital notes they don't know your end of it and how that affects your feelings going into this pregnancy. In your case a doula sounds like a good option if you want to make sure you have someone there who understands what you want and can assist you in achieving that. Not sure about the when and how to obtain a doula but the ladies on the natural birthing board should be able to help.
    Christina

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    Supporter stbernardlover's Avatar
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    I did hire a doula last time, but we didnt get to use her because DD came very suddenly preterm via emergency c/s..... Not pretty and pretty much my worst nightmare. (I have been both a L&D nurse and NICU nurse so i knew what was happening and what was coming.)
    I started interviewing doulas about 6 months in i think. It was more expensive than i anticipated though.

    The doula was controversial in my family though. DH felt like it was an insult to him, and the rest of my family thought i was just plain crazy. But, i really wanted a natural birth and i felt that was my best chance.

    Even with our crazy birth experience, DH did step up to the plate and help get me a few things that i had wanted. He got up and dimmed the light while we waited for the anesthesia to come. He also intervened when they couldn't find my pre admit paperwork so they were asking me stupid questions when i was actively laboring and at transition ( do you have running water in your house?) and answered what he could because i gave him the "fix this i i will kill her" look. He also supported my desire the EBF even though family werent all that supportive in the beginning. (They are on board now, seeing that it is possible to produce enough milk and i had a great experience.)
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    Supporter stbernardlover's Avatar
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    Sorry, double post
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    ~Amber
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    9/12, 9 weeks, no HB
    1/13, 5 weeks, CP

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    Prolific Poster Lil Momma 1991's Avatar
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    I want to this time around but DH is skeptical because of what his entire family says, they and I are on VERY different pages when it comes to birth and delivery, like his mom and both his sister expect to be in the room and I down right refuse, I also don't want visitors for 2 weeks, which they also are livid about, again big whoop.

    I am pretty set on the idea of a doula this time around. Last time my Labor was a sad excuse for the good stories, I was pushed into an epidural by my nurses, and I was single at the time so my mom was my labor partner who at 3 am told me to 'shut up because she needed to sleep' But things I had wanted were followed. My son was EBF, and not bathed in the hospital, we left the second they took the magnesium iv out because of my high blood pressure, I was induced because at one point my BP was almost over 200. My epi was MISERABLE. I made them take it out because everytime they gave me a dose i screamed in pain. It was physically more painfull then the labor it's self, it was also dead, or didnt work as my doctor called it.

    So this time I want some one there who has experience. And I am having an extremely hard time understanding why I cannot find a OBGYN office out here with less then 7 ****ing doctors. I don't want to meet with 7 doctors, 10 NPS and the 15 nurses in your office. I want a small office with 2 or 3 doctors who will actually deliver me. Such **** in the northern states. Missing my Texas OB bad right now.
    Kendra & Bob 7/4/13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Momma 1991 View Post
    I want to this time around but DH is skeptical because of what his entire family says, they and I are on VERY different pages when it comes to birth and delivery, like his mom and both his sister expect to be in the room and I down right refuse, I also don't want visitors for 2 weeks, which they also are livid about, again big whoop.
    I don't understand the thinking of people who have an expectation that they should be allowed in your room during L&D. That is the mother's decision (I don't even think the father/partner should have a say on who is in the room). I said absolutely no one else but DH and necessary birthing team in room, however when we were being admitted early and into hospital (not birth center) the plan got a little derailed as my mom, sister and a friend both showed up in my hospital room while I was in labor. I remember being very annoyed that I could hear them talking while I was trying to breathe through contractions but felt too out of it (on mag-sulf too for HELLP) to ask them to be quiet or leave. Finally DH stepped up and asked them to leave before I started pushing.
    Christina

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  9. #9
    Prolific Poster Chris_85's Avatar
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    Christina ~ I had a birth plan and both my Dh and mother was there, but DH is disabled, and well is not outspoken at all. what I thought my mom was going to handle, and help with didn't really happen but she turned out to be less demanding and when she did try to intervened staff apparently threatened to remove her from the hospital. so his time I know i need a strong determined support person.

    Kendra~ I say to heck with the in laws it is your body, baby , and birth. Go ahead and hire your support person, but involve Dh becasue who knows when he may need a break. labor can be crazy. Oh and good luck finding a good Dr.

    I plan on talking to my Dr. but I know that will only help with part of a solution, as it was not only my provider that i had issues with it was also nursing staff.
    Chris




    9/18/12

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