Really bad family news

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smsturner's picture
Joined: 05/11/09
Posts: 1303
Really bad family news

We were going to go this weekend to tell Tom's family in Rhode island about the baby.
We got a call Friday night that the testing his mom was having came back very badly.
She has uterine cancer that has spread extensively and aggressively. They didn't even know she was sick until she fainted 10 days ago. They said at the hospital she would be gone in about two weeks.
They put her in hospice care and that's all they can do.

But even at home things are not going well. She's refusing to eat or drink. She hasn't had anything for three days. She says she's just 'trying to go'. They are saying now, it will be just a few days. It's so insane. And unbelievable.

We are shocked. Tom left first thing Saturday morning, and I'll follow today after work. We are beyond devastated that she won't be able to see Tom's baby, or be around for any of it. She is an amazing person and this is so unfair. We are just so sad.

The one question we have is do we tell her about the baby now? Will it be good or bad news? I just don't know.

Lil Momma 1991's picture
Joined: 10/05/09
Posts: 444

-HUGS- To you and your family. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.

I would tell her, personally. My nanny passed when I was 13 and I still wish I could tell her to this day. That being said I had an extremely close relationship with her.

It's a tough choice to make. Sad -HUGS-

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

:lurk:

I am so sorry hun. Having lost all my parents, 2 to cancer I know how hard it is. :bigarmhug: And I would probably tell her.

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

*hugs* I'm so sorry. I hope she passes peacefully when her time comes. I would tell her about the baby in person though, it might brighten her remaining time here.

Chris_85's picture
Joined: 10/14/08
Posts: 675

oh so sorry hon, sending thoughts and prayers your way. I would still tell her, but that is just me.
Please take no offense to this but i find it odd that she is wanting to just go, she has to have some kind of options. i guess am an optimistic kind of person. I am very sorry for you both. I husband has lost many family members to cancer. his mom has lost a kidney to cancer, and her thyroid. hugs.

Stormy Weather's picture
Joined: 10/03/09
Posts: 326

I'm so sorry for you and for Tom, that is just so awful and so unfair. I think I would also tell her, in person though if you have that chance. When it looked like my dad was going through his last days, he tells me now he had a premonition that we'd have another baby. I think it's an idea he found comforting, even though I wasn't actually pregnant yet. The idea of life continuing, renewing, will be a comfort to a lot of people and help them find peace. A lot of love for you and your family. x

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

"Chris_85" wrote:

Please take no offense to this but i find it odd that she is wanting to just go, she has to have some kind of options.

My dad was like that, wanted no treatment for his cancer, hard on everyone else.

Stormy Weather's picture
Joined: 10/03/09
Posts: 326

My cousin also made the decision to stop treatment when she had terminal cancer. She was very gracious, very determined.

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3014

:lurk:
I am so sorry, Susan. I'll be thinking of your family. :bighug:

stbernardlover's picture
Joined: 03/02/12
Posts: 277

Very very sorry. Many prayers.

smsturner's picture
Joined: 05/11/09
Posts: 1303

Thank you for the love and support everyone.

There were not options. She had very aggressive stage 4 uterine cancer that had spread before they knew she was sick. They said they 'could' do chemo, but it would make her miserable, and it would probably only add a week or two. It wasn't really an option for treatment or survival, it was just informing the family why they weren't going to do it.
Some people choose to fight and hold on to hope that they will have more time. Some choose to live out the rest of their life making themselves feel as good as they can. She chose to leave as soon as she could to not have her family burdened or watch her suffer.

She passed at two this afternoon, her husband holding her hand, her dog at her side, and her four sons gathered around her. I did not make it in time to say goodbye or tell her about the baby.

We are still shocked and devastated, but trying to comfort ourselves with the fact that she did not suffer with this for long. She first fainted on July 27, and slipped away on August 5. If I have to die from cancer, I hope it is as quick as that.

mom2robbie's picture
Joined: 01/20/07
Posts: 2541

:bigarmhug: I am so sorry for your loss. It is good to know that she was surrounded by those she loved when she passed. If you need to talk know that I am here.:bigarmhug:

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

*Lurker*
So sorry to hear this. :bighug:

Stormy Weather's picture
Joined: 10/03/09
Posts: 326

I'm so sorry, Susan. Much love. x

Joined: 12/01/10
Posts: 997

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. The diagnosis came so sudden for you all. :bigarmhug:

Joined: 07/21/02
Posts: 1007

I am so sorry for your sudden loss. That was how quickly my dad passed too. He wasn't breathing well, and had mentioned his COPD (from smoking) seemed to be getting worse so my mom called the ambulance on a Sunday night. He went into the hospital and they had to sedate him, he was in so much pain. He had stage 4 lung cancer and we took him off the machines on a Friday. From that sunday being admitted to Friday he never woke up. I feel he wanted it that way--he didn't want so suffer through treatments. But it is hard on those of us left with our heads and hearts spinning on how fast it all happened. Much hugs to you right now. Sad

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3014

:lurk:
:bighug: I'm so sorry.

raingirl28's picture
Joined: 09/03/07
Posts: 1347

*hugs*

Chris_85's picture
Joined: 10/14/08
Posts: 675

oh I am soo very sorry hon. :openarms:

Lil Momma 1991's picture
Joined: 10/05/09
Posts: 444

-Big hugs- I am so sorry for your loss.