Visitors after birth
Just curious if you've given any thought as to who you will want or allow to come visit you and baby in hospital and at home after birth.
Last time, I had several family members and co-workers stop by at the hospital (we were there for two nights) and I remember feeling a little overwhelmed because I was trying to rest or nurse. It was nice for a few minutes but then I wanted my space back. I'm hoping with this being my second baby maybe people won't feel need to stop by, but I could be wrong. Once we were home, it was a little calmer and we had fewer visitors. Not really sure what we will do this time around.
Only our best friends have ever come by to visit at the hospital. Them and my MIL when she would come bring our kids to the hospital to meet the new sibling. But our friends knew to not visit long and it was never too much for me. And it was just as sweet visit where she would bring me some flowers or something. I'm sure it will be the same this time--our best friends and their 3 kids (barring illness for any of them-then they won't come) and my MIL will bring the kids by shortly after baby sister is born.
At home, some people come by, but that is less stressful.
We didnt have any visitors in the hospital because DD was in NICU. My parents came briefly, but that was about it.
After we came home, i was a little weird. It was like i wanted help, but i didnt want anyone to touch her or hold her. I remember once, when i was upstairs napping, i came downstairs and found DH letting MIL feed DD a bottle. I seriously remember getting hot and feeling like i was gonna lo my mind.
I was EBF, although the NICU docs wanted me to give her a bottle of EBM once or twice a day because they thought it was easier for her to eat through a bottle, and she could conserve calorie expenditure. ( i now would argue that point)
Another time, MIL asked if she could bring her sisters down for a visit and i said it was fine. Well, when they got here, i instantly wanted them to leave. It felt like they stayed forever, and were no help with anything. They just sat there and drained me energy. They barely even talked to me, they just passed the baby around, and talked to each other. I told DH later that it could not happen again, or i would be ugly about it.
On the other hand, i wanted my mom and my BF there. They both held and loved DD, but they also helped with cleaning, etc. i felt like they are there for what i needed, not their selfish needs to just hold the baby. My BF stayed several days, and i never got tired of her. My mom stayed a week, and i was happy to have her. Well, except when she took all the blinds down and wanted us to clean them and the windows..... That was a bit much. She can get a little overzealous with the cleaning. I've warned her that it cant happen this time.
I think it will be less dramatic this time since the baby should be healthy. But, you never know with all the hormones.....
That would bother me too! I understand a tired postpartum woman is not as interesting as a newborn baby, but please be considerate of us. I have a hard time speaking up in these situations and accepting help even when it is offered so I think I may have to talk with DH beforehand so he can be the gatekeeper. Maybe we can come up with a secret signal or word that let's him know when I'm done with company :)
Originally Posted by stbernardlover
I have only ever had my parents and sister, and (my ex now, but were in laws) Bradley's parents. We are going to the bigger better hospital an hour away, so I don't think Co workers or friends will pop by. my mother and sister love in Vermont now, so by the time they get here, I'm not sure I'll still be in the hospital. Bradley will probably come take the kids for a day or two, so ironically, he'll probably still be there lol probably mostly just me and Tom and some time with the older kids.
Our only real rule is no kids at the hospital besides my son. My SIL has a 5 and 7 year old who are extremely rambunctious and don't listen very well. I have no desire to try and deal with them in a hospital room after having a baby. We figure that my MIL, both my SILs, my BF, then DH's and my mutual friend, she's a photographer and has known DH for over 12 years (They dates) and She was the one who introduced us. Long Story lol.
We plan to have a 'Meet and Greet' Once she has had her first round of shots for the rest of DH's family to come see her, so some time around 8 weeks. We decided not to do a baby shower in place of this. :)
I remember having my mom there and some time later MIL the day Lilly was born. then Stepdad later in the evening. I had a hard traumatic birth so we stayed until Friday Lilly was born on Tuesday. I remember BIL and SIL plus there kiddos coming the next day and good friends of ours came Thursday.
I kinda liked it that way because i didn't feel bombarded once we got home. I think the soonest vister at home was my grandma and grandpa. then it was at least a week before anyone else came around.
I never had any problem with telling people ok time for me to nurse in privet. or thank you for coming i need a nap.... insert any random excuse.
I am also the non shy mom, so i just warned guest and wham out came the boob.
I will say that i will be glad this time there won't be anyone waiting in the waiting room, hopefully this time. I have already informed Dh and our Midwife I need privacy and don't want to feel rushed or pressured while in labor. SO my MIL better not show up cus she will not be let in. if i want you i will let you know. same for my sister.
I keep warning DH's very conservative family that this. This is me. I have no shame. The Tah-Tahs will come out. LOL. His mom cringes a bit every time I mention it.
Originally Posted by Chris_85
I am happy to breastfeed in front of anyone and everyone too. We had to warn my DH's family before DS was born. DH was extremely supportive of breastfeeding, but it was new to his family. In fact they were all great about it and I was very touched that their slight embarrassment quickly fell away and they ended up being really very encouraging. My FIL even gave me a 'breastfeeding statue' when Ds was about 1 year old. Very much not the usual kind of ornament we have in the house(!) but it was such a sweet gift we have kept it out and I'm rather proud of it.
As for visits, I did enjoy them, short visits preferably. It broke the day up a bit for me and I liked showing DS off. My mum was amazing, did loads of cleaning up and stuff, and I have no problem with people holding the baby as long as they are helping out in other ways too, which she did. Folk who came for ages and sat on their bums were less welcome, but honestly we had very few visitors like that. One of my friends did the most incredible thing and brought us about a week's worth of home cooked food all pre-frozen. There were pasta sauces, stews, cakes for pudding and soups. It was the kindest thing anyone could possibly do. That same friend is actually due her first baby now, within days of my due date. I'm hoping we'll end up in hospital together as it would make any time on the ward a bit less of a nightmare. I want to do something lovely for her but I'm not really a good cook at all. I was thinking I'd do some hand knitted clothes for her.
Breast feeding was new for both m family and the in laws. My Parents and MIL are all very supportive now, but when DD was very small i think they all were secretly questioning whether i would succeed or not. The in law extended family still think BFing is crazy, but we don't talk about it. They know better.
I had to chuckle to myself because my dad even became immune to seeing me nurse, he just didnt even blink after a while. I'm thinking that they just all know what to expect now, that i/we parent differently than they did, but that it works.