*Anchor's Aweigh*

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*Anchor's Aweigh*

I feel insanely dumb posting my drama in my pregnancy journal (thats for pg related stuff) SO I finally decided to make me a journal journal.

So last night was horrid. Ricky went to the store at like 10:30 and said he would be right back. 20 after 11 he still wasnt home, so I called his cell phone, sent me straight to the v-mail yet wouldnt let me leave a message not just once, but three times. So then I log on to AIM and he is on there on his cell also, so I left him like 8 messages over the course of 45 minutes.. All of which went unreplied to. Naturally, I was worried and thought maybe his payment didnt post yet so I logged onto the tmobile website to check it out. Everything looked fine, so I went into the recent activity area of it and looked to see who the last person he talked to was.. I didnt recognize the #, called it, asked the woman who she was, told her my name, and asked when the last time she talked to him was. She said she had just gotten off the phone with him.That was pretty much the end of the conversation.

10 minutes after midnight he strolls in the door all pissy cause I left him an irritated v-mail (when it finally let me leave one). So I said "who were you on the phone with that it kept bumpin me to your voicemail" and he blatantly lied to me and said "noone". So I got highly annoyed and said "well, that's not what Geniveive said" and it all went downhill from there. As usual when I bust him in a lie, he somehow makes it seem like it's my fault.

So he bitches at me for like 35 minutes, says the same shit over and over "why do you always think I'm boinkin someone else??" When those words never came out of my mouth nor the thought cross my mind.. So I said "are you tryin to tell me something? Are you?" No Diane, I'm just sick of you always thinkin I want to sleep with someone else.. RICKY, I never said that!! The issue at hand is NOT who you are talking to or even what the hell you are talking about.. The issue is you sneaking behind my back (I left out the part that he went "for a walk" on saturday night, was gone for 56 minutes and on the phone with her for 53 of them) to talk to her and then lying to me when I ask you about it! Finally I have had enough of the talking in circles and I leave to go for a walk. I get down by Amber's school and I call my MIL, an ironically non-biased party. So I sit on the phone with her for awhile bawling my eyes out because even tho I know in my heart that it's not "me", he has made me feel like it was so now I feel like the shittiest person alive. She keeps tellin me to calm down, that I dont need this stress right now and he knows it, etc etc. She hears me out, listens, says "all the right things" and slowly starts working other things into the conversation to take my mind off the crap.

Anyways, long story short, I came home and sat on the porch and talked to him from my phone till we settled down more. I came inside and went and laid down, txt'd my MIL a few times.. Me and DH didnt really say too much more to each other. He ended up sleeping on the couch, but not before we both made our closing arguements. Woke up this AM and everything seems to be back to normal again, tho I still feel hurt because it always happens.

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Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304.
Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.
This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night.
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.
Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?

Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made,
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?
She wants to ride a pony when she'd big enough.
She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up.

Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?

Lord, don't you know she's my angel
You got plenty of your own
And I know you hold a place for her
But she's already got a home
Well I don't know if you're listenin'
But praying is all that's left to do
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too

And it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,
There's no use in beggin'.
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.

The streets of Heaven.

~~I love you most and miss you more~~

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Today was a blah kind of day. Didnt really do much except clean, cook, and play with the kids. My usual stuff.

Why is it that when *I* don't do what I say I will do in "an acceptable time frame", it's a given to bitch at me.. Yet if someone else doesnt do what they say they will do in "any" time frame, I'm wrong for getting upset?

Sometimes I wonder why I even ask anyone to do anything. I guess part of me still thinks that anyone cares about lightening my load a bit. I realize you work full time, and I have been there too.. But when nothing got done when *I* was the only one working outside the home, it was perfectly fine for me to come home after bustin my ass all day and bust it some more.

Ahhhhhhhh the joys of motherhood/wifery..

I really do love my hubby tho, honest. It's just a bitch and a half to get him to do anything around the house cause he goes to work and sits at his desk all day. I take out the garbage, I play with the kids, I read to them, I tuck them in, I kiss the boo-boo's, I make the meals, I clean up after them, I feed the animals, I make sure everyone has clean bodies, clothes and sheets. Wow.. How much is this house and everyone in it gonna go to hell after my C-sect in September?.. Guess we will just wait and see.

By the way, I must say I am very impressed at my 40-something views in less than 24 hours. I hope my life makes for interesting reading for someone Wink

And hell, maybe someday I will look back on all this and laugh.

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You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you

Pardon the way that I stare
There's nothing else to compare
The sight of you leaves me weak
There are no words left to speak
So if you feel like I feel
Please let me know that it's real
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you

I love you baby and if it's quite all right
I need you baby to warm the lonely nights
I love you baby, trust in me when I say
Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray

Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you stay
And let me love you baby, let me love you

You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you

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Another boring day. Did the usual motherly stuff, with the exception of one thing different.. I called the girls' dance studio to see when the recital tix would go on sale and how much they will be. My lil sister takes dance at the girls' school too and Brendan usually gets bored when we go, so my sister usually just takes the girls and my$$ for their classes/costumes etc. So I dont usually end up finding out when the tix go on sale till they've been on sale for like 2 weeks and all that is left is nosebleed section. Think my sister does it on purpose. This year I shall be at the studio bright n early on April second to buy my GOOD seats!!

Gotta have good ones, especially this year. Miss Amber is in the opening of the show! I'm proud, I'm excited.

ANYwho.. Things have totally blown over with Ricky. He has apologized, I have apologized. All is right with the world, once more.

My sister called me a few minutes ago and said she would have a surprise for me on monday.. I wonder if that means she is paying us back for the $$ we lent her?? Blum 3 Usually when she says surprise, money is involved. Unless of course, her surprise is another proposal to borrow more. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death but sometimes she only comes around for one thing.

So much I could say about her.. Like her live in "boyfriend" whom she claims is not her boyfriend..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't haul your cookies 12 hrs away from your family on thanksgiving to spend it with a friend.. Nor does that "friend" haul HIS cookies 12 hrs away to spend christmas with YOUR family.. Nor do you go spend Valentines' day with him. Nor does he sleep in your bed, nor do you spend 800 on him for christmas when you are always always always broke... If the boy is NOT your man... Am I right, or am I wrong?

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La cucaracha, la cucaracha,
Ya no puede caminar;
Porque no tiene, porque le falta
Marijuana que fumar.

Ya murio la cucaracha,
Ya la llevan a enterrar,
Entre cuatro zopilotes
Y un raton de sacristan.

Con las barbas de Carranza,
Voy a hacer una toquilla,
Pa' ponersela al sombrero
De su padre Pancho Villa.

Un panadero fue a misa,
No encontrando que rezar,
Le pidio a la Virgen pura,
Marijuana pa' fumar.

Una cosa me da risa:
Pancho Villa sin camisa;
Ya se van los carrancistas
Porque vienen los villistas.

Para sarapes, Saltillo;
Chihuahua para soldados;
Para mujeres, Jalisco;
Para amar, toditos lados.

And now, the translation direct from Dictionary.com...
The cockroach, the cockroach, No longer can walk;
Because it does not have, because him lack
Marijuana to smoke.
Either murio the cockroach, Or takes it to bury,
Between four buzzards and a mouse of sacristan.
With the beards of Carranza,
I am going to do one toquilla,
For to put it to the hat
Of its father Pancho Villa.
A baker went to mass,
not finding that to say,
Him pray to the pure Virgin,
For Marijuana to smoke.
A thing gives laughter me:
Pancho Villa without shirt;
The carrancistas already go away
Because the Pancho Villa supporters come.
For sarapes, Forecastle;
Chihuahua for soldiers;
For women, Jalisco;
In order to love, toditos sides.

I hope this clears up your curiosities about the song as much as it does mine :roll: (I still dont get it Wink )

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I feel like such a hero now! My best friend was considering having an abortion, but she wouldnt listen to how they do the procedure or the risks or anything for the longest time. Finally not long ago I got her to listen to fact. (I pointed out a website about it, and then showed her the handy-dandy preg.org pregnancy calendar) So she got to see what her lil one looks like at the stage she is at now (exactly 10 days "more pregnant" than me)and she started flippin out and crying about it. "OMG my baby is already starting to look like a baby!! OMG it has a heartbeat!! I can't do it, I just cant.. Di, I CANT!!"

I must admit, I felt like I saved a life when she said that, especially since she said had I not opened her eyes, she would have just gone and done it, no questions asked.

It's kind of a poetic thing with me and her when it comes to children. We both were pregnant with our first at the same time, our second at the same time (she m/c her first).. We both would have had 7 children before this pregnancy had she not m/c twice and I not lost twins(in utero) and a daughter to SIDS. And now, we are pregnant together with 10 days between us for the last time.

So enough bout that... Today was kinda cool. I was in the right place at the right time. Went to Kmart (god knows why I did, I'm usually a walmart and target gal) and as soon as I walked in (with kids) this lady from Olan Mills approached me and said "excuse me, would you like to take advantage of our 11 sheets for 5 dollars promotion? We also are offering 50% off our 70$ portrait package if you book your appt today." So I was all about that. Early father's day gift for DH Biggrin

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**GASP!!** I didn't post a song yesterday!! Bad bad Di!
Here is for yesterday..

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea??
(SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!!)
Absorbent and yellow and porus is he
(SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!!)
If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish
(SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!!)
The drop on the deck and flop like a fish!!
(SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!!)
Spongebob squarepants, spongebob squarepants, spongebob squarepants
SPONGE BOBBBBBBB SQUARE PANTSSSSSSSSSSS
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

*yup folks, I really am nuts Crazy *

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Tryin a new color on for size..

So today was hectic. Went to the CU to deposit Ricky's check and the teller looked at me like I didn't have an account there. Kept saying "WHAT did you say your acct # was, Mrs. ******?" So I told her time and again. Here she was keying my # in wrong! :banghead:
Then it was off to the mall to take care of my cellphone bill and stop in k*b toys to see if they had anything cute and inexpensive to get Kenna for her birthday (already dropped 125 on her for ferrets). Ended up buying this cute little My little pony tea set that comes with tea service for three and two ponies. Really cute!
While I was at the mall I went to Aunt Anne's pretzels and got a pretzel with cheese and a small lemonade. If pretzels are 1.89, small drinks are .99, and cheese is .50, someone please explain to me how my total came out to 5.24? Give up yet? They overcharged me! The manager was so super cool about it, she not only refunded the difference (which was only like 2 bucks) but gave me a coupon for a free pretzel of my choice "for my next visit".
Then I come home to find a message on our v-mail from DH "Hi babe, just me. Listen.. I don't want "real food" for dinner so figure out what you want and let me know and I will pick it up on my way home. Love you."
So no real food, eh? Does that mean he wont let me get KFC? Cause that can class as "real food".. Chicken is real.. So are mashed potatoes and cole slaw. I guess I will let him know what to get as soon as I figure out something that isn't real food. Or even what he means by real food. :dontknow:

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Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything
All at once
I'm one of those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bones no doubt about it

Chorus
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid am I just stoned

I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
He says my life's a bore
So quit whining cause it's bringing her down

Chorus
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid am I just stoned

Chorus
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid am I just stoned

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:banghead: Why are men so damn childish? Went to sign up for online bill pay for DH cell phone (.. We already have it for the gas and elec bills. Cable doesn't do it.) and he changed the f'ing password to log on to his account to sign up for it.. Hmmmm... Sounds to me like we're hiding something. Oh the hell well. I don't even care anymore. If he is going to do it, I can't stop him. I just hope that his conscience gets the best of him and he goes Crazy .
Second DH bitch of the day.. This am when he left for work he had 3.00 on him (in cash) Mind you he gets coffee free at work and for an entire meal on his lunch it only costs like 1.25. He starts bitching cause "I guess I WON'T have lunch then" So I'm like "uh, Ricky?? 3 bucks could buy us both lunch there" ..
R: Well I wanted to get some coffee
Me: Go head! It's free!
R: No, I mean a big cup.
Me: So take your travel mug for once and fill that up instead of using those little rinky dink 6 oz styro ones they have.
R: No, F*** it. **slams door, stomps down steps**

Me: (calling out to him) Love you too, honey! :banghead: :banghead:

Every arguement he participates in has the line "I'm twenty-five PHUKKING years old" in it.. Well, muh dear, it's time to grow up then.
Yup, sure is.
Honest to goodness, my DH really is a sweetheart. He just goes through his bitchy periods.. Usually when I am pregnant or we have a new baby. Hopefully, I will get to brag about him soon instead of spending the next 6 months bitching.

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Ya'll gone make me lose my mind
Up in here, up in here.

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Oh my goodness Heaven is smiling down on me today (even tho DH is still acting like a child)! My landlord just stopped by to collect the rent. When I went to hand him the second half of the rent $$ for April (we pay every two weeks, because he likes it better that way) he tells me to put it back in my pocket, not to worry about it. Get me and my kids something nice. His wife went to bingo thur and last night and hit both nights for 1800 a pop. So he says he doesn't need the money and will put it in for us! Holy batshit, Batman! Why is he being so super sweet to us? Is it because we have been here forever? Is it because he and I share a common bond (ethnic background)? Well, whatever it is I thank God for it! We don't owe him any more money till the end of March, beginning of April.

Wow you'se guys I'm so happy I could singggg!!!

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*I FEEL PRETTY*
MARIA
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

GIRLS
Have you met my good friend Maria,
The craziest girl on the block?
You'll know her the minute you see her,
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.

She thinks she's in love.
She thinks she's in Spain.
She isn't in love,
She's merely insane.

It must be the heat
Or some rare disease,
Or too much to eat
Or maybe it's fleas.

Keep away from her,
Send for Chino!
This is not the
Maria we know!

Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature
And out of her mind!

MARIA
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty
That the city should give me its key.
A committee
Should be organized to honor me.

GIRLS
La la la la . . .

MARIA
I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny,
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,
And so pretty,
Miss America can just resign!

GIRLS
La la la la . . .

MARIA
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

GIRLS
What mirror where?

MARIA
Who can that attractive girl be?

GIRLS
Which? What? Where? Whom?

MARIA
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

GIRLS
Such a pretty me!

ALL
I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

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Yeah, I know that song is not appropriate for the recent events, but it's the song I most commonly sing when I am happy.. Again, I never said I was normal!!

Been reading SakariNita's journal.. And I hope I am not one of the people who's journal she reads because she doesn't like them Blum 3
Sak~ Some of your entries make me laugh! ROFL

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LAWDY yall how many entries do I have to make to get to page 2???!?!?!?!

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:sleepyboy: Those are the vibes I am getting now for my little Tigger.

Forgot to tell ya'll bout the dream I had the other night. I dreampt that I made new curtains for my son's bedroom window out of basketball jersey material. They looked pretty cute. So I have been thinking about maybe trying that out. What the hell, why not?

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I firmly believe that slowly, surely, I am going insane. End of my rope, so to speak.. I think there is just no pleasing this man.
He wants me to go out tonight. All my friends have already made plans and are going to bars. Not my thing. Even when I am not pregnant I am not big on the whole bar/club scene tho I do love to dance. Go figure. So he says "ok then I will go to blockbuster and rent us a movie". Cool. I am craving a big mac (theres that "not food" we spoke of yesterday by the way) so he is picking me up one. He wants to buy a game from blockbuster so I told him ok. THEN he asked how much $$ on hand we will have left after all this and I tell him. He FLIPS OUT!! GAH! Mind you, we do have "mad money" left in the bank and I told him this. Then he gets on my ass about sticking money in the bank for mad money.. "WTF did you do THAT for?" Hm, I don't know, maybe because I knew we could use it and it would be nice to have money left in the bank besides what has to go out for bills??

Why is it that every frigging thing I do is a bad thing in his eyes? :argh: :doh:

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I feel that this is a record for me. I have written more journal entries today than I ever have.. No really, I have! Blum 3

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All these entries and I STILL am not on page two yet!! :doh:

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Good song choice, Kymberly! Love the Beatles!

So anyways, today we have one coming off the stomach flu, and two going on it. Nice, eh? Brendan is totally over it, back to his old bouncy self. So now me and Makenna are getting it. Poor kennie looks like the walking dead and that's how I feel.
Why is it that we only get the stomach flu when I am pg? The man is home from work today cause he has it too. Only one who hasn't gotten it yet is Amber.. Lucky child! But usually she is the last to get it anyways. Then I normally end up getting it again. Oh joy of joys.

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Woohoo!! Second page!!

Celebration by* Kool and the Gang

Yahoo! This is your celebration
Yahoo! This is your celebration
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
There's a party goin' on right here
A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times, and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
Come on now
Celebration
Let's all celebrate and have a good time
Celebration
We gonna celebrate and have a good time
It's time to come together
It's up to you, what's your pleasure
Everyone around the world
Come on!
Yahoo! It's a celebration
Yahoo!
Celebrate good times, come on!
It's a celebration
Celebrate good times, come on!
Let's celebrate
We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's celebrate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's celebrate, it's all right
Baby...
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let's celebrate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)
Let's celebrate, it's all right
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
Celebrate good times, come on!
It's a celebration!
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)
(ad lib)
Come on and celebrate, good times, tonight (Celebrate good times, come
on!)
'Cause everything's gonna be all right
Let's celebrate (Celebrate good times, come on)
(Let's celebrate)...

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Ricky stayed home from work again today to help me with Kenna and Brendan. Kenna and I are still sick, Kenna worse than me but none the less I still feel like hell warmed over.
Now is the time when you all see the sweet side of Ricky that I told you existed. Last night he stayed up writing me a three page letter about how much he loved me and how no matter how bad things have gotten, he can't think of anywhere he would rather be than with me. He can be such a sweetie sometimes!!

Makin Lasagna and tossed salad for dinner. It's almost done now.. Thank goodness. It sounds soooo good and I think maybe I am feeling so crappy because I am hungry, but have been too scared to eat anything cause I don't like :puke: .

Today while DH was still sleeping, I made us a reservation at the Mariott for April 16th and 17th.. A weekend getaway for our 5th wedding anniversary. I can't wait! Jacuzzi suite, dinner for 2 and a movie, all for 99 a night. He is so worth it!

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**All my life- K-ci and Jo-Jo** (mine and Ricky's song)

I will never find another lover sweeter than you, sweeter than you
I will never find another lover more precious than you, more precious than you
Girl You are Close to me you're like my mother,
Close to me you're like my father,
Close to me you're like my sister,
Close to me you're like my brother
You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing

All my life I pray for someone like you
I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I pray for someone like you
I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me too

Said I promised to never fall in love with a stranger,
You're all I'm thinking of I praise the Lord above,
For sending me your love, I cherish every hug,
I REALLY LOVE YOU!!!

All my life, I pray for someone like you,
I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I pray for someone like you
I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me

You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face always seems to glow,
You turned my life around, You picked me up when I was down,
You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face glows,
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I've ever known, when you smile your face glows,
You picked me up when I was down & I hope that you feel the same way too,
Yes I pray that you do love me too

All my life, I pray for someone like you,
I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I pray for someone like you
I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do, love me too
All my life I pray for someone like you

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Kym~
There is no such thing as too much cheese! Blum 3

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Well I havent written in two days because I have spent the majority of the time in the hospital with Brendan who was suffering from severe dehydration. Yesterday he was only allowed IV fluids, but this morning they allowed him to try oral and he did good, well enough so that his labwork came back fine and we got to come home. Its amazing what 24 hrs of iv saline will do for ya. That's about all I've got to say about that except thank GOD I have my baby back! He is his old self again~YAY~!
Write more tomorrow.. Dead tired now. **Falls over in chair**

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When people try to be sneaky and slick about doing something, they should not make it so obvious that they are the guilty party. Don't even like that heifer anydamnway. Always in everyone elses business. She better not EVER call my f*in house again! She's got alot of nerve spreadin BULL**** about me around! I should sue her ass for slander and deffirmation of character. (no, I am not one of those sue-happy people either) She messed with the wrong Dago!

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Okay, I'm calm now. Sorry bout that psychotic episode yesterday, I just really really needed to vent. But I have since gotten a good night's sleep, had a good breakfast (a bowl of cinnamon life with a sliced up banana on top), and actually accomplished something today. It's amazing what your body will let you do when you reward it with sleep! Blum 3
It's been quiet today. Ricky's at work and the kids are with my sister till this evening. (man how I am gonna miss that when she moves to NYC)

Called my mom this morning and we talked about everything two people could possibly talk about. I got yelled at for drinking tap water (our lovely mayor flouridated it and while flouride may be good for your teeth **there have been studies showing it's not as helpful as we all think**, it's not good got your body.) So she told me when she drops off Kenna's birthday gifts, she is going to drop me off a few gallons of spring water because "Diane, I do not want you poisoning my grandbaby with that crap from the tap!!" (yes, mother) We talked for like an hour. It was really nice. It's amazing how much our relationship has improved in the last 10 years since I haven't lived under her roof. We clash too much to live together, yet our bond is super-strong. Guess that's because I didn't ever get a chance to build a relationship with that guy who is on my birth certificate who has passed every bad health issue he has on to me.

Yes, I know my father. I know his name, what he looks like, how he thinks and what he is all about. Sadly, what he is about is not his family. Never has been, never will be. I have two step-sisters who saw him more than me growing up. Why? Because his only blood child doesn't mean shit to him. He lives out of town and the three of us live here. When he and his new wife (who might I add is a serious gold digger and coincidentally is only 9 years older than me) come to town to visit for the weekend, Heather gets friday night and half of saturday, Sam gets saturday night and half of sunday, and I get the 15 minutes before he heads back home. And that is not an exaggeration. It has always been that way. If they are in trouble, he will not hesitate to open his wallet and hand them a few hundred bucks. When I was in danger of losing my home right after I lost my daughter (because Ricky and I were both too messed up emotionally to do much other than get out of bed for the day, if that) it was "well Diane, you just have to suck it up and move on".. Move on?? MOVE ON?!?!?! I have always been the forgotten child in his eyes. In 26 years he has never remembered my birthday or how old I am, he never calls my kids on their birthday's. Hell, I was shocked he showed up at our wedding! He missed his granddaughter's funeral when family of mine from my mothers side flew in from california to pay their respects to her.
I am always the one who has to initiate contact with him. It's always Diane calling dad, never vice-versa. And the last two times I called him were tied for being the straw that broke this camel's back... The first call that I speak of took place the day before Easter of last year. I called him to wish him and the bitch a Happy Easter and to tell him that we were expecting again. Then I told him that we were planning on being done after that one (which we would have, had I carried to term) and all he says (no congrats, nothing) is "that's what you said after the last one" The last one??? Scuse me, but "the last one" has a NAME!!!! So then I call him the Saturday before Thanksgiving to again wish them happy holidays and her daughter answers the phone..
Me: Hi Linds, is my dad there?
Linds :Yeah Di, hold on a sec.
Linds (to dad): Your daughter's on the phone.
Dad (to linds) : Well phuk Linds, can't you see I'm busy? Tell her to call back in 15 minutes.
Linds(to dad): ooooooookay.
Linds(to me) : He said to call him back in 15 minutes.
Me: Alright Linds, thanks. Will do.
10 minutes passes... I call back
Linds: Hello?
Me: Hi again Linds, can I talk to dad?
Linds: Oh, him and my mom are gone for the night.
Me: Oh......... Well, alright. Tell him thank you for waiting. And Linds, I hope you have a nice thanksgiving.
Linds: You aren't mad at me, are you Di?
Me: No linds, you haven't blown me off every day of my life for 26 years. **click**
By the way, that "Click" represented the end of any chance of me ever trying to call him again. I don't give a rats ass about him anymore. I am tired of getting hurt over and over and over again by him. I figure it this way.. If that were my boyfriend or my husband blowing me off repeatedly like that I would have been done a long time ago.
So anyways, he doesn't even know I am pregnant again and the rate he is going, he probably wont find out about this baby till his or her high school graduation. Since I have denounced him as my father, I have felt a lot better about myself and my life. However, my sister Sam is now telling her son that I am not his aunt and he is telling my Amber that she is not his cousin anymore. That hurts her. Oh well, guess when you're raised by an asshole who has no regard, you tend to pick up those traits too.. Poor Zac.

So anyways, that's my sob story. That is why you will never see me speak of the sperm donor again. And for future reference, anytime I mention "Dad", it's not him I am referring to. I am talking about my mother's new hubby who has been more like a father to me in the last 26 months (they've been together longer than that) than my own father has in 26 yrs.

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**Harder to breathe** Maroon 5

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and I got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and I got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

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How come it's taboo for a man to tell you he loves you in front of his friends????

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I despise hypocrites. My job is more important than yours, so shut the hell up about my life. My decisions don't effect you so wtf are you concerning yourself with it for? Maybe if you didn't stick your nose so far into my life, you would see what is about to go on in yours!

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Kymberly~ I am soooooo with you on the screaming emote comment.

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Okay so today has just not been that good of a day. DH just called me to inform me that a friend of ours is being shipped to Afghanistan sometime soon Sad She is scared out of her mind and wants to skip out on her orders, so I called her and told her she probably wouldn't be too smart in doing that. I prayed with her and I reminded her that if HE brings you to it, HE will bring you through it and she seemed to be semi-alright after that. I know it has to be a scary thing, but when you enlist to serve your country, sometimes it happens. I just hope she doesn't have to stay long and gets home safe.

If I go to bed RIGHT NOW.. Will I wake up tomorrow and none of today will have happened?

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http://pagoo.com/asp/mc/ICWSendGreeting.asp?PagooID=8144526311&f=f.wav There's my voice.. By the way that isnt my real phone # so don't even try callin it Blum 3

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Kym~ I live in a little hole-in-the-wall city called Erie.. Used to be the 3rd lgst city in the state, but good jobs are hard to come by here so alot of people moved away. We plan on following suit here within the next couple of years. Probably to California, because that's where the rest of the family is, short of my side. All the IL's are over there. Incase ya don't know where Erie is, we are 2 hrs north of Pittsburgh.

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Today is spring cleaning day, even though we have damn near a foot of snow on the ground. Baseboards, under furniture, spot-cleaning carpets (till ths weekend when we get the steamer) and the ever popular waxing of the kitchen floor.. Yippeeeee!! I feel like Danny Tanner Blum 3

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One room still remains to be conquered.. The Kitchen Sad It's not that it's filthy I just hate doing the little ornate detailed chit like taking all the pots and pans and storage containers and food and dishes out of the cabinets and wiping all the cabinets down and cleaning my self-cleaning (yeah, bull) oven and having DH move out the fridge so I can sweep out all the magnets and scraps that I'm sure have made it under there. I spose I could wait till another day to do it all but really.. Would I do it then?? (probably not!! I dont even like doing the cleaning I have to do daily)

Kym~ Hope you have an interesting evening tonight, kiss the Blarney stone.. Erinn go Bragh and all that shit. Wink

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Okay so everything is done now, save for the waxing of the floor which DH "promises" to tackle before work tomorrow. We'll see and let's hope cause tomorrow is Dr day for me *yay*!
So anyways, right now I am the dead-ass tired in which you are too tired to sleep and OMFGGGGGGG!! I just got baby-bopped!!! WOWWWWW I love that feeling! I think the bop is the only feeling in the world that is just as exciting as the first time-every time.

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Welp, it's tomorrow and guess who didnt do the floor like they said? Oh well I'm not mad about it. Too happy about my appointment. If ya wanna know, read my PG journal!

Anyways, I went to pick up the pictures earlier.. Cute as a button! OF course the fact that they are of my kids helps the pictures out Blum 3 Then we went to BK for dinner.. The whopper has lost it's appeal. I took 3 bites and threw the rest out. YUCK!

Tomorrow is Kenna's big day. We have planned a little family surprise party for her. Her and I are going out to lunch and while we do that, DH and the gang are going to pick up her cake and some decorations and then Kenna and I are going to do a little shopping and come home when DH calls to say everything is done. I'm sure she will be thrilled!

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Yesterday went off with very minimal hitching. Remember when I said about someone doing something underhanded and it being very obvious who it was? Well, I have a little story to tell ya'll so grab some popcorn, chips, carrot sticks, whatever, something to wash it down and a cigarette (if ya smoke) and get ready. (on a side note, if you do smoke, take a few puffs for me please because I quit when I found out I was pregnant. Cold turkey, that was that. I got my BFP and the one I smoked right before I took the test was the last one I have smoked in 2 1/2 months or more. It was January 9th.)

So anyways. This c*** (I seldom.. okay NEVER use that word, but she REALLY is one) that I used to work with (and now talks to my hubby, but he prefers her bf over talking to her.) called children's services on ME saying that my children are filthy and I have no food, and I sit on the internet all day long having cyber-sex.. and oh yeah, I am pregnant. Well of course, they came out to take a look at things. She said my house looks beautiful and so do my kids and I have enough food to feed a small army. She also congradulated me on my pregnancy and told me that what I do or do not do online is my business as long as I am not involving my children. **CASE CLOSED**

So that was that. And I must say that I hate that people can always call CPS on you when they get a bug up their butts against you.

I took Kenna to lunch for her birthday yesterday as planned and we had such a great time. We went to the toy store afterwards and she picked out Doh-doh island, and also got a freebie little play-doh basket thing. So then we came home and had cake and ice cream and she got her other presents.

So that was my day yesterday. Afterwards I picked up and did the dishes. It was nice to wake up to a totally clean house with nothing to do this morning! I think I will get into the habit of doing my cleaning every night like that.

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M'kuy (mr mackey) so I took my final certification for my "real estate" remote contractor position. ( I will be taking calls for several real estate programs offered on TV) And I passed with an overall score of 98.3. Go me!! I wasnt even intending to get into that portion of the home-based business untill they told me what the income was. I can make more from home part time than I did at work full time.. Sad, innit?

Just sitting here contemplating life and waiting for my sister to return my youngins from their usual saturday hooplah with Auntie.

I guess I didn't get as much into the Leslie story as I could have earlier. One post would have taken up an entire page I bet.

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You can't bullchit a bullchitter!

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Okay, I'm bored so I thought I would post a little about myself here.

Name: Diane (but please just call me Di)
DOB: Nov 18th 1977
Favorite scent : cucumber Melon
favorite food: this week, chicken
Relationship status: Married for almost 5 yrs.
own or rent: Rent, unfortunately
fave way to relax: nice warm bubble bath
fave band: Aerosmith

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Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life's in books' written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me sing for the years
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me sing for my year
Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on dream on dream on
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on dream on dream on
Dream until your dream comes true
Dream on dream on dream on dream on
Dream on dream on dream on yeah

Sing with me sing for my year
Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Sing with me sing for my year
Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear
Sing with me if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

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How nice it would be to go back to a time when life made sense. Cest le vie, or however you spell it..

I made a really yummy skillet gourmet-ish dinner tonight. First, I took some whole chix breasts and popped them in the skillet with a can of stewed tomatoes (with celery, onion, and green pepper) and stuck the lid on, cooked that on low for like an hour. Then I made some mini shell pasta, tossed that with butter, garlic, parmesan cheese and some of the "sauce" from the chicken, and we had corn for the veggie, even though it has no nutritional value.. It's still good. I felt like Emeril tonight.

Ricky made a copy of MYYYYYY outkast CD for the C U Next Tuesday. I wasn't too happy about that. I told him "tell her *I* said to buy her own shit!!" Fuckher! If she is going to be that disrespectful toward me and my family, why in the blue hell should I give her a copy of the CD I paid 20 dollars for?!?! Maybe I'm being childish but I dont give a rats ass right now. If all you are going to do is give my husband 101 reasons why he shouldnt stay with me, try to dictate his every move and on top of all that call childrens services on me, then :fuoops: .

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Kym~ I'm here.. It's been a heluva day and I am still digesting it all, even though I would rather just curl up in a corner and bawl from frustration. So where do I start.

1. Wake up this AM to find DH still asleep on the couch, got the kids their bowls and the cereal down, went back to bed because I figured he could handle it since they would be right in front of him.
2. Woke up a SECOND time to find DH STILL asleep on the couch, oatmeal and maple syrup all over my coffee table, crushed up corn flakes in front of the TV, and two eggs broken on my kitchen floor.
3. Discover around noon that Amber has stolen money from my purse via a phone call to her teacher.
4. End up cleaning up yet ANOTHER avoidable mess (DH's blessed coffee cup which he left on the desk got knocked over.. It was still full) and being told basically that my *job* was to pick up after his ass.. UMMMM.. NO? You're a grown man honey.. Just because I wash your clothes, cook your food and do your dishes does NOT mean that you can be like a pig and leave your shit laying around!
5. Discover that one of Kenna's ferrets is on her way out (she is very old), but it's taking its sweet time coming about. Poor girl is convulsing, has shallow breathing and everything.
And last but not least... I have 2 diapers left and dh didnt get his paycheck tonight (which he ALWAYS gets on thursday nights).. And he cant pick it up till after 2 pm tomorrow.

So yeah, needless to say I am SO anxious for this day to END ALREADY!!! Tomorrow will be better, right? RIGHT?!?!?!

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Wow am I ever wond up for it being so late at night.. Could that be from the 2 hr nap I took from 6-8? I was only spose to sleep till 7 but DH didnt come wake me up like he said he would. *sigh* I should have expected that. Ohhhhhhh well..

Today was a pretty slow day aside of DH's bug up his ass gettin all pissy cause next week is first of the month/bill week and his new game comes out next Tue and cant get it on the day it comes out.. Oh cry me a river, Ricky.

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Hmmmmmmm... I can tell someone's been here in my account from this comp.. And somebody better hope it's not him..
And for the record.. I, unlike you, have nothing to hide.

I think I may have to convert to private and change my PO pswd.. Anyone who reads me regularly is more than welcome to be added.. Just let me know (when and if we get to that point.) I will know if what happened today happens again..

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The double standard just occurred to me today.. Last time we fought over shit and he said he wasnt sure what he wanted to do or whatever, he took 2 fucking months to "decide". So the other night when shit went down, he tried to make me decide then and there what I wanted to do, when I said I needed to think about it, he pressured me even more. He said that HE WAS WRONG for making me wait like that, so I should be an adult and think about things, blah blah blah.
So a couple of days ago, I said I wanted to try and work on things if ***EVERYONE*** could grow the hell up and quit the bullshit. So now he says HE doesnt know what the hell we are doing, and is starting down the same road that he fuckin dragged me down back from oct to dec. How is that fair that he expects me to make my mind up and make all kinds of leaps of faith and shit yet he can drag me along like a puppet?

I just dont know.. If he keeps this shit up, then I am just gonna say fuck it because I am not going to sit around and wait for him to make his mind up when he coudlnt do it for me. Me and my kids will be the hell outta here and I wont look back. Kath, help me be strong, okay?

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Big Hugs, Nadine!!!

I know you will do what is best for you and for Monty.

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Okay so yeah.. Men are dogs.. Mangy, snarley, muttly rabid dogs!
And Judy.. well she is a freakin two faced w.h.o.r.e!(btw I didnt know it showed as "lady of the night" when you type out the word.. lol) All this time she is emailing me telling me how sorry she was and how she wished me luck with him, etc she is still txting him!! Talkin about how she would let him take off her clothes and she wishes he was there and "I love you TOO" (which of course means he said it to her first) So fuck her.. I sent her an email. Wanna see what it says? Here goes...

Dear "the other woman",

First off, I don't know why you can't just be a woman about things and talk to me instead of pretending to be my friend and feeding me a line of bullshit. Secondly, I told you one week ago that I did not blame you for anything because you didn't know we were married still. But now you do and you are continuing with what you are doing. Do you know that you can face legal charges by messing with a married man when you KNOW he is married? *by the way, I saved our PMs/emails.. Better safe than sorry*.

Like I said in my text message, if you love him like you say you do, walk away. Because if you "love" him, you would not want to subject him to the world of hurt that will be brought onto him as a direct effect of YOU being involved.

Besides hun.. You and him aint meant to be. You don't know the real him.. You have fallen in love with a phony. Take it from someone who has been married to him for the last 5 years.. You dont know him. Betcha didnt know he rides the bus to work.. And he is a Junior (whose parents would be FURIOUS if they found out he was fuckin around on me.. ESPECIALLY with an 18 yr old).. And his name is not Ricardo. HE don't have an accent and He knows very minimal spanish. (my 9 yr old is more fluent than he). And he isn't rolling in money. Infact, we barely make enough to get by between the two of us. And.. MFP isnt even off the ground yet. It has two active parties.. Him, and myself. HM what else can I tell you about him.. Well he is a huge attention seeker (hey look!! Worked for you!!), he will say ANYTHING to get a woman's attention. Bet he got you with the old rose petals on the bed, in the tub and in a trail on the floor bit eh?

Let me ask you something? When exactly do you plan on seeing him eh? He isnt leavin this city EVER.. Hasnt in 6 years. Did you think you would be coming here? If so then my dear you are sadly mistaken. He wouldn't have you here. He loves me! He doesn't want to lose me! Hell, I have been ready to leave him for the past week OVER YOU, I might add (or rather, over the way he was talkin to you before.. I didnt know it was still going on.) and he is BEGGING me to stay, to not do anything I might regret someday. Does that sound like a man who wants to be with Judy?? Or one who wants to be with his wife?

I would say I am sorry, but I have nothing to apologize for. You, on the other hand do. And may the very same hurt that I feel (as a direct result of you) come back on you 10-fold.. Karma is a beautiful thing. By the way, I know that you have read this, so I will be waiting for your response. If I dont get one by email, you can expect another phone call..

Sincerely~ Super Cholo's wife.

So that's what I said to her. I tried calling her (got her number off his cell phone) and her sister answered. When I relayed the message she was to give to Judy, I was hung up on. So I wrote the email..I havent confronted him about it yet. Nor do I know if I am going to. I may just up and leave. There is a place here called SafeNet that helps women who are being abused in any fashion (emotional, physical, sexual). They have a program you can go through where they will help you get and stay out of the situation, get yourself back, as well as set you up with permanent housing and anything you may need (furniture, clothing, food, utility deposits, etc). Of course, if I go there, I will be without computer for awhile unless I go to the library. But with all this shit going down I really believe it will be worth it.

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