Well, last time I wrote in here, things were a little rough. I think I was a little too upset to be writing. Things are better. I talked to him. I just don't know what is wrong in that department, but I hope things start to change quickly. He understands that I do need things from him, but it's like he forgets to give them to me.
Last night I had a great time with my sisters. We went to Sharie's house and ate dinner and *tried* to watch the movie "The Holiday". What were we thinking with 4 kids?!
Yesterday I met up with one of the girls on my birth board. We had a great time. We picked strawberries, ate lunch, and went to the park for some free ice cream. I hope she had as much fun as I did. I would really like to do it again soon. I felt bad b/c she had to drive much further than I did. Maybe sometime when I go to visit Randall's dad, we can meet up again.
Ruthie got really sick with some sort of virus. It was heartbreaking. She got soooo spoiled b/c when she is sick all she wants is to be held. Now that she is better, she doesn't understand why we can't hold her all the time. Oh, and the FITS! Where in the world did these come from. Out of NOWHERE! She gets downright pi$$ed! She will just lay down and scream her head off. Today it was b/c she wanted Randall's wallet. I don't like her going through it b/c he has important cards in there that she can mess up.
Today is Autumn's baby shower. I just got Ruthie down so she will wake up just in time to go! Randall is asleep so I got some quiet time all to myself. I need to get ready though. Maybe even work out b/c LORD knows I NEED it!
I think things are going to start improving in our relationship. I truely believe that I have way too much negativity and it is causing everything to go down hill. There are things I need from Randall that he isn't giving, but I need to let up on him. I take EVERYTHING out on him, things that don't even have anything to do with him. He loves Ruthie and I more than anything. He would never let anything happen to our relationship and I am aware of that. I just get so down and he's the only one around.
Ruthie is asleep so that is where I need to be. I just needed to write this. I feel much better in my relationship now. I feel like pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.
Thursday was our 4th anniversary! Those 4 years just flew by. It seems like yesterday I was walking down to my Grandma's pond to tell that man that I will love him till the day I die. And I meant it and mean it even more today. He is the love of my life. Look at the beautiful little girl he gave me. I am so proud to be his wife.
We went out and celebrated on the 30th. We got Steph to watch Ruthie. We went and ate at the Outback. I had a WONDERFUL drink. It was called Aussie Sky....YUMMY! It was the best! I can't wait to have it again! Afterwards, we went and watched "Delta Farce." It was an ok movie. I won't say it was the best, or the worst. Somewhere in between. I enjoyed myself. He is a wonderful husband.
Today I went and got Ruthie's antique pics done. They will turn out so good and we won't have the money to get them all. At least we will get a 10x13. I can't wait! Afterwards, I went to Rachael's baby shower. It was really nice. I can't help but get jealous of what others have. I know I shouldn't, but I do. She is going to get to stay at home for the rest of her life and never worry about how much money she spends. I get to stay at home, but I can't buy much. We barely make it paycheck-paycheck. I just want to be a mom and stay with them and get them things they want. Not everything they want, but somethings. I hate that I get like this, but I can't help it. I am very happy in my family, I just wish we had some more money I guess.
Oh man! I am SOOOOO tired of being fat. I have to do something about it. I look at other woman and I can't wait to be skinny again. I will never have a beautiful stomach. I am a walking zebra. I have so many, but they are beautiful b/c of how I got them. I just have to remember that. I desperately need to lose weight before I have another kiddo. I don't want to have to go through GD again. That really sucked. Plus, I would like to be proud of myself. I need to start watching what I eat, and what I drink. I am quitting cokes again. I know, I do it all the time, but seriously need to. I am going to Branson on July 23rd and I want to lose some weight before then. I just need to be proud of myself again.
Ok- so this is going to be my weight loss journal as well. I need to lose weight so bad. I have started off pretty well I think. I am not so much watching EVERYTHING I eat. I am done with cokes....day 3 and wanting a Pepsi more than anything! I have also been jogging/walking a mile. I would like to continue that at least every other day. I have done well so far. Also, I have started crunches, sit ups, and lunges. I just hope this does help and I don't have to quit eating some sweets. I have tried to cut them down. I don't want to go on a certain diet b/c I know once I quit the diet, I will gain weight. Back in high school, I ate the same way I do know, the only difference is, I worked out. I would like to continue working out for a long time. I think it is a great way to relieve stress and be healthy.
I am going to put my weight down everyday that I check in so that I know how well I am doing.
June 4th, 2007- 154.5 lbs ( I know!)
Courtney had me watch D today. I don't mind. He is a wonderful kid. He is so southern though. I can barely understand him....yes, ME! I also got B today. She is about to drive Randall and I nuts. I hate to say that, but she is. She is a little weird. I hate to say that as well, but she just is.
Tonight we are going to Haley's and Al's games. I am looking forward to it. Hopefully Ruthie does well. I am sure she will though.
Last night, Ruthie, Randall, and I went over to Becky's. We only stayed for a bit, but we enjoyed ourselves while we were there. I really enjoy hanging out with Becky and Vanessa. I feel like I can be myself.
Well, I am in need of a shower. I am still stinky and sweaty from jogging earlier. (beautiful huh?)
The daycare has been picking up some. I still don't have any full-time kids, but I made about $125 this week, which is pretty nice. I might be getting some more soon. I have had a few phone calls, but no promises, as usual. It has been super nice having 90% school aged kids. They just play by themselves! Ruthie is doing well having kids in her house.
Speaking of Miss Ruthie, she is a MESS. She has been super goofy and trouble here lately. She knows when she is in trouble. She gives me this look and I can't help but laugh. I know it's not good, but I seriously can't help it. She amazes me everyday with her language. She talks so weLl I think. She repeats anything and everything I say. For example, today I walked with her as we were putting her toys in her room. She put her toys in her basket and said, "good girl!" I about died! I thought it was too funny. She tells me "no mam" too! Not the best thing I guess. We are working on getting her used to just laying in her bed and putting herself to sleep. I would say we are on the right track, she is still crying a bit, but I think it'll get easier.
Randall is at work tonight. Last night while he was gone, I did nothing but clean. NOT tonight! I am going to spend time with Ruthie, give her a bath, read books, and maybe after she goes to sleep, I might scrapbook some more. I am having a ball scrapping. I just wish we had more money to do it. Anyways, off the subject of money.
I am looking forward to our "vacation" to Branson coming up. We are in dire need of getting out and doing something fun. I hope Ruthie is as good as she was last year, but I bet she won't be. I don't think she will want to be stuck in a stroller the whole time this year!
Well, that's all for tonight. I am going to get off here and spend time with Miss Ruthie.
Oh yea, btw....I weighed in at 154.5 today. I haven't got to go for my jog/walk today, but I might tomorrow.
Life is going ok I guess. I am worn out. These kids are wearing me out, but it is so worth it to stay at home with Ruthie. She is a doll and very active. I never realized it until yesterday when Sharie said, "I've never seen her this active." She was going non-stop. I knew she was active, I guess she doesn't act that way at other's houses.
Tomorrow is Father's Day. Randall's 2nd one. I got him some pedals for his truck. I am sure he will like them. Everyone is coming to our house so instead of cleaning I am sitting on the computer. We are also celebrating Mom's, Alex's & Tyler's b-days as well. They are all bought for so we are good to go. I am sure tomorrow will be a nice day. We are going to throw some horseshoes. I LOVE that sport!
Randall and I have been fighting tonight. I am tired of fighting with him, but he isn't realizing that I NEED help around the house. I am always, and I mean always cleaning. I never get a break. I need it more than words can describe. I did get a break today though. Sue, Sharie, Haley, Alex, and I all went shopping. Ruthie stayed with Randall so it was nice to shop alone.
I went for a jog/walk today. I did my usual. I fell off the wagon.....imagine that. I started cokes again, but hopefully I can quit them again! It was nice to get some exercise though!
Father's Day was really nice. The sun wasn't out so it was cool and breezy. Made for a perfect day. We threw horseshoes and of course Randall & I lost. Nothing new there. Mom and Dad liked their gifts. Randall did too. I got some really good pics of Randall & Ruthie. He actually got a good one of me and Ruthie as well. I was so proud of him!
Life is so rough. I get so tired and so emotional it isn't even funny. I have cried the last two nights. I don't know why. I know a lot of it has to do with not sleeping much. Imagine that. I need to be in bed right now.
Friday we are leaving for Branson!!!!! It's about time we get a break from AR and life. Although everyone we had going is backing out on everything. I just hope Randall, Ruthie & I have a great time. Screw everyone else.
OMG I am SO exhausted. All these kids are wearing me out. I had 10 kids in my house yesterday and I had 7 today. I think I am in some desperate need of adult conversation. I could just cry myself to sleep right now. I am soooo easily stressed out it isn't even funny.
Branson was so much fun, but it didn't last long enough. Reality sat in fast. We got home late Sunday night and I had kids that next morning. Ruthie was pretty good. I rode a FUN rollercoaster. Luckily I had Courtney, Terry, and Caleigh to ride with! It was a blast. We shopped a little bit and went to the Dixie Stampede. Ruthie really enjoyed herself.
Ruthie is on a great schedule now. I got it to where she is laying down for a nap at 1, and bedtime at 9. She is even used to it and needs to lay down at that time.
The daycare is picking up now. I am actually making money and now I feel like I can spend some!
Sharie and I are talking about going to visit Aunt M & M. I really hope we can afford it, but I am not sure we can. It would mean the world to me. Randall knows that and was super sweet about it last night. He is going to try everything to get me there. I really hope we can manage it!
Wow....it's been a while since I last wrote in here.
Things have been going good, I guess. We lost Jake on the 4th. We had him 4 years to the day. That was really rough. I cried and cried. Randall and I just held each other and cried. We will seriously NEVER find a dog as good as him. He was PERFECT. If only I wouldn't have let him out that night. What was I thinking. Randall doesn't think I should blame myself, but I can't help it. He is such a good dog. Rest in peace sweet Jake, we will miss you.
Daycare isn't going so well. I think I lost two kids. Their mom still hasn't paid me. She owes me $180. Imagine that huh? I really liked watching her boys. They were good kids. I just hope she and I can work out a payment plan.
Randall has been working LOTS of overtime so Ruthie and I can join Sharie & Simon to see Aunt M & M. This means more to me than words can explain. It will be one HAPPY reunion. I can't wait. We are leaving July 27th as of right now and we are driving. Road trip! I just hope Ruthie and Simon are good in the car.
That's about it for me. I don't have a busy life. Randall & I are getting along much better. I am trying to be more calm and not sweat the small stuff. I think it is working. I truely love him more than words can explain. I am really missing him. I feel bad for Sharie b/c Rose is gone. She doesn't have anyone. I am sure she and I will be spending LOTS of time together this summer. I don't mind. I enjoy her company!
Wow....where do I begin. It has been a while since I last wrote and I am sure it will be a while again before I write.
Let's see. Our vacation was AWESOME! We had such a good time visiting. We ended up booking a flight and I was glad. At first, Ruthie & Simon fought SO much. It was stressing me out, but I was so thankful that we didn't drive. The trip to Tulsa was a mess, let alone to WA! The flight there was pretty good. The first plane, Ruthie did great, but the 2nd one, she was jealous b/c Simon was able to sit in his own seat, while Ruthie had to sit in my lap and we didn't have a window for her to look out of. It was one HAPPY reunion to see Aunt M&M. It was amazing. The first day, we just went to her house, settled in and visited. The 2nd day, we had to go pick up M and that was amazing, just to sight see, let alone get to see her! I was so excited, but scared b/c it had be so long since I had last seen her. She grew up to be such a beautiful young lady. It meant the world to me to get to spend time with her. While I was there, I got a massive ear infection from swimming 8 days in a row at Mom & Dad's. Imagine that huh? I was in so much pain, that I went to the ER there in WA. They took care of me though. It took about 4 days for it to heal completely. We went to Seaside, OR. Aunt M didn't get to go with us b/c she had to stay at home with D. M went with us though. The ocean was so amazing. Ruthie LOVED to put her feet in the water. It was so sweet to get to watch her do it for the first time. I just wanted to cry. I felt so bad that Randall didn't get to go.That night at the coast, we went to where the Goonies was filmed, Cannon Beach. WOW! That was super cool. We watched the sunset there. Beautiful. Just beautiful. The next day, we went to a museum that had a display of the Goonies stuff. We also got to see the house from a distance. Then, we headed off to Long Beach, WA. It wasn't as nice as Cannon Beach, but it was the beach! We shopped some, but it was kind of cold. We got back to Aunt M's late that night. We had such a great time just visiting! It was really great to be home though. We both missed Randall so much. I teared up when I finally got to see him, and I think he did the same.
Ruthie is doing GREAT on potty-training. She has been in panties all day. I put her in a diaper while she is napping, but I hope to catch her before she goes. I am so proud of her! She is one smart cookie!
The at-home-daycare is picking up. I have 2 full-timers, and one part-timer. When Alisha has Josie, then I will have 2 part-timers, that equal 1 full-timer. I *might* be getting C, and he might be full-time which would be AWESOME. Money has been tight around here and I hate it. I hope we get back on our feet ASAP!