[where the road begins]

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[where the road begins]

I wanted to start up a journal to keep track of life. I think it is much easier to put my thoughts into writing. I want to keep this to look back on what has happened with the last year.

I will start off with a little bit about me. I am Sadie. I have a DD- Georgia Ruth "Ruthie", and a wonderful DH- Randall. We are both 21. Ruthie will be one on Feb 10th. *sniff sniff* :cry: We live in Arkansas. We aren't rich, but we aren't poor. There are things in life I do want, that we will never afford, but I have learned to deal with it.

I work as an Early Headstart Teacher. I teach the toddler room. Needless to say, very stressful, but worth it. They are adorable and I love watching them learn. I am in the process of getting my Associates Degree in Early Childhood Education. I want to teach someday, but college will be going very slow.

Randall works at a local plant. He makes good money for around here, but he knows he is young and has plenty of options. He wants to go to school after I have a decent job and get a teaching degree in Agri. I know he can do it, and he would be great at it. He is a wonderful, perfect father. I couldn't ask for anything else from him.

Ruthie is almost a year old. Wow, where did the time go?!?!? She is almost walking. She has the sweetest personality. She is one happy baby, but a very curious baby. She climbs on top of EVERYTHING! She's a mess.

I guess this will end my introduction. Maybe next time it will be a little bit more interesting! I just want this journal to keep track of life. Nothing important, just some place to vent, cry, and share my happy times. Thanks for reading!

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Today has been quite a stressful day. I woke up at 6:15 am b/c Ruthie didn't want to go back to sleep. Little booger! Wink She didn't want her bottle either. I think it was b/c Randall woke her up, getting ready for work. I knew she was still tired, so we layed around until 7:30, but I never went back to sleep.

Our house is still freezing. I was a little upset b/c Randall didn't get me a fire going, considering this is our only source of heat other than our electric heaters, which run up the darn bill. :-? I want some other source of heat! I am hoping within the next 2 weeks we will have propane. The problem is, we had a gas leak on our property and it will cost LOTS of $$$$ to get it fixed. We don't have that sort of money to just shell out. We found out it isn't going to cost too much to get a tank installed and get everything up and running. We are hoping we can get it with our income taxes. My mom and dad said they would lend us the money until we get our tax money in, so we aren't freezing.

I am just really stressed out. I hate being cold and I hate not having a clean house. In other words, I need to get off this darn computer and clean! I also need to be studying. That's something I haven't had to do in a while. Ruthie is taking a nap, which I would love to be doing with her. BUT, I have a dirty house, that needs lots of cleaning. So, I guess I better hop to it.

I am sorry this was nothing but me complaining. I know there are lots things out there that are much worse, and I don't deserve to be complaining. I just needed to vent.

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Tomorrow is FRIDAY! WOO HOO! Biggrin I am in need of this weekend! Since school has started back, I have been going, going, going. We went out to a friend/co-worker's house tonight. She cooked us a big dinner and it was good! At least I didn't have to cook!

Ruthie is almost ready to walk! :shock: She will crawl to the middle of the room and just stand up, not holding onto anything. She doesn't act interested in taking steps though. She walks great holding onto things, but she wants the comfort of holding onto something, so she doesn't let go.

Randall has been working with Dad for a few weeks now, so he hasn't had a day off in forever! Poor guy. Sad I really do feel bad for him. I am really thankful my Dad has him though. I know that when my Dad asks for help, he desperately needs it. He's just stubborn like that. :roll:

This weekend, I am supposed to get together with Rachel and LaDonna. I am looking forward to it. I am in need of time with my "girlfriends."

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Today started off interesting. Randall wakes me up at 6 am saying, "honey, I just cut my hand!" My first thought was he cut his hand off! I look at it and it doesn't look bad at all. But, I get another look at it, and it is pretty bad. So, we get Ruthie up and we go to the ER. All he needed was 5 stitches, thank GOD! I didn't want him going to work without them cleaning it up and getting it all pulled back together. It's too dirty where he works and it would get infected.

We had Alex's birthday party today. I thought Ruthie would be awful b/c she finally fell asleep right before we got there. I was hoping she would stay asleep, but no such luck. She played really well. Pappy played with her a lot. I can tell she's going to be a Pappy's girl, just like the rest of them!

Randall got me a new digital camera for my birthday! WOO HOO! I am super excited. The one we have right now isn't very good. He won't let me have it until Monday though. Sad Stubborn male! The whole family is going in on it.....hopefully!

Tomorrow, Rachel and I are going to visit LaDonna. I am really looking forward to it. I can't wait to see Britlee and Ruthie play together. They are only 8 days apart!

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We had a great time with Rachel and LaDonna. Ruthie and Britlee didn't get to play together much b/c we went out to eat, but I can tell I got the bully on my hands. :oops: She was grunting at Brit and pushing her out of the way. Great, just great.

Ruthie is still showing no signs in walking. Little booger just won't take a step. I really don't mind though. I don't think I can handle chasing her around our house! Lol

Saturday is Britlee's b-day party. I am sure we will have a great time.

Tuesday night was awful. We couldn't figure out what was wrong with Ruthie. So Wednesday, I called in to work and took her to the doc. Turns out she has an ear infection. Poor baby. Just doesn't seem to end. Luckily we saw Fisher instead of Graves. I just can't stand that lady. She seems to be feeling better today. We actually got snow! WOO HOO! It has snowed enough that we didn't have work today and *might* not tomorrow. Wouldn't that be nice!? I would have a 5 day weekend! I just wish Ruthie didn't have this EI and we could go outside and play in it. Sad

ETA: Here is a pic of our so called "snow"!

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Today Ruthie and I went to Britlee's b-day party. We had a great time. Ruthie was being very shy and wouldn't let me put her down. She was being so snuggly today. Makes me sad b/c I don't get to spend enough time with her. I hate having to work. I would give anything and everything to be a stay at home mom. Makes me so sad that I have to work.

Tomorrow, Ruthie, Randall, and I are headed up to Fayetville to go to Smitty's baby shower! I am really excited! I miss shopping for little baby clothes! We are going to go to the mall and shop for them!

I just can't believe my baby is going to be one year old in 7 more days. I am so sad about it. I have cried the past two days just thinking about it. I made a sweet collage for her. I just cried when I picked it up today. I don't think I can say it enough, but where did the time go??? Sad Here is a picture of it.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweet Ruthie! I remember this day a year ago, like it was yesterday. Today is a bittersweet day. I miss you being so little, but I love watching you grow. You amaze me everyday, and my heart grows and grows with more love for you every minute of everyday. I love you sweetheart! Thanks for the most amazing year ever! We love you honey! XOXOXO, Mommy and Daddy!

Today was a wonderful day. We started off by having lunch with Libby, Kenneth, Kameron, Becky, Caleb, Joshua, Madison, Alex, and Autumn. Afterwards, all of us went to Vanessa's to meet her mom and dad. Then, Randall, Ruthie and I headed up to Ft. Smith to do some shopping. We all spent some money, but we had it and needed everything we bought. After shopping, we met up with Becky and her crew and went skating. Ruthie had a great time! She is worn out from the long day.

Tomorrow is Joe's and my b-day party. It will be nice to get totgether with the whole family, that is if everyone is feeling better.

I still can't believe a year ago I was welcoming my beautiful daughter into the world. I love her more than words can say. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

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Mine and Joe's b-day parties were great. It was really nice to get together and have a nice lunch with the whole family.

Ruthie's b-day party was yesterday and it was so much fun! She showed off by walking everywhere! :shock: Little booger just started and now she is doing great! Where did the time go? She loaded up on the presents! She got so much stuff. We got her a Mater chair and she sat in that chair the whole time opening presents. It was too funny! She got lots of toys, clothes, a wagon, and lots of other goodies! She got a cute pair of Wranglers and a Wrangler shirt. Now, she just needs a pair of boots! She was an angel the whole time too. She loved the cake! She had it EVERYWHERE!

We are going to get carpet! WOO HOO! We got our income taxes in and decided to get carpet before we buy a bed. I am so happy! Ruthie will love having carpet. I know we will too. I think we are going to carpet the living room, bedroom, hallways, and possibly the stairs. We still don't have heat, but Stephenie gave us her kerosene heater and it works WONDERS!

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Still no heat. Still no carpet. :roll: We did order the carpet so it *should* be here on Tuesday. Knowing our luck, it won't. We just can't seem to get the things we need, when we need it.

Ruthie is walking great! I would say she is a walker now. She will crawl every now and then, but not very often. She hardly ever falls down. She is growing up so fast.

Randall and I got to talking about my job. He knows it is stressful and he actually thought about me staying home and keeping kids. He realized it was selfish of him to not let me. He wants his days off to be his days off and I respect that. I just hate taking care of kids and none of them being mine. It is so hard. I would love to just keep kids at home. I know it will be hard as well, but at least Ruthie will be there with me. We are really thinking about it. I just hope we can. I don't want to get too exciting about it, but I do want to realize it may happen.

Today we have a pagent that Amethyst is in. It is going to be too cute to see her up there! Afterwards, we have Joshua and Alex's party at the skating rink. That should be fun! We went out to the bowling alley with Libby, Kenneth, and Kameron last night and went to eat at Chili's afterwards. We had a great time. It was nice having fun with adults! I love bowling too! We should have a nice night tonight!

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Wow, it's been a while since I have posted. Guess I get so busy and forget about having this here. We finally have carpet! :woohoo: Joe still hasn't layed the hallways, but I am hoping he will soon! I know Ruthie loves it b/c she had carpet burn on her chin the first week b/c all she wanted to do is lay on it and roll on it! Lol She is a mess! She had another EI. Poor baby just can't seem to cut a break.

Tomorrow is the canoe race! I just hope it doesn't rain. I am actually looking forward to doing it this year! I haven't done it in two years. If it rains, I am not going to do it, but Randall will on his own. I love canoeing and I would really enjoy some time on the river with Randall.

Work is getting more and more stressful by the day. I am so sick of how unfair my director is. She makes me so mad everyday. She plays favorites BAD. Guess that happens anywhere you work. I have made a flyer to put up around town to find some kids. I know I more than likely have 3 part-timers but I need at least 3 full timers on top of that. I just hope I can actually do this.

Randall put in for a new job. He will go back to working 3 days on, 3 days off, then 3 nights on. Not looking forward to him working nights again AT ALL, but he wants to do this, so I am giving him the thumbs up. He isn't happy in his department. In this new one he'll be working alone. I just hope he still gets the same days off as Joe.

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The canoe race went pretty good. Randall and I came in last place in our division, but we didn't lose the whole race! Lol It was a really nice day for it, so I am glad I did it with him.

Today we had a few people over. We had a bbq and rode Buck. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I love getting together with others. It seems to put me in a better mood. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, beer, and cokes. The kids sure loved riding Buck. I am getting better about riding him. I know I have to toughen up in order for Ruthie to not be afraid. I want her to love horses and know how to ride at a young age.

I am a little worried about my BIL. It seems his drinking is just getting worse. My sister seems to be okay with it, but I know deep down, she isn't. I know it is taking a toll on her. My mom tries to get her to stay with him for the kids, but I totally do not agree with her. I think that is the worst reason to stay together. She isn't happy, so it isn't making for a happy home. That is the last thing those kiddos need. I feel so bad for her. I know she isn't happy and it takes a toll on her trying to stay happy for the kids. I just need to keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

Speaking of prayers, this is something I need to do more often. I am having a hard time deciding on what to do about churches. Randall and I grew up in totally different religions. I am not comfortable in the church he wants to go to. He didn't like my preacher. So, what do we do?? :-? I mean, do I sit in a church where I don't agree with what they believe and do? Is that right? I know you don't have to go to church to be a Christian, you just have to know Him in your heart. I do, but I think that if I go to church, and get where I need to be spiritually, I will be a much happier person. I need to do this. I need to find a church soon. I want to be a better person.

Tomorrow, Randall, Ruthie, and I are heading to OK city and we are going to the zoo! Biggrin I know we are going to have a good time. I just hope I remember to take the camera, and I hope it is going to be a good day.

I will update when I get back.....

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Oh boy did we have fun in OK city! It was a much needed get-away! It sure was sweet for Randall to plan it! He was super sweet the whole time and we got to reconnect and figure a lot of things out. We have been fighting so much lately and not talking about things. We just watch tv and go to bed. We hardly ever talk about what is bothering us or what is positive in our lives. He told me he wanted to start doing family nights. We bought some board games and we played them when we got home. It was nice to talk and have things like they used to be.

The zoo was so much fun and Ruthie LOVED the monkeys, gorillas, and orangatans!! She cried leaving them. We also went to the Bass Pro Shop, Babies R Us, and Target. We had a wonderful time.

One thing we talked about that really excited me was planning for the next baby. He has been telling me that he wouldn't be ready for a few years, but now he said he might be ready by the end of this year! Biggrin I don't think I am ready right now, but I might be by that time! I am so excited. It just made me feel better knowing he will be ready sooner than we thought!

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I am so worn out. Words can not describe how stressed I am right now. Work is just getting worse and worse. They have switched me from the toddler room to the pre-school room. Not by choice. Things are a little rough at our daycare and we all got switched around. It truely isn't fair. The three who are not in trouble (me, Teresa, and Libby) are the three who are getting the shaft. We were the ones who were always being hounded on and we are the ones NOT in big trouble. Wish I could just throw that in her face!

We FINALLY decided for me to quit and put in my two weeks. Tomorrow starts my last two weeks. I am super excited, but nervous. I am ready to get out of there. I think it is for the best. Things are going downhill fast and I don't want to be rolling with it. I have put up flyers around town and I have got a few calls, but those were just asking questions. I need at least 4 full time children. I really hope I can get them soon. If not, I am going back to work at Sonic :roll: till I find those children. I am hoping and praying it doesn't lead to that.

This weekend was fun, but I think I need to start slowing things down. I go all the time and never rest. Like I should be in bed, but I feel I have more important things to do. I just can't figure things out. Friday, Libby, Kenneth, and Kameron came over a watched movies with us. They left early though. Saturday, Randall, Ruthie, Grandad and I went to see Dad and Darlene. We had a WONDERFUL time up there. We got home late. Today, my mom tells us she bought two new horses and we have to keep them at our house. Not a big deal, just Randall had to fix a few fences and we were stressing about it. We also went out on the boat fishing and it really wasn't too much fun. See what I mean? All I do is go, go, go. When will I ever learn to stop :?:

I just hope works goes better tomorrow. I am in need of a good day. Things might get sorted out, but more than likey they won't.

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Only 3 more days of work at the daycare! WOO HOO! I soooo need to quit this job. The daycare itself is going downhill fast.

I am going to take the next week off, and if I still don't have any kids, I am going back to Sonic. :roll:

Ruthie has been sick the last two nights. Poor thing. I had to take her to work with me, well, I chose to b/c of her fever. If I hadn't, I would have had to go pick her up anyways. When I took her to see Miss Steph to pay her, Steph cried. :cry: It broke my heart. I didn't know she cared THAT much about Ruthie. I know Ruthie just adores her. I just want to be at home with her soooo bad. I just hope it is the best for her.

Easter went well. My mom was kind of being a party pooper, imagine that! :roll: My whole family came to my house and we had Randall a small party for his b-day and we hunted eggs inside. It was fun. That night we went out to eat with Steph, Skeeter, AJ, and Grandad. That was nice. We went to church with Grandad Easter morning. All and all it was a good Easter.

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Day 2 of being unemployed. As much as I hate to say it, I am LOVING it! Lol I just wish we could make it off his wages. I would love to just be a SAHM! He would too, we just can't afford it! Sad I got two phonecalls last night, and another girl asked me some questions. One of the phonecalls was a definate no. She wanted me to keep her kid until 7 pm! :shock: I don't think so! I want some alone time too.

Randall is off today and the next 2 days. I hope we get to spend some quality time together. We need it so bad. He's out mowing the lawn right now and I am just messing around on the computer. Ruthie is asleep. She has been making us laugh all day long.

I went and said goodbye to my kiddos today. :cry: They didn't understand, but Wyatt keep saying, "I go with you." And when I told him to ask his mom, he said, "where's your phone, call mommy." I love that little boy so much.

Anyways, guess I need to start cleaning.... :roll:

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Today was the owl memorial. I enjoyed it so much. It was so bittersweet. I love for our town to be remembered, but I wish it was for something other than the consolidation. Sad

Randall is back on nights. We had a good 3 days off together. Ruthie has been awful the past 2 days. I don't know where my sweet independent girl went. I think she is teething. She's still eating well, so I am not sure that is the problem.

Joe & Alisha are having a girl! Biggrin I am so excited! They are going to name her Josie Etta...I think that is how they are going to spell it. Ruthie will have a little girl close to her age to play with!

I still don't have any kids. I have had quite a few calls, but no kids. Sad I go back to work at Sonic Monday-Wednesday. I am going to keep 3 kids Thursday and Friday, but only for those days. Sharie might be getting me to watch Lupe's 2 kids. I wouldn't mind. I just need some kids! Lol

Well, Ruthie is making a mess in her drawers, so I better end this right here.

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Guess it is about time I get back to this. I am finally a SAHM! :woohoo: Guess I could say it's about darn time. I am watching a little boy who is 14 months old. I start with him on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I am meeting a lady with a 13 month old daughter. I am hoping she will sign on with me too. After that, all I need is one more kiddo until August when I get Simon. Sonic was kind of nice b/c of the tips, but that is it. I feel really guilty for quitting so quickly, but she knew it was coming soon.

Let's see....what has happened lately???? Ruthie fell and buster her lip good. Poor thing. I felt like such an awful Mommy. It is a big fat lip. Sad She is saying quite a few words now. She says, "yee haw", "baby", "peek-a-boo", and some more. She is just a doll and makes everyday worth living. She is my pride and joy.

Last night we went over to Becky's and had some margaritas, beer, and tacos. It was a really nice night. Ruthie didn't want to go to sleep, but I don't blame her. There was too much going on with all the kiddos.

Friday night was the company bass tournament. Randall entered the both of us. We took out the boat and had a really good time. The two fish we caught weren't big enough, but we had a blast reeling them in. Afterwards, they sent us to Porkey's. We had a few free beers and a free dinner so that was really nice! Sue kept Ruthie so I didn't have to worry about her. We just picked her up at about 10:30 and we all went to sleep when we got home.

My Mom & Dad FINALLY got the pool they have been waiting on for SOOO LONG! I am super excited about that. They are going to get so tired of Ruthie and me this summer!

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This whole SAHM thing is awesome. I have always wanted to just be at home with Ruthie and now I am able to. She is getting so much better with L. It is crazy b/c she was having such a rough time at first, but she is adjusting so much better than I thought she would. She is offically off the paci! WOO HOO! She hasn't had it in a while. We did really good, and she did too. L is having a rough time, but it's going to get better. He cries for about an hour in the mornings, but afterwards, he's fine. He doesn't like me to get out of his sight though. Ruthie was the same way with Mrs. Steph.

This Sunday is Mother's Day. All I really want is a license plate that says, "Ruthie's Mommy" or "Proud Mommy 2 Ruthie" Something along those lines. I don't want much b/c we don't have much money. :roll: I think us kids are going to get Mom something for the pool. I think she would LOVE that. For Susan, I think we will get her some flowers. That's all Randall wants to get her. Not sure why, but oh well.

Being a SAHM with extra kids here makes for a long day. I am not complaining, but I feel like all I do is clean, clean, clean. I have to vacuum, keep the floors looking good, always have dishes done, always have laundry done. I guess it is harder than I thought, but I would never change my mind, unless I could just do it with Ruthie only.....but then she wouldn't interact with other kids, and I think that is very important.

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Mother's Day was a very nice day. We went to the park. Everyone was there but Joe and them, Mike, and Rose. Mom bought me some beautiful earrings and a necklace. Sharie got me the sweetest journal that had sister memories in it. It made me cry. Randall got me 10 tans. Biggrin I need to get started!

Ruthie is growing up so quickly. It breaks my heart. Where in the world did the time go??? Today she did a few things that made me realize how grown up she acts. We were walking outside and I told her to wait. She stopped and reached her hand backwards without looking b/c I didn't want her going down the steps by herself. She is saying more words everyday. Her latest one is "peas" (please). It has to be the cutest thing ever! She brightens my day everyday.

As far as daycare. My one little boy, L, didn't show up today or yesterday. I hope everything is ok. We can't afford to lose him. I just worry so much about money and I hate it.

Randall is working tonight. At least it is his last night. I am cleaning the house up real nice tonight. I am vacuuming every floor and I am mopping the dining room and kitchen. I will be super worn out, but hey, I already am. Last night was a long night. I had to take Sharie to the hospital b/c of her back. I feel so sorry for her. Rose left out Saturday. Sad

Well, nothing much else has happened. Guess this is it.

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Ok, where did I go? Where did the happy Sadie go? I am in a funk right now and I can't seem to get out of it. It seems to keep happening and I deny it all the time. I am so not the person I want to be. I just don't seem happy anymore. I complain about everything. Randall never wants me. Is it b/c I am fat? Is it b/c I am negative? What is wrong with me? I just want to sit here and cry my eyes out. It's almost 12 am. I need to be in bed, but my heart is aching. I want to be the old Sadie, the happy Sadie. I love Randall and Ruthie so much, but I don't feel the love from him anymore. I really, truely don't think he loves me like he used to. Am I crazy? I don't know. I don't know where he went either. He disappered way before I did, that is for damn sure. I just don't know what to do. I guess I will just grab the pillows and lay on the couch.

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Well, last time I wrote in here, things were a little rough. I think I was a little too upset to be writing. Things are better. I talked to him. I just don't know what is wrong in that department, but I hope things start to change quickly. He understands that I do need things from him, but it's like he forgets to give them to me. :dontknow:

Last night I had a great time with my sisters. We went to Sharie's house and ate dinner and *tried* to watch the movie "The Holiday". What were we thinking with 4 kids?! Lol

Yesterday I met up with one of the girls on my birth board. We had a great time. We picked strawberries, ate lunch, and went to the park for some free ice cream. I hope she had as much fun as I did. I would really like to do it again soon. I felt bad b/c she had to drive much further than I did. Maybe sometime when I go to visit Randall's dad, we can meet up again.

Ruthie got really sick with some sort of virus. It was heartbreaking. She got soooo spoiled b/c when she is sick all she wants is to be held. Now that she is better, she doesn't understand why we can't hold her all the time. Oh, and the FITS! :-? Where in the world did these come from. Out of NOWHERE! :shock: She gets downright pi$$ed! She will just lay down and scream her head off. Today it was b/c she wanted Randall's wallet. I don't like her going through it b/c he has important cards in there that she can mess up.

Today is Autumn's baby shower. I just got Ruthie down so she will wake up just in time to go! Biggrin Randall is asleep so I got some quiet time all to myself. I need to get ready though. Maybe even work out b/c LORD knows I NEED it! :roll:

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I think things are going to start improving in our relationship. I truely believe that I have way too much negativity and it is causing everything to go down hill. There are things I need from Randall that he isn't giving, but I need to let up on him. I take EVERYTHING out on him, things that don't even have anything to do with him. He loves Ruthie and I more than anything. He would never let anything happen to our relationship and I am aware of that. I just get so down and he's the only one around.

Ruthie is asleep so that is where I need to be. I just needed to write this. I feel much better in my relationship now. I feel like pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. Biggrin

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Alright.....let's see. Where did I leave off?

Thursday was our 4th anniversary! Biggrin Those 4 years just flew by. It seems like yesterday I was walking down to my Grandma's pond to tell that man that I will love him till the day I die. And I meant it and mean it even more today. He is the love of my life. Look at the beautiful little girl he gave me. I am so proud to be his wife.

We went out and celebrated on the 30th. We got Steph to watch Ruthie. We went and ate at the Outback. I had a WONDERFUL drink. It was called Aussie Sky....YUMMY! It was the best! I can't wait to have it again! Afterwards, we went and watched "Delta Farce." It was an ok movie. I won't say it was the best, or the worst. Somewhere in between. I enjoyed myself. He is a wonderful husband.

Today I went and got Ruthie's antique pics done. They will turn out so good and we won't have the money to get them all. Sad At least we will get a 10x13. I can't wait! Afterwards, I went to Rachael's baby shower. It was really nice. I can't help but get jealous of what others have. I know I shouldn't, but I do. She is going to get to stay at home for the rest of her life and never worry about how much money she spends. I get to stay at home, but I can't buy much. We barely make it paycheck-paycheck. I just want to be a mom and stay with them and get them things they want. Not everything they want, but somethings. I hate that I get like this, but I can't help it. I am very happy in my family, I just wish we had some more money I guess.

Oh man! I am SOOOOO tired of being fat. I have to do something about it. I look at other woman and I can't wait to be skinny again. I will never have a beautiful stomach. I am a walking zebra. I have so many, but they are beautiful b/c of how I got them. I just have to remember that. I desperately need to lose weight before I have another kiddo. I don't want to have to go through GD again. That really sucked. Plus, I would like to be proud of myself. I need to start watching what I eat, and what I drink. I am quitting cokes again. I know, I do it all the time, but seriously need to. I am going to Branson on July 23rd and I want to lose some weight before then. I just need to be proud of myself again.

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Ok- so this is going to be my weight loss journal as well. I need to lose weight so bad. I have started off pretty well I think. I am not so much watching EVERYTHING I eat. I am done with cokes....day 3 and wanting a Pepsi more than anything! Lol I have also been jogging/walking a mile. I would like to continue that at least every other day. I have done well so far. Also, I have started crunches, sit ups, and lunges. I just hope this does help and I don't have to quit eating some sweets. I have tried to cut them down. I don't want to go on a certain diet b/c I know once I quit the diet, I will gain weight. Back in high school, I ate the same way I do know, the only difference is, I worked out. I would like to continue working out for a long time. I think it is a great way to relieve stress and be healthy.

I am going to put my weight down everyday that I check in so that I know how well I am doing.

June 4th, 2007- 154.5 lbs (:puke2: I know!)

Courtney had me watch D today. I don't mind. He is a wonderful kid. He is so southern though. I can barely understand him....yes, ME! I also got B today. :roll: She is about to drive Randall and I nuts. I hate to say that, but she is. She is a little weird. I hate to say that as well, but she just is.

Tonight we are going to Haley's and Al's games. I am looking forward to it. Hopefully Ruthie does well. I am sure she will though. Wink

Last night, Ruthie, Randall, and I went over to Becky's. We only stayed for a bit, but we enjoyed ourselves while we were there. I really enjoy hanging out with Becky and Vanessa. I feel like I can be myself.

Well, I am in need of a shower. I am still stinky and sweaty from jogging earlier. (beautiful huh?)

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The daycare has been picking up some. I still don't have any full-time kids, but I made about $125 this week, which is pretty nice. I might be getting some more soon. I have had a few phone calls, but no promises, as usual. It has been super nice having 90% school aged kids. They just play by themselves! Ruthie is doing well having kids in her house.

Speaking of Miss Ruthie, she is a MESS. She has been super goofy and trouble here lately. She knows when she is in trouble. She gives me this look and I can't help but laugh. Lol I know it's not good, but I seriously can't help it. She amazes me everyday with her language. She talks so weLl I think. She repeats anything and everything I say. For example, today I walked with her as we were putting her toys in her room. She put her toys in her basket and said, "good girl!" Lol I about died! I thought it was too funny. She tells me "no mam" too! :-? Not the best thing I guess. We are working on getting her used to just laying in her bed and putting herself to sleep. I would say we are on the right track, she is still crying a bit, but I think it'll get easier.

Randall is at work tonight. Last night while he was gone, I did nothing but clean. NOT tonight! I am going to spend time with Ruthie, give her a bath, read books, and maybe after she goes to sleep, I might scrapbook some more. I am having a ball scrapping. I just wish we had more money to do it. :roll: Anyways, off the subject of money.

I am looking forward to our "vacation" to Branson coming up. We are in dire need of getting out and doing something fun. I hope Ruthie is as good as she was last year, but I bet she won't be. I don't think she will want to be stuck in a stroller the whole time this year! Wink

Well, that's all for tonight. I am going to get off here and spend time with Miss Ruthie.

Oh yea, btw....I weighed in at 154.5 today. I haven't got to go for my jog/walk today, but I might tomorrow.

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Life is going ok I guess. I am worn out. These kids are wearing me out, but it is so worth it to stay at home with Ruthie. She is a doll and very active. I never realized it until yesterday when Sharie said, "I've never seen her this active." She was going non-stop. I knew she was active, I guess she doesn't act that way at other's houses.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. Randall's 2nd one. I got him some pedals for his truck. I am sure he will like them. Everyone is coming to our house so instead of cleaning I am sitting on the computer. :roll: We are also celebrating Mom's, Alex's & Tyler's b-days as well. They are all bought for so we are good to go. I am sure tomorrow will be a nice day. We are going to throw some horseshoes. I LOVE that sport! Biggrin

Randall and I have been fighting tonight. I am tired of fighting with him, but he isn't realizing that I NEED help around the house. I am always, and I mean always cleaning. I never get a break. I need it more than words can describe. I did get a break today though. Sue, Sharie, Haley, Alex, and I all went shopping. Ruthie stayed with Randall so it was nice to shop alone.

I went for a jog/walk today. I did my usual. I fell off the wagon.....imagine that. :oops: I started cokes again, but hopefully I can quit them again! Lol It was nice to get some exercise though!

I will post later about Father's Day.

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Father's Day was really nice. The sun wasn't out so it was cool and breezy. Made for a perfect day. We threw horseshoes and of course Randall & I lost. Lol Nothing new there. Mom and Dad liked their gifts. Randall did too. I got some really good pics of Randall & Ruthie. He actually got a good one of me and Ruthie as well. I was so proud of him! Biggrin

Life is so rough. I get so tired and so emotional it isn't even funny. I have cried the last two nights. I don't know why. I know a lot of it has to do with not sleeping much. Imagine that. I need to be in bed right now.

Friday we are leaving for Branson!!!!! Yahoo It's about time we get a break from AR and life. Although everyone we had going is backing out on everything. :x I just hope Randall, Ruthie & I have a great time. Screw everyone else.

I will update when we get back.

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OMG I am SO exhausted. All these kids are wearing me out. I had 10 kids in my house yesterday and I had 7 today. I think I am in some desperate need of adult conversation. I could just cry myself to sleep right now. I am soooo easily stressed out it isn't even funny.

Branson was so much fun, but it didn't last long enough. Reality sat in fast. We got home late Sunday night and I had kids that next morning. Ruthie was pretty good. I rode a FUN rollercoaster. Luckily I had Courtney, Terry, and Caleigh to ride with! It was a blast. We shopped a little bit and went to the Dixie Stampede. Ruthie really enjoyed herself.

Ruthie is on a great schedule now. I got it to where she is laying down for a nap at 1, and bedtime at 9. She is even used to it and needs to lay down at that time.

The daycare is picking up now. I am actually making money and now I feel like I can spend some! Biggrin

Sharie and I are talking about going to visit Aunt M & M. I really hope we can afford it, but I am not sure we can. It would mean the world to me. Randall knows that and was super sweet about it last night. He is going to try everything to get me there. I really hope we can manage it!

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Wow....it's been a while since I last wrote in here.

Things have been going good, I guess. We lost Jake on the 4th. We had him 4 years to the day. Sad That was really rough. I cried and cried. Randall and I just held each other and cried. We will seriously NEVER find a dog as good as him. He was PERFECT. If only I wouldn't have let him out that night. What was I thinking. Randall doesn't think I should blame myself, but I can't help it. He is such a good dog. Rest in peace sweet Jake, we will miss you.

Daycare isn't going so well. I think I lost two kids. Their mom still hasn't paid me. She owes me $180. :roll: Imagine that huh? I really liked watching her boys. They were good kids. I just hope she and I can work out a payment plan.

Randall has been working LOTS of overtime so Ruthie and I can join Sharie & Simon to see Aunt M & M. This means more to me than words can explain. It will be one HAPPY reunion. I can't wait. We are leaving July 27th as of right now and we are driving. Road trip! Biggrin I just hope Ruthie and Simon are good in the car.

That's about it for me. I don't have a busy life. Randall & I are getting along much better. I am trying to be more calm and not sweat the small stuff. I think it is working. I truely love him more than words can explain. I am really missing him. I feel bad for Sharie b/c Rose is gone. She doesn't have anyone. I am sure she and I will be spending LOTS of time together this summer. I don't mind. I enjoy her company!

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Wow....where do I begin. It has been a while since I last wrote and I am sure it will be a while again before I write.

Let's see. Our vacation was AWESOME! We had such a good time visiting. We ended up booking a flight and I was glad. At first, Ruthie & Simon fought SO much. It was stressing me out, but I was so thankful that we didn't drive. The trip to Tulsa was a mess, let alone to WA! The flight there was pretty good. The first plane, Ruthie did great, but the 2nd one, she was jealous b/c Simon was able to sit in his own seat, while Ruthie had to sit in my lap and we didn't have a window for her to look out of. It was one HAPPY reunion to see Aunt M&M. It was amazing. The first day, we just went to her house, settled in and visited. The 2nd day, we had to go pick up M and that was amazing, just to sight see, let alone get to see her! I was so excited, but scared b/c it had be so long since I had last seen her. She grew up to be such a beautiful young lady. It meant the world to me to get to spend time with her. While I was there, I got a massive ear infection from swimming 8 days in a row at Mom & Dad's. :rolleyes: Imagine that huh? I was in so much pain, that I went to the ER there in WA. They took care of me though. It took about 4 days for it to heal completely. We went to Seaside, OR. Aunt M didn't get to go with us b/c she had to stay at home with D. M went with us though. The ocean was so amazing. Ruthie LOVED to put her feet in the water. It was so sweet to get to watch her do it for the first time. I just wanted to cry. I felt so bad that Randall didn't get to go.That night at the coast, we went to where the Goonies was filmed, Cannon Beach. WOW! That was super cool. We watched the sunset there. Beautiful. Just beautiful. The next day, we went to a museum that had a display of the Goonies stuff. We also got to see the house from a distance. Then, we headed off to Long Beach, WA. It wasn't as nice as Cannon Beach, but it was the beach! We shopped some, but it was kind of cold. We got back to Aunt M's late that night. We had such a great time just visiting! It was really great to be home though. We both missed Randall so much.:confused: I teared up when I finally got to see him, and I think he did the same.

Ruthie is doing GREAT on potty-training. She has been in panties all day. I put her in a diaper while she is napping, but I hope to catch her before she goes. I am so proud of her! She is one smart cookie!

The at-home-daycare is picking up. I have 2 full-timers, and one part-timer. When Alisha has Josie, then I will have 2 part-timers, that equal 1 full-timer. I *might* be getting C, and he might be full-time which would be AWESOME. Money has been tight around here and I hate it. I hope we get back on our feet ASAP!

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whoops...double post.

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Why does it take me so long to get back on here? My life is so busy these days.

Daycare news- It is going pretty well. I have 2 part-timers, 2 full-timers. IF and when Alisha goes back to work, I will get J, but I don't know if she will. I guess if she does then I get J who will be part-time. After that, I think we will be doing pretty good. We need money so bad. I hate worrying about money....it totally sucks.

Ruthie news- She is about 95% potty trained. She has a few little accidents, but I am SO proud of her. She is talking so much. I can't believe my little girl is a toddler now. She is so smart! I love watching her learn and grow. She is throwing some major FITS now though. I am not enjoying that at all. It is driving me nuts! I wish this would stop b/c I don't want to have one in public.

Randall is thinking about switching jobs, and I am not too sure about it. I worry a lot. We are not sure about the benefits yet, so I am waiting on that. I stress about things like this, but I guess there comes a time in our lives when change has to happen. Sharie keeps telling me that.

Well, that's my life. Nothing to it.