Silence, sweet silence. I love coming into an empty office. Gives me time to settle in and get myself ready for the day. One boss off with his little girl getting braces ouch, don't know where the other is. But all I have to say is yeah!!!!
I just don't know what to do with Chris, this job is driving him crazy, but he refuses to even look for another job. I know he makes good $$, but it just isn't worth it if it tends to take over all our conversations. I mean he is just hates it. I just don't understand, last year it was after he gets back from Scout camp, then back from business trip, then at the end of the summer and now at is the end of the year. I want to be there for him and make him feel better, but just doesn't seem that he is doing anything to help his situation. I just don't know what to do!!!
Have a dr appt this morning, just my yearly that I have put off, was due in April. Was just hoping that my visit would be a happy one instead of the same ol same ol. I am taking my shot that I pd too much $$ for. I am going to tell him that he can either find someone that can use it or throw it away. I just can't bring myself to do it. That way I think well, it will at least go to someone that is having a hard time affording all that crap!!!
Getting cooler here. Makes me depressed. I set out on the deck last night till dark. Chris said you are missing tv, I told him that I wanted to enjoy the nice weather while it was still here. Nothing on tv anyway. Seems that I am trying not to miss things anymore. I seem to have more of a sense of how important life is and the things in it. The other night on tv one of the characters said, why is there even death, the other character said to prove how important life is. Isn't that just so true?!?!?
Well, way too much rambling!!!
Just can't believe Tater Matt is almost 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Friday!!! Having a really hard time getting started this morning, I know, so what is new?!?!? I am looking so forward to going to the ballgame tomorrow, bro wants to leave at 1, that would put us up there 4 hours before the game, I can see getting there 2 hours before, but wow. Oh well, can't look a gift horse in the mouth. I wouldn't care if they wanted to go up tonight, plenty of partying to be done. Other than that, nothing else going on.
Oh I went to the dr yesterday. I took that shot that I never used. My dr said he has plenty of women that could use that, so I felt better. I hope it helps someone. I am on pins and needles waiting to hear from Tammy. I want that bfp for her so bad. I know that I will never have one again so I put all my hopes and dreams on my friends. May not be fair to them, but hey good vibes are good vibes right?!??!
Boss just came up here and started talking. It is taking me forever to finish this je, back after 45 minutes.
Other than the ballgame, nothing going on, if something else happens will be back if not, have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
09/11, this day just sucks, Not as much for me but for thousands that had to live the actual tragedy. I got up this morning feeling really crappy and feeling very sorry for myself, then I realized what today is. It didn't make me feel better but it did make me wake up and realize that I lost no one on that day and there are so many people that did. What right did I have to feel bad on a day that was so filled with so many terrible things and happenings. Just kept me in check. I just can't help feeling so badly for all of those people, yes for the people that died, but also for those left to pick up the pieces. What heros those people are, how we should learn from them, pray for them and moarn for them. I am here in this office with 2 people that don't even know what day this is, they think that I am silly for taking it to heart like I do. How can they not be aware of what happened and not be just totally taken by all of it. I don't understand people. Are they so wrapped up in their own lives that others just don't seem to phase or bother them, or am I the one that needs to check and see what is wrong with me?!??! Confussed as usual, but what is new.
So today I am going to attempt to be a happier person and be so grateful for what I have and not be upset at what I don't have!!! Let's see how that works!!!
V, girl, sorry the weekend was so hard. I just can't imagine the world without my mom. You are such a strong person and we love ya girl!!!
Tammy, I am glad you are ok with this break. I think you should do what you want to do for these months off. Live life and deal with this mess later. hang in there sis, love ya
Got to fly
Love and peace out!!!!
Ok one day down, 4 more to go. Yesterday wasn't all that bad. I listened to the Memorial service most of the day. Had quite the productive day. Really hard to think of yourself when all those names are being read off. I also watched that movie that was on Sun and last night. I cried all the way through it. Wasn't that it was so sad, but very scarey and there is an entire other world out there where people don't care who or what we are, they just hate us because we are American. How twisted it that?!?!? I mean even with what the Taliban did, I don't hate all of their people, hate what they did, but I don't hate them personally. What is wrong with some people, I guess if they would have grown up in my world they would not feel that way, or I had grown in their, I would feel the way they feel. That is just still so screwed up!!!!
Nothing else really going on. I did frame the picture of Little Bit. Keep wondering why I didn't insist on pictures of my other babies. Guess when it all came down, pictures were the last thing on my mind. Just to think that she would have been 3 years old this Christmas. Wow, I should have a 3 year old, how amazing is that?!?!? As much as I wanted each and every one of them, I still have a hard time wondering what my life would be like. I guess I will never know, but that is life, or mine anyway. Sometimes I feel that I wasn't given a chance because I wouldn't have done very well. I mean get real, I love to sleep, I love TV, I love to have $$ to do what I want and when I want, or most of the time anyway. I keep wondering how you ladies do it, I can never seem to not spend every dime every month. What if I were a mom, I had a child to raise, the $$ wasn't there that use to be, insurance was doubled. How do you all do it and not go broke and/or totally insane. If I can't pay my bills off every month, I am a nervous wreck. I just don't know how you all do it. You have all my admiration and respect!!!!
Well better stop now, could just keep rambling all day.
Hope you all have a great day
Love and peace out!!!
Ah, hear that, well me either. That wonderful sound of nothing and no one. I love an empty office. Seems everyone is late today, and that is just perfect.
I am working out, but this weight thing is really getting to me. Just can't seem to get under that 120 mark. Everyday, I go to the scale, sure that this is the day and no deal. I am eating less, exercising, what does a girl have to do?!?!? I refuse to starve myself, and I am hateful when I do that anyway. Who needs me anymore hateful that I already am, he he.
I guess what they say about getting older is so true, it is twice as hard to get off the weight, but I am thinking more like three times harder, that is with me being the drama queen that I am. I will make it though, I want to get down to 115, that way I don't have to worry so much when I over eat. Ok enough of that.
Survivor comes on tomorrow night, I am so excited. For those of you that don't know, I am one of the biggest fans of Survivor. Have never and will never miss it. I even tape it so if I miss anything, I can go back and watch. I could never do what those people do, that is probably why I love the show so much. Chris said he could. But he would last long. He is a person that know alot of stuff and doesn't care to tell you what you are doing wrong and jump in and show you how to do it, even if you don't want him too. those are the people that go home early, and he would probably go on the first day. the tribe has spoken, sorry honey.
Other than than, that is my exciting life right now. I know it is not so exciting, but I do love my life, just had to add that!!!
Love and peace out girls, keep on keepin on!!!!!
Wha Hoo, it is almost Friday, and Survivor begins tonight. I am so excited!!!!
I read one of the girls je from the ttcing jes. she went in expecting to hear that they still couldn't find a hb, and at 9 weeks they did!!!! I am so excited for her. Brings back so many memories though. I still wish I had gone and made sure that Little Bit didn't have a hb. I mean the dr said that her messurements were too big for her not to show a hb when he did the us. I just wish I hadn't let them take her, that will always stay with me. I wish to this day that I hadn't let them take her and Loulou. I knew that there were problems with the Feb and Charm, but I just wish I had stayed with my guns, but when you are so beat down emotionally, you just let things happen. That is why I wish they would give us some time to think about what is happening and let us decide and not decide for us or push us scaring us to death about what could happen if we don't. Like I said just brought back way too many memories!!!
Well, didn't get on the scale but I am almost for sure that I am under 120, I put on some pants this morning and I have way more room than I have had in them before!!! And even my shoes. Isn't it weird that you even gain weight in your feet?!?!? My shoes are even more comfy. So I don't know if I will get back on that scale for a couple of days, see if maybe it is just water loss or what. Wha hoo, closer to my goal!!!!
TN plays FL this weekend. Oh my gosh, I am going to have to really cheer, so if you can hear me from where you are, don't think anything about it. Chris is going to be gone all weekend. Going to get out in my front yard and do some major yard work. I mean major!!!! I am sure he will be aggrevated at me but hey, I have asked that it be done for a year now and with the families coming over at the end of the mo, I want everything to look good, I mean really good!!!!
Well better get to work
Have a great one. love and peace out!!!
Friday, finally!!!! Got home last night and I had been smelling anifreeze all the way home. I thought, great, a busted radiator. Opened the hood and it was just a hose. That was really good, but I just had all my hoses replaced not 2 mo ago. And while Chris replaced the hose we found that they had not bolted my fan casing, I guess that is what you could call it, and it was about to fall on my fan, and that would have been a mess, and to top it off it looks as though they tried to close the hood with the thingie (can you tell I have no idea what the name of it is) that holds the hood up still connected, it was bent all to h--- and had left a place under the hood where it had been rubbing. I know all of this stuff is small, but I am just so tired of taking my car in and the people just not giving a crap. Other than taking classes on how to fix my car myself, I don't know what else to do. I guess I will march my happy butt down there tomorrow and tell them what is happening and what they have done. Like they will care anyway?!?!? BUT!!!!
Other than that crap, Looking forward to the weekend. Have my bro's dog show to go to tomorrow, Game tomorrow night, Church Sunday morning, and yard work Sunday afternoon.
Oh yeah, got some terrible news too. My best friend growing up, found out her dad has liver cancer. I have to call her this weekend. They are doing a biopsy (spelling??) Monday. What do you say to someone that is going through this. All I know is to ask you all for prayers that I don't make anything worse and that by some miracle it is not as bad as they think. I guess I will just let her know that I am here and I am a very good listener!!!!
WEll, got to get to work
Oh yeah, V, girl set back and give it some time. I mean if you have had a calling, either it will come back or God will show you a new way. I have never had a calling in my life, I always thought that would be great, to know exactly what I wanted to do. Hang in there girl!!!
Have a great weekend and go VOLS!!!!
Oh well, Monday, Monday. Not hating life too much this morning, not like usual for a Monday morning. I have 1/2 day off tomorrow, mamo time for the ol 40 year old woman, I think that sucks, then, one of the bosses are off all week and the other is off Thursday and Friday. So the week is sizing up pretty good. I have had a headache all weekend. So when I woke up this morning without one, I was a very happy camper. Even though had a bad headache, was very productive!!!! Hey me!!! Sat, washed both cars and waxed them, getting them ready for the winter, mowed the yard, weeded and cleaned my carpets, oh and did the laundry. Sunday laid around alot, then went to the inlaws for dinner. Vols lost this weekend, oh well, the life of being a fan. Can't be too upset, they really played well, just made a couple of errors. Like I stated, all in the way of being a fan. Oh and I also went to the dog show. My bro did really well, I am so proud of him, he really seems to be doing really well with this!!!! It is really cool to go and see all the dogs, man, it is amazing how many different kinds of dogs there are.
Well, that is pretty much it for me. OH yeah, found a new work out think I may try. It is called the Turbo Jam. Little on the pricey side, but they split it into payments so, that doesn't seem so bad. I am going to give it a couple days to see if I am still interested. I am so weird. If I really want something, I will still want it a couple days later, but if it is just an impulse, I will forget all about it. Isn't that ADD or something along those lines?!?!?!? Oh well, we shall see. I need something, I am stuck at 120, can't figure out why, I am still working out, still watching what I eat, but just like I have hit a brick wall. I watched Celebrity Fit Club this weekend too, one of the celebrities on there was 130 and 5'6" and I though, oh my gosh, I am 3 inches shorter and only 10 less, and she looked good in her cloths, but she still had rolls, so oh my gosh, what do I look like?!?!?
OH well, life!!!
Better fly, get some work done.
Love to you all and peace!!!!
Not a good morning. First went to bed and woke up with headache. the storms are suppose to be over so I am hoping that my headaches are gone too. Then I received a call from my Dr. office. They said they want me back in 6 mo for a recheck. I asked why and she said really nothing that they found some A typical cells. I asked what that meant and she said, oh it is nothing to worry about and it was just too broad of a subject to elaborate (spelling??)on. Well, what the crap does that mean?!?!? I mean really if they didn't want to scare someone then they needed to call me back in 5 months and schedule an appt and then tell me, instead no they have to let us be scared for 6 months!!!! I think because I am so tired, it just is hitting me harder. I think Nicky went through something like this and turned out to be nothing. We shall see I guess. IN 6 MONTHS!!!!!
I go today for my mamogram (spelling?), not thrilled with that either. If they tell me something, I am liable to fall apart. This was suppose to be a good day. Have 1/2 day off, going shopping, but oh no. This is not what I call a good day.
Maybe if I just felt better all of this wouldn't be getting to me.
Well, better stop whinning before I really get myself worried.
V, so glad you are feeling better!!!!!
Got to fly, later chicks, love ya
Happy Hump day everyone!!!! So far anyway.
Had my mamogram yesterday. I guess it was fine, the dr looked at it and said nice to meet you and that was all she wrote. No news is good news I guess, but that is what I thought about my pap too. I feel alot better today, still have that feeling that something bad is going to happen. I hate when I get that!!!!
Let me explain something, when I was 18 I had a guy pursue me and I gave in and went out with him. He was very good looking, outgoing and rich. We quickly fell in love, but after 3 years things started not adding up. He would lie to me for stupid reasons, almost like he couldn't tell the truth. I started finding things in his appartment that he said was his cousins (drug stuff), and letters that he said didn't mean anything. By that time he had me so beat down that I didn't put alot of stock in myself. Then my best friend stepped in and and showed me that there was a life outside my little town that I grew up in and I feel in love with it. I finally got the nerve to break up with him, which was not easy. He had me followed, he knew when and at what time I went to work and got home, where I went after that, when I was alone, so on and so forth. After we broke up people started coming to me telling me that he was sleeping with this person and that, doing drugs and the whole shabang. I was devistated. Even though I broke up with him, I believed that he loved me, but even if he did, it was very twisted. I started being afraid for my health. At that time is when AIDs was really crazy and way out of control. I was tested and never got a positive. I went on to go to college, meet the true love of my life and get married. I was always so afraid that he had given me something. Now that this HPV is in the forefront, it scares me. They say you can have it and never know it, and with this pap coming back it brings all the scarey and bad memories back. I am going to try not to let it get to me. All I know to do it pray!!!
Sorry so long, I had to get that out, not like I can talk to anyone about it.
Better get to work
Love and peace out!!!