I'd actually been thinking about starting one of these for awhile and now I finally did. I wish I had sooner, it's nice to just be able to have a place to vent... about everything.
Now I'm 27 weeks pregnant, it really feels like it's been forever - so much has happened during this pregnancy. I don't have time to write an entry right now but I will later tonight. I figured I'd just get the ball rolling...
The new year is here finally and my baby shower is in 2 days. It makes having this baby oh so much more real...
This last year has been so odd, with more ups and downs than a roller coaster - and more ups and downs than I've EVER had.
In January (of '06) I decided to finally end a looooong 4 year relationship. He lived in MA and me in PA, we rarely got to see each other and when we did it seemed like the worst always happened. Ending that relationship felt so wonderful, and I decided to celebrate by visiting my family and friends in CA who I hadn't seen in almost 2 years.
I came out on the 21st and my mom had a small get together to celebrate my 21st birthday (which I'd just celebrated on the 17th) the night I arrived. Of course she invited all of her friends but I was so excited to see she did invite ONE of mine.
His name was Michael, 2 year previously we had been almost inseparable. I missed him so much while I was in PA, our friendship had been so great for both of us - we never disagreed, never fought. I had known him since I was 13 and secretly I had loved him since I was 15.
We spent the WHOLE week together and when I left I knew I couldn't live without him. The previous relationship I'd been in and other factors had blinded me before, but I felt as though my eyes were wide open.
We spoke on the phone every night after that, and I came to visit 2 times more before deciding to move back to CA in April ( I joked with my cousin before I left that I'd be married by July). We began dating in May and by then I knew we'd be together forever. Those deep rooted feelings and our previous friendship seemed to just make us the perfect couple.
On July 1st my brother was killed in Iraq by another soldier. The details were sketchy at first and so many questions ran through my mind - who killed him and why? was it an accident? was it on purpose? some people even suggested maybe it was suicide - but I knew better.
Mid-July Michael and I decided to get married, eventually. But I seemed to just get more depressed and stressed. I felt nasuaus and tired, and I just chalked it up to losing my brother, but by the end of July I knew I was pregnant. It didn't happen by accident - Michael and I had just decided to stop using protection, I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant and carry to term anyway.
Michael took it well and we decided to get married on Sept 2nd, 2006. The wedding was beautiful and I knew I'd be happy with him forever.
The months have past and we slowly got answers about my brother's death and circumstances surrounding it. He was murdered by an unstable soldier, who was supposed to be his friend. The trial is in March... I'm due in March.
Hopefully this year is better than last, with more joy and less sadness...