Beginning a new chapter...
So, I thought I'd start a whole new journal to mark the fact my family is finally complete and my baby making days are now over. I can't think of a good title though - so will probably change it later on when I've had a moment of clarity!
Liberty-Hope is 8 days old today and this is the first time I've really been well enough to get online. Rather stupidly I thought once my pregnancy was over I would be better but obviousely that wasn't meant to be! My SPD is now worse than ever, in the last two days my chest has started hurting around the lung area (I'm trying not to freak out honest!) when I breath in, I have shooting pains going down my arms and legs, am suffering from terrible headaches, yesterday and today I've had a horrible fever and breastfeeding is NOT going well at all.
I'd like to say she was worth it but to be honest, at this point, I'm not really sure. Other than feeding her until my nipples bleed all she does is sleep so no-ones really got to know her at all. And when she is awake all she does is cry. I mean, obviousely she IS worth it, but what I wouldn't give to be healthy again right now.
Her birth at least was a good one. Odd but good! I'm actually quite glad it was a bit longer and a bit different from all the others, it seemed far more relaxed and not so hurried as my previous births and apart from the last hour it was pretty manageable - I even got to sleep for two hours before I reached transition and started wanting to push!!! How crazy is that?! And the boys got to be there too, which was good as I know it was important to them.
Apparently the back-up midwife saw my Ob the day she was born and told her about my birth and my Ob threw her hands in the air and shouted "Yes!". LOL
The kids have taken to Libby really well. Lacey loves touching her and helping by bringing nappies or her blanket over and is fascinated by Libby's feet for some reason. She calls her "That" though! LOL Which is quite funny! And the boys all like cuddling and kissing and talking to her which is really cute (except maybe when they come into our room at 5am and ask if they can have a hold of her!)...
The run up to her birth was pretty stressful though. I swear the only person who kept me even vaguely sane was my Mum who was really supportive and put up with me on a daily basis either invading her house or phoning and complaining. Martin and his Mum were next to useless and caused more problems than they helped. There were two or three occasions in particular where the kids and I needed extra attention (including the night I was in labour and the day she was born) when his Mum buggered off down the pub with her boyfriend. And I constantly felt bullied into pretending to be healthier than I felt and do things that really pushed myself to the limits. Infact there was quite a lot of very hurtful things that went on and I think it'll take me a long time to forgive them both for some of the stuff.
Anyway... I was supposed to have a Haematology appointment today but I just don't feel well enough at all to leave the bed. I can barely walk at all. I've only managed to get to the bathroom twice in the last 24+ hours and one of those times I had to have help from one of the boys as I couldn't walk myself very well. One minute I'm sweating buckets and the next I'm so cold I can't stop myself from shivering violently and my whole body aches horribly.
My Dr came the other day to check Libby over. She is doing great it seems and everything is where it should be, the only concern is that she has a birth mark which covers her upper lip, nose, forehead and left eye and we aren't entirely sure what type of birth mark it is and whether it will fade or whether it's likely to get worse. So we just have to keep an eye on it. He also asked us about contraception and I mentioned sterilisation. Martin immediately jumped in saying he'd rather have the snip but I pressed the issue that I was told I should really consider tubal ligation by the hospital for my own health. My Dr said that was fine and I could basically either have something along the lines of the Mirena IUD (hormonal coil) for 5 years and then be sterilised (so I'd had plenty of time to be sure it's what I want) or he could write a letter off now and refer me for sterilisation straight away. I'm not sure which to do to be honest... My head says I need to ensure I can't ever have anymore children, as sad as that makes me feel, for my own healths sake, but my heart tells me to have the IUD for 5 years to make doubly sure it's what I really want... I just don't know. Sometimes I really curse my body - if I had easy and complication free pregnancies I'd have probably kept going with more children until my body closed that chapter of my life although I guess on the bright side at least this way we can still go on decent holidays and drive a decent car and have a fair amount of money to do the things we like to do... I should imagine that would all be a lot harder if we had many more children and honestly, I really don't want more children - this last pregnancy wiped me out and I never want to go through that again. Just seems so strange to say "that's it, no more".
Libby also had her heel prick test done at 6days old - she was so good! She had to be pricked twice to get enough blood out and even then she barely managed to give enough and she didn't fuss at all! The other kids all screamed when they had theirs done as babies but not Libby!
Hopefully tomorrow I will feel a lot better. Mood wise I'm actually really good - quite happy and cheerful although I'm sure that doesn't come across in this post. Only real downer is that I thought I'd be at least a little better once I'd had Libby and was no longer pregnant, and actually I'm worse now (or so it seems)... But hopefully it only lasts a few more days and then I'll be feeling better!