Okay, so now he's being Mr. Wonderful and giving Justin a bath. Justin had a bath already but I guess he wanted his daddy to give him another bath (Justin loves taking baths!). So now Bryan gets to look like the fun wonderful daddy giving him a bath. Not to mention that it's 10:30 and Justin should be in bed. He just doesn't think. Does he talk to me about stuff like this. No. He does what HE wants to do and forget about everything and everyone else. I know he's Justin's father, but he has to understand that we do things a certain way in this house when Bryan is not here (and he's not here 6 out of 7 days a week) and to keep things consistant for these kids he needs to stick to MY routine. Not because it's better or because it's mine, but it's because that's what we do and that's what works all week long. Bryan leaves for work in the morning before the kids get up and he gets home normally after they are asleep. They normally only see him on Sunday. He has to understand that he just can't walk in here and change things up to suit him. I'm not worried about his needs....I'm worried about my children's needs. Someone has to and he certainly is not. It's so damn irritating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe we should just split. I don't know if I can stand this anymore. What would be better for the kids in the long run? This mess or a single momma? I think a single momma is best! At least that's how I feel right now.
Wow, haven't posted here in a long time. Things started to quiet down a bit, and are okay. They are not great, but okay.
I think this will probably be my last journal entry....at least for a while again. I know me sticking with my husband and trying to work on my relationship is not what a lot of people think I should be doing. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I do respect their opinions. But it's just not easy to pack up and quit this relationship. I have two kids with him and my kids worship the ground that he walks on. Not to mention that we have been married for nearly 6 years and together for just over 11 years. The past year has been rotten, yes, but everything before that was great. I need to give him the benefit of the doubt and stick with my marriage vows....for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer. Right now we are in "worse" and in "poorer". It's a real test to our relationship.
I realized that I cannot make everyone happy. And quite frankly, I'm not trying to make everyone else happy. My job is to make my kids happy and to make me happy. So that's what I'm trying to do now. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if we will still be together this time next week, next month, or next year. But as for now I have to give it my best. I can't leave this relationship with my head held high unless I know that I tried absolutely everything. And that's what I'm doing.
My father and I have been working on the financial side of things. He's helping me to understand what needs to be done and Bryan no longer has to worry about paying or handling the money. We still argue, we still fight, and we still don't really get along. But we are trying. We always make up, and we have to continue to work hard at this relationship for the kids sake. We have not tried professional counseling yet, so if things get any worse then we will try that.
So anyway, that's my last update for now. I am working hard at saving my marriage and keeping my family together. It's not an easy task, but no one said being married would always be easy. It had been up until last year, so now we are being put to the test and it's up to us to see how we come out of this. I don't know how it will end up, but I hope the kids win in the long run...whatever that is. They seem to be happy now and that is all that matters. They don't need to be burdened with adult issues. It has not been easy for me and Bryan, and I'm sure it will continue to be difficult, but hopefully we'll pull through.