It can't rain all the time....
That line is one of my absolute favorites. It's from The Crow. The girlfriend says it in the very beginning, standing in a cemetery. It just feels right sometimes, y'know? I want whoever sees this to feel free to comment, BTW, as then at least I know you were here :)
I just feel so lost right now. Not just because I have had another loss , either. It just feels like this last one was really it. Like noone understands what I'm going through, or even cares enough to try. I mean, not only did I lose a baby this time- I lost the capability of even considering the kind of birth I would want for that baby. When I lost this baby, I lost any chance of another vaginal birth like Ethan's. I have to have scheduled c-sections from here on out. I hate that idea. Choosing when your baby is going to be born, like it's just another routine visit to the doctor, or a visit from the plumber. I'm sorry if you don't like that analogy, it's just my opinion.
Part of the excitement of being pregnant is wondering when your baby will come, wondering what time of day, what day. I will never get that again. Not to mention that I'm terrified of how long it will take for me to get pregnant with only one tube left. I mean, it took me 9 months the very first time with BOTH.
I think I'm going to stop now while I'm ahead, since this is sounding more & more like a pity party. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Like I said before, it can't rain all the time.