So, this is going to be long, hard, and not too nice. I have decided
in order to get rid of my stress, feelings of unwantedness, and over
all paranoia, that I should start a journal. And since I have so little
time in the day anyway, Ill do this while being in chat.
So... To start, Chris finally proposed. It was sweet. I cried
(about 2 hours after he did it, but hey). We set the date last week.
May 31st. I have 83 days till the wedding. I have decided between two
dress styles. Halter top or strapless. Chris said he would prefer
strapless, but that would mean I have to loose 30 lbs instead of just
the 20 I was going to loose. Ah well, I have about 60 something days
to do that then. Starting today Ill loose it the only way I can. Eat
less, drink only water and diet soda, and stop sitting on my ass in
front of the tv for 6 hours a day.
Cleaned the house up today. Looks much better. Worked up a sweat doing
it too. Which is good. Jayme is getting better at letting mommy do
things without spending all my time with her. Before if I wasnt in her
site she was crying, now she has her boucey chair activity bar to
keep her ocupied. WOOHOO
Shes getting so big. 11.9lbs. 2 months old. God I cant believe she was
born 2 months ago. Seems like yesterday I was bitching cuz I was
ctrxing every 5 min for 2 months. Ah, well time flies when your being
Im ok tho. No appriciation sometimes, but I deal. Chris is loving most
of the time, our fights last all of 5 min now, and I cant even
remember the last real fight we had. He gets cranky sometimes, but so
do I. Plus birthcontrol makes me extra bitchy anyway, so the first week
after AF leaves Im mean. Oh well.
Im fat. Yes, its true. I am fat. I dont look like it with clothes on,
but if you saw me naked.... ick.... lol Ok, forget that image. Im over
Hey, this is pretty theraputic. Next thing you know Ill be telling my
deepest secret..... HAHAHAH NOT