Ciar uncovered

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Ciar uncovered

03-06-2003

So, this is going to be long, hard, and not too nice. I have decided
in order to get rid of my stress, feelings of unwantedness, and over
all paranoia, that I should start a journal. And since I have so little
time in the day anyway, Ill do this while being in chat.

So... To start, Chris finally proposed. It was sweet. I cried
(about 2 hours after he did it, but hey). We set the date last week.
May 31st. I have 83 days till the wedding. I have decided between two
dress styles. Halter top or strapless. Chris said he would prefer
strapless, but that would mean I have to loose 30 lbs instead of just
the 20 I was going to loose. Ah well, I have about 60 something days
to do that then. Starting today Ill loose it the only way I can. Eat
less, drink only water and diet soda, and stop sitting on my ass in
front of the tv for 6 hours a day.

Cleaned the house up today. Looks much better. Worked up a sweat doing
it too. Which is good. Jayme is getting better at letting mommy do
things without spending all my time with her. Before if I wasnt in her
site she was crying, now she has her boucey chair activity bar to
keep her ocupied. WOOHOO

Shes getting so big. 11.9lbs. 2 months old. God I cant believe she was
born 2 months ago. Seems like yesterday I was bitching cuz I was
ctrxing every 5 min for 2 months. Ah, well time flies when your being
mom/maid/everything.

Im ok tho. No appriciation sometimes, but I deal. Chris is loving most
of the time, our fights last all of 5 min now, and I cant even
remember the last real fight we had. He gets cranky sometimes, but so
do I. Plus birthcontrol makes me extra bitchy anyway, so the first week
after AF leaves Im mean. Oh well.

Im fat. Yes, its true. I am fat. I dont look like it with clothes on,
but if you saw me naked.... ick.... lol Ok, forget that image. Im over
it.

Hey, this is pretty theraputic. Next thing you know Ill be telling my
deepest secret..... HAHAHAH NOT

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03-11-2003

SO why do ex girlfriends always have to show up just when you DONT WANT
THEM LIVING ANYMORE?? Yes, harsh. I know. Screw being nice.
Chris's ex was talking to SIL the other day. Asked about MY baby. SIL says
"Jayme is doing great. Shes 11.9lbs already." Stupid hoe asked how much
she weighed at birth and how old she is Sil said " She was 7lbs and is now
10 weeks" Stupid hoe says " Oh, so she feeds her to get her to shut up
huh? Baby will be fat like her mother."

WTF?!?!?! Who asked her? Shes fat too. Atleast I am TRYING to loose the
weight. Atleast I WAS looking REALLY good right before I got PG. Atleast I
can look good AGAIN. Im so sorry I took MY man back from you. I am so
freaking sorry we had a rough time, and broke up. Im so sorry he wanted
sex and you gave it up without thinking twice (or even THINKING ABOUT IT
AT ALL). I am so sorry your a hoe. Im sorry you think that just because
you were with him LESS THEN A MONTH that means you deserve him, or get him.
NO He loves ME. Get over it. You were a peice of ass. He doesnt like to
be alone. Little does she know that he was thinking of ME the entire time.
It was ME he called at night when she was working. It was ME he left her
for when he found out I was carrying HIS child. HA... let her think what
she wants. Let her WANT him all she wants. She can moan her loss till the
end of eternity for all I care. I know who hes with. I know who hes
marrying. I know who he loves. I just dont like it that she called my
PIGLET fat. My baby is not fat damnit.

Ok... on to better things. Got the budget down to 2150... woohoo... Thats
including the dress, viel, shoes, undergarments, and such... plus food,
reception hall and the place the wedding will take place. Blah... too much
to do, too little time. I ONLY have 70 somthing days

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03-11-2003

Ok so yeah, Im not the best person moral wise. Im not the kindest woman
on the face of this earth. Ill key your damn car if you park where you
arent supossed to park. Damnit, I have a 55 yr old MIL living with me.
When the ass with two mini vans takes up BOTH spaces close to her door,
Ill take revenge thank you. MIL has knee probs. She cant walk too far
without them swelling up and hurting. We have a 4 space parking lot right
out front of our side of the complex. 4 units on this side, 4 spaces. THE
IDIOTS NEXT DOOR PARK BOTH OF THIER VANS IN THESE SPACES AND SHE CANT PARK.
On person has a van that doesnt even work parked there. They live on the

other side of our next door ppls. So, we have 3 mini vans and a car. NONE
of which belong to us. The person at the far end never moves (she doesnt
work, but always has traffic comeing in and out.. wonder what SHES doing
to pay rent) and so her car rarly moves. I think its just unfair. I am
writing a very strongly opinionated letter to the landlord about this.
wonder if I can get Brookes help.

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03-15-2003

STRONG LANGUAGE: BEWERE

Get off you damn ass. Get out of my face. I hate hoes. I hate little girls
trying to dress way above their age. This fat little 18yr old girl was
trying to get Chris to go home with her. She had 2 kids (both hers) one
was about 17 months and the other was around 3 months. Come on now... We
went to the welfare office to tell my case worker that we no longer used
Medicaid (even for Jayme) and to stop sending us letters and cards. I no
sooner get in line and Chris sits down, then this bitch scoots over next
to him and starts hitting on him. I get through the line (slow day thank
God) and I go back to him and I say " Get away from my husband" SHe looks
me up and down, looks at Chris and MY BABY, and says " Oh, well I didnt
know he was attached." OMG he has a baby for gods sake. I almost decked
her. Chris told me he kept telling her to get lost, and by the look on
his face the entire time they were talking I believe him.

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03-17-2003

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat .. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost ...
And what you had ...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say .. Women ... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean .. you'll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and ...
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness ...
Like a heartbeat ... drives you mad ...
In the stillness of remembering what you had ...
And what you lost ...
And what you had ...
And what you lost

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say .. Women ... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean .. you'll know

Dreams by Fleetwood Mac.... hhmmm

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03-17-2003

Ok. Im a f***ing bad mother. I drank ONE beer in front of my 2 1/2 month
old. She will now be scared for life. But... Whats this? You (the person
who is condeming me to a life of bad motherhood and saying I will make my
daughter need therapy in 15 years) goes to the bar everynight. You bring
home strange men to sleep with them. You smoke weed in front of your
child. You smoke cig. while you were preg. with both children. You had
to sign over your parental rights to your father for your 12 yr old, while
you keep your son so you can hold on to his father, which didnt work in
the first place, as he LEFT YOUR FAT ASS. You ridicule me because I weigh
20lbs more then I should. News flash, I JUST HAD A BABY. You had your
last child 8 YEARS AGO. Whats your excuse?

I am so sick of this bitch. Chris has told her he doesnt want her. He has
told her to leave me alone. To stop calling. SIL let a phsyco into our
lives, and now I cant get rid of her. Short of a restraining order the
only thing left to do is beat the hell out of her, and i like to believe
that I am now above that. I am no longer 16. I cant take my anger out by
kicking ppls ass's anymore. So what do I do? Turn the other cheek? Go to
church and put this in Gods hands? Leave it be and hope that she
eventually leaves me and Chris alone? HA...... Ill think of something,
but for now I will just have to come up with nasty comments back to her.
I feel like im in freaking 4th grade again.

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03-18-2003
:angry4:

:angry5:

and even
:banghead:

The dr website says I am obese. My BMI is 35, which is 5 points higher
then a fat person. WTF?? Plus the chart says I, being 5' 7 1/2" should
only weigh 147lbs. Um... HELLO! I look ill at 160, why do I need to be
147. So I can look like a skinny little hoe? No thanks. I look damn good
at 190, and I look awesome at a 180, so there. I dont want to weigh 147.
I might get my ass kicked from lack of strength. Id be all skin and bones
with no meat. Id loose Chris (he likes my ass ) ... so :flamethrower: :violent1: :fu2: and :sex:

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03-19-2003

Geez its slow tonight. Im bored.. when Im bored I eat. I ate some mini
corn dogs (only 6) some fries (half of what I normally eat), a bag of
popcorn (no butter, no salt)and half a bag of Ritz crackers. Plus 2 beers.
and a bunch of Diet Cokes. Not too bad... I normally eat more. Im working
on cutting back. Blah

So, pretty quiet at home too. Nothing happened today. The hoe left me
alone (of course Ive been online all day)... um.... Chris is nicer lately.
Yep, life is peachy.

Mmmhhmmm Bowl of cherries. Peaches N cream.. neato... grovy... so why do
feel like shit?

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03-21-2003

Bought my dress. NOT the one I wanted, but hell, its pretty. I need to
loose some weight tho. Not as much as I thought I was going to have to
loose. Im gonna try to loose to where it fits perfectly and stay there so
I dont have to spend $$$ on alterations. *sigh*

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03-22-2003

WTF is wrong with him? MIL and I went to price cakes today. Found a
nice one. Gonna get it. Then we went to SIL's where Chris was. Sil's
ass fiance had a friend over who has a 2 yr old. Well the 2 yr old was
sick, so as we are walking up the walk Chris comes out and says, " you
cant bring the baby in, Ash is sick" I said, " so what do you want to
do?" Meaning, do you want me to let MIL take her and me stay, me go
home with the baby, YOU GO HOME WITH US? What? He blows up " I dont
know, you just cant bring the baby inside." OKKKKKKKK.... Flippin yell
at me. So I put the baby in the car, and go back in to talk to him.
I ask quietly if he would come out and talk to me... we get 4 steps
from the door and he yells at me again, storms back in. STUPID me, goes
in after him. Well, in the end, he ends up telling me to go the f**k
home. FINE.... I dont care. F**k him. That was at 12... its now 5...
WTH am I going to do. Im so depressed. Crying at every little thing.
Ive cleaned the living room, bedroom, and bathroom. Nothing left to
clean. I called and told SIL to tell him dinner is at 6... I dont care
if he comes home.

I dont. Really.......

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03-24-2003

Ok, so he came home FINALLY at 11 pm. WTF was he doing the entire day?
Fixing his truck. Why? Cuz thats what he does. Why was he so pissd he
yelled at me? Stressed about the wedding. WHY? He doesnt have anything to
do. He doesnt have to call a bunch of ppl, talk to a bunch of rude ass
women, make a bunch of plans that someone ALWAYS tells me is wrong anyway
.... Im so sick of this shit. If anyone has the right to go completely
balistic and yell at the other, its ME. I am the one who is super stressed,
PMSing, and feeling completly unappreciated. Geez.

Secondly I think Jayme might be teething. SHES ONLY 3 MONTHS...... shes
been eating her fist, drooling non-stop, and has been EXTRA SUPER fussy
for the past 3 days. She wont suck on her binky, and when shes done with
her bottle she wants to chew the nipple. I dont know if this is teething,
but damn if its not agravating me.

Wedding? Im not so sure anymore. My flippin parents havent sent ANY money
for it. I got the dress only because my grandmother paid for it,
expecting my father to pay her back. I had to listen to THAT bitch fest
for a whole 5 days. Im so sick of her being overbearing and pushy. ITS MY
WEDDING. Let me do it MY way.

Im also so pissed at my step FIL... every day when he gets home he sneaks
into our living room and scares the living hell out of me. BOO! GOD Its
annoying. I tell him every day to please stop, and he just doesnt. I think
Ill talk to MIL about it... I need to get out of the house.

Yeah... thats almost about it..... I need to seriously talk to someone
about this.... Tash isnt into talking right now.. she just had her baby
(which Im sooo happy for her about).... Life sucks ass sometimes.

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03-25-2003

Sick. Im so sick of this. I get a call today from my mom. Screaming in
the background, crying, crashes. My dad is drunk, my mom is drunk, my
sister is crying. Aparently my father hit my sister. Guess who they call.
ME.... WHy am I the only stable one in our family? Oh well. ALl I have to
say is My sister is comeing to live with us, and thats that. Nothing they
can say will make me change my mind.

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03-26-2003

Ok, so Chris thinks its a good idea that we take my sister. She needs to
move out here. Like NOW. Ill have to get her into school, MIL said its ok
with them, and we can make room in Jaymes room for her to sleep. Im
thinking its gonna be ok. Im a little worried about taking care of a 13
yr old, but this way Ill be able to get a job this summer and not worry
about Jayme. Of course, me being the paranoid bitch that I am......
well...... lets not go THERE.

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03-28-2003

And then...... No and then, cuz now Chris thinks its a BAD idea to take
Dre, cuz we dont have money. Um..... WTF would you flippin tell me its
ok, have me tell my mom its ok, then tell me ... NO..... UGH>.... No
matter how much I love him, he pisses me off sometimes BAD... Almost
every answer he gives me is " i dunno" or "maybe" He cant ever say Yes,
No, well talk about it....... No, gotta be freakin dificult.

Im going to tell my grandmother that I found a Tailor and he needs the
dress a month and a half before the wedding, just to get the dress here.
She'll never know, and she wont check up on it. Im so pissed about that
too. Telling me that my own mother doesnt need to see my wedding dress,
and that noone else needs to see it either. Screw her. This is MY freaking
wedding. If I want everyone (except Chris) to see the damn dress, Ill let
everyone see the damn dress. Its MY decision.

Anyway, Jaymes teething. Getting worse. Shes fussier, shes got a fever
today.. poor baby. All those commercials on Tv that say having a baby
changes everything is the best damn thing Ive ever seen on a commercial.
I thought I was ready for a baby. I was kinda, but hey, its more work
then anyone told me. Im doing good tho. I think... I havent killed her
yet, so thats a good sign. Shes too cute.... I love my baby.

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03-28-2003

Two pics of my baby girl... Shes so sweet. I cant believe I have such a
perfect little girl.

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03-31-2003

Well.... Got my new pills today. I have more energy. He had to prescribe
my diet pills cuz aparnetly I am allergic to ephedrrin and i need to
loose weight. It sucks that I need diet pills just to loose 20-30 lbs,
but I cant do it on my own. I walk, do crunches, tried Tai Bo (or however
you spell it) nothing works, I just keep gaining, or stay the same. SO I
have help. even just taking 3 today I have more enerrgy. I cleaned the
house from top to bottom. Feels good to be able to do that and not have
to sit down every 10 min. Ah well.... screw it, im not sad. Im actually
happy Ill be able to loose this weight for sure. I wasnt so sure about my
ability to do it on my own in the first place, no there is no question.

Anyway, things are going ok with wedding plans I guess. Im not too far
behind. Tomorrow Bobi and I are going to go look at Bridesmaids dresses.
We might find one that She and SIL can rent cheap.

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04-02-2003

Well geez. Im not surprise Bobi had to back out at the LAST min. I go to
pick her up and find out she has to babysit cuz her stupid sister doesnt
want to get offline to do it. Talk about lazy.

So Ill have to take the truck again on Friday and we will do it then.
maybe SIL can go with us. ROTFLMAO.

Why does Chris NOT appriciate anything I do? We broke up cuz I wasnt
cleaning or cooking, and now that the house is clean EVERY day, and I
cook when MIL doenst want to, its the same. I cant do anything to please
him. Last night he told me about this guy getting fired for not calling
in sick. His wife called up there looking for him for something and they
said hes not there. She says well where is he? So needless to say HEs in
trouble. So Chris asks me what Id do if HE did that. I cant believe him.
He bitches SOOO freakin much about me being paranoid, then askes me that.
On top of that, he says " I should try that" I ask where would you go?
Then the fight is on. Asshole.

I feel so unloved sometimes. Why does he have to do that? Why? I just
break down and cry so much sometimes. I was doing SO good about not
thinking about him cheating. I thought I was beyond that, cuz I figured
that he wouldnt be marrying me if he was goin to cheat on me. Well now im
being paranoid again. The same thoughts keep running through my mind all
day "if he did, who would it be with? Would she be prettier then me,
skinnier, or ugly and fat?"

I mean damn... why do that to someone? Im so depressed now. He will be
home in an hour (He SHOULD be home in an hour i should say) and I dont
know what Im going to say to him. Im a mega bitch. If I get some thought
on my mind I either have to forget it, or talk about it.

On top of all that Im SOOO way behind on this damn wedding. I dont have
the Church booked, I dont have the hall booked, I havent even LOOKED at
invitations, and dont even think about florists or tailors. Maybe I
should just forget about getting married. Hell, I dont NEED a wedding.
I dont NEED to marry the man I love even though he doesnt love me and
could care less if I die, cuz he would only get another girlfriend (I
asked, he said he would just get another G/F if I died) and life would go
on. Well, I dont want my baby being raised by some hoe he found. Ill keep
living thank you.

I dont know why I think about shit like that. I just do.

Lost another pound. Yay.... Chris thinks Im fat. He told me so. He doesnt
think Im pretty. He didnt say, but I know. What am I going to do? Im
loosing weight, Im cleaning every day. Im cooking. Im taking care of HIS
baby. Ya know, he wanted a DNA test when he first found out about our
baby. When she was born, looking JUST like him, he droped that idea. He
knows shes his. It makes me so mad that SIL keeps bringing it up. Like
she doesnt think Jayme is Chris's. F**K her. Sometimes I hate her. Not to
mention Chris wont even hold me at night anymore. He shows no emotion cept
to Jayme. Before she was born he didnt even show emotion at all. Its
like Im not good enough to hold, and dont even think about him saying I
love you to me. HA! Like THATS ever gonna happen.

Speaking of SIL, her ass of a b/f is going to go to jail if he doesnt stop
smoking weed and whiping his kids with a belt. Hes soon to be ex wife is
taking him back to court to fight for custody. Aparently she got off drugs
herself, got a job, and thinks she deserves the kids now. HA.... those
boys should go to foster care, and both of those "adults" should go to
jail. SIL should leave his ass high and dry. Shes so blind to him. It
bugs me.

Anyway.. Jayme is still teething. Shes fussy. I better go before Chris
gets home. He'll get pissed if he even reads the first LINE of this.
I dont feel like fighting with him.

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04-08-2003

Well I have been super busy. I can tell, this was almost on the 3rd page.
LOL

Found alot of stuff for the wedding Sat. and put it on layaway. $129 !!
I cant believe I almost spent that much, plus I bought my first
scrapbooking stuff. I already have about 5 pages made out and ready for
pic, so whenever MIL decides to print them out, Ill be good to go for
another 5 pages. I need to go to dollar gen and get some stickers and see
if I can find some other stuff to put into it. I can see why stuff can be
so expensive for it, but I wont be going to a reg. scrapbooking store all
the time (once every 4-6 months Chris told me) so Ill have to find stuff
for cheap. But Im proud of what I have done, and Chris (amazingly) told me
its beautiful with out me asking what he thought. I was so surprised. I
kept having nightmeres about him being an ass all the time, but lately
(the past 3 days) he has been super sweet and caring. Not so much cuddly
and touchy feely, but more open with his thoughts then he normally is.
Hes not really one to show emotion.
I mean, I love this man with all my heart, but this is all new to me. Im
not used to being in the same relationship for so long. Chris and I have
been together for almost 2 1/2 years now. I cant believe it. Jayme will be
5 months when we get married. Its amazing to me. For a while I thought
that I was unlovable, unreachable, and unwanted. SOmeone to beat up on,
someone to step on, to break, to try to shape. It almost killed me. I am
glad I got out when I did. I lost a child in the process, but honestly I
dont think that if that baby had been born, it would have been happy. It
was a bad situation from the start, and its better this way.

I still wonderabout it though. I wonder what it would have been, if Chris
would have excepted it. Oh, he says he would have, and I know he loves me
because he said that, but it wouldnt have been HIS, and it makes me wonder.
Hes so loving with Jayme. Hes such a good daddy, and I knew he would be.

Ah, well Ive been up long enough. I have so much more to write about, but
can hardly keep my eyes open. I cant even spell. Ive had to go back and
make corrections so many times, its not even funny. Blah... more
tomorrow... just had to get this all out.

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04-09-2003

These last few days have been pretty good. Got a few more pages done,
but I have no pics printed out to do anything with, and getting MIL and
FIL to do anything right away is like pulling teething. I mean, they said
they would do it, and I know they will, but I dont want to wait a month
for them to do it, so Ill prolly end up nagging her about it tongiht. I
want to get these pages finished so I can go buy more stickers and start
more pages.

Wedding plans are at a standstill, as I have NO money to put on anything.
As soon as Im done with this Ill get off line and call about that old
house for the reception hall. I cant believe the activitly hall at the
rec center doesnt allow drinking or smoking even outside. WTF? Oh well,
they just lost $300 for that. Ill go somewhere else. Then I went to the
VFW and they want $600 for the skanky looking room, $50 for the kitchen
and $75 for the bar, plus an additional $75 for the bar tender. NO! So
there goes THAT idea.

Jaymes teething is .... going. She had a bad fever last night, and I
almost flipped out. Shes fine today, other then its FREEZING and noone
bothered to turn the heater on this morning before they left for work
(no, not bitching about Chris this time, its MIL) and when FIL got home
he turned the FREAKING AC on. Turns the heater OFF, and thinks that its
gonna be ok. So all the heat that I had in here is gone cuz I didnt
realize what he did till Jayme started shivering. Soooo yelled about
that and turned the heater back to 87. HA... they can pay the electricity
this month. Im so sick of them sometimes. Blah

Yeah. Chris and I are doing well now. Hes not being an ass, but thats
probably cuz I cleaned the entire house, and cooked him his fav. dinner
last night. Extra Spicey Tacos. He loves my tacos. Go figure. Tonight we
get to go to Grans, and I get to listen to her bitch and moan about
stupid stuff. I wish for once someone would tell me what a good job Im
doing, how I dont complain (here at home. LOL I know I complain online)
and how good Im doing with the baby, how Im not really stressing all that
bad (HA) about wedding plans. How good Im looking, and how much weight
Ive lost.

It would be nice to feel appriciated once in a while. I dont even
remember the last time someone told me i was doing a good job. Chris
loves me, I know, but it would also be nice to be told. In the 2 1/2
years we've been together he has NEVER told me he loves me. Just once.....
only once... Id be happy. One time.

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So I hate AOL. Yep, I cant post anything unless I do it with IE, but in order to have IE going I need AOL up and online. ARG. So Im posting as fast as I can then Im going into chat. SOOOO

We got the suburban towed to Chris's friends house sat. and they started hooking up stereo stuff. Well Lynnette and I went and got two 12 packs of Budweiser. Now, Chris and I dont drink Bud, we drink BudLight. Yes, we do. So needless to say, Bud kicked our ass's and Chris got WASTED. I drank maybe 5 beers and was drunk. I sobered up enough to drive us home, but he kept drinking. So going home I had to keep pulling over to let him throw up. ICKYNESS. We get home, he passes out on the couch with a pot to puke in, and I order me a pizza cuz I hadnt eaten all day. (bad thing when drinking beer) I eat, watch a movie (a really messed up movie. Bones, staring Snoop Dogg.... it was... interesting?) So, got Chris awake enough to get to bed. He proceeds to throw up on BOTH my comforters, so I have to throw one in the wash, and get MILS extra one, which was all lumpy and icky and I didnt like it. So at about 5 am he wakes up and makes me go to MILS room to get some advil (Oh MIL and Gary were camping this weekend, so we had the house to ourselves HEHE) and I get the Advil, and we got something to drink, and went back to sleep. Sunday morning (yeah, um 5 am is NOT morning to us, its still the middle of the night. DUH!!) we wake up and go to my grandmothers, who proceeds to tell me how to raise my daughter. UM>...... ggggggrrrrrrrr Then, Chris goes to work last night in the rain (pouring down rain. Stupid Texas weather) and My sister calls me. She whines about going to school here when she gets here, how shes not gonna make any friends, and how all the guys probably wear straight leg jeans and cowboy hats. UM yeah, especially since half the boys in the nearest Jr High are skaters, the other half wanna be gangstas, I imagine that they all like to wear sh!tkicker gear. Yeah, uh huh.

Went to the new OB this mornine. Not pg, and its mostly stress making me late, and these damn diet pills. Who would have thought. Also the cyst doesnt need to be removed till its a bit bigger if it gets bigger, otherwise its an unneccesary surgery, and those are EXPENSIVE. Soooo thats good for me. Still havent started, but Im not stressing anymore... cuz................................. today we went to Chris's dads, and he writes out a check to cover the cost of the church YAY CHRIS"S DADDY!!! And says we can have the reception at his house, and he will pay for some stuff too. IM LOVING CHRIS"S DADDY!! So less stress for me.

and that was my super fun weekend that I dont want to repeat.

6 WEEKS TILL IM MARRIED. Yeah, woohoo.

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Well its official. She is cutting her first tooth. Its a tiny little corner right now, but its def. coming out. Poor baby. No wonder she has been super agravated. I would be too.

So, we have to go to my grandmothers today for dinner. Werent we JUST there? I mean, come on now. oh well, one more night where I dont have to cook, or put up with MILS bland over cooked noodles.... dont get me started on THAT. Its not MY fault he has no teeth to speak of, and the shit he does have in his mouth is all rotten and nastyfied looking. GET THEM ALL PULLED AND GET DENTURES DAMNIT. For Gods sake. Its so gross.

Anyway, my sister is def. coming out on Friday. She will be here sometime in the afternoon. YAY.... now I get to get the futon from my grandparents and lie to them about why we need it, cuz she doesnt like my sister (yeah, all goes back to christmas and what a disaster THAT was) and Im so not telling her she is going to be here till she is actually HERE. She will be so pissed. HEHEEHE Thats one thing I do like. Arguing with my grandmother. Its fun. We get along great otherwise, but hell... ya know.

Anyway, I have to go pull Chris's ass out of bed so we can go look at this new Suburban and then the Volvo... if Im lucky we can afford both and I'll actually have a car. WOOHOO Yay me.

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Well its official. She is cutting her first tooth. Its a tiny little corner right now, but its def. coming out. Poor baby. No wonder she has been super agravated. I would be too.

So, we have to go to my grandmothers today for dinner. Werent we JUST there? I mean, come on now. oh well, one more night where I dont have to cook, or put up with MILS bland over cooked noodles.... dont get me started on THAT. Its not MY fault he has no teeth to speak of, and the shit he does have in his mouth is all rotten and nastyfied looking. GET THEM ALL PULLED AND GET DENTURES DAMNIT. For Gods sake. Its so gross.

Anyway, my sister is def. coming out on Friday. She will be here sometime in the afternoon. YAY.... now I get to get the futon from my grandparents and lie to them about why we need it, cuz she doesnt like my sister (yeah, all goes back to christmas and what a disaster THAT was) and Im so not telling her she is going to be here till she is actually HERE. She will be so pissed. HEHEEHE Thats one thing I do like. Arguing with my grandmother. Its fun. We get along great otherwise, but hell... ya know.

Anyway, I have to go pull Chris's ass out of bed so we can go look at this new Suburban and then the Volvo... if Im lucky we can afford both and I'll actually have a car. WOOHOO Yay me.

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Well, no Suburban for us. This ..... jerk is an ass. he and SIL's b/f should meet, of course they would probably kill each other. MEN!... and then, the Salesman at the car lot with the Volvo was an ass too, so no Volvo. BUT Chris got his bonus check along with his paycheck, and we got an extra 1500 in the bank. WOOHOO Chris wants to just get a better car, for like 1200. As soon as these guys buy this stereo shit, we will have another 800, which will pay for our honeymoon.. OH YEAH! We might get to go to HAWAII!!!!!! for our honeymoon. Dad decided that we should get married there, but since we already have the money put on the church and the reception is at FIL's house, I told him to save that money and we will fly out with him for a honeymoon. YAY.

Yeppers, maybe that will work. SO we might get a GOOD car (other then a damn suburban) and a Hawaii honeymoon, and I will be super happy woman. YAY...... so

Isnt she so cute!

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Well, no luck with a car yet. Still looking.

Thats it. Thats all I have to say.

OH WAIT. Jayme wont stay on her back. She keeps rolling to her tummy. WOOHOO im so proud

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So nothing much going on. That HOE is staying with SIl... SIL called today and invited CHRIS to dinner, claiming that she didnt think I would like what they were having. This is after MIL already called and told me that HOE was staying there. So I got into it with SIL. She is no longer one of my bridesmaids. I hate this shit so much. Its like SIL cant take the hint and LEAVE CHRIS ALONE ABOUT THIS BITCH.... and this hoe..... she just needs to dissapear. FOREVER. Im so pissed off.......

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Well I havent been able to get online cuz my stupid browser didnt want to work. Imagine that. I hate my puter.

So, Chris has been hooking up his stereo stuff in the BMW, Jayme is cutting FOUR teeth... We took her for her 4 month wellcheck Tuesday. SHe is now 15.8lbs, and is 25 inches long. My little girl is getting so big. Im so sad. She turned 4 months last sat. I cant believe it. I want to get pg again so bad. I want to give Chris a son. Yeah, even after all that shit I went through, I want to do it again. It wasnt ALL that bad. Just the prelabor, ctrx ever 5 min for forever, and being a week over..... well It was all good other then that. LOL

So...... yeah, Im dead tired. Im going to go to bed and wait for Chris to get home. He's working over time right now. 5pm-3am. Im not too happy.

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Im getting married. 1 week and 2 days. Im getting married.

I cant beleive it. That close. So soon. Am I ready? Its not like we havent been living like we were married. We have a baby, Im a "housewife" and the only thing missing is that day and the marriage certificate. So what am I so nervous for?

Because the actually means we are going to be legally bound, not only in name, but under God. I will be "his". What am I doing?

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Well lets see.... Im officially insane. Not just going insane anymore. No, Im there. We have paid for the church, we have the reception area, we have my dress, we now have the bridesmaids dress for my sister, and the maid of honor dress for Bobi. We have the guest book, matching pen, matching flower girl basket, matching ring bearer pillow, we have the flower girl all set, the ring bearer has his outfit, we have the petals for the flower girl, we have the unity candles, we have the Goblets for our toast, we have the cakes ordered and paid for, we have my garter, we have my corset (OMG I cant breath in this damn thing) and Chris and the men all have their Tux's paid for and on order. So, now all we need is some flowers for decoration, and bouquets for Bobi and Dre....

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH lol I dont know what Im doing. Cant ya tell? Ive never planned a party, let alone a freaking wedding. If anyone whos reading this can tell me what Im missing..... ugh

Oh the Joys of having a sick household. We all just got over this shit sent up from mexico. WHY DO THEY INSIST ON STILL BURNING THE DAMN FIELDS? I got over it, Chris got sick, Chris got over it, I sorta got sick again, my sister got it, then she got over it. Now Im coming back down with it and Jayme is coughing up her lungs like shes going to die. Im concerned and all the stupid Ped said is "its just the smog in the air, nothing wrong" WELL.... Not only that, but they say its turning into RSV in babies. Im taking her to a new Dr on Tuesday. I wish Monday wasnt a holiday so I could take her sooner, but I have no choice.

She is getting so big. She learned how to roll from her tummy to her back and hold her bottle by herself all in one week, and is now doing both like a pro. Im so proud. Shes getting so big too Loves to eat off her spoon now, cant get enough pears, but im not sure how she will react to the peas im going to give her next. LOL

My sister is looking over my shoulder.... I hate that. She needs to stopp reading........ *waits* Dre is annoying sometimes. Im like really getting sick of her attitude. Im going to send her back. I know living in a stable house would be better, but damnit I want my life back. Im so sick of getting walked all over because she throws a hissy fit and MIL caters to her. Im sick of always getting yelled at for telling her how it is, then getting yelled at the next second for acting too much like a sister, and too little like a gaurdian. So you know what, screw it. She can go back to her little Ghetto life, act like a little ghetto brat and i dont have to deal with it anymore. YAY.

I know that all sounds mean and stuff, but its just the way I feel. Im sick of it.

So thats about it. Shes trying to read this and I dont want to deal with her pitching another tantrum..... AGAIN.

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So 2 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeppers, 2 days till I am officially married with child. LMAO

I cant believe we will actually be married in 2 days. I have so much to do too. I have to go tomorrow and pick up my parents (JOY), decorate FIL's house today, get our nails done tomorrow, get the decorations for the church tomorrow, have the rehersal dinner, get last min stuff.... URGH.... Im not sure Ill be sane after this. Well, as sane as I was before. LOL

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Well Im married. Yep... heres the story:

Starting from the rehersal dinner. We left for the airport to pick up my parents early that morning, got back to town around 1. Went shoping for a dress for my mother, because she brought the most god aweful hideous dress youve ever seen. LOL So we found her one, got home and got ready to goto the chruch to set up. We decorated a little bit, did the walk through. The my parents took Chris and I out to dinner.

Sat. morning we woke up EARLY ( I hate getting up before 8 am) and ate breakfast. We got to the church and decorated the rest, put everything together, then did our hair, makeup, and started dressing. At 12:30 everyone started arriving. I was shut in the dressing room LOL Noone would let me even PEEK out. The ceremony started at 1pm sharp. I am so loving Gina. She was our coordinator. Everything went smoothly thanks to her. I was a wreck. I couldnt think straight.

After the ceremony we took all the pics (they didnt want to ruin the ceremony with flashes and such) so there arent any pics of Chris crying, but OMG he was bawling the whole time. But shhhh dont tell him I said that. LOL Everone was crying really. I even did a little bit hehe.

So we left the church then and went to Chris's Dads for the reception. We get there and NOONE was there. They had all gotten lost so we were waiting for the food, the cake, and the guests. After everyone had gotten there we took pics of us cutting the cake. As I was pulling away trying to keep Chris from smushing it in my face my knee popped out of place. Needless to say that was the end of Picture taking. I changed into shorts and a shirt and had about 3 beers along with some Vicadin LOL I felt better after that.

Then we opened presents. now, before I go into this, Chris and I didnt have ANY money for a honeymoon. Well, we got 50 from his aunt, 100 from his Grandmother, 10 from Bobi (lol that was about all she could give us, but her singing was enough for me. She has a BEAUTIFUL voice) and then FIL gave us $400! So we had money for the honeymoon. YAYA

We went to Kemah Boardwalk, byt Galveston. It was awesome there. We spent about $500 on STUFF. Just stuff. LOL I had a great time though. And thats about all!

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Well..... I cant believe Ive been married for a week and 3 days. Feels so weird. Im like.... married.

The past week (since we got home Tuesday) has been pretty much anticlimatic. ya..... Im going to kill my sister. Yep. I will be posting from a maximum security prison after I hide her body in the closet. Good lord, why did I ever agree to let her stay here? OH YEAH!!!!! Cuz I wanted her to have a better life. I try to give that and what do I get? A bad attitude, a hitting problem, and a lazy brat all thrown in together. JOY! Yeah Im happy now.

Military School. Thats where she is heading. i dont care if I have to send her on Ricki Lake, she is going.

Then, on a good ME note, we have officially started TTC. yay.hopefully we will be pg again soon.

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So we go to my grandparents today for a fathers day dinner. Everything was going ok. They were actually all going out to smoke, and things were peacful. THEN!!!!!!! We had picked up an Ice Cream pie for my grandfather, and after dinner we were all eating it. Well, my grandmother goes to give her a finger tip full of WHIPPED CREAM and I say "dont give her that" what does she do? COMPLETLY FLIPPIN IGNORES ME! Doesnt even ask me why. Just goes ahead and gives it to her. Talk about pissed! Put that together with the smoking issue and I never want to see her ever again. Im so mad at this woman now. And then she has the nerve to ask me if Im mad at her. HELL YES IM MAD!

Other then that, life is peachy! lol keeping busy. FOund a good school for Dre, and we go for an interview sometime this week. Its a private Church school, and I think it will help a whole lot. Yeah, thats life. Got some more scrapbooking done. Made a couple of really cute pages, and Ill try to take pics and post them. Im so proud! lol

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wow. I havent been on in a while. Geez, Ok so well lets see.

Married life is ok. Not to exciting, feels just like when we were LIS ( Wink ). But its great. Im so happy, Chris is happy, Jayme is doing AWESOME, and Dre is settled in. Since Fathers day the Grandparents and FIL smoking thing has gotten ALOT better. Well, FIL has anyway. They go outside to smoke now, and I know noone is in the back bedroom smoking with their darn door open (COUGHMYUNCLECOUGH). This has been an ongoing battle with him. I dont go over there unless I KNOW hes not there, but last week they didnt tell me he was home, let alone SICK. The whole past 2 weeks Jayme has been SICk, and had just gotten over her cold and we go over there. Well I ask why hes home, and BOOM Oh did we forget to tell you hes sick? So I walk back there to see him, and he is smokeing, the door WIDE open, and he KNEW we were there. So we left. I got MAD.... No why am I so mad? We took Jayme in to the drs and he did an allergy test. She is allergic to tabacoo smoke, and highly suseptable to getting athsma, and has a slighty case of bronchitis.

SOOOOOOOOo all in all the smoking thing is BAD for all of us, as MIL and StepFIL have to quit. They are buying a house (Still waiting for it to close. Wish us luck) and there is no way they can smoke in it. So they have to stop YAYAYYAYAYAYAY

Other then that, things are calm, boring even. SIGH