Hoping for the best, expecting the usual
I've still got two bottles of sparking apple cider in the bottom drawer of our spare fridge that I never cracked open to celebrate our positive pg test this past summer. Perhaps I just knew something wasn't right in the back of my mind somewhere. They still sit there waiting for their turn to be a part of a joyous celebration. Today is cycle day 28 for me, which is supposed to be the day I go to cycle day 1.
Really, honestly, I don't feel pg. I don't. I have also been pretty moody the last few days. I don't have the usual lovely physical symptoms to let me know AF is on her way though. But I also have no pg symptoms. I've got nothing.
I've decided that due to my proclivity towards OCD that I will not become glued to fertility friend. I will not make detailed charts on graph paper with more columns than you can shake a stick at. I will not wake every morning to the beeping of my thermometer (beating in tempo with my ticking biological clock, LOL) followed by a series of tests and measurements being carefully plotted onto the chart that accompanies me everywhere. I will not carry around 10 ovulation prediction strips and little dixie cups in my purse and constantly look at my watch to see if it is time for my scheduled check-in on my hormone surge. All of this laundry list of stuff in the end did help me FINALLY achieve pregnancy, but sadly could not help me keep it. In the end I suppose conception, pregnancy, delivery, and on and on are all up to the good Lord and no amount of analyzation on my part can offer any promises to me. As such, my best bet is to throw caution to the wind and let things happen as they will.
One reason I'm not too worked up about this whole thing is because of my cycle length. Since I had my D&C in October I have had 3 cycles. From November to December the cycle length was 27 days. From December to January it was 30 days. So even though my usual length is 28 days, my cycle length has been a little screwy since the D&C. Today is day 28 and since last month was 30 for some reason I'm not really considering myself to be late until Saturday.
However, in the spirit of Valentine's day and since it will be day 29, I will test in the morning if she has not shown up by then. The down side to that is that if I don't test and AF shows, it's really no big deal. But if I allow myself to test and then get a negative, I'll be in the dumps about it.
But....on the totally off chance it were to be positive, that would be the best valentine's gift ever from my hubby ;-) Either way, he's grilling buffalo steaks and making fresh green beans (and mac & cheese for the little guy) tomorrow night in celebration of our day. It should be a good day no matter what!