Dancing in the tide
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 30 1234511 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 300

Thread: Dancing in the tide

  1. #1
    Joshiesmom
    Guest

    Default Dancing in the tide

    It seems throughout my lifelong trials and tribulations there has hardly been a situation for which there was not a Garth Brooks song to either laugh and love with me or to console and cry with me. Though I have not remained solely faithful and monogamous to my dear Garth, he has always been there for me and, no doubt, will continue to occupy a monopoly of memory in my MP-3 player until the end. Perhaps not the most popular current artist, he will always be "the one", my home base, my fortress in times of need. I thought it only fitting to title my journal after one of his lyrics, since his melodies have always been an inspiration to me.

    And as much as I hate reading song lyrics in other peoples' posts, I will follow suit and post lyrics to "The River" because it reminds me to never give up, learn from the past but don't look back, focus on where I'm headed, plan to navigate the waters, and above-all, remember that I am second-mate on board my own ship--God is in control of my journey. Though I might have a hold of the wheel, he controls the wind in my sails, the sun in my sky, the fish below that fill my belly, and the waters that rage beneath my vessel.

    "You know a dream is like a river
    Ever changin' as it flows
    And a dreamer's just a vessel
    That must follow where it goes
    Trying to learn from what's behind you
    And never knowing what's in store
    Makes each day a constant battle
    Just to stay between the shores.. and

    I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry
    Like a bird upon the wind
    These waters are my sky
    I'll never reach my destination
    If I never try
    So I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry

    Too many times we stand aside
    And let the waters slip away
    'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
    Has now become today
    So don't you sit upon the shoreline
    And say you're satisfied
    Choose to chance the rapids
    And dare to dance the tide.. yes

    I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry
    Like a bird upon the wind
    These waters are my sky
    I'll never reach my destination
    If I never try
    So I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry

    And there's bound to be rough waters
    And I know I'll take some falls
    But with the good Lord as my captain
    I can make it through them all.. yes

    I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry
    Like a bird upon the wind
    These waters are my sky
    I'll never reach my destination
    If I never try
    So I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry

    Yes, I will sail my vessel
    'Til the river runs dry
    'Til the river runs dry"

    And, though this journal will largely be cathartic for me, any readers are welcome to comment in my journal!

  2. #2
    enchantedlife
    Guest

    Default

    Elicia, you're the best writer ever! I am so glad you took the plunge. Tim is a big Garth-lover as well, but the only Garth song I like is, "Thunder rolls". I know, sacrilegious! I can't wait to get a glimpse (or several!) into your life.

    Sandy

  3. #3
    Joshiesmom
    Guest

    Default

    Hi Sandy! Great to see you here--thanks for posting! As a matter of fact I have no qualms with "The Thunder Rolls", especially the 3rd verse that isn't recorded on most albums where she gets even with her cheatin' man at the end
    -----------------

    What's on my mind tonight, journal? Co-sleeping, or lack thereof. I feel like the last person in the world that is still co-sleeping after four and a half years and still loving it. People all around me, including my close support system, think I'm a fruitcake for doing it. Truth is, it's as much for me as it is for him. He needs me, I know that I am fulfilling one of his most basic needs of feeling secure, and it's a fantastic symbiotic relationship.

    What's looming ominously over my head is Kindergarten. It's from 8AM-3:30PM and this poses a problem. The word 'truancy' pretty much sums up where my point is headed. Should we continue our loosy-goosy routine of having him to school around 9-ISH (emphasis on the "ish"), the truancy officer would likely be coming to meet and greet us to talk about structure, responsibility,........the law. Blah, blah, blah.

    Like a squirrel in the fall, hastily stashing nuts away for the winter, I too feel the need to prepare for the coming changing of the season with regard to school. I can't go one day from merrily co-sleeping and waking up to our circadian rhythms (oooh, am I a hippie?) to trying to pop him in bed at a "normal" bedtime and then wake him while it's still dark outside, shove a waffle in one hand and a backpack in the other and schlep him off to school at a time that he is used to still being in bed, nestled next to his mommy. So though it goes against how I *feel*, I know in the long run that this is what I need to do to prepare him for what is to come, and it's one of those tough parenting decisions that I don't enjoy. It's the parenting equivalent of swallowing the Robitussin.

    Have you ever been reeeeally sick and stood in your kitchen first staring at the Robitussin, then holding it, finally twisting the cap and catching that whiff of the smell? It's like you can taste it before you ever get it near your lips and it just makes you dry-heave over the sink. Finally, after you've studied the measuring cup 6 times to make sure there isn't ONE extra drop of fluid you've poured, you hold your nose and tilt back the thick sludge, followed by an entire glass of any other liquid you can get your hands on. THAT is what this feels like for me. Unnatural. Chemical-laden. Cherry flavored. I hate it.

    And I hate that "they system" is making me change what is really a lifestyle thing to acquiesce to their routine. But this will be the first in a very long line of things I wish could be done differently. Besides, I believe that I should prepare my child for the path, not the path for the child.

    If given the opportunity I'd gladly home school him and teach him my core values and beliefs. Realistically, though, I think it would be very difficult to not only teach him our values and beliefs and educate him on the way other people do things at the same time and be objective about it. Eventually, unless he can make it as an artist or a ski instructor, I think the chances are that he will have a job where he must report to a higher authority and will be expected to be somewhere punctually. So this is what I must teach him at this tender age.

    This is what I must also teach myself, as I have only been a parent for four years, and am still a baby myself in my parenting skills. We will grow and learn together, and that is a journey I do look forward to with great anticipation.
    Last edited by Joshiesmom; 02-06-2008 at 10:06 PM.

  4. #4
    Contributor
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Dont let people intimidate you with the whole co-sleeping thing. I did it with both of my kids....they are 5 years apart. My daughter (the older one) chose to start sleeping in her own bed at about 3-1/2 and my son who is 4 decided on his very own about a week ago that he wanted to start sleeping in his own bed. They made the decision on their own and the transition was incrediably peaceful and calm. Of course mommy is a little sad because I dont have my babies to cuddle with anymore but I feel ok about it because they made their own choice and they know that anytime they need to they can still come crawl in bed with mommy. Hope that helps.

  5. #5
    Joshiesmom
    Guest

    Default

    Thanks, Kim! I'm glad to know there are still others co-sleeping with their 4 yr old.

    I may have found a reasonable compromise in the co-sleeping area. I set up the old baby monitor we had for him (the one we didn't really need since our house was teeny tiny) and showed him how it worked from each 'side'. His room is upstairs and ours is downstairs, which was one of the big hurdles for this issue. I told him that I would come and sleep in the guest room upstairs so I'd just be right around the corner if he needed me and I'd have the 'walkie talkie' to hear him if he called me. That seemed to please him, even though he was not happy about the situation in general. For 3 nights we did that. Then last night he seemed so blue about the whole thing, even though he is being an angel about it. So I told him that we would do bath/story time and then he would need to go to bed at 8:30PM as he has been doing. BUT, that when mommy was ready for bed then I would come in and snuggle with him in his own bed. That did the trick. I came in his room about 11PM and he woke me up this morning with the biggest, most beaming smile in the history of the world, followed by a tight-squeeze hug because he was so happy I was there with him.

    Although this sounds like a weird arrangement, I think it might be a good solution, at least for the short term. This way I get him to bed at a reasonable hour in his own room upstairs. I get to have time alone with my husband in the evenings from 8:30PM - 11PM (which, by the way, is two and a half hours longer than we ever got to spend together with the old system) and then we still get the snuggle-factor benefits of co-sleeping during the night.

    For the record, DH and I are just not night-time snugglers. He is so hot natured that he flaps off all the covers and lays there exposed to the ceiling fan air without getting cold. I, on the other hand, am usually wearing my Texas A&M sweat pants, a t-shirt, sweat socks, and curl up under the sheet, comforter, and a 2nd down comforter. On cold nights, I heat up my rice-pack in the microwave and wrap it all around my feet---it stays hot for hours. So between me in the Sahara and DH in Antarctica, we tend to stay on opposite poles of the bed to accommodate our varying climates.

    On another note, 'Lost' is on TV tonight and this is one of the very few shows I watch. I'm very much looking forward to a new episode!

  6. #6
    enchantedlife
    Guest

    Default

    Aww, I can see where you're coming from, Elicia! It's sad to have to say, "This is what we have to do now because you have school." It just doesn't make sense to a 4-year-old! I think you've reached a great compromise, though.

    I had to LOL at how cold you are and how hot your hubby is - Tim and I are the same way! The only time it was different was when I was pregnant, and then I was always the one kicking off the covers!

  7. #7
    Joshiesmom
    Guest

    Default

    Glad to know we aren't the only married couple that are like a polar bear and a sun lizard, Sandy!!!


    What a happy day! I've been looking forward to seeing you all day, journal! This week at work has been a booger and I've finally reached the weekend (insert Napolean Dynamite-style "Yesssss"). I've got nothing in particular lined up for the next two days and that feels GREAT.

    I'd like to take Josh out for something special this weekend as a celebration/reward for him sleeping in his own bed this week but I haven't figured out what that might be. I'll update more after we get that figured out.

    *Sigh* Journal, am I being sensitive or is every female on this planet expecting a baby right now? I'm still finding myself to be genuinely happy for everybody's pregnancies and I wish only the best for them. And I think I have come to peace with the loss of our child, a daughter. Although I have not shared this with anyone, I gave her a name that I use when I'm talking to her in my mind--Anaya. The Hebrew meaning of this name is "God Answered" and the Indian meaning is "completely free". Neither could be more accurate.

    At any rate, I have come to finally decide to stop milling around trying to understand the WHY of it all and just accept that it happened. I don't have the capacity to understand it and even if I did have the real answer, it wouldn't change things. However, it doesn't mean that it isn't my hearts' desire to have another baby. I'm certain it only seems that every waitress is pregnant, every stranger I pass at the supermarket it pregnant, and half the people at work are pregnant. It's statistically probable that the average number of pregnancies is at a normal rate. In the past I probably just never noticed the herds of moms-to-be parading around me because it wasn't on my mind as it is now. It's odd to discover something so very noticeable being right under your nose and not ever paying attention to it and it makes me wonder how many other miracles I walk right past every day as I scurry around with the dilly-dally tasks of the daily grind.

    Speaking of miracles, this whole process has made me acutely aware and all-the-more appreciative of my son and the joy and light he brings to us every day. We are truly blessed.
    Last edited by Joshiesmom; 02-08-2008 at 09:19 PM.

  8. #8
    Joshiesmom
    Guest

    Default

    I really need a hobby. In the past I have had hobbies but I find that I am currently without one and it leaves me too much time for unhealthy choices like plopping in front of the internet all day, watching TV, and cleaning/organizing my home like someone with a severe case of OCD. I believe a hobby would be very healthy for my mind, body, and soul. I'd like to have a hobby I could share with my son, my whole family, or do alone. It can't cost a bundle and needs to be done locally.

    Drum roll please.........I'm going to plant a garden! And I'm going to do it totally organically in every aspect. This should be great because it meets ALL of my criteria and should help cut down on our astronomical food bill. Ever since we made the switch to only buy organic meats, fruits, veggies, and household products (where feasible) it has about quadrupled our food budget. Ugh.

    I am in the research phase of this idea but have received positive support and the promise of assistance with the set-up of this project from my DH. I need him to rent a roto-tiller to get me started and to build the framework for my garden bed. After that I'll take it from there

    Consideration is currently underway for the following lucky members of the produce department: Watermelon, tomato, carrot, onion, garlic, beets, chives, strawberry, and blackberry. Although I know summer squash, okra, and jalapenos are all typical Texas choices, I am deciding to go a different route for now. I'm trying to go for things that I most commonly find in my grocery store cart every time I go as I feel like I can save the most money by growing our "staples" myself. Plus the local farmers market will have an abundance of summer squash and okra when they reopen in the spring.

    Today online I found a blackberry farm about 45 minutes from our house where you can go pick your own for $15/gallon. That sounds like SO much fun and I'm completely planning to take us all out there once they are ripe if my own don't pan out well. Right now we usually buy 2 of those teency weency plastic cartons of them in the grocery store at $4.99 each, that's $10 for about 8 ounces of organic blackberries!

  9. #9
    Joshiesmom
    Guest

    Default

    Today I did a bunch of laundry, dishes, cooking, more dishes, toilets, bathtubs/shower, counter tops, and mopping. Whew! I even detailed the doorways where our dog pushes the doors open with her snoot and has left some grime AND I got her doggy door doors all clean and shiny. And just after all of that was wrapped up, my wonderful neighbor brought DH and I some homemade banana pudding. That sweet woman could not have delivered the goods to me at a better time. I'm PMS'ing and I'd spent all day fulfilling my domestic duties. After the pudding arrived it was not long before I sat propped up on the sofa watching some Tivo'd episodes of 'Bernie Mac' with a big bowl of pudding. Yes, it's the little things in life that bring such great pleasure!

    It was gorgeous weather outside today so the whole family took a walk to the park in our neighborhood and DH and I chatted with another couple while all the kids played together. Very Normal Rockwell, LOL! Since there is still some new construction in our neighborhood we got a chance to take a walk through one of the homes that is close to completion but not locked up Am I the only nosey person that likes to just look at other peoples' floor plans and design choices? Turns out my son likes it too--tee hee hee.

    Speaking of, he's upstairs all by himself sleeping in that big 'ol bed. Alone. Without his mommy. Yes, I created this monster. And I still don't like it one little bit. I didn't keep track exactly but I think this marks close to a week he's been sleeping without us (me). He doesn't like it but is understanding and each night asks me less and less questions before I leave the room.

    To be honest, I'm pretty blue about it because there's no turning back. I did decide to slip up to his room and snuggle with him two nights ago and that was great. DH didn't really care for me doing that though. *Sigh*

  10. #10
    enchantedlife
    Guest

    Default

    The garden idea sounds fantastic! I love hobbies too, they keep me occupied in a good way. Since having Nick, I think photography has become my biggest hobby.

    Anaya is such a beautiful name. Thank you for sharing that.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 30 1234511 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
v -->

About Us | Contact Us | Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Terms & Conditions