I've still got two bottles of sparking apple cider in the bottom drawer of our spare fridge that I never cracked open to celebrate our positive pg test this past summer. Perhaps I just knew something wasn't right in the back of my mind somewhere. They still sit there waiting for their turn to be a part of a joyous celebration. Today is cycle day 28 for me, which is supposed to be the day I go to cycle day 1.
Really, honestly, I don't feel pg. I don't. I have also been pretty moody the last few days. I don't have the usual lovely physical symptoms to let me know AF is on her way though. But I also have no pg symptoms. I've got nothing.
I've decided that due to my proclivity towards OCD that I will not become glued to fertility friend. I will not make detailed charts on graph paper with more columns than you can shake a stick at. I will not wake every morning to the beeping of my thermometer (beating in tempo with my ticking biological clock, LOL) followed by a series of tests and measurements being carefully plotted onto the chart that accompanies me everywhere. I will not carry around 10 ovulation prediction strips and little dixie cups in my purse and constantly look at my watch to see if it is time for my scheduled check-in on my hormone surge. All of this laundry list of stuff in the end did help me FINALLY achieve pregnancy, but sadly could not help me keep it. In the end I suppose conception, pregnancy, delivery, and on and on are all up to the good Lord and no amount of analyzation on my part can offer any promises to me. As such, my best bet is to throw caution to the wind and let things happen as they will.
One reason I'm not too worked up about this whole thing is because of my cycle length. Since I had my D&C in October I have had 3 cycles. From November to December the cycle length was 27 days. From December to January it was 30 days. So even though my usual length is 28 days, my cycle length has been a little screwy since the D&C. Today is day 28 and since last month was 30 for some reason I'm not really considering myself to be late until Saturday.
However, in the spirit of Valentine's day and since it will be day 29, I will test in the morning if she has not shown up by then. The down side to that is that if I don't test and AF shows, it's really no big deal. But if I allow myself to test and then get a negative, I'll be in the dumps about it.
But....on the totally off chance it were to be positive, that would be the best valentine's gift ever from my hubby Either way, he's grilling buffalo steaks and making fresh green beans (and mac & cheese for the little guy) tomorrow night in celebration of our day. It should be a good day no matter what!
This morning at 6AM I thought somebody tossed a rock at our bedroom window! I said "WHAT WAS THAT?" and DH said "hail" completely casually. Within 10 seconds from the first hit it just started pouring down hail as big as quarters! It was SOOOO loud I cannot really describe it fully.
I went upstairs to collect my sweet baby that is now sleeping in his own bed *sniff* and he was wide awake just laying in his bed. He had turned on his little light by his bedside and was just looking at me when I walked in. I asked him if he was scared and told him about what was making the noise and then brought him back down into our bed for snuggles and sleeping for a bit more. That was so lovely
Luckily we had parked both of our cars in the garage so we didn't get hail damage on them but I saw lots of hail damage as we drove down our street today. As far as the house goes, I am not expert enough to say whether we have hail damage just from looking at it from the ground and it's all wet because it's still raining so it's really hard to tell.
I got up and made beef burgundy in the crock pot and we've just been staying in and doing some house chores today. After lunch we went and got some custard sundaes though---it was so bad but so good!
In other news, I am going to go visit my BFF (hee he he) out of state at the end of the month and I've got my vacation request in at work and my plane ticket purchased so I'm ready! She is due near the end of March and is having her 3rd child---her first boy We are going to have so much fun---I cannot wait. Her oldest daughter is having a birthday party at their house that weekend so I'm going to assist with cooking/decorating or however I can help and then we're going to get some shopping time in to buy the baby a present from me and work on getting the nursery all finished up. I love that she leaves room for me to come and do these fun things with her, even though she is a perfect home maker and completely capable of doing it all herself. It makes me feel very important.
Two posts in 1 day! Not great news though. About an hour ago Josh came down with a tummy bug and it was not pretty. Since we had our snuggles together in bed this morning I suppose I shouldn't be too far behind him---I figure about Monday I should experience the joy.
Nothing makes a mommy feel more helpless than when her kiddo is sick. I can give him lots of TLC but can't make it all better until it has just run its course. Poor little guy. I'm going to have him sleep in his race car bed that is in our bedroom so he can be close to me tonight and I can keep a good eye on him. Hopefully it will be just a 24 hour bug.
Josh is still running a low grade fever but hasn't thrown up today (knock on wood). He's been in and out of bed all day so I know he's not feeling his best.
I did, however, manage to finally get my request for an exemption for vaccinations mailed off to the state and that should be back in ample time for me to have it all notarized and ready for the kindergarten round up. I hope they don't give me too much heck about that. I know my view is part of a large controversy but I figured it was OK to air out my thoughts in my own journal. I did have all of his vaccinations done when he was a baby even though it didn't feel right to my mommy instinct. I tried to talk with my ped about it and he quickly poo-poo'd the non-vax viewpoint and I relented since I had it coming from all directions that I would be wrong not to do it. However, since then I've learned that you have to do what you think is best and stand strong for it. With all of the information out there about vaccine injuries and strong medical opinions on both sides---I just feel like if there is any shred of truth to it, then I am not willing to risk having them put into my child. I wouldn't give him the very best, fresh, all organic plate of food with just a tiny smidge of chemical sprinkled over the top that was hotly debated to cause autism, cognitive and behavioral problems. So why would I let them inject it into his body over and over and over again? .........Well, I wouldn't. I won't anymore. I wish I never let them do it in the first place.
I do think I'll have to find another ped, which is disappointing because I have really liked our ped with exception of our disagreement on this one topic. He is very good with Josh and very kind in general. I guess he'll have to go to a naturopath? I need to do some more research because I'm not totally against all medicine, I just don't want to vaccinate. Better get that all sorted out before he starts school in the fall.
Ack, sorry Josh is sick! That's gotta be hard on you both! I am glad you're finding a ped who will listen to what you have to say about not vaccinating! I think sometimes doctors think they know better than the parents what's best for the baby, and I think that's total bull! Yay for sticking up for what you believe in!
Good evening, journal! Another week has come and gone. Tomorrow I have to work, which makes me sad to miss a whole day with my family when Saturdays should be for sleeping in and eating blueberry pancakes at 10AM! But that's okay, I'm sure it will go by quickly since we've had so much hail in the area lately and the phones will be ringing off the wall.
All of a sudden I'm trying hard not to make this a TTC journal. No need to masquerade, this is my journal and I'll TTC if I want to Today is cycle day 9 so we're getting closer. If this month is *the* month the EDD would be around November 20th. That is not really in the ideal window of time as far as I'm concerned as I'd prefer not to have birthdays in November/December/January because of holidays. However, that's awfully petty isn't it? As I told a co-worker today it's time I "put on some big girl britches" and just forget about conveniently timing a baby. I should know by now that nothing is done in MY timing, it is done in His timing.
My husband recently purchased a liquid supplement that is supposed to do all sorts of magical things. If I'm fat, it can help slim me. If I have high cholesterol, it can help that. If I have low energy, it can help that. AND, *here's the important one*, if I'm INFERTILE, it can help that. So we're both going to take said supplement and see what happens. Is it wrong to have a glimmer of hope in a magic bottle? If this works I'll be thrilled. Worth a shot.
This is a drive-by posting, LOL! I'm on my way out the door for work but just wanted to give a quick update. Not a lot of posting going on right now on my dear 'ol journal as this is "O" week Friday I'm going to visit my BFF in another state until Monday so that will help me pass the time for a few days. The 'ol 2WW is a booger, huh? Tick, tock, tick, tock.......