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Thread: Dancing in the tide

  1. #291
    Joshiesmom
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    So where were we? Ah, yes, I am in the process of just about everything....

    Jojo is feeling better now. Joshua started 2nd grade yesterday and so far is liking it "just fine".

    DH has his next court date in the morning so he has traveled out of town for that and we are all very anxious to have whatever it is that is going to happen to him to be known. This could all be settled tomorrow, OR if it doesn't go well, they could ask for a continuance or a jury trial. In other words, we may or may not have finality to the situation tomorrow.

    This afternoon was interesting. Got a call from DH about 3:15PM to say he had just returned home from picking up Joshua from school and needed to make me aware of a poo situation. Apparently Jonah had removed his didee during naptime this afternoon, clearly unbeknownst to DH. He had subsequently poo'd and then had a long time in there to smear it all over his crib, the wall, his sheets, and himself. I did not see it but was told it was caked between his toes, all over his hands, body, face, and hair.

    By the time I got home this evening he had given the baby a bath and washed all of the crib bedding. SUPPOSEDLY the crib had been cleaned, but I wiped off so many brown smearings of poo it looked like a monkey cage at the zoo. So the disinfectant was used and used again and the bed re-assembled. I'm all about the environmentally friendly and less harsh chemicals for many household tasks--but when it comes to POO--it's clorox, friends. We don't play around with the e-coli 'round here!

    After a few hours of cleaning and a small pity party, I decided to call the after-hours nurse to see if there is any precautionary measure that needs to be taken to prevent some horrible e-coli poisioning episode. I can't be certain he tasted poo, but I can't be certain he didn't. AND I know that EVERYTHING else in the world goes into the child's mouth, so why would this new and fascinating poo-scovery be any different? Odds are he had a nibble---that's what I'm sayin'. The nurse was unimpressed and reminded me that he isn't the first or last kid to have this fun poo-speriment and he would probably be fine. He could have some vomiting in the following 12 - 24 hours so I will watch him carefully and say ugly things in my head about leaving babies unattended in their cribs as I wonder if he will be sick or not.

    Later in the evening I entered the kids upstairs bathroom for a (thankfully) routine checkup to find that I don't even think "someone" attempted to flush the toilet with the 600 wads of paper and "other stuff". This required the use of the plunger, which makes me gag every time. There are a few things I just cannot stomach, and they are: having an IV put in or blood drawn, and plunging toilets. I feel weak with little beads of sweat that gather at my temples.

    After this discovery I went to check all other toilets to find that "someone" had locked all the other bathroom doors AND my bedroom door and then closed the doors. I'm just going to say that it wasn't the best night for Mr. Second Grade tonight. We now realize the error of our ways and vow to be more responsible and have more regard for others' feelings.

  2. #292
    Joshiesmom
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    Default Almost done...

    DH's pre-trial went well. The charges will be less than originally thought, which means less of a fine and less of all the other fun things that go along with the sentencing too. He has to go back in two weeks to do the final signing and find out how much time he might have to serve on the weekends (if any). All in all, he is very pleased and ready to begin his consequences so he can be on the road to ending them, if that makes any sense.

    I submitted an application for an apartment, as I finally decided on "the one". The application was approved and I don't have to pay any deposit, which is a miracle. I felt sure that my less-than-stellar credit would earn me a full month's rent worth of a deposit, but that did not turn out to be the case. Now to line up the details of the movers, buying paint, curtains, and whatever else I'll need. Lots and lots to do.

    A good friend of mine has agreed to work with me the Friday night before my move-in (Saturday) to bring all of my clothes to the apartment before the movers come since we don't want to have to box up all of my clothes and the movers won't move them in a big pile with the hangars still in. Now THAT is a true friend!!!

    My brother's step-son is ready to upgrade out of his bunk beds into a queen bed, so my brother is going to unload those bunks to me, along with both mattresses, the sheets, the comforters, curtains, and even the rug! That is going to save me a TON of money. There is 1 navy comforter and 1 red, which are mostly solid but have few white stars on them. It will be easy to work with. There are 3 pieces of art hanging upstairs that are in blues and red with an outer space theme, so they will look great with the stars on the comforters.

    Everything will be happening so soon now. It feels scary, good, sad, hopeful, and liberating all at the same time.

  3. #293
    Joshiesmom
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    The movers have been booked for Saturday after next (10 days from now). My mom is going to watch both kidlets overnight on Friday AND Saturday so I can get packed, moved, and REST afterward. How awesome is that?!

    DH has been showing signs of life other than anger, which is nice. That's not to say there isn't still plenty of anger, but it's at least not the ONLY thing going on. Last week he accepted a full-commission, no leads supplied, salesperson job on a work-at-home basis. So, that could be SOME money if he finds some leads and makes any sales at all. The better news is that today he accepted a full-commission job offer at an insurance brokerage. This is great news because the agent himself is a personal friend of his and a very upstanding man with wonderful morals and values. He's not supplying leads, but he will provide support and training and DH will be able to use his office whenever he wants. That, to me, seems like a much more desirable, upstanding, and credible occupation. I am very hopeful that he will take it for all it's worth and really pour himself into it. It's one of those jobs that will reap what you sow. And even though I work at a competing insurance company, I couldn't be happier for him to have this opportunity.

    Jonah has now slept two nights in his race car toddler bed! He started climbing himself out of his crib and helping himself around the upstairs unattended. Not that he got into anything he shouldn't have, but I was not comfortable with a baby "at large" unattended, so the crib had to go. The first night it took an hour for him to get to sleep, but he eventually wedged his head into a soft corner of his bed between a stuffed dog and a stuffed pig, clutching tightly to his toddler pillow, and drifted off to sleepy land. Last night it only took about 30 minutes, so I consider that a complete success!

    On that note, I obviously won't be taking the crib to the new apartment, so it looks like little fella will be graduating to the bottom bunk. I am ordering a mesh side railing for it and will remove the ladder so he won't be able or tempted to get on it at all. Based on his transition into the toddler bed thus far, I think he will be great in his new big boy bed! I'll see about posting some pics of the apartment once I get settled in.

  4. #294
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    So it's official in 10 days, then? You guys are separating?
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

  5. #295
    Joshiesmom
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShiningLight View Post
    So it's official in 10 days, then? You guys are separating?
    Yep. Next Saturday. Prayers please....

  6. #296
    Joshiesmom
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    Default I feel too strong to war with mortals, bring me Giants!

    Tonight and one more night inside this house, inside my bed, with things as they are. Two more nights of together. It's what I wanted, right? All of this set into motion by me. Am I the one to blame for setting the explosive to start the avalanche? Forget all the years of hard ice and snow that have been accumulating, untouched. Is it the avalanche or is the accumulation of snow that eventually is blamed for death and destruction? I guess it's always the avalanche. Seems unfair.

    I have been wrestling with familiarity vs. love. Is it love that I know what he will say next or that he likes his chili without beans and never drains the fat from the meat? Is it love that he knows he can lure me into the room by putting on "Dirty Dancing" or that I always have a knot just under my right shoulder blade that needs someone to massage it? It seems that a good portion of the daily intricacies are more aspects of knowing each other vs. loving each other. So how does one show or discern love exactly? Is it the intent behind the act that separates the two?

    Since I don't drink coffee, is it an act of love to start the coffee pot for him since that's the first thing he requires, pretty much in unison with his first inhaled breath of oxygen in the morning? Or is it just being a considerate person; a nice person; a thoughtful person?

    I've gone so long without feeling or giving true love that it is lost on me now. I feel emotionless, yet I gravitate to watching love stories and thoroughly enjoy bawling my eyes out and the feelings, the emotions that I get to experience through the story on the screen. People do experience passion; although it has been an elusive bird for me. I want to look at someone and think that I cannot breathe another breath without being in his arms. I want to trust someone fully. I want to rush home to the comfort of our inside jokes and hurriedly shut the world out while we get lost in each other.

    Lots of people have it worse off than I do. People have made it through harder times than this. I submit that those people have a passion that carries them onward. Where can I find it? Do I pray for passion and wait patiently for years? Do I tell myself to go through the motions of our life together because it is somehow healthier for the kids to set this drone example of a partnership than to risk everything by doing what my gut tells me to do?

    There are so many questions and not enough answers. Everyone wants answers for me and all I really have is questions.

  7. #297
    Joshiesmom
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    Bah, I just spent 20 minutes typing an update and lost the whole thing!

    Hello, dear journal! It's been too long! I've been in the apartment a little less than 2 months now and it is spectacular. We love it here!

    Baby Jonah is not progressing so rapidly with his speech, so Early Childhood Intervention is going to come out and do a developmental and speech analysis for him to see if he needs a little extra help. If so, they can actually go do the therapy at his montessori during the day!

    That's all I have the energy to re-type

  8. #298
    Joshiesmom
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    Where do I even start? I have lived a million years in the last 4 months. So much has gone and and is going on that when I look back at my journal I hardly recognize the person I was just a short time ago. Thank the good Lord for that.

    The divorce will be final on February 28th. We have agreed on all the terms and the papers have been filed with the court. All we're doing now is waiting the mandatory 60 days and then there's one more signature on the final decree and we're done. I think about it alot. I'm so ready to move on. Being in my new life has made me realize how bad things really were before.

    I'm going to re-name DH to be ex-DH from here on out. Or XDH, which is easier to type.

    XDH and I are on amicable terms. He calls me way too much for stuff he doesn't need to call me about and keeps me tied up on the phone for way too long. He has told me that he doesn't have anyone else to talk to and doesn't really know what to do with himself (that second part is just me talking) so I have tried to be patient with the 20 minute calls to talk about a 5 second question.

    The kids are still adjusting well. Of course Jonah doesn't really know the difference at this point too much but Joshua is doing great. XDH lost the house a few weeks ago in foreclosure and moved about 30-40 minutes away but is still sharing the kids 50/50 with me a week at a time. It's a commute for him to get the kids to school in the mornings but he thinks his current living arrangement is temporary and is motivated to make it work so he can be with the kids.

    At this point he realizes that there is mom's house and dad's house and that's the way it's going to be from here on out. There has been no talk of (by me or brought up by Joshua) whether either XDH or I will be with another person in the future or how that works. I don't think he's really thought of it since he hasn't asked any questions on it. The good thing (well, from this perspective) is that my brother has a step-son that he is close to, so he has some exposure to another child that has been through a divorce and came out OK. He understands that his cousin has a different daddy than my brother and goes to see his daddy every other week. I just don't think he's pieced together how it must have felt for his cousin to see his mommy with another man besides his daddy. There will be plenty of time for those questions and those talks later down the road.

  9. #299
    Joshiesmom
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    For better or worse, I took myself to the mall today and spent ENTIRELY too much on buying swimsuits and cover-ups for said suits. I got two 2-piece suits and a 1-piece, along with a skirt cover-up and a whole sundress-type cover up. I figure I can wear the 1-piece when I have Jonah at the pool because he is still pretty reliable at hanging onto my shirt, bra, or swimsuit. I'm not confident enough to wear a bikini top and hold him that he wouldn't show my boob(s) to the world. Now I just need to go get a spray on tan and spend the next 900 hours in the gym.

    And seriously, my belly button is JACKED UP. I used to have a piercing there back when I was thinner and cool enough to pull it off. Now that I am not thin, not young, and not cool enough to pull it off (and due to the fact that I have gained a substantial amount of stretchmarks that automatically eliminate me from bellly-button piercing coolness) I'm not sure what to do about it. All I could think as I stood in front of the mirror looking at these bikinis and alllllll of my many flaws was that I just need to pierce it again to cover up the jacked-up-ness of the scar. I am not wanting a piercing in any way. I don't want to mess with it, look at it, worry about it catching on stuff or being pulled on accidentally. It's just that I'm not sure how else to mask the atrocity of it without enduring the pain and expense of a surgical belly button recision/revision, which is just not going to happen.

    What happened back when I had it was that I rode horses a bunch and the combination of my pants constantly rubbing it and me always being so sweaty was that it got infected and I eventually had to take it out. I guess that's why the scar is so ugly.

    Enough about my button. Joshua is at divorce class at my mom's church right now. He was excited to go back and I'm glad for him to have some resources besides me and XDH to talk to about things, or even just to listen and fellowship with some other kids his age.

    As of tomorrow the countdown will be at exactly 2 weeks until everything is final.

  10. #300
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    Haha. That's funny. Feb. 28th was when my divorce was final from my XDH. We really should go out and celebrate sometime! lol It will be five years for me!
    Ryan and Rachael
    Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate

    ~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~

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