Well apparently I started this back in '08 so now two years later, it obviously hasn't gone anywhere. Ha! I tend to keep things quite bottled up, so this will generally be a place of rants and raves. It will focus around babies, deployments, life and anything else in between. Being that it's my journal, I won't be "censoring" myself; with that said, I can often be outspoken. I personally don't mind the banter, but please, keep it respectful.
For those who care: a little about me.
I'm Pamela, a military wife transplanted to Colorado to stand next to my favorite Soldier. I'll be turning 25 this year (2010) and boy, that just seems SO much older than 24 haha! My husband, my hero, is also turning 25 this year and he will spend yet another birthday deployed. Since enlisting in Feb 2005, he has done 3 deployments (november 2005-november 2006; december 2007-february 2009; march 2010-march 2011). He pretty much deploys every 12-13 months. Crazy life of a military wife.. I will say, it's been a rough go, but we've done it, and I'm proud to say that (we'll hear a lot about my 'deployment woes'). We had our first baby boy, Jacob James R, on October 17th 2009. We got pregnant on February 8th 2009- the NIGHT my husband got home from his last deployment and then sadly daddy deployed when baby boy was 5.5 months old.. We're surviving our current deployment with lots of pictures and web cam time! You'll hear more about all that hoopla as I blog so I won't get too in depth now. We bought our first house in 2007 and are facing a move here in about a year to relocate with the military. Ugh. I'll KUP
Let the games begin...
Last edited by MrsHooah2U; 06-24-2010 at 04:31 PM.
Such a big big boy you've become! You've perfected your crawling and do it all over the house, you keep mommy on her toes! You love eating big boy foods and mommy loves that- she hates baby food. You're so much fun to play with and you're such a good boy. You went through a silly phase where you hated to nap and mommy was getting very cranky over it, but magically the last two days you've done so good on your naps! Mommy is a happy lady again! You love playing with all the kids that come to our house to play. You're such a good boy!
Daddy will be home in a little under four months or so and mommy is so very excited; so is daddy! He can't wait to see how much you've grown! When he goes back he'll only be gone for a little bit longer and then he'll be home for good and then it's on to bigger and better things!
I really need some guidance here! My special needs boy is taking a toll on my patients. He's 3 and has a tube, and that's not the problems, the problem is his mental age. It's hard to tell, but it seems as though he's 3 going on 1. I can't figure out if he really doesn't understand the things I'm asking him or if he's just "playing" me. I'm starting to think it's a fair combination of both. There are certain things I KNOW he understands yet there are things I'm starting to realize he honestly doesn't understand. It's a frustrating balance. I think a lot of it is that he's the baby at home so he get whatever he wants whenever.
In just the week I've had him I've been firm with him on the whining. I don't tolerate it. When he wants something I try to encourage him to ask "help please" rather than just grunt at me.. clearly it's working. Today when he woke from his nap, I went up to his crib and he looked at me and said "help". Obviously he's taking in somethings I'm doing with him- he knew he wanted something so he asked for help.. there is hope! Even though it's a small milestone, it's an exciting one!
Ooh OOh! One more too! He likes to stand at the TV stand. So we've been working on him not doing that. Well, today, he was up there and I told him "back up please.. and he looked at me said "back up" and started backing away from the TV". So obviously he's taking things away from the situation else he wouldn't be doing these things. It's been one week that I've had him so either he's learning that pretending to ignore me isn't the way to get things he wants or he's actually learning something.
It's moments like this that make me wish I would have kept up with my degree and even gone into some sort of special needs/therapy... ah well, in another life. For now, I'll just 'fix' my nanny kids
Two extra kids today. Ya know, I have to laugh.. I took on the two kids as a favor to their mom- and basically can't say no- even though I want to. Ah well. Anyway, I was talking to mom of said kids today and she made some comment about how it shouldn't be too hard for me today with the extra kids b/c "her kids are easy" . Uh no. I used to watch these kids as my job and then circumstances changed. So their mom stayed home with them.. and they turned into brats. Anyone who knew them when they were under my care and knows them now agrees these kids have turned generally rotten. They have NO sense of manners anymore. They talk down to everyone and anyone and have attitudes that hit the roof. So, no, I'm sorry your kids are not "easy".
I understand that every parent looks at their children through rose colored glasses but sometimes I seriously wonder.. Ah well.
On another note: my house has stayed amazingly clean all week- despite having 4-7 kids here at all times! Yay! This is a big accomplishment for me as I HATE cleaning my house..
The weight loss thing is a joke: as it's not going ANYWHERE. No matter how hard I try to "diet" and watch what I eat- I can not lose a pound. I'm a super maintainer and can maintain my weight like no other, which is why I KNOW if I could get it off, I could keep it off. The only reason I gained the weight in the first place was b/c I ate like a cow last deployment and then with the body changes with having a baby things just don't lay how they used to. I think I need to re-direct this weight loss thing. Rather than focusing so hard on the "number" I need to worry more about my toning and shaping. I will always be "heavier" as I have NEVER been skinny- even as a kid, I've always been stocky, or curvy. So, time to embrace that.
If I could tone up my stomach and my arms, I would be happy. Ideally I'd still like to lose weight but I refuse to starve myself. I just need to start learning how to be happy in my skin. I have no one to impress, I'm married and have a baby, my body will NEVER be as cute as a movie star, it never has been. I've never been "this" girl to be worried about my image, and when I do worry about my image, it just makes me look even more un-attractive. Starting today, I'm kicking my own *** and getting out of this "fat" slump. Moving on.
That's all my rants for today- the kiddos are starting to head down for naps and I'm going to enjoy the peace and relax.
It feels nice to have a "weekend" back. With my old job, I had no set weekend. I would get two- three days off a week but they were never back to back. So it's nice to be back to a Monday- Friday.
Jacob has really taken to crawling. It's fun, but time to really baby proof. In the past few days he's really just started crawling everywhere. Cute boy! He LOVES playing with the dogs now and Mya is just so good with him. They are not food aggressive with him and Mya lets him crawl all over her. Ah, such a relief!
I'm going to start planning me and DH's "weekend away". So far, I want to stay at a nice hotel, go to a nice dinner that I can wear a dress and then maybe have breakfast the next morning. I'm excited- it should be fun.
I've introduced myself over on the Birthing Naturally board.. I'm excited. The more I think about it, the more I realize how horrible my birth ended up with Jacob the more I realize I just want to try to do it naturally. I did it naturally anyway and I know I would have been in MUCH less pain if I was able to practice natural birthing exercises.. rather than tied down to a bed. I'm excited about the prospects of doing it natural.. so let the research begin.
I'm off to cook dinner.. Fresh chicken and cheese ravioli and creamy red sauce.
Yes, I so said that. Hello Monday. I think I'm so "happy" about Monday b/c it's work, and it's enjoyable. I realized how boring my weekend was without kids here- even though I had Jacob, I can't wait till he's older to "play" with.
So today brings on a new adventure in the daycare world: foster kids. One of the families I nanny for does foster care with intent to adopt. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember and I always told my DH that if we ever had fertility issues, I would not do any sort of intervention, unless it was on his behalf and he wanted to do it. I always said I would just adopt.. well obviously we can 'make' babies, so I thought it would soothe my need to want to adopt. Clearly not. It's all I think about. I've got tons of information packets and booklets and everything else I could get my hands on about adoption. If it didn't cost upwards towards 17k-20k, I'd be adopting, NOW. It's something I'm so passionate about.
I've kept my mouth shut on preg.org b/c I do feel slightly selfish. I can make babies and I still want to adopt, where there are tons of couples who can't make babies and are struggling to adopt. But let's face it- there will always be more kids who need a home than families who can take them. Anyway, my need is stirring back up again with having their foster kids in my care. Hearing their story makes me ache.
I've always been so afraid to do foster care b/c I'm afraid I'd get so attached to kids and not be able to let them go and the main focus of foster care is to place the kids back with immediate family. It breaks my heart knowing these kids were taken away for reasons un-imaginable and then to put them back in this scenario breaks my heart even worse. I'm just so torn. I feel like there is a need I'm wanting to fill by adopting and it's something I'm always going to have in the back of my head until it's done. I don't understand why adopting costs an arm and a leg and the other leg! You'd think for the amount of kids in the system it'd be cheap so more families could help! Makes me sick that it costs 20k to 'get' a baby. All I want to do is give a child a home and yet I can't because I'm not rich. Sick.
I guess my other concerns with adopting would be that my family would not be able to bond as well as I would. I always tend to bond with my nanny kids if they were my own, yet my husband never has. And I'm afraid my dad, as great as he is, would have a hard time bonding with a baby that wasn't "mine". My dad is quite stubborn and yes, I know this makes him sound like an ***, but he's very close minded. He's the best grandfather in the world to my DS but I'd be worried that he'd have a harder time bonding with a 3 year old Korean, KWIM?
Maybe I can start looking into the costs of fostering. Maybe that might fulfill the need to "help". It just breaks my heart to hear these stories and just want to fix it... I'm a fixer. I just want kids to feel love and comfort. When this family got this little girl and boy, she literally had dreads in her hair b/c of lack of cleanliness. That's insane. She's nearly four and looks like she's six - but can hardly talk. She's not potty trained. Has NO social skills.. this is breaking my heart minute by minute. All she wants is to be loved. They were saying her and her brother (who they believe suffers from MAJOR fetal alcohol syndrome) have a 200 page file. They're 2 & 3. That's freakin' insane. Poor babies. I think I'm going to have to do some digging into the foster care system. It's not going to be easy being in the military but perhaps it's something I can start here in Colorado and then can actually start fostering when we get to where we're going. I honestly don't think this is something I'm ever going to let go.. So perhaps if I just start exploring it and find out it's impossible it'll help me let the need go? Not sure! But I'm going to talk to DH tonight about it and how I feel about it and see what he says. At least just to fostering.. we'll see.
This is quite a random post, but I just needed to let it flow.. now I'm off to make lunch for my babies and then put my peanuts to bed..
I was born to be a mom and I think this is really confirming my more than 2 kids rule
Well, I did it. I took the giant leap of faith and emailed a local foster agency. It was good news and bad news all in one email.
The actual process of becoming a foster parent is fairly easy- and the cost is around $150! Not bad AT ALL! And we would 100% qualify, also, they have fairly quick placement. The people I nanny for started in April and already have placement kids.
The bad news: I can't do it without DH around. Apparently it's a two month course and we both have to do it
This does NOT help my "want" but what it does do is gives me a definite answer. Ah well, maybe it's something we can pursue in another life..
So I've decided that if I'm really going to birth naturally with #2 it's time to start doing my research and logging some stuff down that I come up with. So my conversation topic today..
I want to labor at home as long as I can
This obviously will stem from a few conclusions happening. #1 I need to have a "smooth" pregnancy so I can go into labor on my own! I was induced last time due to high blood pressure. That's just something I wasn't going to fight them on since I knew my risks of high BP during pregnancy/labor... seizures aren't quite my thing. Granted that I can go into labor on my own, I'll be able to labor at home. I think this will help me with my doing it natural.. I don't have epidurals at my house, so it's not even an option.. and I would like to hope that I could labor at home long enough so by the time I got to the hospital it'd be nearly go time I don't want to cut it too close- but I'd like to be able to stay at home as long as I possibly could. I also want to utilize things like, walking, music, massage and a birthing ball. I hope for this round, DH will be a little more "helpful" with the pain. I know he was just as new to it as I was but his extent of helping was holding my hand.. yea, didn't cut it! I hope next time he can be less "tired" and "scared" and help me labor better- this is something I'm going to have to sit down and talk to him about. I understand he's not into the whole birth thing so by nature he's not thinking about this stuff. So this time around, I'll make it clear what I want him to do for me- rather than just let him hold my hand.. I'm hoping by learning natural birthing techniques I can help myself labor through the pain at home. I hope my next birth story is much more exciting due to all the things I tried! I can honestly say I'm excited to try to labor at home!
Today has been a pretty darn good day. I got to clean the house today- which yes, normally wouldn't be exciting but it's nice to be able to keep up on my house and I can't wait till DH is home and I can have dinner cooking when he gets home.. I'm such a housewife haha!!
I have my "foster/nanny" girl again today, she just melts my heart. She's literally told me about 15 times that she loves me and she missed me. Sweet girl!
Last night I found a headboard on craigslist that I liked. They wanted 30$ for it, being REAL wood- it's probably 60 years old but I didn't care, I wanted something I could re-stain. So I emailed them asking if it was able to be delivered and I'd be willing to pay more. They said they couldn't deliver it. So I told them that was too bad- I would have bought it otherwise but I just wasn't able to pick it up with my husband being gone and having a baby, it wouldn't fit in my car. She came back and asked if he was deployed and I told them yes. She instantly insisted they would deliver it and it would be free! I couldn't believe it! I was so excited.. good people do exist! So now I need to work on finding night stands so I can stain this and we can get it up in our room! I'm so excited I know it's something silly but I'm thrilled! And normally I won't play the "my husband is deployed" card, but I really wanted the headboard and the pure truth was I had NO way to pick it up, otherwise I would have!