I just need some place to destress. I was laughing at the negative comments thread where someone said that if you want it to be private then just use Word. Hee hee. I agree but then one has to ask why do we write in an online journal to begin with?
For me it's the ease of having something separate from my 'normal' things and this way no matter what computer I'm at I can always put down my thoughts.
My life in a nut shell lately is just stress. And I'm constantly running around or having a large list of things that I need to get done. I'm so tired. I long for 2 weeks on a beach somewhere, anywhere that I can just wake up and not have to worry about more than if I have enough sunscreen for the day.
Well speaking of time. I've just looked at the clock and I've got to get ready for the garage door guy to arrive. Arrrgh!
OMG!!! I haven't slept in the past 3 days. We've worked so hard building the garage and getting it ready for a new roof that we've totally spent ourselves. Just in time for another rain storm to come through and produce one more night of no sleep. We stayed up till 3 am putting a temp roof on the portion of the new garage that has our house exposed. I can't even think.
I guess I should say something about my ttc journey. We have a beautiful little girl. She's 7 now and since she was 5 I've been trying to add one more little one to our family. Strangly the second isn't as easy to conceive as the first one was. I tried the good old fashion way for about 6 mnths then I started temping (bbt) and charting my cycles. After about 3 months of that I decided that I needed to get healthy. So I went and got a physical and check up to make sure that everything was normal. I talked to my gyn about having another one and she said that I shouldn't have any trouble. Ha! Famous last words.
Fast forward to two years and I finally broke down and went to the RE. So far all the tests are normal and there shouldn't be any reason why I can't conceive naturally. We haven't had dh do his s/a yet because we are just so swamped with the house at the moment. Not to mention that they lost my hsg film and couldn't confirm the radiologists observations. I was to start my first IUI this month. I've decided to wait until the beginning of the year. I'm o'ing around both Thanksgiving and Christmas and frankly it's just to much to go through during an already stressful time of the year.
I feel ambivalent about ttc'ing. I think I spent 2 years analyzing everything down to the nearest 10th of a degree that I'm just a bit burnt out. I think I need an honest break from it and to enjoy my husband again and not look at each day of the month but rather to charish the time I have with my family.
The rain is tapering off now. Thank God! I'll be able to go to sleep soon.
I need a nap!! So, dh goes to work today and gives me a whole list of things to do. Hello?!! Who stayed up al night making sure the rain didn't seep into the house? And now I'm so tired that I can't sleep. Does that make sense?
Dispite all the running around it was kinda nice to go be a part of normal society. So many people, buying so many things. I miss people I think they make me a happier person. God, I wish I had a job. I'm so sick of applying for jobs. I get so excited about them and never hear back. My new Genetic engineering news came in the mail. It made me a bit sad as though its all slipping away and I'm no longer a part of it. I miss research.
My head hurts. I hate taking anything for it cuz I know what I need. Maybe I should curl up and take a little nap before dd gets home from school.
On the plus side...I got a slow cooker!!! Yeah, I'm so excited about it. Now I can have dinner cooking while we are working on the house and no more pizzas. I have my Southern Living cookbook so I'm going to make something in it tomorrow. Yumm!
2 steps forward 3 steps back. We are slowly making progress on the house but the rain just sets us back so much. So again I'm up all night waiting for it to hit and run upstairs every half hour to shed the rain away. Its beginning to do damage to the drywall in the livingroom. I suppose when it's all bottled up we'll replace the damage and fix it properly, unitl then I can only slow the process down.
I'm so sad. I heard the neighborhood come alive today with the arrival of family and friends around and there we were 16 feet off the ground tearing apart our soffits and then building them back up. Other people were watching the parade and then maybe turning the game on, catching up on recent events, waiting to sit down and share a grand meal together. Much like what I remember at my grandmother's house. We did go to my cousin's house for dinner but we had to rush to get there and then worried about when the rain was going to start. Plus they all want to know how the work is going and frankly for me I just can't focus on it right now. I just take one day at a time and one project at a time and I can't think about how soon the bank wants us done or what will happen if we don't get it done in time. Not to mention that funds are quickly running out and there will just be a point when we won't be able to go any further. That's the scariest part for me. What if we don't have enough money for a roof? Then what?
Through all of this the power of prayer and faith has kept me sane but it doesn't always quiet the worry. I truly feel that an answer will come to us and that we will suceed in finishing this house. Doubts and what-if's are so damaging. They tear away at your faith and it begins to crumble your foundation that keeps you standing tall through adversity. I take a deep breath and hold steadfast to what I beleive in. That's the only way I can make it. That and we should be so proud of what we have been able to accomplish. Not to mention that neither one of us is walking away. We are truly doing this together come hell or highwater. Our marriage will always be the better for it.
I'm not sure what's on tap for tomorrow. Wait until the rain passes then finish the soffit area and move toward building the last overhang and the portico framing. After that we should be ready to tackle the roofing. Lord I hope we can make it! If we do roof it ourselves I hope we do a good job and keep it water tight. fingers crossed.