Alot has happened over the last few days. I don't know if it was the trip to the lawyer's office that made it all sink in, but B and I realized that we love each other, and that we can't throw away what we have. We walked away from our marriage angry and hurt, and we gave up too soon. We didn't exhaust every option to make things work. We talked Thursday night, and all day Friday, and Friday night at 10:00, B called and said "I love you, you are the most important person in my life, and I need you. I will do everything I can to put us back together. Nothing in the world is worth losing you over, can we please try?" I broke down in tears... His words just hit me like a ton of bricks. I kept trying so hard to put on a happy face for everyone and act like I was doing fine, but inside I was dying without him. When he said those things to me, I knew he meant it and I knew that I needed him too. I can't deny it anymore, he's my soulmate.
We both did sh*tty things to each other, and I don't think either of us is any more at fault than the other. We got married young, without experiencing alot of life first. We thought we were missing out on certain things, and we just fell off the tracks. One bad thing happened and it just snowballed until he packed his things into a black suitcase an left me in tears in the bathroom. I have never felt that bad in my life. I've lost 3 grandparents, I've lost best friends, I've lost boyfriends, I've lost pets, but I have never felt a sadness that compared to how I felt when I laid on my bathroom floor and screamed his name. For a couple weeks, I cried every day, sometimes all day. I stopped eating, and when I did eat, I threw it up. Then I covered up my pain by going out with friends and pretending to be happy.
I can't pretend anymore. I can't talk bad about him anymore. I love him to death, and I want to grow old with him. I want to be with him every single day of my life. I want to watch our sons grow up together, I want to take or grandchildren to the zoo together, and I want to die holding his hand. I never knew how much I loved him until I lost him. For some reason, we were given a second chance.
Hi. I hope it's ok to post here...I would have PM'd you but my PM's aren't working Anyway I just wanted to tell you good luck on working your marriage out. I don't know your entire situation but I can tell you that I came very close to getting divorced this past year. My husband and I did things to hurt eachother and acted so stupid, It was the worst year of my life...but somehow at the very last moment things changed...and even though it has been some work we are working it out. It is completely possible for you guys to have a happy marriage and be closer than ever before if you guys truly love eachother. I really hope things work out for you!!
Thank you for your encouraging words I'm glad that you & your husband were able to work everything out and stay together. We are friends with this couple who has been dealing with the same thing, and him & I were both in the same situation as far as what happened to us in our relationships, and we have been talking alot over the last couple of months. A couple weeks ago, they got back together. Their relationship isn't perfect, but they're both trying to fix everything and they want to be together. They have really inspired me, and they showed me that it's worth a shot.
Last night I went out on a "date" with B. He asked me to go out to dinner and then go dancing, something I've begged him to do for years. When I got to his apartment, he immediately started b*tching at me because my shirt was "too low cut" and my breasts were "on display and falling out." Yes, I was showing the tiniest bit of cleavage, but with DD breasts, I have cleavage in a turtleneck. It's not my fault. And I wore that shirt because its cute, and I thought B would like it. So when he started in on me about my shirt, I turned around to leave and he grabbed me and made me sit down and talk to him. I had decided before I ever got there that I was absolutely not going to fight. I knew that B was in the mood to fight, but I wasn't giving in. He griped at me, and I just agreed with everything he said to avoid an argument. After nearly an hour of him pressing my buttons and trying to make me fight, he finally gave up. We didn't go to dinner because he was too busy trying to start a fight, so when it was time to meet everyone at the bar, we just drove thru Taco Bell on the way.
Some of our friends met us at the bar, the couple I was talking about earlier, and some of the guys that B works with. I know them all & am friends with them, and even though B and I have been separated and he had been taking his girlfriend around them, they all welcomed me back and didn't treat me any differently. I fit right in, and it felt so good. When one of the guys B works with got there, he came right over to me and gave me a great big hug and said that he had missed me. I sat back down beside B, and he made some snotty comment about me rubbing myself all over all of his friends, so I walked away and sat by one of the girls that I'm friends with. B gave me sh*tty looks across the bar, but I tried to ignore it. After about half an hour, and once B had a couple drinks, he came over to me and apologized. He hugged me and kissed me, and I asked him to dance but he said no. He said he wasn't going to dance at all, which pissed me off because HE asked ME to go out "dancing" not sit at a bar with a bunch of friends and get piss-drunk. I was ticked. I told him that I wanted to dance and I was going to dance with someone else, and he got really mad and said he'd dance with me when he had another drink. Finally a good slow song came on and I was able to get him on he dance floor, but he had already had too much alcohol and couldn't even two-step without stumbling and screwing up. I was really upset, and that was the only time we danced. I didn't even dance with anyone else... One of his friends came up to me & said "I'd like to dance with you, but I think B would fly into a rage." He was right.
The more B drank, the more he said he loved me, the more he kissed me, he wanted me to sit in his lap and make out with him... He kept saying that he was having fun with me and he was glad that we could be together and not fight, since lately every time we're around each other we end up fighting. It was nice not to fight with him, and I saw the B that I fell in love with 4 years ago. He was funny, he laughed, he smiled alot, and he was just the B that he used to be. It's sad that the only way that he can be that B is when he's drinking.
When it was time for me to leave, B decided that he would rather stay and drink than go home with me like we originally planned. I was upset... I wanted him to come with me, I wanted to be able to talk to him. He wasn't really drunk, but he'd had enough to drink so that he was in that honest state-of-mind, and he'd lost his edge, and I wanted to take that opportunity to talk to him and understand his true feelings. He walked me out to my car and told me that tonight was a good start, but he didn't expect much. He said that he thinks we've said and done too many hurtful things to each other, and he can't forgive me for telling him that I hated him. He resents me, he says. I started bawling before I even left the parking lot. I was just so confused, I guess. He tells me a different story every 5 minutes, and I can't take this roller coaster anymore. I listened to sad country songs, sang, and bawled the entire 40 minute drive home.
Today, I'm feeling a little better. I'm bummed, but I'll live. I think the more I am away from B, I remember all the good things about him and forget the bad. But whenever I'm around him for very long, I start to remember why our marriage went bad in the first place. He irritates the hell out of me, he loves to argue, he always has to be right, and he just can't move forward. He wants to dwell on the past, and I am getting over the past. I can't forget it, but I can forgive him. And I have forgiven him. I don't know why its so hard for him to just let go of it and do the same.
The only way that this is going to work is if B tears down this emotional wall he's put up between us over the last 2 years, and makes an effort to stop being an asshole. But until he can do that, it just isn't going to happen. Sure, I could lay down & let him walk all over me the way he's done for the last three years. I could let him do and say whatever he wants to me and pretend to be happy. I could, because I've been doing it for three years. But I won't. Being apart from him has made me realize that I am a wonderful woman, and I deserve a man who will give me his entire heart, and whom I can trust with mine. I deserve a man who will treat me with respect, who will be kind and caring, and not say hurtful things just because he had a bad day at work. I deserve a man who wants to take me out to a romantic dinner at a restaraunt that doesn't have a drive-thru window, who will hold my hand, and who WANTS to dance with me. I deserve a man who loves me even though I'm not perfect, and who would NEVER bring up those imperfections in an argument and throw them in my face. I deserve to be treated well, and until B can do all of those things, I'm not subjecting myself to another hurtful relationship with him. I love him with all my heart, I really do, but I also love myself, and it's not fair to myself to let him treat me like crap, and it's not fair to let my sons watch their father be a jerk to their mother, it's not fair to let them grow up thinking that that is acceptable behavior. Since B moved out, I have been able to focus on myself. I'm no longer worrying about what to cook B for dinner, doing B's laundry, making him happy. I felt like I was chasing after him like a little dog, snipping at his heels, begging him to just turn around and scratch my ears. He either kept walking & ignored me, or turned around and kicked me. For the last three years, that has been my life. But when I didn't have to live that life anymore, I was able to focus on myself. I have started taking care of myself. I realize that I love me, and that feels amazing. I've lost 25lbs, I work out, I eat better, I have a job that I actually enjoy most of the time, I have made new friends and have gone out and had fun. It feels amazing to discover that I'm not such a bad person afterall, and I am worth taking care of. And I am worthy of a man who can see all of that.
Ok, this was super-long and probably makes no sense, but I guess thats why I started this thing. Just to talk and sort out my feelings... Typing it out in a journal is alot better than thinking it in my hear, or even talking out loud. This way, if I am feeling down, I can come back here and read all of this. This has been an emotional time in my life, but I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to rediscover myself, and to learn to love myself. I think that one day, I will be truly happy with my life, and that gives me hope
I got my hair done today, and I love it! My friend did it for me, and she colored it dark brown, red, and blonde, and it is just awesome! I am so excited about it =]
I was really bummed when I posted this morning, but the more I think about things, I think maybe its better if B & I aren't together. I love him, but he just annoys the hell out of me. Everything he does just bugs me, and there are so many things about him that I want to change, and that's unfair for me to want him to change. We talked on the phone today, and I told him that until he's sure of what he wants, I'm not going to get emotionally invested in this again. He needs to be single & figure things out on his own, and he agreed. I also made it very clear that I'm not going to sit at home and wait for him, either. I'm going to live my own life, and I'm still filing for divorce. I'm pretty sure that if he were to come running back in a couple months, I wouldn't want to get back together. I am happy about moving forward with my life as a single mom. Hopefully I get the job I applied for, I think they're supposed to hire after the first of the year, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I'm going shopping in Oklahoma City with my mom tomorrow, I can't wait! We have a yearly tradition of going to OKC before Christmas and getting See's Candy in the mall, and then eating lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. Also, I weighed this morning, and I lost 3lbs this week, so that puts me down 25lbs Only 15 to go!!! My jeans are falling off of me, lol. I also finally made the decision to get on Depo-Provera. I have thought about it for a while, but B and I were going to TTC so I was just using the pill, but since a baby is most definitely NOT in my immediate plans, I wanted something that I wouldn't have to worry about, not to mention I always forget to take my pills. I don't currently have anyone that I'm sleeping with but you know...just in case!
Blah. I need to go finish laundry & get to bed... 6:30 comes early!
I had a great time shopping in OKC! My mom is so awesome, she bought me a pair of $98 jeans to congratulate me on my weight loss. Oh, that and the fact that all of my jeans are falling off of me and I desperately needed new ones, haha! She also bought me 2 pair of Mossimo jeans at Target. They're cute, but I absolutely love the expensive Silver ones. I cannot wait to have somewhere awesome to wear them out to
B is trying to get me to give him yet another chance... I just can't do it. I don't know how many chances I've given him in the last 2 years, and it always ends up the same. Everytime, he swears that he's changed, he swears he'll treat me better, he swears that he'll be nice, and everytime I say "ok, prove it" he goes right back to being a jerk. I've had enough of it. My heart can't take anymore broken promises. It breaks my heart to know that this is probably the absolute end of B & I, but I would rather have a broken heart right now and work on mending it, than to have it break over and over again like it would if I kept handing out chances.
Ok, now for something funny I have this super-huge crush on a guy that comes into the grocery store where I work. For the past couple weeks now, everytime he comes in, he goes through my line. And whenever he does, I blush and get clumsy and basically just act like a 12 year old with a crush on a cute boy, lol. I didn't know who he was (and this is a SMALL town, so I basically know who everyone is) so I some investigative work, and I found out that he's 30-ish, going through a divorce, has 3 kids, and works for the phone company (I already knew that though, since he's usually in a uniform shirt.) One day, a guy who works with him that I sort-of know came through my line, and I asked him if the guy was married, and he told me that he was getting divorced, and asked why I wanted to know, and I made up some lame story about just being curious, etc, and he smiled and said "You have a crush on him, don't you?" I said no, but my nervous giggle & blushing gave me away, lol. The other day, that guy came back in & told me that he had told A (the guy I like) that I had been asking about him. A told this guy that he thought I was really cute & that he wanted to ask me out but was too embarassed. The rest of the day, I was all giddy and excited, and THEN about 10 minutes until it was time for me to get off work, he came in the store I said hello to him when he walked in the door, and he smiled and said hi, then did his shopping. The whole time, I was just hoping he'd come through my line. Finally, I saw him coming toward the checkout lines and he made eye contact with me and started to steer into my lane then this old lady totally cut him off! I was so ticked! The girl in the lane behind me told him that she could check his groceries out in her lane, and he said "Nah, I'm not done shopping yet" and walked up and down the aisle near my lane until the old lady was almost done, and then he jumped in line behind her, lol. Anywho, as soon as I started checking his groceries, my face got red and I dropped a few things, and he made a joke about me dropping everything, and I couldn't stop giggling (I giggle when I'm nervous) then whenever he signed his credit card reciept, he dropped the pen and then we both started giggling. I couldn't look him in the eye for some reason, until when I handed him his reciept, and he said "Thanks, darlin" and smiled this adorable smile and he was blushing, too! I'm such a dork, I know, lol.
Anyway, that's my exciting story of the week. I'm such a loser... I keep thinking maybe I should write my number on his reciept or something, but I don't want to seem that forward. I guess that if he likes me, he'll take the first step, and until then, I will just giggle like an idiot whenever I see him
Someone that used to work with B about two years ago recently found me on myspace, and last night we talked on IM for a couple of hours. He & B weren't really close, but he lived in our apartment building & had a son a little bit younger than Calvin, so I was around him quite a bit, and it was nice to get to talk to him again. He's a nice guy, and I feel bad for him... His wife decided she didn't want to be a mom anymore and totally abandoned him & his son, and now she's in rehab and has only seen their little boy twice in the last year. Anywho, I told him that B & I were getting a divorce, and he was completely shocked. He just kept saying "but you guys were so happy together!" He's not the first person to tell me that, either. It seems like everytime someone else find out, they can't believe it because we were "so happy together."
Yeah, a long time ago, we were. When B was a firefighter, things were great. We spent alot of time together & did things with the guys that he worked with & their wives, we had a crappy little rent house but it was cozy & cheap, and we had alot of extra money in the bank, we always went out to dinner & went shopping together....then something changed. Almost immediately after he became a police officer, everything changed. He didn't want to go anywhere together anymore, he was always gone, the paycut was huge and we could barely afford groceries, much less dinner out somewhere nice. And then I got pregnant with Major. I felt like he 'blamed' me, I guess. He kept accusing me of not taking my birth control, all he did was gripe about how much money a baby was going to cost us, and how he wouldn't be able to go anywhere or do anything anymore. Once I was about 4 or 5 months pregnant though, that all stopped & all he could talk about was his son. And everything was OK between us...it wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible, either. We argued over money mostly. But when he left for a 9 week police training in September (Major was 3 weeks old) everything just went downhill and it never really got better.
So, I guess 2 years ago, we WERE happy. We used to be in love, we used to hold hands and kiss all the time. We were always together when he was off work, and those 24 hour shifts that he worked were the longest 24 hours ever. I know when everything went wrong, I just can't put my finger on the ONE thing that seemed to send us over the edge. Maybe it was when he started treating me like the maid, or maybe it was when he stopped talking to me. Maybe it was when he started accusing me of cheating on him whenever I hung out with my girlfriends, or maybe it was when I started lying to him to keep him from getting mad at me. Who knows... I know one thing though, I have GOT to stop analyzing this over & over again. I could sit here & think about everything til I'm blue in the face, but it won't change the fact that what we used to have together is gone & we can never get it back.
I need something to do to take my mind off of everything!
Tuesday morning while I was at work, my grandparents were keeping Major & he got his big toe caught in my nana's exercise machine and it severed almost completely. My grandparent's drove him to the ER & then my papa came to get me at work and took me to the ER. When I got there, Major's foot was wrapped up & I didn't know what was wrong with it, other than it got smashed in the exercise machine. They came in to x-ray it and I thought it was just a precautionary thing, but then they unwrapped his foot, I saw his big toe hanging down and the bone was sticking out. I got shaky and sweaty and the nurses made me lay down. Obviously, it was broken, and then this other nurse comes in and I wasn't hearing everything over Major's cries, but I heard "orthopedic surgeon" and "OU Children's Hospital" and "ambulance" and "emergency surgery." I was completely in shock. I had called B earlier from the ER, before they did the x-rays, and he walked in right about the time they were giving Major an IV line. The ambulance crew came in (luckily I knew them both) and they strapped me onto the stretcher while holding Major, and they let B ride in the back too. We got to the Children's Hospital about 3:15 (the initial injury was at noon) and they couldn't get ahold of the orthopedic surgeon, and it was 6:30 before they were able to get him into the OR.
At first, they said that they would probably amputate the toe, but then the doctor came out of surgery and said that they were able to reattach his entire toe. The bone that broke off at the end of his toe wasn't salvageable, but they said it would re-grow itself. They also said that in a year, we won't even be able to see the scar since the cut was clean & right across the knuckle of his big toe. B & I stayed overnight in Major's room, and he slept all night long. Wednesday morning he ate alot & the doctor came & saw him. They looked at his toe & it was still alive, and we have to go back to OKC on Thursday for them to see it again, then they'll decide whether or not to put a cast over it or just a boot. I have to keep him from putting any weight on it until then. We were supposed to see the surgeon on Monday, but when I called to schedule the appointment, the lady told me that the doctor wouldn't be in until Wednesday! Geez! So he has a 9:30am appt in OKC for Thursday, but I don't feel comfortable waiting that long for it to be looked at, so I called our family doctor & he told me to bring Major in tomorrow morning and he will look at it and make sure that its doing OK, and then wrap it up a little better, since Major keeps kicking his leg and the wrap is getting loose. I'm so thankful that I have such a wonderful doctor
So far, Major's been doing great. I'm supposed to alternate Motrin & the lortab that they prescribed him every 3 hours, but I've been doing it every 4-5 hours, because he just doesn't seem to be in any pain at ALL, and I don't want to dope him up on lortab if it isn't necessary. I gave him a doze of lortab at 8:25 and by 8:45 he was snoring in my arms, lol. I laid him in bed and propped his foot up on the giant pink foam donut they sent home, and I can hear him snoring on the baby monitor. The only struggle really is keeping him from standing on it. When he wakes up in bed, the first thing he does is stand up, and he has already done this twice since we've been home and has cried and sat down, but once I pick him up he stops crying. I have to either carry him or make him sit in the high chair or baby swing all the time, and he HATES it. He wants to get down and run so bad, I just feel terrible for him He will fight me to get down and finally stop and just cry and cry because he's so frustrated. Poor little guy.
B stayed the night here last night too, he didn't want to leave Major's side. He slept in the recliner with Major on his chest all night long, lol. He stayed and helped me out some today and left around 5 this afternoon. He's coming back Saturday morning for a little while, and I think on Christmas day, too. He's going to Major's appt. in OKC with me, too.
My poor papa feels horrible. He feels like its all his fault, and he calls/comes over a few times a day just to tell Major that he's sorry. I don't blame him at all though, and I keep telling him that, but I know he blames himself. The exercise thing is called a Cardio-Glide and Major sits on it all the time, he loves it. My papa let him up there & he sat on it for a few minutes, then when my papa pulled him off of it, Majors big toe somehow got caught in the rails and...well, you know the rest. My grandparent's home-owner's insurance will probably cover all the costs too, so that's a big relief!
Tomorrow is Calvin's last day of school until mid-January, and he's so excited to be going to see his dad & all of his family on Christmas. Lucky kid, he gets Christmas with my parents/grandparents on Christmas Eve, then Christmas morning at home, then Christmas day at his dad's & then his other grandparents, lol. He comes home from there every year with enough presents to fill the entire trunk & half the backseat of out car (I'm NOT exaggerating!) I'm pretty excited for Christmas too, I know I got some really good stuff from my mom. She gave me one present today, too- she put me on her cell phone plan & got me a pink Motorola Razr, yay! I was without a cell phone for a little while, and I was having texting-withdrawls, lol.
I'm gonna try to get some sleep now. I hope Major stays asleep all night, we both need the rest!
Here's a link to see the pictures of Major's toe. We had it looked at this morning and it's infected now They started him on antibiotics and he sees the surgeon on Thursday, so hopefully it will have improved by then! This kid is so tough! He keeps trying to walk, and he thinks its hilarious to kick us all with his giant foot. He's not bothered by it at all, he doesn't try to take the wrap off, he just thinks its funny, and everytime he holds it up to look at it, he laughs. What a crazy kiddo!
I went on a date last night! My nana told me that I needed a break from holding Major 24/7, so I texted the guy that I've been talking to for the last week or so, and we met for dinner and then went dancing with some friends of ours. I had alot of fun, and he seems like a pretty nice guy. I'm kind of confused about what I want right now though, so I'm just taking it one day at a time.
B is finally coming to move his things out on Wednesday. He was going to do it last Tuesday, but those plans got bumped back when Major hurt his toe! So he says he is doing it on Wednesday, but I kinda think something else will come up to prevent him from doing it. He's been supposed to get all his stuff for over a month now, and he always finds some reason why he can't. I'm ready for it to be gone, because its all in my dining room and I'm ready to start painting the walls in there, but I can't yet!
Well, I'm gonna go to my nana's & get potatoes. Somehow I got conned into making the mashed potatoes again this year for Christmas dinner.
Wow, it's been so long since I've posted! I've been so busy with work & with Major, when I finally get free time I just crash, lol.
Last Thursday, B & I took Major to OKC to see the surgeon. They're pleased with his toe, the infection is getting better, and he's going to be just fine! Yay! I told the surgeon about him wanting to walk and that I was afraid he'd hurt himself, so he decided to put Major's leg in a cast from below his knee to past his toes. He can walk just fine and can't do any damage to his toe, and it hasn't slowed him down a bit! That night, B moved his things out of my kitchen finally, so I'm gonna start painting in there soon. I gave him the small TV, the floor lamp and the loveseat (the one that I was sitting on when my water broke ) but thats all the furniture I was willing to part with. I helped him move his things, and then he asked me to go to Wal-Mart with him to get some essentials, so I helped him get some dishes & silverware, and cleaning products (not that he'll ever use them) and just basic things someone needs in their own place.
Monday morning (the 31st) I was starting to feel like I was catching a cold, but there was no way I was staying home on New Year's Eve, so I took some Tylenol Cold and ignored it. When I woke up Tuesday morning, my throat was hurting and my lymphnodes were swollen. Wednesday morning, My right lymphnode was as big as a lemon and I couldn't even swallow water without crying, so I went to the doctor. My temp was 101.8, my pulse was 139, my tonsils are so big that they're touching, and my lymphnode is visible through my neck, and she said she thought I had mono. They did a blood test and sure enough, it's mono. I thought only teenagers got mono? Ugh. I did some online research, and it takes 4-6 weeks to develop symptoms, so I got it from someone that long ago. And whoever gave it to me could have had mono up to 18 months ago, because it stays in your system that long. I have to stay off work for a week, and there is no cure for mono, other than rest. How am I supposed to rest with 2 kids? One of them is in a cast! LOL.... B came over yesterday afternoon and got Major, and he spent the night with him. Calvin has been taking it easy on me, he know's I'm sick and is trying to be good. I called work yesterday to speak to the big boss, but he was gone so I had to talk to the woman in charge under him, and she was super pissed that I'm missing work, and she treated me like I was lying. Um, hello, I have a note from my doctor, I'm not lying! And I don't WANT to miss work. I'm a single mother, no work equals no money. No money equals no bills paid. I don't want to stay off work for a week, especially since I was just off a week in December b/c of Major's toe!
Like all this wasn't bad enough, my grandpa passed away yesterday morning. He fell and hit his head on Tuesday and had bleeding in his brain, and the doctor told my step-dad to prepare for the worst. He's being cremated and his memorial service is on Sunday. I'm glad that they're not having a typical funeral, and that there won't be a casket, etc. I was very upset about taking Calvin to that, but now how do I explain that grandpa is in that urn? Seriously, there should be some kind of instruction manual for this kind of stuff!
Ok, enough depressing stuff! Christmas was awesome! I got the coolest cowboy boots, a hot pink down coat from Land's End, a new jewelry box, a DVD player, lots of Bath & Body Works stuff, and alot of other cool things. My mom rocks! The boys got so much stuff it's just unbelievable! Calvin went to spend a week with his dad and came home with even more stuff, lol.
The guy that I went out with before Christmas started to creep me out, so I told him I didn't want to date him anymore. He called my cell phone 37 times, sent me 18 text messages, then called my house phone and left 5 messages saying that he was falling in love with me, and please don't do this to him, etc. What a creep! I never called him back so he finally stopped, lol. New Year's Eve, my mom told me that she was keeping the boys at her house all night & I was being ordered to go out with my friends and have fun, lol. I went to a country bar with some friends & a couple of my cousins and had a great time! I saw this really cute, tall guy in a cowboy hat walk past and I grabbed my friend Laura and said "OMG he is so hot!" and she said "Oh, I know him, he's my husband's friend!" and dragged me over and introduced us. Let's call him T. T & I hit it off & sat together and talked for an hour or so, and then he asked me to dance. We danced alot and then at midnight, he kissed me A bunch of us left there around 1:00 and went to IHOP, then back to a friend's house to play cards. Right about that time, the tequila shots came back up, so I was in the bathroom for a while, lol. I laid down on the futon and T came and laid with me and we talked for a long time and just got to know each other, and we fell asleep sometime around 4am. I woke up around 8:30 and kissed T good-bye, then drove thru McDonald's and came home. I took a shower asap because I stunk like stale cigarettes and tequila, then I went to pick up the boys at my mom's house. I've talked to T alot since then, and he asked me out on a real date, but now I'm sick so it'll be a while. I told him that I have mono & that I hoped he didn't get it, but he said kissing me was worth it, lol. Whatever! Nothing is worth getting mono! This sucks!