It has been almost two weeks since he had exploratory surgery. I don't know what I was thinking. I waited at least 4 months to take him. He had blood in his urine and I guess I was in denial of him having cancer. We took him in August to get Xrays and blood work. Everything came back ok. One of the Vets, Dr. Scott stated there were no signs of bladder stones. He even showed us. Everything looked A O. K. He prescribed Keflex for a UTI. Everything was great the first week. He didnt have hardly any blood in his urine. He was still having accidents through out the day. He couldn't control his bladder but I dismissed it because he was on Prednisone for his alergies and seizures. One of Prednisone's side effect was frequent urination. My Watson even pe ed while he was sleeping. Everything is stable right now. He is on piroxicam and keflex. It is making him feel more comfortable. I did see some signs of pain today but not like before.
I need to vent because I can't stop crying that I am going to lose him. I just finished doing some research and found out that Scottish Terriers have a higher risk of getting TCC (Transitional Cell Carcinoma) or bladder cancer. 18 fold than any other breed. I'm so angry. It isn't fair! I hear all the time dogs live longer. He is only 11. WHY! WHY! WHY!
It doesn't help that I was reading stories of other dogs that had it as well. Knowing that his last few days are going to be So, so hard. I said to myself I would do anything to keep my dogs living longer and I would never put them to sleep. Well, never say never. I know it will come to that. He probably will have kidney failure or it will spread. I don't want to see him suffering.
Dr. David did the exploratory surgery on him two weeks ago. He told me that he has a couple of weeks to a couple of months to live.
So, I have been spoiling him more than ever. He gets McDonald plain hamburgers almost everyday. Well they all get that now (the other 6 dogs). I have to be fair. He gets extra snacks too. He is allowed to take as many stroll walks as he wants too. Eventhough the Doc said no walks. I leave it up to him. We usually walk a couple houses down and then I pick him up and carry him back.
The little rascal has so much spirit in him. I know he doesn't want to leave me.
You know what pisses me off, we live 12 hours away from his Doctor. I hate Florida and I wasn't able to have a house again to bury him there. Hell no will I bury him here. I will cremate him and take him with me until we get our house (not in HELL which is FL). Then I will bury him in my garden.
Right now, he isn't by myside so I know he is hurting. I need to talk to Dr. David about antibiotic resistance. I've done some research and want to talk it over with him.
OOOOO, I need to sleep. I hope he feels better tomorrow.
Today was a restful day for him. He went outside with me to finish raking the leaves and didn't want to hang out. So, Scott took him back in. I've noticed blood in his urine when he had an accident after eating his treat. After talking to Dr. David today, I told him that I haven't seen blood in his urine like before. He said that was good because the Keflex is working and his body doesn't have a resistance to it. Then, he pe ed with blood in his urine. More than usual. I told Dr. David that was my main concern. Since he has bladder cancer he will be more prone to getting bladder infections. The information I've obtained from journals of others' dogs that had TCC stated that bladder infections are really painful and to watch out for antibiotic resistance. He didnt seem optimistic about much. He said Watson doesn't have much elactisity (msp) in his bladder. 75 percent is affected by the tumor. I dunno, I'm sort of angry that I'm not getting much of a response from him. He told me that he did surgery on another dog and they were able to cut it out. Watson wasn't so lucky. It has affected the prostate as well; where the urine empties into.
I told Dr. David that he was taking stroll walks and that I leave it up to him to decide when to stop. I also told him, in a bregging manner that I have been giving him MC Donald hamburgers. I can tell he wasn't thrilled about that.
In all, today wasn't a good day for him or for me. Lets see what tomorrow will bring. I am going to start being firm on his treatment and antibiotics. Watson goes back to the VET Thanksgiving weekend. Scott and the kids are going to be driving up. He will have a urine culture done and we will find out if he has a bladder infection. If he does, I am going to request to use one specific antibiotic, which is a shot that I will have to give him. I don't want him to keep fighting off infections. I know there will be a time that his bladder will be consumed with this tumor and one of his kidneys will fail. When that time comes, then my Dr. Watson will be free to fly with the other angels.
He is restless because he wants some chicken noodle soup. Spoiled! He went for a joy ride yesterday and loved it. He got his McDonald Hamburger and then another one when he got home. I don't think I have accepted that he can go extremely down hill in a matter of weeks. I am in denial that he has longer than a couple of months or weeks for that matter. I'm guessing March or April of next year. I know I am not being realistic but I have to be optimistic. Only 25% of his bladder is working and not covered by this tumor. I do think he is doing better than what Dr. David is feeling. I called Dr. David yesterday and he called back around 8:30 but my kiddos were online so I couldnt speak to him. They didn't get off 'til 10 or so. I didnt realize he called until I checked the voicemail. I called him to ask if Co enzyme Q10 and Ester C would be harmful to him with his seizures. I had spoken to another Scottish Terrier owner and she had put her "Mack" on those herbal drugs as well as Piroxicam and anitbiotics. Her Mack lived 25 months. That is amazing! I've read that none survive past 12 months. Apparently, she had to put her baby down because it spread to the lymphnodes which parlyzed his hind legs. I found it really hard to write about it. I know I need to because I can tell I am falling back into that deep depression. I started to not socialize again with ppl and not really taking care of myself. I'm strong and I know how to get out of this. It just keeps sucking me back in. It isn't just Watson's cancer, I believe this just topped it off. Money is the root as well. We paid almost 600.00 for his surgery and I thought I could make small payments but they changed their policy because of a few dumbasses who don't pay them. So I had to fork out 300 at first and then 300 two weeks later. It put me behind on Rent too. With Xmas coming up, phew! I may be getting a min wage job at nights to help us out. I will need the money for his cremation and future visits 'til he is resting in peace. On top of that, we plan to be out of here in May but it doesnt seem promising. To be more realistic it will be another year; most definitely Jan. 2005. I can't handle this place. I already talked to dh about going back to work and still being able to school the kids at home when we move. So we are hoping he will be able to become a remote programmer.
Cancer always comes when there is a financial struggle and when you are already in the pits. I remember when my grandmother died of Breast Cancer. I miss her so much!
I think Watson has another bladder infection because their is pure blood in his urine. The antibiotics must have stopped. We are going back home this weekend (SAT) to visit the VET and then turning back around to go back home. He is at my feet right now wanting that pizza bread. Little stinker! I got to have a better plan than I got now. I need to start getting him tested every week for bladder infections. He has his spirit still. He was very vocal yesterday and today. Just a barking away when we were hanging out together in the backyard.
How he got his name? We like the name Watson a lot from a previous scottish terrier owner. They didn't call him DR. Watson but just Watson. We named him Dr. Watson because I was reading some Sherlock Holmes stories in college. Later, we bought a Basset Hound and named him Sherlock. LOL They are good friends but Sherlock has a tendency to snap at any dog in his territory, including Watson. Like I said, I don't favor one over the other. I just have a special connection with him. He can understand me more than my husband. I wished God gave us a date when we were going to die and when our beloved furry babies were too. I'm trying to prepare myself and his death. I don't know how other ppl can prepare for death. My grandma did. She bought her plot and funeral package. She picked out everything. No one had to plan anything. O MY GOD, how did she do it?
Well we won't be visiting the Vet this weekend. We are going to take his urine sample and send it overnight. This will determine if bacteria exist in his bladder. He can still send prescription like normal but we need to weigh him again. The lil stinker is so spoiled he won't eat any dog food. He won't even chew a rawhide. The blood is getting worse. However, he isn't peeing on himself when he sleeps like he did before. So I dunno. * I am so down.
O, I bought him a new bed and it is so thick. We took the cover off to put the bag over the stuffing part just in case he pees on it. That will let us wash the cover and not to worry about buying more and more beds for him. I took a bunch of pictures for memory. He doesnt looked groomed. I'm not brushing him as often. He doesn't like it but he has to maintain a good clean coat. He is due for a shower tomorrow. We don't use any pesticides and we have stopped using heartworm. I have read the study that causes TCC (bladder cancer) and they are linking it to flea dips and flea and tick meds with certain ingredients. Of course genetics play a role too and obesity.
Fudge! I want him around a little longer and I am dreading the day I have to put him to sleep.
I need to pray that he passes in his sleep and not with me by his side putting him asleep.
I feel like I am giving up on him if I do that.
Well, I couldn't live with myself not taking him this weekend so we did. We left Saturday around 4 pm to Louisville. The Vet office didnt open up til 9am which gave us a couple of hours to visit dh's mom and dad. We were at the Vet office for 2 hours. This office was swamped on a Sunday. They didnt open up til 9am and there were already 10 ppl in front of us. So we had to wait an hour. They are a first come, first serve business which is really great in a way but I had to wait 3 hours before if you select a specific doctor which most patients do. I just caught on that they will look at your chart and see who you have been dealing with and will stick you with them anyways. Their office is opened 7 days a week and have staff there 24 hours a day. They are large practice and not your typical VET office. They only charge 9 bucks for an office visit and they are the only reasonable VET office that doesn't charge you an arm and leg. I couldn't imagine going to another VET. Our VET is known Nationally and ppl from all over the midwest drive to see them and pay for their skills.
We switched from Keflex to Ampicillan. I dunno about the Amp. He had a mild seizure this morning. I can't link it to the Amp cos he could have had a seizure anytime but he hasn't had one in a long while. This visit was free for Watson. It was a checkup from the surgery which we had already paid for. We took all 7 dogs on this trip and at first it was hectic due to the fact we have two med. size dogs and they are only 10 months old. After a while things were relaxed. We left Louisville around 11am but didnt get home til 5am Monday morning. We sat in holiday traffic for 6 hours. It was HELL to get to HELL. We had to stop and switch a lot. We were so tired. As soon as we got in that seat, we were fighting to stay awake. Dh had to work too. So we only had 6 hours total sleep in 72 hours. We got up early Saturday morning to scrub the house due to the landlord. It didnt help that we stay up on Friday night too til 4am. We definitely will not be traveling around the holidays again. We had our guardian angel with us.
We took him off Amp right away and noticed the change. He stopped having those mild seizures. Of course, there is no link to it as Dr. David put it. Ironically, it seemed to matter in our case. So... Watson had a really bad day on Wednesday. I was thinking about him all day and at night when I was working at the only place that would hire me. Yep, I am making 5.15 an hour. LOL JOKE~ I am the oldest one there. I am older than the managers with the exception of the MAIN manager. Oh well, it will help me save money to be able to get Watson cremated and future vet bills for him. 60 bucks a week isnt a lot but it's better than nothing. My sweet lil angel is laying on the couch next to me. We have gotten closer than before. I dont think he knows but I wonder if he is just comforting me cos he feels that I am sad.
Three days ago (a week since our last VET visit) I laid Watson on his back to cut some of his mats. (Stubborn lil guy doesnt like to get groomed and I have been letting him get his way, so I haven't cut him or groomed him) Underneath his right from armpit was a knot of a size of a gumball;not a small or huge one but a medium sized one. So I called Dr. David and told him about it. He wants him to come in and have it removed. I told him that it wasn't there a week prior (our visit) unless it was overlooked. One of the main reasons why Watson went to the vet was to switch his antibiotics and check lymphnodes. It was confirmed that his lymphnodes were ok. So, we are assuming it just sprung up overnight or in few days. I could say he isn't bothered by it but yesterday he was licking it. At first, I wanted to wait til after Xmas to have the surgery but my worries got to me. So when I called yesterday to schedule the appt. they told me the first available surgery appt is Dec. 22nd. Well that was near what I originally planned. I didn't schedule an appt. at the time. I told them to have DR. David call me. So we played phone tag and I talked to him last night. He wants me to try another antibiotic with him. It is abbreviated as TRI. I'm not sure what this is but he is hoping this will reduce the knot under his armpit. He wanted to squeeze me in this Monday, the 15th but I told him that wouldnt give Watson enough days to try this new antibiotic which he was hoping to take care of it. I told him that we probably wont see the pills till Friday (mail) so he scheduled the following Friday, the 19th. If it shrinks we can cancel it for a later date. ONly time will tell. I'm a little upset because I told him that Watson had blood in his urine again and he said it was normal. His sister (who I love tremendously) said no, it wasn't good that we need to switch his antibiotics again. UGH! I want to request her but everybody requests her. She is awesome. She sadly IMO has married her profession and doesn't date anymore. She was engaged but he left her for a Dikish woman. LOL OTOH, I guess it is good for us that she is so deep, I mean so deep in her profession. That is rare! There are some out there like that but not many. So, if Watson has surgery it will cost us another 400 plus traveling money. Dont get me wrong about the cost, I just want to log the cost of total treatment for him. We pay about 50.00 a month right now for prescription.
Little does Watson knows, he will be groomed tonight. He needs to look handsome for some pics.
Watson slept pretty much today. I wonder if it is because dh and I were so upset our 3 year old black cat named Harley died all of a sudden. Today is the 11th day and I am superstitious about the number 11. Harley must have had a blood cot or anorism (msp). I was brushing my teeth and Harley was talking to me as usual. He wanted some loving. I picked him up and kissed him which he loves. He kisses back with those long fangs. Everything was fine. I laid down in my bed and started to talk to Jesus since I haven't been lately. The ironic thing was 4 spirits came in;all of my grandparents which I find to be odd even at the moment. Especially the Dad's parents. They haven't came to me at all. All of a sudden, Harley (I think ) jumped and hit the bottom (box spring) of the bed. I nudged Scott and was like WTF was that. Within in seconds Harley let out a moan. Scott quickly jumped up and called him out which he was just a step away. Scott said he was falling over and caught him. He laid his lifeless body on the bed and I started to scream and panic. Within seconds his eyes were dilated. OMG, OMG my kids were screaming too. They heard me scream and cry out along with Scott. We didnt understand what was wrong with him. He called the vet and asked how to do CPR on a cat. My dh stuck his fingers down Harley's throat wondering if he had a hair stuck (harley never has hairballs). NOthing! I started to give him CPR. Nothing! Dh took over and started to blow down his nose too. Nothing! I pleaded with God, please, please dont' do this to us. Please! At that moment we thought he had a heart attack. He was gone. Our deepest loyal friend had gone to heaven. OMG! Why? We talked to the VET Tech and she told us to put him in a freezer if we were going to take him to get cremated. We thought about dropping him off at the local Emergency VET but as painful as it was we wrapped him up in my dh 's hockey jersey and sealed him tightly with a bag. I couldnt bare to see him be put in the freezer but I wasn't going to bury him here in this backyard. This morning we talked to DR. David to give us some insight what happened. He suggested us to drive up and get an autopsy. We agree to not get one after explaining to us that it was probably a blood cot or anorism. Since he died without signs and how he dropped and never came back. OMG, he is only 3. WTF! How can this be. When I knew he wasn't coming back I asked dh what was the date. He said the 11th. We both cried hard. 11th day or number 11 is bad luck for us. Heidi our first scotty died Jan. 11th (11yrs ago). Watson was diagnosed the 11th month. 9-11 happened.. I got laid off on the 11th month of the year. Scott's mom dog died on the 11th of Jan as well.
I understand why I had so many spiritual visitors. I have been so depressed that I thought what it would be like if I wasn't around anymore. They knew I may not handle this. They were right. I really can't. I can't stop crying. Now Watson's time is limited. Anyone else God!
Ok, I wanted to pray but I am afraid to. The last time I prayed to Jesus I had four spirits visit me and then Harley passed. So, I need to get some stuff off my chest and don't want to pray. I am really scared to pray. I need to but fear the worst.
First Watson had a wonderful day. He was excited to see me when I walked in from gymnastics. He was barking before I even got to the door. He normally waits til I take him outside in the backyard to talk to me. I walked in and he was jumping and turning in circles. I'd giggled a and loved on him rushing him outside so he wouldnt pee on the floor (tile) with excitement. I think he was expecting some hamburgers but I gave him turkey dogs instead.
Well, I wanted to pray so that I can find a job. I stopped working at the movie theater. It killed me. I was working with a bunch of college kids who really didnt care to get a lot of money. I needed a job that would work me 40 hours a week without disturbing my homeschooling hours with the kiddos. They just needed me for weekend and holiday work. Not many ppl get a chance to work 40hrs a week. I need work so that I can save money to move and put 10 percent down on a house. So, I harassed Walmart again and plan on doing it again tomorrow. I need to find a way out of this hell pit so that I can get back into my career. My field doesn't exist down here. This is a service industry and not a mfg or distribution industry. I typically work for large corporations. Corporate America is unheard of down here. It is pathetic. I blame the water (disgusting and highly polluted with iron (high levels) and the environment for Harley's death and Watson's soon to be passing. Everyone sprays nasty sh!t on their lawns because of the mosquitoes. Please God, I just want 1000 extra a month to leave this hell in March 2005. That is my plan I should have at least 12000 saved by then to move and a down payment on a house in a nice midwestern city. A place to raise your family and prosper. I know I can't save my little Watson for that long. I wanted to so bad to move in dh's grandmother's house in Louisville but his parents are selling it for their new house. I don't blame them. They worked really hard to deserve their nice big house they are building. I just wish I was lucky like some of my friends that just get houses handed down to them. I wanted Watson to be able to see the house we plan on living in that is ours not some @sses. The backyard is all understory. They chopped trees down but never took out the understory. Ticks galore! We take frequent walks so that he doesn't have to smell the same stuff in that small, hideous backyard.
We know where we will be getting him cremated. It will run us 90.00 to cremate him once he passes.
Oh, we cancelled the surgery tomorrow. We just don't have money for it. I kept asking myself, What is this surgery going to do. If the cancer already spread to his lymphnodes than they cant do much. The knot didnt go down much. So I am disappointed. Tomorrow I will call Dr. David and tell him that the earliest will be Jan. 23rd to schedule his surgery to remove that knot and have it biopsied. He seems to be doing ok considering. I think Dr. David thinks Watson is suffering. Yes, he has some bad days but he has days filled with excitement and energy; like any other older dog. So, I ' m going to videotape him and show him that he is not miserable or ready to die.
Well, I feel better now. It's like I am using this journal to speak to God indirectly cos I am so afraid something else will happen.
I want my life back. That means to have my job back, my house, my cars and a schedule.
You know there is one thing I can say. If Hell exists (which I dont believe), I am not afraid to go to it. Why? Well, I feel like I am living in hell. I've been there and done that. Seriously! I'm not joking. Sad!