Today I got a little scared and upset. He started to favor his front right leg. I'd picked him up and carried him into my bedroom. I put him on my bed to look at his legs and check his lymphnodes. HIs left armpit has that knot still but that wasn't the leg he was favoring. I checked and his lymphnodes are swollen on both legs now. The right one is fatty all over as if it was swollen. You can't feel the bone or muscle unless you press hard. So, I think maybe two more weeks. At that moment, I told dd2 to get me the Turkey container. I fed him on my bed some turkey and that definitely helped his spirits. I put him down and observed him and he stopped favoring his leg. As soon as he eats , he has to go potty. The pressure of his tummy pressing near his bladder makes him pee immediately. So, I let him outside and he just hopped, skipped and jumped. LOL He trotted too. I knew that was temporary relief for me.
Watson has started to pee with more blood in his urine. I think it is time to switch antibiotics. Sometimes I just want to give up for him. Just let him go but if we don't treat him he will be in more pain. Today I can tell was very painful for him. He didnt go outside as much as he has. We did take our nice walk in 70 degree weather. He was excited about that. He even spotted a spotted cow cat. He was really alert like he wanted to chase it. LOL I told him he was too old for that and we have two at home. I wonder if he knows how sick he is. I wonder that all the time. At times I tell myself, yes he knows but I wonder. He looks forward to the treats everyday and I see the excitment in him.
Well, we are planning to visit the vet on January 11th. Yes, the number 11. So I will expect the worse. I wonder if I should even travel. I know I should cos the stupid owners of this house will be in town and I know the outcome from them won't be good. I got the stupid letter today from them telling me they are going to start eviction proceedings. I'd responded and told them go ahead, it looks as they are retaliating against the 2% fee we charged to show and sell this house.
I think we have a 50/50 chance. I just hope that I don't lose my focus on Watson due to them a holes.
It has been gloomy for the past couple of days. It has been rainy to except for today. Watson was mopy those days too. So, now I know what to expect if it is suppose to rain. I think the rain is hurting his joints and stressing him out. He had some bad seizures 2 days ago. I had to carry him in from outside. Today , he woke up barking for 15 minutes outside. I know what he is trying to do. He wants me to get up and work outside. I wanted to as well, but we took our nice walk up the street. I carried him back which he was no to happy about because we were planning on leaving to get the kids some shoes. He wanted to go for a ride but I didnt let him. I dont let him sit in cars as some ppl do.
You don't see it down here thank god, but I've seen it numerous times back home, even on hot days. Well today was the 11th, it past so he is still around. I don't think for long though. I can tell he is really hurting even when he has his happy moments. I keep asking myself when is it time, he is capable of going outside to the bathroom, he is still eating, still talking and alert. So when do ppl put their dogs to sleep. I dont understand. Saturday it was crossing my mind. We had to pick him up to take him outside. He didnt want to walk outside, he wanted to sleep like Chelsea, our other scotty. However, today it was ok. I guess I just have to look at it as he is a cancer patient, however, we need to get him some pain killers. So we are going back home next week to see the vet. We need to do something because I can tell his bottom hurts him like as if he has hemoroids.
So when is time the time. I mean it. When is it time to put him to sleep. I dont know when to tell. Yes, the past two weeks have been good at all. He is slower, moping and doesn't follow me around like he use to. Again, when I think it is time, he shows me this excitement about life. He talks to me when he is happy. He kicked his back feet when he pottied today. I mean, really. Am I suppose to wait til one of his kidneys fail. I dunno! I dunno. OMG, I can take it. I dont want him to suffer anymore but he shows signs that he isn't ready or at least I dont think he is. He may never tell me he is ready. I dont care if he is a dog, He talks to me. I can read his mind and he knows it. I tell him after I kiss him " Dont worry baby,, its almost over" I know he is in more pain. I can see the tumor bulging out near his left side of his penis. It seemed to me that it tripled in 2 months. Its like this piroxicam isn't enough. Should I get some pain meds for him to relax him. I dunno. I dunno what to do. I don't want someone to tell me to put him asleep. They wont know , its not their dog. I have set my alarm at 4 to travel 12 hours north. After thinking about it, I am scared Dr. David will tell me it is time. So I would travel 12 hours just to tell me its time. No, I want some pain meds for him. I dunno! We wont let them put him asleep up north. We will do it here. I dont want to travel with his body for 12 hours. It was bad enough that I had to put my cat into a freezer for 7 hours before we took him to the crematory. Really, what am I going to do. I have never had to deal with this before and can't believe the stories ppl say. I hear them putting them asleep even when they had their last run in the field. See I dont think it was their time. They are still running. NO Watson isn't running but we still take our walks. He walks to eat. See thats another thing he is eating. I was told he would stop eating before he dies or when it is time. Is that even right? OMG, this is horrible! He still takes rides with us. He shows big interest in that.
Well, its obvious that I will not respond to that alarm at 4. I will call tomorrow at 6 to talk to Dr. David or Dr. MaryJane. I need some reassurance. I need them to tell me the right thing. I will listen to them but I will tell them , he is still eating, taking walks and yes almost everyday he chats with me outside. He tells me to get up. Get up! I want to work in the yard with you, mom. But I dont. I too depressed about everything. Things have gotten better. I have to around my kiddos. I have ignored or stopped socializing with Denise and some of my other friends. Denise is a very polite and respectful person. She is an awesome friend. She has never said anyting to hurt my feelings at all not like some of my other friends in the past. I dunno. I am rambling. I cant sleep. I really want to call them (DR) now but that is rude.
Well he had a great week. I hate writing that he was having a great week cos it a bad one follows. He has had his spirits up all week long. We picked up his prescription today at Walmart cos we will not be going up this weekend. Scott got into an accident. A college kid came out of his driveway(fast) and ramed him in the side. The whole side from the passenger door down to the bumper is bashed in. Scott's ok considering he is a bit sore from it. We are hoping to go up next week but not sure. I want them to be able to test his urine and at least give us some pain meds for him when he does have a bad week. I can't believe it is almost February and he is still here. Im happy about it but not to an extent that he does feel pain. He didnt get his ride today but he will get one tomorrow. He needs to be groomed but I wont do it. His hair isnt growing back around his legs where he had the surgery in Nov. The hair isn't growing fast at all. I think it has something to do with the piroxicam. I think the Docs are shocked he is still here too. They gave him couple of weeks to a couple of months. Well 3 months almost past. I know this little guy doesn't want to go yet. He is tolerating the pain when he urinates and sometimes when he walks.
Well of course, I posted that he was having a great week and a bad one followed. Actually that Sunday he had multiple seizures. They are called clusters. I was worried that it might have spread to his brain. I told dh that if this persists for two more days, I will let him go regardless how he has showed signs of wanting to stay. Well, just that day he had those cluster seizures. So, we will be moving soon and Im worried about the new carpet at the new place. We have tile in this house with the exception of the bedrooms. We told the new owner we would replace that carpet. He asked why cos he didnt see anything wrong with it. I did, I can smell the bloody urine odor. I'd vinegared the spots and yes the odor may not be present and it may be just in my memory cells. But I think that is gross. I couldnt do that to him. The old owners, I wouldnt give a sh!t. So, we are going to replace it. However, now he getting picky with what we replace it with. I told him the equivalent quality of carpet and he said ok but he wants to pick it out. So, I will get equivalent carpet to cheap and let him decide. Watson leaks blood while he walks to the door. Pampers wouldnt do, so we had decided to clean up after him in depth and assuming we would have gotten our deposit back, we would have deduct the carpet amount from it. But the psycho Randels, kept it.
I think we will have to try to stick an adult diaper on him
I cant afford to replace all that beige carpet in the new house. I may be off the computer for a while for I need to pack up and this (computer) may be packed up soon.
We drove over to the new house which is in a nicer neighborhood. Actually these ppl think these houses are in an upper middle class neighborhood. LOL I laughed cos they are suckers. I would never pay 189K for a house that small and no land. TOOO expensive for what you are getting. Are rent did go up about 25 bucks and in August will go up addtl 50 bucks. Not a big deal but curious how these snips of neighbors will react when they see I have a zoo. I met one neighbor who seems to be really nice but she is a bit nosey. She told me the other neighbor is territorial. I was like GREAT. Well Watson checked it out and seemed to like it. So he gave me his paw of approval. LOL He just agreed to anything cos he knew a Hamburger was on the way. We will lose out of 1500 bucks cos we are moving in mid feb. (just 2 / 3weeks) which we had to pay for full rent with current landlord and pay new landlord, a deposit and 15 day rent. I just wish we could move back home so that I can find work in my field. Im not sure if the kiddos would return to school but wondering if it all possible I could work remote. The economy back home is still bad. So we are SOL still. I really just want my life back. It was nice, stable, calm and I definitely didnt feel like a piece of sh!t. I know the kids miss our lives the way it was 2.5 year ago. In a way, it has become a life lesson. Credit cards suck cos the avg American doesnt have willpower to control the spending urges or getting nice things or taking vacations. LOL Well, I've ranted enough.
Well, I think it is time. It has been raining for the past few days so I want to wait til it is a nice day. We will head down to the beach and take a stroll in the park. Have a steak and sleep. My dh will take him prolly on Thursday or Friday depending on what day we can let him enjoy the sun , one more time. I will bless him and tell Jesus to let him decide where he wants to go. If he wants to be reincarnated to a human then he deserves it because he was a beautiful, sweet dog that never harmed anyone. He was so loyal that when he had a chance to run the neighborhood, he stayed in the front yard.
We think we got Watson from a puppy mill cos they wanted to meet us an hour away from their place. Well, their excuse was they lived in the country. It wasn't the first time we got a puppy from them. At that time, we had never heard of a puppy mill but we were suspicious why they didnt let us see the Sire and Dam. My dh picked him out. He was one of 3 and the only one laying on his back sleeping. He was the runt too. I remember bringing him home and Chelsea (female scotty) was trying to be his mom. She would try to lay on him as if he needed to be nursed. LOL We took him home and o my, he was so tiny that the littlest bowl was too big for him. He couldnt eat puppy food either. So he had to eat baby food (turkey, ham & pees). He was so funny. He was reserved and had never snapped or bit at any of my children or anyone for that matter Never! He loved me a lot. I love him so much. I just wish I could keep him here longer. Long enough so that when we get our house in 2005 he could relax with me in the garden as he did with our house back home. It is going to kill me but Im going to keep so busy that it wont eat me alive for a long, long period.
God, it just kills me to come here and see his name. We didn't help pass last week. It happened today. Dr. Maryjane, Dr. David's sister wanted us to try some new meds. So it took us the whole week, last week to find them. Walgreens ticked me off so bad that finally Albertson promised to get them in on Friday. 5 pills cost 78.99 total. We just about died but money was no problem considering this was my bestfriend. He had 3 doses of the medicine before we took him off. The side affects were horrible. Dizziness, weakness, drowsiness, not alert.
The list goes on.
He couldn't do anything. He was having bad seizures from it too. By Saturday night he was walking and more alert. Sunday morning he was barking like usual in the morning. It was a wake up call for everyone. LOL Early this morning, while I was still awake (4 am), he got up and walked halfway to the door. He managed to go outside as I followed him in a worry. He was dragging his hind legs. His legs seem to give out like they were sleeping. I called my dh to see and he was worried too. Watson stopped and sat down outside the deck looking at us. I knew he wanted us to take him in. We did! We cleaned his bed as we normall do so often cos he urinates while he sleeps. I was worried cos all of a sudden he couldn't use his hind legs. He tired scooting with his two front legs but no success. So, I hoped it was just because they were sore. At 9am I woke up and dh was still in bed. I woke him up and told him that the alarm must of went off and he overslepped. He decided to call in. After he called in, we tested Watson out and still this little guy had his spirit still and tried so hard to get up on all fours. He was alert and acted as if the pain subsided. I felt his legs and put my fingers inside his paws to see if he had any reflexes. He didn't even have any. His feet were cold. His tongue was white but he was ready for his breakfast. We picked him up and fed him in the master bathroom chicken noodle soup. He could only stand on his front legs. I started crying because I knew what I had to do. About 1130am, we stopped by McDonalds and ordered a plain hamburger. Dh fed him just the burger and it killed me because it was his last time eat and take a car ride. I had him wrapped in a towel sitting on my lap. I can feel the warmth of his urine on my lap. I didnt care! I just couldnt stop crying. I had a sick feeling that since he can't get up and squat (ppop) that the tumpr may be blocking something that paralyzed him and the passage of his bowel. He was paralyzed but acted as if nothting is wrong. He acted as if the pain didn't exist anymore. When we got to the VET Hospital (not the one we normally go to in KY), I said prayers as I've said just hours before I fell asleep. They took him and weighed him and stuck a needle catheter in him. I thought they were suppose to give him a tranquilizer first. They didn't they gave him this pink stuff which upon instant he was relaxed but I didnt think he passed. The goofy doctor tapped him on the head to see if he had any eye reflexes. I knew he was still there and I knew when he was gone. It took about 2 minutes I think and if that was the case I think he knew that instant what was happening. He didn't know what our ride was for. He thought it was just a ride like normal. I will miss my best friend. He was the best friend I have ever had in my life. Better than any human!