Well I decided to start a new journal. I have had the exercise/fitness journals, a ttc journal, a pregnancy journal, etc but I finally decided to go ahead and make an "everything" journal where i can just discuss what is going on in my life. I really need this outlet since right now I am having a lot going on that I need to let out.
A little background information on me: I am 27 years old and my name is Emily. I have been married for 5 years and we decided in 2005 to start ttc our first child. We got pregnant our first cycle ttc, but that pregnancy ended in June 05 with a blighted ovum. We decided to ttc as soon as we were able. We knew we would be parents one day, and our wish came true in November 06. Logan, our son, was born on November 8, 2006 at 6:03 am. He was and is a true blessing. He is now 17 months old, and we recently began ttc our 2nd child, and after 2 months of ttc we found out we were pregnant again, which gets us up to date.
3 weeks ago we went to the doctor for what we believed was our 6 week u/s. I knew it was probably early but with Logan we saw his heartbeat at 7 weeks, so I knew we would see something. During our u/s the doctor saw the sac, but again nothing in it. He wasn't worried though, and said it just looked like it was too early to see anything. He thought we were only 4-5 weeks pregnant. Deep down, I knew there was no way I was only 4-5 weeks pregnant, but I was hoping that maybe I ovulated a few days later than I thought. Well each day that I didn't spot I got more and more excited that this pregnancy may make it. That is until the spotting actually started. About a week ago, I began to spot brown. I have always heard brown is good since it is old blood, but I knew something was off. I just let it happen though, since there wasn't much I could do about it. Well this past Monday, I began to bleed. It was bright red and with the cramping I knew that it was a m/c. Since I was out of town, I couldn't get in to see my doctor, so I went in this morning instead. Today I found out that he is 95% sure that I am having another m/c. We saw a sac, which was bigger than 3 weeks ago, but nothing was in the sac. It measured around 5 weeks, which by now I should be at least 7-8 weeks along (9 by my lmp). So he decided to wait till Monday, do another hcg test and scan and go from there. If it is the same, which it will be, I will be scheduled for another d&c. I am hoping though that the bleeding I have been experience will pick up so that I don't have to have another d&c. It is really weird how relaxed and calm I am with this news. I guess I am just happy to know what is actually happening. Yes I would have been so thrilled to have had good news, but I have had such a stressful few weeks that finally finding out is a release. I know that we will have a healthy pregnancy in the future, Logan is proof of that, but it just wasn't our time.
This week has been really hard for me. Not only am I having a m/c and the feelings with that, but I also found out last Saturday that my beloved grandmother had passed away. She was 94 years old, and a huge influence in my life. When my parents divorced we moved in with my grandmother until we bought our own home. She was basically another parent to me. Her funeral was this past Monday (yes the same day I began to bleed) and was extremely hard on me. My brothers and the entire family came into town. We have a very close extended family, and having a get together without my grandmother was so hard. But I know she is in a better place, and not in any pain. She is watching over me and hopefully I can live my life so that I make her proud.
We got home yesterday afternoon, but since I had my class last night I got nothing done. We have zero groceries, but thankfully one of my friends is bring dinner over for us tonight. It is nice to not have to worry about cooking with everything that has been going on. Anyway like I said, with everything that is going on in my life, I have a lot to talk about. If you got to this point, thanks for reading= hopefully each post wont be this long :rolleyes: