Geeky Thoughts

First off....COMMENTS WELCOME on this journal. Feel free to jump in if you actually see something that makes you want to comment (or smack me upside the head....however the spirit moves you. :rolleyes: )

I thought for awhile about where to put this journal. I'm definitely in the TTC category, but I don't ultimately know where I will end up (with TTC or my random ramblings) so I figured I'd put it here where I can talk about anything my strange little mind conjures up. I do tend to ramble on (and on, and on.....)

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A little background: I'm Jean, age 40. DH is Bill, age 48. We met about 3 1/2 years ago on eHarmony (yes, we're one of those sappy commercials ;-) ) and married in June 2010. First marriage for both of us...I do wish we had met a few years sooner. We worked very hard before we got married to avoid getting pregnant. Really wasn't a whole lot of fun, but I'm a teacher and I just didn't feel right setting that example for my students. Call me old fashioned if you like. We end up with enough pg teens in our district as it is. :( Turns out we probably could have boffed like bunnies all that time without a care in the world. Who knew?

As of right now, we're on cycle #14. By Friday it'll be #15. In the meantime, we had at least 2 chemical pregnancies this past spring, possibly more before that as I wasn't testing as early when we started this. We're up to the RE stage. At the moment we've found that my hormone levels are awesome for a 40 year old (doesn't guarantee that they are GOOD eggs, but it certainly ups the odds that we might come across a few good ones) DH's swimmers are good (he just loves telling me how "virile" he is now that we know that! He doesn't quite get how I might find it slightly less amusing that the problem is on my end. But, I love him so I'll forgive him for being a little insensitive...and relieved for himself, I'm sure.) I have a possible clotting issue, but it was a borderline test result so it might be a problem and might not. We also found that I'm not immune to Rubella anymore. (Not surprising...I'm kind of OLD! It's been a long time since that vaccination. :D ) So, I have to get immunized and wait a month to start our next step...IUI.

I'm in a holding pattern now. That's really why I'm starting this journal. Waiting and avoiding just might drive me over the edge. Or maybe a month off will be just what I need to not stress about it. I still think I might get a little crazy...I have to chart in order to prevent, so I'll be very aware of everything. But, maybe I'll indulge in adult beverages and some coffee (oh how I miss my morning cuppa!) for the next few weeks. Regardless, I figure this journal help me blow off a little steam now and then.

I also need to get healthier. I'd like to say I'm fluffy, but the honest truth is I'm FAT! I know it's not healthy, and I know it's....at the very least.... not helping. After all the blood work I just had I know I'm not pre-diabetic, my BP is good, my cholesterol and other blood factors are all good. I should do something now instead of waiting for those things to change. And maybe, just maybe, it'll help me get pg, too. So, I'm committing to it.

Change. Now.

I can already tell that I'm going to like reading about you and stalking your TTC adventure :c). I have 7 so we're definitely not TTC anymore. ;)

Thanks! Hopefully I'll be a little entertaining and not TOO whiney. ;-) 7! Wow! I've always wanted 2, and have occasionally considered 3. But, I start to have a little anxiety when I starting thinking about more kids than I have hands! I'm a wimp. :ROFL: It must be absolutely amazing to have 7!

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Well, AF is here is full force. She didn't mess around with her usual "sneaking" into the picture...just went zero-sixty in about an hour. :eek: Good thing I was watching for her. 'nuff said! So, on to waiting for a month until we start IUI.

Today I finally bit the bullet and bought myself a smartphone. Didn't give in to the iPhone hype (with no offense to those who are iPhone diehards!) Got an Android phone and I'm loving it so far. The only good/bad thing about it...we'll, I must confess that I've got a bit of an addiction to games! :rolleyes: Probably shouldn't have downloaded Angry Birds first thing...I sense a lot of wasted time in my future!

Speaking of time, I've had a love-hate relationship with time this summer. Most of the time, my watch and I are inseparable. Joined at the ...well, the wrist. I'm a teacher with a program that involves pulling students in and out of class. If I don't run close to on-time, I hear about it. (Sadly, I tend to cut it a little too close more often than not. But, I just like to get every minute! :-) ) Anyway, I never go anywhere without my watch. I have a watch tan in the dead of winter. It's the last thing to come off before I sleep. Looking at the time is pure reflex. But, last week DH and I spent a week in Antigua for our 1st anniversary. From the time we got off the plane, until we went to come home I sent my little watch into hiding. Everything there runs on Island Time, anyway. (I.T. means they give a time, but....well, it'll be around then sometime.)The bar opens at about 10:30, I.T, Lunch ends around 2:30 I.T. The party starts about 6, I.T. Everything is I.T. except dinner reservations in the nice restaurants...if you're late there it's S.O.L. :-P I enjoyed the week, relaxed by the pool, enjoyed time with D.H. A great time all around. Never gave my watch a thought, got a little burn on my watchband tan-line which filled in so you can't even see it now. When I put it back on it was downright uncomfy. Now I can't bear to put it on...not because it is uncomfortable, just because I don't want to. It's like not wearing a watch has become the "sign" that I'm actually relaxing and not stressing over the summer. It's a silly thing I guess....just a weird ramble for a Friday night!

Ok, first off..."Angry Birds" is an evil game and must be destroyed! :ROFL:

The question of whether I'm going to relax on this "month off" or go over the edge? Right now, insanity reigns. :-( Maybe it's just because AF is here and my hormones are all screwy. I don't know. What I do know is that the green-eyed monster has taken over this afternoon...major baby envy. (Or at least, major BFP envy.) And then I'm irritated with myself for being jealous. Hopefully when AF settles down I'll be able to just enjoy not worrying about it. But right now, a month feels like forever.

Tomorrow morning I have to go for bloodwork (hello? 6AM while I'm on vacation? There's a 6AM in the summer? ;-) ) They're doing a beta to make sure I'm not pg before I get my vaccination...I can tell you without a doubt that I'm not. No mistaking this AF for breakthrough bleeding or anything else. ICK! :-P But, gotta cover all the bases I suppose. The nurse message yesterday also said they are repeating some of my b/w from last month. As long as it isn't 19 vials of blood again (yes, really! They took 19 the first time around. I'm surprised I had any left when they were done! :-D ) they can test whatever they want. Vampires....have at it! Then, I'm hoping my OB/GYN will have Rubella vaccine (just Rubella...seems to be some question as to whether you can even get that anymore. But, I'd rather not do a whole MMR if I don't have to.) We'll see.

Finally, my baby sister is coming to visit for 2 days! Wooo hooo! When I say baby, I mean it...she's 22 years younger and just graduated from H.S. I can't wait to see her. We live 1500 miles apart, so it doesn't happen often enough. Going to take her into NYC and hopefully catch a show, do some shopping, and just wander around. I feel much younger than my 40 years when she's around...that should help with the relaxing, too! :-)

Time flies by in the summertime, that's for sure! Had a great visit with my baby sis...we shopped 'til we dropped in NYC, and went to see Mamma Mia on Broadway. I can't say it was the most "refined" musical I've ever seen, but it sure was a lot of fun! I forgot how much I actually liked ABBA...and yes, I must admit to being old enough to remember when the songs were actually popular the first time, although it was because my parents were listening to them constantly. ;-)

What an adventure keeping up with an 18-year-old! :eek: I've had a few brief thoughts of "if I can't keep up with her now, how am I going to keep up with a toddler later? Or an 18-year-old when I'm almost 60?!?" It's given me a few moments of pause this week, as we've tried to plan our next steps on this whole TTC journey. More work on getting in shape is definitely required....NOW!

Yesterday was a very frustrating day. They retested and came up with elevated levels on the clotting issue -anticardiolipin antibodies- a 2nd time. NOW they seem a bit more concerned about it. (They also seem to actually BELIEVE me now! I felt the dr. kind of blew off the CPs when I came in and only did the loss panel of tests to appease me. NOW when they talk to me they refer to my early losses. :rolleyes: ) Anyway, I have to go to a hematologist. Nurse said that I'd get a lot more info at that appointment, but their usual experience is that I'll probably have the Lovenox injections right from IUI/IVF transfer (because my losses were SO early) and through the entire pg. And...the part that upset me the most... my first IUI cycle is pushed back to September. :-( That isn't strictly because of the results, but because of the 30 days for the vaccination I just had. Ordinarily, they could put me on B/C for a week or so to allow me to start a cycle before school starts. But, nope...not with a clotting issue. No more hormonal b/c for me. I hate the stuff anyway, but I really didn't want my first cycle to be during the school year...I don't know how I'm going to react to those stupid hormones. Had a good cry over things not going they way I hoped yet again, and now moving on. I had a call from the specialty pharmacy today. The dr. office called in my prescription, so at least it feels like we're moving forward. It really isn't THAT long I guess, but it definitely is way longer than I wanted.

A day or 2 is always good for thinking things through. My DH's response to almost anything about this is "Well, whatever it takes." Umm...ok. As I always then point out, it isn't his stomach that is going to spend 9 months (more probably) impersonating a pin-cushion. And I will remind him of his words when I'm a complete crazy bi*ch on the various hormones. That might be worse for him than the shots would be...I know how badly I usually react to hormones, even if I don't know exactly how it will be with the ones for IUI/IVF. :rolleyes:

Anyway, in the end he's right. (Don't you DARE tell him I said that! :ROFL: ) It's all steps along the road to our ultimate goal. My hematologist appointment is Aug 2. I'll find out all the gory details then. In the meantime, I've scheduled my eye-doctor appointment, annual plumbing check at the regular OB/GYN, and I'll be scheduling a mammogram as well...I have some lipomas that they like to keep an eye on (ah, the joys of having my DDD girls squashed between 2 glass plates. They always find a reason to have to look at something a 2nd time, as well! :-P ) I really need a trip to the dermatologist, too. Might as well use my summer vacation wisely (and hey...I live in NJ and I'm a teacher...public enemy #1 right now... which means our dearly beloved governor and legislature have decreed that my insurance will cost me about $7000 more next year. Dammit, I'm gonna get my money's worth!)

I also rechecked my mental math. I thought that the 30 days I needed to wait after my Rubella shot were going to totally mess up my next cycle as well. I had it in my head that day 30 was going to be "O" day, and I was not sure if we really should be trying on our own with that fine a line on the dates. Well, I'm a music teacher and nobody ever said I was good at math. ;-) O day is actually a whole week later than that. So, WOOO HOOOO! They won't do an IUI cycle, but that doesn't mean DH and I can't try for one more month on our own. That is also a couple weeks after my hematologist appointment, so I'm REALLY hoping that they will be willing to work with us for that cycle, too. Who knows? Maybe we'll manage to get it on our own after all? I've got absolutely everything crossed. Now to get my sanity through the next 4 1/2 weeks until we can be "trying" again. :-D