So I guess that it may not be as positive as I had hoped. We still haven't delved into the TTC a #2, but we did talk a lot about other things and our need to communicate and listen better to eachother. Especially about safety things. He still doesn't get why I was mad about the whole DMV thing, but at least seemed to listen. That was nice.
I'm going to try to have some people over this afternoon, but I kinda doubt that anyone is coming. Either way I plan to have fun w/ Rosie in the yard.
I'm barely hopeful for any good news to come out of the whole TTC thing, but maybe if I don't bring it up agian, he'll surprise me by volunteering to TTC this summer....
Well it's been a while. Still no news really. Rosie has not been sleeping well I think she is teething her molars or canines - or both. She is really chomping on her finger and waking in the night just needing a hug. Plus she just got over a nasty cold that kept her grouchy and sleepless for a bit over a week. DH does not do so well with no sleep.
I do have some good news though. Our city is coming by on Wednesday to see if we qualify for free new windows and doors because ours have lead paint on them and it is a health hazard w/ a kid in the house. We are low/mod income, so we may qualify for it to be done for free. Also they will fix other hazards like if our tub has lead glaze on the iron, or peeling paint. I wonder if they will fix our 3 season room??? it is COVERED in peeling and flaking paint and I'd love to be able to use it and let Rosie out there to play (use it for her play room) but not if it's so obviously dangerous.
I think I might try to bring it up to DH about the whole TTC thing. Part of me just wants to give up, but I know that as soon as I do that, I'll regret it for the rest of my life that I didn't do everything I could to try one last time.
Oh and on the crappy list is that we have ants in the dining room and water on the basement floor - it's seeping in from the hairline cracks along the foundation. The sump pump kept it from actually flooding the place - but 1/2 inch of water over 1/2 the floor sucked. It was the raining all day every day for 7 days that did it. UGH!
And to top it off, it finally stopped raining so I mowed the lawn today - which was really long, and then set to work on digging up those darn polk weed tubers. I dug them for 2 hours while Rosie napped and still have %80 of the yard left to go. One of the tubers was seriously as big as my head. It probably weighed over 10 lbs. and I didn't even get it all. Several of the skinnier ones that I pulled out were over 3 feet long. I can't wait for them to be GONE!
I have a feeling my back is in for it.
Okay - this may be my last post for a bit. I've had a hard bit here for a while, work being stressful, my grandma died last week, my grandpa (other side of the family) is in SO much pain and is in the hospital, etc.
Anyway, I have GREAT GREAT News!!! I went back home to be there with my family for my grandma's funeral last weekend and when I got back DH surprised me with the news that he wants to TTC a sibling for Rosie! OMG! I am SO happy and SO over the moon! He just basically said that he knew how important it was to me and that he feels like his life has changed for the better and that he now identifies himself as a dad and that it is WHO he is now. I am SUPER excited! We get to TTC in 2 more cycles! In July. I cannot tell you how happy I am! I just need to get some insurance things straight and then I'm good!
So he f-ing changed his mind back! Who the f*$( does that???? I cannot even begin to tell you how angry i am. It is basically this month, next month, or never, and now he's totally screwed things up. It was bad enough before when i just thought i would never have another child - now it's still that and that he betrayed me, that i got my hopes up, that i bought stuff i would not have otherwise bought (new car, fabric for baby quilt, bunk beds - yes all with his knowlege)... Aand oooooh!!! Ughh!@ soooooooo mad!
Okay, well I decided to let Dh have his space. I left him for a night - Rosie and I are in a hotel. I know that what he really needs is a good night sleep and some time to think. I am so mad still - and I needed the time to think also. I had a great conversation on the phone tonight with Emmy (thanks ) and I think I just need to take this for what it is. Our DH's are a lot alike - and probably like a lot of guys - they don't particularly care for tiny babies. I'm thinking that he truely didn't intend to hurt me - but it's important that he understand that it DID hurt... and that I really needed him to just tell me he was scared and is unsure and us talk about it. He wasn't ready for that. I can TOTALLY get that it's scary to change your routine/life by having another kid. Heck, I even second guess myself for moments sometimes. BUT I know what is best for me and Rosie and ultimately DH. He is a great father - and he would love any child we had, he just worries all the "normal" stuff of - will I be a good enough parent? will I love them both the same? how will I manage my time? what about me? I do see his side - and I'm hoping that this time to himself will help him realize my side as well.
I'm tempted to turn on cable TV- I haven't seen it in a while, but I'm worried it will wake Rosie... we'll see.....
Okay, well I enjoyed watching crappy birth TV (baby story, bringing home baby etc.) on cable.... it was SO bad. One girl had 2 natural births and loved them, but opted for an epidural for the last one - and because she was 4 days post dates, had a huge induction (all the meds) and then as she was pushing, they gave her an episiotomy and told her she was getting one and she didn't CARE !!! WTH? And as the doc is doing it - the dad says, "yeah she had that last time too - it took forever to heal"
The next one was a planned c-section
Anyway - I got home and DH and I had a long talk and just as I figured, it's not that he doesn't want to be a dad to 2, he's just terrified of all the what-ifs.... so we went through them one by one. Now he's comfortable with the idea and even wanted to DTD last night But it was kinda funny - just before we dtd, he had to know how I would get to the hospital during labor (because he doesn't drive) and if we would hire a doula.... so funny! We seriously live 1 mile from the hospital. Even if I was having contractions every 3 minutes - I'd only have 1 in the car
ANyhow - things are fine now. He even told me that he is "excited, scared but excited". Me too!
So we TTC... and we really made sure to get all the right days etc. I even used preseed. I am now 11 dpo, still negative tests and I was SUPER crabby and emotional yesterday, and woke up grumpy today. I think it's PMS. I have absolutely no hope for this cycle. I've decided no more testing until Monday. By then I'll be 14dpo and that is when AF is supposed to arrive anyway. I'm sure I'll see the hag by then. I just wanted it to happen so badly this cycle....
Must have been all the stress just prior to O time that screwed me up - or possibly that my prolactin from my tumor remnants are getting high again. Or maybe my thyroid is off again.... sucks.
The symptoms I've had so far - which I'm SURE are all in my head are:
4-11dpo cramping on the right side/ovary, 7-9dpo nausea while cooking dinner (but only late in the day), 8-11dpo bigger boobs and the left one leaks one drop if I squeeze (this is what makes me think my tumor may be acting up), tired a lot (but it's summer and I get lazy and CAN nap), so I'm just having PMS and wishing other symptoms into my life.
I'll let you know in 3 more days what's up. I'll leave my ticker on here just in case.