So I /we decided to have a baby. It will be my third and DH's (Jon) first.. Which is really exciting to me and to him of coarse, yet he is not as outwardly dramatic as I am about it... I wish I would have started a journal years ago. If I had known how fast life actually goes...I would totally have written every last detail of my childrens lives, my relationships, my career...Everything...I guess now I just need to backtrack a bit.
I have two children from a previous marriage. DS Jacob is almost 11. Jake is my baby, I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be lucky enough to have such a strong intelligent, imaginative little boy. ...DD Lauryn is 14, she keeps me informed and updated on everything...she hears everything, thinks she knows everything and can debate and lecture for hours without taking one single breath...Lauryn was my practice baby. I prayed to God the day she was born to help me do a good job raising her.
I was a single Mom for many years...It was one of the hardest jobs ever...just thinking about it now makes me exhausted. Lauryn was 5 and Jacob was 18 months. I carried guilt around with me for years about the divorce. I can now say that it was my fault. My ex did not want a divorce I did. We got married too young, I had just turned 20 a month before we "eloped". We got married on a Friday the 13th. Lauryn was born almost two years later just before my 22nd birthday. When I was 23 I was hired by my Counties Sheriff's Dept. A combination of things lead up to the divorce but the main factor was...I had "outgrown" my ex. I had a great exciting yet stressful career, and he wanted nothing to do with it. He didn't want to grow with me so we grew apart. 18 months after my son was born, I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. I felt alone and felt as if I was in an unfullfilling deadend marriage. Looking back, if I was wise I would have stuck it out maybe...I would have tried to do my best to be a supportive, loving wife. Not that the inevitable wouldn't have happened but who really knows.
One of the biggest mistakes that I have probably ever made was getting involved too soon with somebody that had no intentions of being supportive or faithful to me. The old saying "what goes around comes around" is oh so true. After spending seven years with someone that had no intentions of marrying me or loving me til death do us part...I found myself truely alone. I couldn't for the life of my figure out how I could be so independant yet so hopeless at the same time. I was sucessful...at least I felt like I was. I owned a home in the country with three acres, an SUV, had two healthy kids that I struggled to put through Private School. My parents were supportive, my sisters stood right there beside and behind me...Yet my heart was broken...I felt like all I did was work..just to remain Status Quo. I decided after several months of being in the depths of depression to try to start dating. The biggest rule I had was No Cops...No Co-workers...Seemed easy enough, right? Nope....I knew no one else, I was too busy working to meet anyone. If I did get set up on a date, I felt the need to do a full criminal history check on them. and more often then not I would find some skeleton in their closet and the whole dating situation took on a whole new meaning...it was like a treasure hunt...There was someone out there, but in order to find them I had to meet a bunch of freaks in the process...everyone I met and or dated gave me another clue and in order to advance I had to apply my knowledge of the past to keep moving forward. Do I even make sense to myself? I could use the experiences I had with the previous dates to advance to the next level...HA!! It was a long treasure hunt.
Since I am trying to catch up and bring things up to date as I go here...I will put a pause on the history part and note what is going on in the present.
Today, I had this nagging headache..I am on cd seven, and I am really anxious to O. I just started temping and charting so this will be first cycle doing that. I peed on an OPK and it was of coarse negative...but there was a line there so that is a good sign I think.
Jon only takes one day off a week and it is Sundays. We own a Tavern, my sister is the Manager. I currently own a small Antique Mall. Should have Journalled about that from the beginning...talk about a task!!! Sundays the shop is closed. I decided this morning to go in and work on some stuff. I bought a vintage Closet from a thrift store months ago and it was in rough shape, but I visualize a shabby chic very country looking piece of bedroom or porch furniture. I have the perfect old glass knobs for the front. I had no intentions of opening the shop...even though I toyed with the idea all the 28 miles there. January was slow which is understandable. I have a back storeroom that is packed to the hilt with furniture and boxes of antiques, collectibles and some garbage that needs to be sorted through. It is so overwhelming that it is easier to just close the door and forget about it. Not today, I had plans and it was not to open the doors..it was to paint and refinish in peace and quiet. A little music blah blah blah. I no sooner opened the door and people were standing outside chomping at the bit to get in. You would think I would feel desperate to let them in but really they annoyed me. They just looked at me with disgust when I told them that we were closed. So I went and worked in the backroom for about 45 minutes. It was peaceful, except the occasional knock on the front door...UGH. Well I called my assistants and they said that after they ate lunch they would come into the shop and open for a few hours so that I could work in the back. They are such lifesavers!!!
I opened!!! The flood gates were open!! Great sales today and when D and K came in they took over the front and I went to the back to finish painting the closet. There are so many steps involved when doing the shabby chic distressed paint job..so I just did an assembly line of painting a finishing etc. I painted and finished 90 percent of it..Yeah!! Oh...I take before and after pics of all my furniture...it is fun to show people what I bought for mere cents and sold for hundreds I actually feel like I accomplished something today...It was a great day sales wise and after closing the shop at 4:30 it seems I was glad we opened. I went to Goodwill, as I usually do after work and found Nothing....sad, I don't really need anything though...I have a whole bunch of projects...sigh....Did I say that I love what I do? My greatest find in the last few weeks was a Charlie Brown and Snoopy Lunch box metal dated 1964. It is in great shape...but no thermos. I got it for 49cents...
Jon and the kids cleaned house and then Jon took DD to Target or somewhere to get a game for her DS...I am so glad I just got to come home. I picked up Jake at my dads...he lives close....and here I am. I am also thankful that I got the VIP Membership for Fertility Friend!!!
Last edited by kelleerenee; 02-11-2008 at 02:20 PM.