Hi all, I am back! I missed having my journal. For some reason this place helps me go through the emotions of infertility, our relationship and the pressures from outside our relationship. So I guess for thoose who do not know I am Jodie, I used to be loveablebubbles81. But things have changed that. So after 2+ years I am forging a new identity.
So a little background, I am 26 this year and DH is 27 this week I suffer from PCOS (with insuline resistance), two types of arthritis including Osteoarthritis of the hips, a clotting disorder as well as a few other problems. Dh is leagally blind and we fear the long term effects of his medication (steriods) may have effected his fertility. Most people with DH sight problems are past there child bearing days so there is no reaserch out there.
So where am I at now:
I am not sure if I should be happy or sad. I seem to be emotionalless this time around. I think it is becuase I had so much radium exposure this cycle and a good deal of time in hospital. But I do feel sad as this was the last cycle of clomid for a long while. I am now looking into to natral alternatives. But I am strggerling to find the alternatives I need to find. I went to a health food store today only to be pressured into seeing the naturopath. I walked out of the store feeling lost, but I will forge on. I will also look at doing the Napro programe with one of the Gp's at our Dr srgery. We will have to make an afternoon appointment where we can do the course with this Dr. I am not giving up my dream of having a baby, it will happen, when it does it will be the biggest moment of my life so far.
Well I feel a bit up in the air today. I am debating whether I should just take the colmid again this cycle and say nothing to anyone, including DH. This taking the pressure off him and making things much better. But than do I really want to risk the side effects again this cycle. I mean who really wants a never ending headache?? This is the risk v's benifits question.
I think I may ring the surgery and book the appointment to do the napro course.
The witch is still hanging out at my place. Grrrrrr.... But what can I do about it. I am finally letting out the emotion of the last three cycle. It is surprising me how much of it has built up. There is really not much emotional support for us both but each other. The crazy events over the last three weeks has shown what support is genine and what is sympathy.
I know that we have very little spport of my family. It is sad. I never thought I would consider wiping my hands of my family until now. We have considered moving but I am very scared about it. Even thogh we have just broght our first home here it is still very tempting to sell up & move if we both can new jobs in the town we want to move to.
Nothing big to report, although I have learnt the difference between shocking humitity heat and hot flushes.
The other break through is through out the this journey is we have discovered the art of making love again. When ttc you get so focused, weather you realise it or not, on Baby Dancing only. The conservation of the energy and sprem in the first weeks of your cycle and than the big boom and busting. Focusing on making sure that you have sex on the right days, in the right position not getting out of bed straight after sex, elevating the hips but not too much. Keeping the spritis high.
The stress, well really some days are easier to cope with than others. The emotional rollercoaster is now on curise control, still a dip every now and than but things are able to level out more.
I am not sure of what kind of "break" we are having. Are we just giving up on the clomid for now and still actively ttc or are we on a let see where things take us. Not overly trying but certainly not preventing either. This kind of discussion is very hard to get DH to talk about. The only real dicission is that clomid is not an option anymore.
I feel pretty bad today. I planned to sleep in and rest today as I have a pretty full week and this was going to be my rest day. When I woke up I had that familar tonislitis taste in my mouth, I knew today was going to suck. So now I feel like I have a golf ball in my throat. Grrrrr. So I slept alot today.
Still trying to work out a clear plan for the creation of baby X. Just not sure what we want.
I am still unwell, I have a fll blown sinus infection that has cuased post nasal drip down the throat. I have seen the Dr 3 times now and I am on my second lot of antibiotics. It is stinking hot and humid hear at the moment.
Since I last wrote DH & I have talk about what is next. We are at the moment not actively trying and not preventing. So we are not taking a break.
I am still not feeling great, the antibiotics are giving my tummy a run for it's money.
But in better news it seems my body is getting ready to O. I have started to get the second line on the OPK's and I have lovely fertile mucus. Now not to tell my loving DH that this event is iminant. That is the biggest chanllange of them all.
On other news my cat is very clingy towards me at the moment. She is where ever I am. Currantly she is napping on the printer (it has a flat top as it is a copier & scanner as well), but if I am in bed it is on the bed if I am alone or on top of Dh's draws (at the foot of the bed). If I go to the bathroom she is there as well it is rather cute. As is her waiting on the window ledge for us to come home. It reminds me of the nursary rhym/song "how much is that dog in the window".
Mission of sudcing the DH acomplished One clingy cat annoyed at being locked out of the bedroom. At first we left the door open (can't you tell we don't have real children) than after miss M finished her dinner she decided she had to be near her mummy....Grrrrr.. She first jumped on the bed only to find daddy was in it too so she got up on the draws. I was so not in the mood for a cat watching me and she protested loudly when being removed from her perch and the door shut behind her.
Today was a day full of appointments. I had my Gyno appointment first up. Things went fairly well. He thinks that I may not ovulate on my own but is happy for me to be on 1500mg of Metformin. He is also happy for me to do the Napro programe with one of or Gp's and is sending the information behind my Laproscopy that I had last year. He is also still going to monitor my progestrone levels as well. So that was a sccessfull appointment.
We also apply for carers allowance for John to care for me. As my health gets worse it is seemingly a better idea, the more we think about it.
Next was physio, It was good today as my physio with the magic hands worked my whole back. All was good.
Straight up from that was my Rhuemetoligist. And the biggest news from him was that he is putting me back on Plaquinal! Finally something I can take again that is not just pain meds
So all in all It was a very prodctive day
Allthough there was not a positive on the opk today.