What a crazy week! I've been bombarded at work and really don't have time to do this but I needed a little break.
The kids are doing great but bothering the **** out of each other.
Jake is getting better in daycare although he did cry this morning and I felt bad, as usual. I can't believe he will be 3 next month. Ugh!
I'm going to see Bucky Covington at the Bottle and Cork this Sunday, I am super excited for a night out with the girls. I love his new song!
Micky is liking his new job but the kids are suffering from it. It's like they never see him and that bothers the **** out me. I think after awhile they will adjust but they just don't understand. They think that he lives at the firehouse and not at our house.
We sold the other rental property that we had and got back quite a bit more than what we thought we would so we are sitting pretty comfortable now. Thank God that sale went through when it did.
I still have NO motivation to do anything. My psychiatrist doesn't take our insurance anymore and I can't find another one in the area that does take Conventry. WTF? I need my meds changed before I go crazy again. I am NOT going to put my kids and husband through that again.
Kelly ~ We need to start planning our Baltimore getaway for next year so we can put tickers in! That is all I have talked about to Micky, I think he is sick of hearing about it but he is all for it! There are some good hotels in the areas. Nice ones too that are not that expensive. Not sure if you want to spend the money to stay at the Marriott or not. I love it there but it can be a bit pricey! And the rooms book fast during the times that the O's are playing the Yanks.
I guess that is all for today. Back to the grind.
Kym & Micky 10/21/2000
Alexis Angel 2/10/03
Jacob Andrew 9/19/04
I'm back. Got 20 minutes left. My boss is about to have a coronary. Did I spell that right? Oh well. He's Italian and VERY uptight. He needs a Valium, maybe I will slip one of mine in his drink tomorrow morning. HAHA! They don't do **** for me, they might work for him. Thank God he is only in for a few hours tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, it's CASUAL DAY! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! Bring on the capri's, flip flops and T-Shirt. I'm gonna be comfy as hell.
Have a good night everyone!
I've been on hold with GMAC for 26 minutes and 24 seconds and counting without ever talking with someone. I am getting SERIOUSLY pissed off! WTF is up with that?
Just did a new GEICO policy, for both of our vehicles is only $1050.00 for 6 months. Woohoo! I just paid the whole thing so we wouldn't have to worry about it.
Lexi is spending the weekend at Mom-Mom's. She is super excited. I am dropping her off after daycare. I guess tonight we will take Jacob and do something special with him. Maybe to the boardwalk in OC. He should like that. Ride a dew ride, get some Thrashers fries, play a few games, etc. I might be able to convince Micky to go into Ripley's Believe It or Not. I haven't been in there in a few years. I LOVE it. I bet Jake would too.
Call me crazy but I have baby fever......that is the LAST thing that I could possibly need right now. Everywhere I go though, there are preggo's. UGH! Enough already. Hopefully this shall pass. I really don't need another reason to end what little bit of sanity I have left and that isn't much at all.
I pray that today goes by fast. I am working this weekend at my friends pet store to help out. It's an extra $100.00. Can't possibly complain about that.
1 hour, 26 minutes and 40 seconds.........What a crock of ****........
I am so pissed! I just typed out this HUGE personal entry and my computer shut down! WTF? I'll try to re-do it later.....GGGGRRRRR!
....how can I get you alone?.......
There are a couple things I want to say before I start this. AGAIN!
First off, if you read this, congratulations. You are about to get a glipse into my personal, PERSONAL life. The juicy stuff that not many people want to display to the world.
Secondly, this is something that I need to do for myself. I don't need any ****ty responces telling me what a horrible person I am or that I am going to hell. I know all of that already so you can save it for someone else. If you don't like this next post, then don't read anymore. I will not respond to ANY negative feedback. I already feel very badly about this situation that I got myself into. I wouldn't feel the need to write all of this out if my physchiatrist was doing his job or even if my meds were working. I have sent PM's asking to be added to a certain board in this community and by the end of this post, you should be able to figure out which one I am talking about. I am not looking for support and like I stated before nor am I looking for critisism. I am going to end this post and start another one. If you don't like the way I am begining this one, PLEASE do not read any further.
I don't even know where to begin with this. I guess there really is no begining, he kinda just fell into my life I guess. I am going to be refering to him as "tree" just for protection....now I am really debating back and forth with myself whether or not I want to do this. **** it! I am going to be very blunt about alot of this. God, I really hope this makes me feel better by getting it out.
I met Tree in January of this year. He is married and has 2 children. I am not his only "girlfriend" and I know this. His wife knows this too, Lord help her. He was seeing my best friend who happens to married as well. I met my friend one night out for drinks, it was supposed to be a girls night out. Tree shows up unexpectantly. My friend, who I shall just call "N" introduces us, no big deal. She already told me about him. Who was I to judge? She is my best friend. I didn't think anything about him at the time. The 3 of us had some drinks and then we all went our separate ways.
N calls me the next day and said that Tree had a good time with us the night before and that he wants to hang out with us again. Ok, cool. No big deal at this point. I was just going out and having a good time. The 3 of us went out quite a bit for about a month time span. I never asked him for his number nor did he ask me for mine.
The fateful day came right before Valentine's Day. I get a text message from a weird number that said, "Hello Georgeous!" I had no clue who it came from. Turns out it was Tree. He got my number from N's phone when she was texting me one night while the 2 of them were out. At this point, all I really knew about him was that he was married, had 2 little girls my kids ages, had his own business and made tons of money and that he was sleeping with my best friend. We had grown to be good friends by now even without any kind of phone conversations. That is where things escalated.
He wanted me to meet him alone one night without telling N. I didn't want to do it nor should I have done it but I did. We went out to TGI Fridays one night and had dinner and some drinks at the bar.
........I need to go do something real quick. Will continue shortly......
So I met him one night and we had a really nice dinner. Still at this point, all I saw in him was a friend. Valentine's Day came and I got 3 dozen roses from Tree sent to my work with a very nice card. The flowers were beautiful. I was smitten. Micky didn't even acknowledge me on Valentine's Day and I was very bitter about that. Tree even came and took me to lunch. Things started to get very intimate after that. I wasn't being shown affection at home, it was like I wasn't even there. I was just there to take care of the house and the kids. It wasn't fair. I started taking all of his time away from N and whoever else he was seeing. N would complain about it but I never told her I was the reason. What a good friend huh? Anyways, the nights that Micky was working, after the kids would go to bed, I would get a sitter and we would go out. He took me everywhere, places that Micky would never take me too. When I was with him, he was all that I saw and he was the same with me. I was falling for him and he was with me. We discussed this many MANY times. I won't leave Micky for him and he isn't leaving his wife for me. This went on till the day before St. Patty's Day. I left work early and met him at a bar and had a few Appletini's. A few too many. Micky thought I was just working late. I ended up not being able to drive so the friends that he was with drove my car to another bar and Tree called N to come pick me up. That is where everything went down hill. N had to call Micky so he could come get my car. N was pissed off b/c I had been lying to her, she was pissed at Tree b/c he was lying to her and then Micky comes into the picture. He comes to get me and I am in tears. I am so drunk I have no clue what was going on. I don't even remember half of the events that transpired from all of this.
Micky comes and gets me while our neighbor drives my car home. I guess I was so drunk that I confessed everything to Micky about the affair, N sleeping with him, how he treated me like a queen and how bitter I was. Micky was LIVID and who could blame him. He could have kicked me out but he didn't. That was a BAD night. Micky called Tree after he got his number from my cell phone and told him never to contact me again and if he does he was going to tell him wife. Micky had NO clue who this guy even was. If I wanted to stay with him, I had to let Micky tell R (N's wife) about her sleeping around. I had to do it. So Micky called R and told him everything. He filed for divorce. She hated me. Micky and I were at the breaking point. He was in tears pretty much all day and so was I. I told myself then, that it was over with Tree. I wasn't going to do that to my family. Tree and I didn't speak for a couple of weeks until he got a new phone and sent me a text message. Here we go again......that is how everything started the last time.
I went and got another phone as well. I was just going to TALK to him. I missed him and missed hime ALOT. That was a LONG and miserable couple of weeks. He convinced me to meet him for lunch one day and I did and it all started again from there.
I am asked all of the time whether or not I am still seeing him and I am lying all of the time about it. I am sick inside but I can't leave him alone.
His wife went through his phone records one day and got my number and 2 other ones. I never asked him about them. I didn't care. He seemed to be spending most of his free night time with me. Well, I care a little bit. I am not that trashy. Anyways, I never talked to her but she called Micky and he confronted me about it. I just told him that she was crazy and must have been looking at the wrong months phone bill. I am not the 1st one she found out about and I know for a fact that I won't be the last. She likes her material possessions too much and he won't leave his girls.
I hate him but I can't stay away from him. He tugs at all the right emotions and he knows my needs and wants. I hate him for it. I try so hard to just ignore him but I can't. I took off last Tuesday and spent the day with him. I want to lie and say that I had a bad day and should have gone to work but it was a wonderful day. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! This is going to ruin my marriage and it will. It is just a matter of time.
Why do I do it? I am so stressed about this whole situation. Does this mean that I don't really love Micky and that this would be an easy out? I don't understand the whole thing. I really need some help. I just need to say No and not answer his calls or his texts. I have such strong feelings for him. I don't love him but I care very much for him and he feels the same way. He can keep getting caught and it doesn't phase him. If I get caught again, I'm toast. He says he will take care of me if that happens, he has the money to but I don't want that to happen.
Where did I go wrong in life to end up in this predicament? What do I need to do to stop this madness. I can't be just his friend but I don't want him out of my life completely.
I am a mess..................................