I'm movin on

211 posts / 0 new
Last post
Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671
I'm movin on

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Yeah, i'm starting another journal. I hear this song and i can't explain the feeling. There is alot in it that reminds me of myself.

There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

Is what kills me. I KNOW thats me. I've done crap in the last, what 10 yrs? And all i see are the years going by. I've put off going to school sooo many freakin times. It's not happening again. I can promise i'm going to the CNA/HHA class.

I really want to leave this town. It has alot of memories for me. Mostly good.....but there are some really crappy ones too.

The first part? Really makes me think about Zachary. I blamed myself for what happened to him for so damn long. I know i've found strength by going through it. I think thats what is going to help me do the class.

There is just so much crap i could write about ......and eventually i probably will.... but it makes me think about the people it would hurt if it's in writing, kwim?

"Not allowing me to change" ....is so my mom. I don't know why she's like that with me....but i'm not a freakin child anymore. I'm an adult with my own family.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Our Annvi Song

"this was supposed to be our wedding song but *J* had other plans.

Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

Dancin' in the dark, middle of the night
Takin' your heart and holdin' it tight
Emotional touch, touchin' my skin
And asking you to do what you've been doin' all over again
Oh its a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go

It's your love it just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough and if you wonder about the spell I'm under,
oh it's your love

Better than I was, more than I am
And all of this happen by taking your hand
And who I am now is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever I'm happy and free

Oh it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
If you asked me why I've changed, all I gotta do is say your sweet name
It's your love it just does something to me it sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough and if you wonder about the spell I'm under,
It’s your love
If you wonder about the spell I'm under,
Oh, It's your love

Oh its a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go
It's your love it just does something to me it sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough and if you wonder about the spell I'm under
Oh it’s your love
It's your love
It's your love
It's your love

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

*J*'s song

We used to sing this to him all the time. It's been his nickname since before he was born.

James Talyor

There is a young cowboy he lives on the range

His horse and his cattle are his only companions

He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons

Waiting for Summer, his pastures to change

And as the moon rises he sits by his fire

Thinking about women and glasses of beer

And closing his eyes as the doggies retire

He sings out a song which is soft but it's clear

As if maybe someone could hear

Goodnight you moonlight ladies

Rock-a-bye sweet baby James

Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose

Won't you let me go down in my dreams

And rock-a-bye sweet baby James

Now the first of December was covered with snow

And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston

Lord, the Berkshires seemed dreamlike on account of that frosting

With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go

There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway

A song that they sing when they take to the sea

A song that they sing of their home in the sky

Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep

But singing works just fine for me

Goodnight you moonlight ladies

Rock-a-bye sweet baby James

Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose

Won't you let me go down in my dreams

And rock-a-bye sweet baby James

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

This song always reminds me of Jarred. The pure emotion even seeing his name sometimes....it just reminds me how good of friends we were and how much we really did care about each other. It always always hurt me to see him dating someone else. We had so many freakin chances but just never did. Sure, we had sex...and it was great but there was no emotion on his side. He probably always knew it wouldn't go further then that...but then why would have he invited to me to move to FL with him after graduation? I still regret that so much.

Taylor Swift

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I'm at the point where if stuff doesn't start improving with Jim's health.....i'm going to freakin lose it. I got ZERO sleep lastnight. I was worried the entire night about his foot. It looks BAD. like, infected bad! He has an appointment Friday for it.

What the hell are we going to do if it is really infected badly?

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I called his primary and they want to see him in an hr. My gut tells me they are going to want to transfer him to the hosp ASAP. I talked to the triage nurse and she agree's that it sounds like it's infected.....and looking up crap online (with pic's :puke:) didn't help me any. I called his BIL (sis's hubby) and told him what was going on....hopefully he'll listen and not tell her anything yet.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Here.

It's infected. He needs to see a surgeon tomorrow to see if it's infected in the bone too. Best thing to happen: Cut away the dead tissue. Worst thing to happen: Amputate at least 2 toes and maybe part of side of foot.

It can't be freakin easy.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Back.

We are going to work on clearing up the infection first. He got another script for some cream that is supposed to get rid of the dead skin cells and more antibotics.

The surgeon said if they were going to remove any toes, it would be the 3 littlest. They won't decide that till after the infection clears up and he does some more testing to check Jim's circulation in his legs and heart(wk from today). If they have to they can do the stents in his legs (already talked about with his cardioligist and were going to do sometime july/august) or do a bypass in his leg. We still haven't heard anything about his x-ray yesterday to check to see if the infection was in his bones yet.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

:woohoo:

We get the retroactive check from Jim's work today!

Awesome!

of course....bills

but, i have a consult tomorrow for my hair. I found a coupon for $55.00 for cut & color. I'm hoping because my hair is LONG it won't cost too much extra. They said probably $10-$12 more depending.

My parents are taking the kids to my sisters on Tues. I'm going to drive down the following Tues and pick them up and come back Thurs. They will each miss some summer school....but come on, it's summer school!

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

My consult went great. I'm having my hair done on Thursday. I can NOT wait!!

Kids are still here. They aren't leaving till tomorrow. Cause (as per usual) life can't be freakin easy once for me. *M* has an abcess on his head. I took him to the pedi yesterday and they got some of the pus out (by pushing on it) and he screamed bloody murder the entire time. They were talking about having a surgeon lance it but they don't think that would work either. They started him on antibotics and warm compresses. It's def helping. His pillow-case was covered this morning.

Jim's appointments are today. He's having a MRI and MRA done. The insurance already sent us a letter stating that they are NOT covering the MRA. gee, thanks.
He sees the surgeon a wk from today to go over the results. *crosses fingers*

I've had the past cpl of wkends off from work. It's so nice. I need this now.

Jim's Niece (Missy, Stacey's mom) is having there annual 4th of July party this wkend. I'm so excited. We get to see stacey's little girl for the first time!

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Here.

They couldn't do the MRI cause they didn't have the blood work results back. He has an appointment tonight @ 7:15pm to get it done. It's going to take at least 45 mins to do the test, yes...with contrast dye.

The kids left yesterday. *M*'s head is doing much better. In a change of plans, i'm not going to drive down to pick them up on Tuesday. My parents are coming back tues and dropping them off and then turning around Thurs to drive down to OC, NJ. There was no way my dad's fishing stuff would have fit in there car.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

My hair looks amazing! As Jim says i look like a "hot soccer mom" now, Lol I did before/after pic's of both the front and back. Wow!

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Yesterday was awesome.

We saw Stacey's little girl! She is so adorable. I had to hold her! I got some awesome pic's with my phone.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Jim's appointment went good today. His foot is healing. The circulation in both legs is good. Though he does have a clot in the left leg around his thigh down to about his knee. The veins and arterys have compinsated for it so the circ in the foot is good. They aren't going to do surgery yet....they will wait till the pain gets worse. He wants to do a follow-up in 4 wks.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I'm doing the reading assesment for the CNA class tomorrow morning. God, i hope i do good!

I'm going to upload the pics from my phone to the net. Hopefully, they will be up and posted shortly.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I'm waiting another wk to doing the reading assesment. I looked at my calendar lastnight and figured i'm going to start the Oct class. This gives me plenty of time to get the requirements done and try to get the loan.

*edited pics out*

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

in other unrelated work news:

Yeah, i'm sure by now everyone has heard about the "incident" at a local Macy's. Guess what? Yup, the one where i work.

I got to work lastnight and my co-worker told us about it and that if anyone from the news stations came in to say "no comment". One of the employee's did see the whole thing. :cry:.

If you have no clue what i'm talking about: Short version, Woman (in 20's) possibly pregnant either jumped or was pushed over the railing from the second floor of the mall right outside of Macy's.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

having one of my moments.....

I've been real *****y and mean to DH lately. I think it's because i'm scared. I just feel this need to push myself away from him "just in case" something happens. I'm really freaked about how i would/am going to handle it when he passes away. Going through Zachary's loss nearly killed me....so i expect this to be MUCH worse on me. I just feel like i need to prepare myself.....but how the hell do i do that without pushing him away or being mean and *****y?

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I found some good stuff.

People, I think, more often tend to think that grieving presents us with tasks, that there is certain work that we have to engage in in order to work through a loss.

The first task really has to do with accepting the reality, that it's really true, a recognition that a life has changed.

The second task, for the most part, has to do with coming to terms with all the pain.

The third task is learning to adjust to a new environment in which roles change.

The fourth task really is about finding a new relationship with the deceased person and finding new sources of meaning in life.

Anticipatory grief is really about a dance between holding on -- staying with the person, still having a relationship -- and slowly letting go -- beginning to think about what life is going to be like without this person here. It's a difficult dance to do.

----This is exactly how i feel.

And there is something i just told him lastnight. In early Jan (before he was even admitted to the hosp) i kept going threw a box that has his nice suit in it and reminding myself that needed to have it dry cleaned. I know i even said in my head that he was undoubtably going to have to go to a funeral sometime this yr, and maybe even his own. :cry: Right? I felt like CRAP telling him that lastnight.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

for the entertainment value only......

You'll never guess who i passed by lastnight.

You really wanna guess?

hint.... "tricky"

Yes, folks that would be the one and only "tricky rick". It was weird. He was standing by the side of the road, no doubt has lost his liscience AGAIN. I knew it was him before i even saw the face, just the damn posture and well, yeah......the muscles.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Almost called 911 today. Jim almost blacked out and had severe chest pain.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Jim's job is thinking about opening up a new position for him. It would be kewl. He would have his own office and same hr's....but more $$$.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

unreal.

In a real case of irony or HUGE coincidence: We passed by Rick yesterday. On the side of I 395 with a tractor trailer truck tipped over. My heart was in my chest already cause driving up to it we could see tons of cops and dirt across the road (someone else went into a ditch). I hate seeing traffic accidents. I am always afraid it's going to be someone i know. After we passed by it just felt like an omen.

We went into Boston on Saturday. We took the train and went to the Children's Musuem(sp?) with passes from the town library. We saved ALOT of money.

Jim see's the cardiologist this afternoon. The kids both have eye appointments tomorrow.

In my health news: My arm is messing with me. I've been looking online and found something as a possiblity and hopefully it's wrong.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Jim's appointment went about as well as expected.

We need to start seriously thinking about signing him up for SSI.

Which gets to screw with my plan completely. Unless i do the night classes.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Next plan,

Maybe wait till tax time to sign up for SSI. We need to talk about this cause for SSDI(with disiabilty) married couples can only have $3,000.00 in assets. I'm sure because we both were out of work for 4 months we will make a killing on our taxes again. So we need to think about it.

We need to get all the Dr's (cardiologist, vasuclar surgeon(foot/leg issues) and the eye dude) on the same page as to weather or not he should realistically be working. If things don't start turning around with all his issues SSI/SSDI are going to be def options.

Before he even starts applying for SSI/SSDI we need to get me a full-time job. I'm going to work 6 months full-time somewhere then do the classes. It would not benefit me at all to do it all at the same time. I would get so worn down. I'm not pleased about it but i see the point.

We called the people for the van loan. We deferred payments till at least September. We need to get our heads above water again.

In good news: My Aunt and cousins are coming up from NC next wk. A bunch of us (me and the kids, sister and her kids, my parents, my godmother) are all going to have family reunion at a hotel in NY state. I can't wait. The last time i saw this Aunt (dad's sister) was my Grandmother (dad's mom) funeral. *J* was almost 2 yrs old? She is very kewl. I still remember her sitting up with me in the wee hours of the morning after my middle cousins wedding talking in the kitchen. And after my Grandmother's wake....all of us sitting there in the family room just talking and laughing.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Here.

pissy mood.

When we signed up for Tufts insurance last Nov the HR person at Jim's company screwed up and sent the WRONG amount we pay MONTHLY to Masshealth. Lovely, right? Come to find out (because the insurance went up about $30/month) that the check we've been getting from the state to help cover the kids on Tufts has been WRONG this entire time. We should be getting almost $500/month not almost $300/month. We are trying to fight to get Masshealth to pay everything retro-active.

I am so freakin tired of getting screwed in life.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Well, Masshealth says that it's legite. They are going to send the request for the retro to the state. We should hear something in a few wks.

We will now be getting $526/month to help with the insurance.

I'm past being done with Macy's. Saturday night i closed. One of the temp/on call people closed the watches/fashion side. Before my boss left at 6pm, she told the temp/on call person SHE was in charge for both her and me for the night. Umm, EXCUSE ME? but, WTF????

Then, Sunday. God i almost walked out. She waits till 5pm to take me into the office and talk about my June #'s. I got me 2nd reminder. Well, DUH my #'s sucked because YOU gave me 3 wkends OFF! I'm bringing that up tomorrow. I am freakinpissed. She wants me out of there that badly to get the temp/on call person in there. Not a freakin problem.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Here.

Exhausted.

feeling crappy.

The family reunion thing went awesome. We had a GREAT time! I got some good pic's of the kids with my cousins kids.

Jim's eye thing is thursday.

Saturday we go to Six Flags with his company. It's one of those deals where you pay so much ($7/person) and you get free parking, free food.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I have a new Nephew.

Brother and SIL's son was born this morning by planned C-section.

Name: Ashton

Thats it. No weight or anything.

Why? you ask.

Instead of calling FAMILY they call his work and have them announce it over the radio. :roll:

Can we say dysfunctional family?

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Here.

Yesterday was awesome! the kids had such a blast.

As per my usual, it had to kick in a very distant memory (or a few). We were driving home on the Pike and Jim wanted coffee. It was late and it reminded me of something. Yes, this is going to piss someone off. Do i care? Ya know, if you had asked me that before the answer would be yes.....right now,it's a definate no. Anyways. When i was at Endicott College i went on a little "road trip" with one of *E*'s friends. We went to pick this persons dad up....in another state. Yes, it was overnight. Yes, we shared a hotel room. yeah, so anyways....the memory it kicked in? Stopping at the Charlton rest stop for coffee and pretty much everything else that happened then and later when *E* did become abusive towards me. In my heart, i know this person did only have my best interests in mind. He tried very hard to get *E* and i apart but i had to be the stupid one and think i could change a guy. He was the one who called 911 when i got dragged across the floor by my hair.

The other memory? God, this was so long ago. In 7th or 8th grade. Me and 2 of my best friends when to Six Flags (it was still Riverside then) and i was in a fight with one of them. We both liked the same guy and since it was someone from the other friends church and she saw him first, she wanted his # first and didn't want me introduced to him. Well, i got introduced to him at a church function at a lake. I liked him. I do wonder what ever happened to him. i guess i'm weird like that.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

:woohoo:

We are getting the retro check from the state!

God, we need this now. I'm tired of floating just about at water level and keep feeling like we are going to drown.

I'm putting in bunches of applications. The writing is "on the wall" so to speak. Macy's is doing bad money wise and everyone is running for the hills (and not just in our store).

I can't believe the kids go back to school next wk!! Yay!

*J* is 8am-2:22pm
*M* is 8:50am-3:05pm

So i figure get *J* up at 6:30, his bus should be here by 7:30. *M* will get up right after *J* leaves and his bus will prob be here at 8:30am.

So i can do something 9am-2ish pm.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Happy 6th Annvi Uncle Bill.

Wow. 6 yrs. I still remember it like yesterday. I remember i had taken a shower the night before and realized that my godfather and andy's had passed 7 yrs apart...and it had been 7 yrs since my godfather passed. I just knew. You were Katie's godfather. The memory of my father getting that phone call from my Aunt Pat will be with me forever. They were the best of friends. My dad was so crushed. I called Jim at work crying and the girls were worried about *M*. I was still pregnant with him.

I know i was really pissed at first. But, i've come to understand the "why's". I just can't forgive not leaving Aunt Pat some sort of note or at least giving her a chance to really say good-bye properly.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Uncle Ed (Andy's godfather) Sept 5, 1988

7 yrs later.....

Joe (My godfather) - April 20, 1996
(too coincendental that it's 1yr and 1 day to Zachary's annvi date)

7 yrs later....

Uncle Bill (Katie's godfather) - August 22, 2002

And it's eery to me still that my Godmother was in tower 1 on 9-11. She shouldn't be here. It's 7 yrs later for that and she still chokes up talking about it. I don't blame here though....she lost alot of friends and co-workers that day.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I feel like i have come full circle (if you will) so to speak.

I am movin on. I can and will do this.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Plan:

Interview on Thursday with Jim's company. They have openings with the hours i'm able to do. :woohoo: Course, it means driving a little more then i'd like. We're going to have to figure out the car situation. If i'm going to be driving further (and more highway) then Jim....i should use the Van, or trade in my Marquise.

The following Tuesday i'm going to do the reading assesment test for the CNA/HHA class. I will sign up for the night classes....hopefully starting in Nov.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I am so excited for tomorrow!!

We've been talking about it. If (of course i will, damn it) i get the job i'll be using the van. We'll need to figure out something for the afternoons and the kids getting off the bus. I think i may have found someone good.

I'll be making more then Jim per hr (at least). We're not sure how much they start at but we're thinking at least $11-$12/hr.

I think i might stay with Macy's till after Christmas. I don't know yet.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Interview went awesome! One of Jim's biggest supporters is the person in charge of the division i'd be working under. Obvisously, we can't work in the same one. I should hear something by next wk.

In not good news: Jim's "client" cancer is back. They found the last tumor last yr and removed it. He went to the Dr Tues and they did bloodwork, the "marker" for the cancer is back. He needs to have a whole body scan done cause they aren't sure where it is this time. If something happens to him it's going to break Jim's heart.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

:woohoo:

I passed the first part!

They give everyone a test of basic reading comprehension and math. I know i'll pass the CORI. There is zilch on my record. I'm still going to have to wait till next wk though.

This is such a great thing for me.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I should be getting a call about the job tomorrow.(per what Jim heard)

:woohoo:

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

I have a meeting set-up with one of the supervisers. I'm thinking it's probably going to be Jim's fav person. It's not till next wk...though. Then we do a "walk through" of the classes. I'm really looking forward to this.

I'm going to a golf tournament tomorrow. It's the memorial fund raiser for the friend of my sister and BIL who died in 9/11. It's something they do every year and all (or most) of the money goes to a scholarship set up in his name for a student going to Boston College every yr. I'm mostly going to be helping out with getting people registered and stuff. Afterwards, they have a cocktail hour, dinner, and silent auction. The last silent auction i went to i bought the HUGE red sox autographed "1918" Damon/Kapler thing. I paided $375.00 for that. Jim was PISSED until he saw it. I only told him how much i spent.

In not fun news. Tomorrow is 20 yrs for my Uncle Ed. He was such a kewl guy. He died a month before my oldest cousin had her first child....so he never got to meet any of his grandchildren. It's surreal that it's been 20 yrs. I was about to start my freshman year in high school. :puke: He was at a meeting at work (he worked in a hospital) and had a major heart attack they couldn't do anything to save him.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Amazing, Incredible.

Words about yesterday. I wish i could describe it better.....but i don't think i can. We got there and started setting up. Once all the golfers headed to the course i headed to the function room and got that organized. When i was done i went to the bar and got a class of wine and sat on the porch thing they have overlooking the grounds and started reading my book. My sister and Dad and Thomas's widow (Thomas Brennan) Jennifer came back to use the bathroom so i hopped on the golf cart with Katie and my Dad. We had such a great time. Just being able to spend time with Jennifer was amazing. She's been through SO much and you can just feel the strength when she's around you.

After we got back everyone went to the locker rooms to get showered/dressed for the cocktail hr and dinner. It was awesome. They introduced previous scholarship winners and the newest for this yr's.

I really feel like a part of something great. Because it is great that all these alum, family, friends get together every yr and do this and most of all remember Thomas's memory. He lived a great life.....although sort.

This is from the program i set out at every place setting.

" Thomas More Brennan
(1968 - 2001)

Six years ago, we established The Thomas M. Brennan Memorial Foundation to commemorate the life of our friend and Boston College classmate Tom "Beezo" Brennan (BC '91), who was killed in the September 11th terroist attack on the World Trade Center. Our mission was to fund a memorial scholarship at BC for students in need of financial assistance, and the primary vehicle for funding the scholarship would be an annual golf outing. We embarked on a journey guided by Tom's faith, integrity and love for his fellow man. Our primary goal continues by keeping Tom's memory alive by helping those in need.

Tom was 32 years old at the time of his death and had just embarked on his own journey in life. He and his wife Jennifer (BC M.Ed. "98) had recently moved into their first home with their seventeen-month old daughter, Catherine. Jennifer was expecting their son, Thomas Jr., who was born six weeks after Tom's death. Tom is happily remembered for his impish grin, his hearty laugh, and his resolute independence.

Thanks to the extraordinary generosity of many, the Foundation has achieved considerable success. This year, our first scholarship recipient graduated from BC. Additionally, there is a recipient of the Thomas M. Brennan Scholarship in each class year at BC. We look forward to reaching even greater heights in the years ahead and continuing to make the Foundation as unique as the man who fovever changed our lives."

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

and the hits just keep coming......

Jim was supposed to see the Dr about his foot today. They called and had to reschedule till Thursday. The issue? His left foot. Right, NOT the one that was infected. The middle toe of his left foot is dead. It's black and shriveling up. :puke: Since the Dr's office is right IN the hosp i fully expect him to be admitted that night and have the surgery done hopefully on friday.

This just gets to add to the stress i already feel about everything else plus my meeting tomorrow and now having to worry if i have to find someone to cover my shift friday night.

Just let me OFF the f.u.c.k.i.n.g. roller coaster already. I've been dealing with ALL of this crap from this yr the best i could....now i just want it to STOP. My stomache is killing me. I'm not going to be able to eat now for at least a wk. It's just gonna be the same flippin cycle of forcing myself to eat and feeling like i'm going to :puke: cause of all the stress.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Not a good day today.

The middle toe on the left foot is dead. It's dry gangreen, means it won't spread to the other toes. Now, this Dr is pushing to do the bypass in the left leg because of the blockage in his groin. It would be 5-6 days in the hospital and 3-4 wks recovery time.

I'm going ahead and trying to get him either SSI or SSDI. We are trying to hold off till after the holidays to get the surgery done.

I almost passed out in the Dr's office as he was talking about it. Lucky me, started AF and was having awful cramps plus the Dr talking about another bypass *ugh*. My blood pressure dropped super low and they made me lay on the table with ice on my head and brought me juice. The nurse saw my lips go white.

oh, job news: Awesome. I got to see 3 classrooms and decide which ones were my top pick to work in. I'm still waiting on them to offer it. Orientation starts Sept 22 (9am-5pm) and lasts the wk.

so now, if Jim gets the SSI i'll just work there 9am-5pm every day and tell Macy's to screw themselves. I'm still going to wait till at least after the holidays though. That commission money comes in handy.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

*sigh*

Well, this surgery is going to have to be done sooner rather then later. This really sucks.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

updates.

god, lets see..

Job: I got it! :woohoo: I start orientation on Monday.

Jim news: His foot is getting worse and he's getting more pain in his leg. We are going to shoot for the surgery in about a month or two. They did the other eye steriod shot today.

other news: My sister now has a bump on her thyroid and is having surgery to remove it sometime next wk.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

seriously f.u.c.k.i.n.g. going to lose it.

Philip M. Kopiec, 56, of Westborough, died unexpectedly on Monday, September 15, 2008. He was born in Newton, MA on August 18, 1952.

Phil is survived by his mother, Shirley (Moore) Kopiec; a sister, Sandra Kopiec both of Worcester; and a niece, Wendy Vogel and her son Andrew Fraser of West Boylston. He was pre-deceased by his father Andrew Kopiec in 1969, and by his sister Marcia Vogel in 2007.

Phil grew up in Worcester and graduated from Doherty Memorial High School and attended Quinsigamond Community College. He worked at Carlstrom Pressed Metal in Westborough and has been working there for many years, he had previously worked at Bay State Abrasives. He served his nation in the United States Navy and was a member of the Northborough American Legion Post 234, where he served as an Honor Guard. He was an avid Red Sox fan and a former Little League All Star. Phil also enjoyed golfing, gardening, and landscaping. He was a member of The First Congregational Church of Worcester. Phil will be dearly missed by his family and friends.

Calling hours will be held Saturday, September 20, from 1 p.m. until 3 p.m. in MERCADANTE FUNERAL HOME & CHAPEL, 370 Plantation Street, Worcester, with a service at 3 p.m. in the funeral home. Private burial will be in Hope Cemetery, at a later date.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to The Massachusetts Veterans Shelter, 69 Grove Street, Worcester, MA 01605

This was one of Jim's best friends. We knew something was wrong. I went by the house on Monday to pick up Jim from work around 10pm and there was a police car parked in front of the house. We'd been trying to call his cell and it was turned off. I just saw the police log for the town in the community paper and it said "unattended death" on that night with his street name.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Massive heart attack caused by pulmonary edmema(sp?).

So, basically what would have happened to Jim had he not gotten up to the ER in time.

We just talked with his mother. She saw him on Sunday and he was saying he didn't feel good. He had just had a clasped(sp?) lung about a wk ago. He had been planning on going to the ER and getting checked.....he never made it.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

After All These Years ~ Artist = Journey.

A faded wedding photograph
You and me in our first steps
The lives of those
We lost in the sweet abyss
Though the faithful world has changed
But our love remains the same
God knows we've had our share of saving grace

And I'm proud of all the blessings
You have given me
The mountains we have climbed to get this far

You learn to take the laughter with the tears
After all these years

You make it feel brand new
After the trials that we've gone through
Against the odds we never lost our faith
In our hearts we've made our home
Where our children all have grown
Precious moments time can not erase

We've been livin' up and down the dixie highway
Seasons that we've learned to share apart
Somehow in my heart I always keep you near me
After all these years

After all these years
You stood by me
The days and nights that I was gone
After all these years
You sacrificed, believed in me
And you stood strong
Cause with our love there's nothing left to fear
After all these years

After all these years
You stood by me
The days and nights that I was gone
After all these years
You sacrificed, believed in me
And you stood strong
Cause with our love there's nothing left to fear
After all these years

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

Here.

Work is going good. I had to get 2 needles (TB test, hep B shot). *ouch*. I saw my first seizure the other day. We did CPR and First Aid today.

Jim is talking about scheduling the surgery around the end of Oct.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 671

f.u.c.k this year ALREADY! let it be 2009 like, tomorrow. please?

My sister probably has thryoid cancer and will be having either the whole thing removed or just part of it.

I'm not the only one who finds it very ODD that ALOT of my family and people who we lived around in PA, NJ have some form of cancer. This just puts my nerves more on f.u.c.k.i.n.g. edge about the pain i've been getting in my boobs lately.

Pages