I'm movin on
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    Default I'm movin on

    I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
    Finally content with a past I regret
    I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
    For once I'm at peace with myself
    I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
    I'm movin' on

    I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
    Each one is different but they're always the same
    They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
    They'll never allow me to change
    But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
    I'm movin' on

    I'm movin' on
    At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
    And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
    There comes a time in everyone's life
    When all you can see are the years passing by
    And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

    I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
    Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
    I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
    I had to lose everything to find out
    Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
    I'm movin' on

    I'm movin' on
    I'm movin' on







    Yeah, i'm starting another journal. I hear this song and i can't explain the feeling. There is alot in it that reminds me of myself.


    There comes a time in everyone's life
    When all you can see are the years passing by
    And I have made up my mind that those days are gone.


    Is what kills me. I KNOW thats me. I've done crap in the last, what 10 yrs? And all i see are the years going by. I've put off going to school sooo many freakin times. It's not happening again. I can promise i'm going to the CNA/HHA class.

    I really want to leave this town. It has alot of memories for me. Mostly good.....but there are some really crappy ones too.


    The first part? Really makes me think about Zachary. I blamed myself for what happened to him for so damn long. I know i've found strength by going through it. I think thats what is going to help me do the class.



    There is just so much crap i could write about ......and eventually i probably will.... but it makes me think about the people it would hurt if it's in writing, kwim?


    "Not allowing me to change" ....is so my mom. I don't know why she's like that with me....but i'm not a freakin child anymore. I'm an adult with my own family.
    Last edited by Sapphire Sunsets; 06-22-2008 at 12:23 AM.

  2. #2
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    Our Annvi Song


    "this was supposed to be our wedding song but *J* had other plans.



    Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

    Dancin' in the dark, middle of the night
    Takin' your heart and holdin' it tight
    Emotional touch, touchin' my skin
    And asking you to do what you've been doin' all over again
    Oh its a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
    I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go

    It's your love it just does something to me
    It sends a shock right through me
    I can't get enough and if you wonder about the spell I'm under,
    oh it's your love

    Better than I was, more than I am
    And all of this happen by taking your hand
    And who I am now is who I wanted to be
    And now that we're together
    I'm stronger than ever I'm happy and free

    Oh it's a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
    If you asked me why I've changed, all I gotta do is say your sweet name
    It's your love it just does something to me it sends a shock right through me
    I can't get enough and if you wonder about the spell I'm under,
    It’s your love
    If you wonder about the spell I'm under,
    Oh, It's your love

    Oh its a beautiful thing, don't think I can keep it all in
    I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go
    It's your love it just does something to me it sends a shock right through me
    I can't get enough and if you wonder about the spell I'm under
    Oh it’s your love
    It's your love
    It's your love
    It's your love

  3. #3
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    *J*'s song


    We used to sing this to him all the time. It's been his nickname since before he was born.



    James Talyor

    There is a young cowboy he lives on the range

    His horse and his cattle are his only companions

    He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons

    Waiting for Summer, his pastures to change

    And as the moon rises he sits by his fire

    Thinking about women and glasses of beer

    And closing his eyes as the doggies retire

    He sings out a song which is soft but it's clear

    As if maybe someone could hear

    Goodnight you moonlight ladies

    Rock-a-bye sweet baby James

    Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose

    Won't you let me go down in my dreams

    And rock-a-bye sweet baby James

    Now the first of December was covered with snow

    And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston

    Lord, the Berkshires seemed dreamlike on account of that frosting

    With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go

    There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway

    A song that they sing when they take to the sea

    A song that they sing of their home in the sky

    Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep

    But singing works just fine for me

    Goodnight you moonlight ladies

    Rock-a-bye sweet baby James

    Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose

    Won't you let me go down in my dreams

    And rock-a-bye sweet baby James

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    This song always reminds me of Jarred. The pure emotion even seeing his name sometimes....it just reminds me how good of friends we were and how much we really did care about each other. It always always hurt me to see him dating someone else. We had so many freakin chances but just never did. Sure, we had sex...and it was great but there was no emotion on his side. He probably always knew it wouldn't go further then that...but then why would have he invited to me to move to FL with him after graduation? I still regret that so much.


    Taylor Swift


    Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
    That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
    I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
    And she's got everything that I have to live without

    Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
    That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
    He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
    I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

    [Chorus:]

    He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
    The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
    He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

    Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
    And there he goes, so perfectly,
    The kind of flawless I wish I could be
    She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
    Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

    [Repeat Chorus]

    So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
    I'll put his picture down and maybe
    Get some sleep tonight

    He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
    The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
    He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
    He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
    And he's all that I need to fall into..

    Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

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    I'm at the point where if stuff doesn't start improving with Jim's health.....i'm going to freakin lose it. I got ZERO sleep lastnight. I was worried the entire night about his foot. It looks BAD. like, infected bad! He has an appointment Friday for it.


    What the hell are we going to do if it is really infected badly?

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    I called his primary and they want to see him in an hr. My gut tells me they are going to want to transfer him to the hosp ASAP. I talked to the triage nurse and she agree's that it sounds like it's infected.....and looking up crap online (with pic's ) didn't help me any. I called his BIL (sis's hubby) and told him what was going on....hopefully he'll listen and not tell her anything yet.

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    Here.


    It's infected. He needs to see a surgeon tomorrow to see if it's infected in the bone too. Best thing to happen: Cut away the dead tissue. Worst thing to happen: Amputate at least 2 toes and maybe part of side of foot.

    It can't be freakin easy.

  8. #8
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    Back.


    We are going to work on clearing up the infection first. He got another script for some cream that is supposed to get rid of the dead skin cells and more antibotics.

    The surgeon said if they were going to remove any toes, it would be the 3 littlest. They won't decide that till after the infection clears up and he does some more testing to check Jim's circulation in his legs and heart(wk from today). If they have to they can do the stents in his legs (already talked about with his cardioligist and were going to do sometime july/august) or do a bypass in his leg. We still haven't heard anything about his x-ray yesterday to check to see if the infection was in his bones yet.

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    We get the retroactive check from Jim's work today!


    Awesome!


    of course....bills



    but, i have a consult tomorrow for my hair. I found a coupon for $55.00 for cut & color. I'm hoping because my hair is LONG it won't cost too much extra. They said probably $10-$12 more depending.


    My parents are taking the kids to my sisters on Tues. I'm going to drive down the following Tues and pick them up and come back Thurs. They will each miss some summer school....but come on, it's summer school!

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    My consult went great. I'm having my hair done on Thursday. I can NOT wait!!

    Kids are still here. They aren't leaving till tomorrow. Cause (as per usual) life can't be freakin easy once for me. *M* has an abcess on his head. I took him to the pedi yesterday and they got some of the pus out (by pushing on it) and he screamed bloody murder the entire time. They were talking about having a surgeon lance it but they don't think that would work either. They started him on antibotics and warm compresses. It's def helping. His pillow-case was covered this morning.

    Jim's appointments are today. He's having a MRI and MRA done. The insurance already sent us a letter stating that they are NOT covering the MRA. gee, thanks.
    He sees the surgeon a wk from today to go over the results. *crosses fingers*

    I've had the past cpl of wkends off from work. It's so nice. I need this now.

    Jim's Niece (Missy, Stacey's mom) is having there annual 4th of July party this wkend. I'm so excited. We get to see stacey's little girl for the first time!
    ~ Sara -

    ~ DH - Jim -

    ~ Zachary - 4/19/95 ~ stillborn @ 33 wks

    ~ *J* - 16yr old

    ~ *M* 11yr old

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