Thread: I'm movin on

Oh my lord!

We are moved to the new place! I'm gonna take pic's tomorrow.

living room

[img]http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...05022370_n.jpg[/img]


dining room

[img]http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...52477638_n.jpg[/img]

Where to start?


I fu#ked up, bad.

Bad, like i'm going to look like the biggest hypocrite.















yeah, so...

I met up with someone who i was involved with in the past, there was no sex then....just kissing and touching. I caught hell for that from our teachers, cause i was senior at the time...he was only a freshman or sophmore. I know that doesn't really seem to make a difference, but had i not crap we could have wound up together.

Honestly, right now? There is nothing going on, there hasn't been anything for a few wks. We have tabled everything till at least after New Yr's. There can't be any sexual inuendo. We both have to decide if it's really worth both of us losing everything. Plus, (and i know this isn't the main thing, but it's the biggest issue right now in both our minds) If we do continue we both have to be able to deal with the emotional crap of knowing it's never going to be more, and being scared of wanting it to become more, btdt already, thanks!

Jim and I haven't had sex in ages. Thats not an excuse, thats being honest.










I never ever thought or wanted to be in this position. It's hard.

I had the strangest "sign" on the way to our first meeting, i just told him about this tonight. I had turned on the main road to his town and had the radio on my fav station, what song comes on? Faithfully by Journey. umm, ok. I can say that i almost turned around right then. I guess i didn't cause i don't want to have any regrets.

This feeling of peace.

I know this is the right thing to table everything. We can talk and text but there can't be any "come meet" from either of us until we've made a final decision in Jan. How thats going to go? I have no idea. I can wait to find out. There is alot that can happen in a month and we both need to live our lives.


Yes, he is also married. Yes, he also has children....younger then *J* and *M*.

We know there are feelings from before but trying to not them influence this decision is going to be hard.

So, that went quicker then planned. It's final. We are both at peace. There can't be any contact at all. He is going to tell the wife. I will tell Jim, eventually.



This will never happen again.

I just can't fathom what happened today. *M* still doesn't know anything about it yet, I know we'll have to tell him before he goes to school on Monday.


My hardest issue? Hearing that this kid was developmentally delayed and "slighty austistic", ummm...hello? *J* in freakin nut shell. I just get scared that now because of today people are going to view/see him differently and/or treat him horribly. I've always done my damndess to be an advocate for him first and protect him second.

So my whole body decides to f#$k with me. I'm nauseous. My boobs are killing me! Yes, yes....i know. POS, right? *ugh* My damn cycle was finally getting "somewhat" (less then 40 day between) normal. I had AF in the beginning of Dec. There is no question that it's not "his". Yes, Jim and I have had sex. If i don't start AF by next wkend, I'll test then. I've already almost puked a few times. this is exactly what we don't need now. but, it would help with housing, food stamps, and the such. anyways,have i been tempted to call "him"? yup. not going to though. i'm the one that requested the no contact. I didn't want to deal with the emotions of him coming back at a later date saying ending it was a mistake. Just the emotions of seeing him excited, then seeing him feeling guilty was more then enough to screw my head up.

Nothing on AF front. I will test this wkend.




clarify on "him". Not tempted to call because i miss him(cause i don't!!). I'm tempted to call to tell him what an a$$hole he was/is.....but, i'm pretty sure his wife has that covered!

AF in the building. Kinda funny, was feeling wicked puky all day yesterday. Had reached my treshold limit and went upstairs to do the test then....to see blood. Hurts like b!tch but it's a good thing.

Officialy starting back on my meds, depression and RLS.


My next job i def can't do overnights. It screws up my whole body badly.