The journal formerly known as...

Well, I decided that it is finally time for me to begin a new journal. I really miss being able to share my life with all of my "journal buddies", and keep myself sane though writing in my journal. I thought about just continuing on in my pregnancy journal, but that seemed really kind of stupid since I am no longer pregnant and won't be for a very long time! SO, time for a new beginning.

For those of you who are reading this who don't know me, my name is Melissa. I am mommy to three beautiful girls, 18 month old twins Gabriella and Isabella, and new baby Deborah. I have been married for two and a half years to my wonderful DH, Rick, and we live in a little house in Minneapolis. :) Okay, that's about all you need to know! LOL

So, on to my journal. I just went back to work last Monday. So today is officially my second week back to work following maternity leave. Work is going well. Back to the usual, already. But my outside life seems to be sucking as usual... well, let me take that back. Just my dad... he has been in the hospital. He is having heart problems... so here is the thing. A week after I began working again, my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and then lung cancer and given a year or less to live. Now, less than a week before I go back after maternity leave, my dad has a heart attack. It's like fate doesn't want me to work! It's jut weird, weird timing.

Anyway, details on my dad... here is what I had posted on my birth board... just so you know, before this post I had been told that my dad was probably going to need a heart transplant.

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Well, here's the scoop for those of you who have been asking about my dad. They did some more stress tests on his heart on Monday and determined that his heart was not in as bad a shape as they had thought from the angioplasty. So they let him go home on Tuesday with plans to schedule a bypass surgery for next week. On Wednesday I tried calling his house and there was no answer. So then I called my grandmas and there was no answer. So I called the hospital just in case and he was in the emergency room at that very moment. Turns out he was having more chest pain and pressure. they gave him some Nitro and he was feeling better, but now he is in the Cardiac ICU and they are keeping a very close eye on him. Turns out that he has had 2 heart attacks that he didn't know he had. They determined that they were correct in their initial assessment that his heart is VERY damaged and diseased. However, they have decided to try bypass surgery tomorrow anyway. It is going to be a very dangerous procedure for him since his heart is so bad off, and they are worried about seizures. If the bypass surgery does not work, he will be given a pacemaker until a donor heart can be found for a transplant.

This is very scary to me... my dad is only 48. What is it with my parents this year??? First my mom with the cancer and now my dad...

It's kind of shocking to realize that in the space of 8 months I have been told that my mother had less than a year to live and that my dad needs a heart transplant. Luckily they were wrong about my mom and she is now in remission, let's hope the same luck holds true for my dad... oh, and BTW, they are no longer married... they divorced when I was 10, so as an only child, I am the decision maker when it comes to healthcare decisions if they can't make the decision by themselves. It has been stressful...

Anyway, please send some prayers my dad's way-- he needs them! Thanks ladies...

UPDATE: It is 10:30 on Friday night. I was at the hospital until after 7 tonight. My dad is currently stable, and sedated. He's alive, which is a huge relief. He went into surgery this morning at around 10:30 and they didn't get him off of bypass until after 5:30. It was a long day. The surgeon came out to tal to us at about 5:45 to tell us how it went. He said that when they first opened up my dad's chest, they got very worried because they realized just HOW damaged my father's heart is. They were worried that he would not make it through surgery. But they continued on anyway. His heart, which is supposed to be approximately the size of your fist, was the size of a small soccer ball. Yikes. The surgeon ended up bypassing three arteries and repaired two valves that were leaking. He believes that he did enough so that if my dad makes it though the next few days, his heart should be able to function for the rest of his life if he takes care of himself and his heart. He will never have a healthy heart again, though, and will be unable to work for the rest of his life. The surgeon let us know just how incredibly serious my dad's condition was when he told us aftre the surgery that at that very moment, my dad was probably the sickest guy in the hospital. That makes you stop and think!!

We finally got to see him at around 6:30. He was still sleeping and was breathing with the help of a ventillator. His heart was beating on its own, but was being helped along by a balloon pump to keep it sort of resting for a couple of days. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. He looked so fragile and awful... I don't ever want to see a parent of mine in that kind of state again. It's awful. But I just called up there a fwe minutes ago and they said that he was currently very stable and had woken up a little, though they currently have him very sedated. I will go see him tomorrow morning and hopefully he will be awake then. Anyway, just thought I'd give you an update. Thank you so much for all of the prayers!!!!

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Well, since that post, not much has changed with my dad. He is being watched round the clock in CVICU-- he has his own nurse. His balloon pump is still in, he's still on the ventillator, sedated, and he is strapped dpwn because whenever he is awake and people are around he becomes very agitated and has tried pulling out the ventillator. His blood pressure has been unstable and keeps dropping, so they have been giving him pints of blood and watching him very closely. It is so weird and scary to have him like this. The docs are hoping to maybe take out the balloon pump tomorrow, but I have heard that every day since Friday, so I am not counting on it.

Anyway, as for other things, my girls are doing great! The twins are getting so grown up and smart! Gabriella is on the potty training road-- she goes potty in the potty chair once or twice a day which is great. Belle, on the other hand, still has not gone on the potty and has no interest in sitting on it with her diaper off. SO, I think that it'll be a while before we get anywhere with her. It's kind of nice, for a change, to have Gabby do something first! :D

The baby is doing well. It's amazing how quickly she is growing! And I tend to notice it more now that I am gone during the day. She sleeps pretty good at night, usually not waking until 3 or 4, and sometimes later than that for a feeding. So I have been getting lots of sleep compared to how we did with the twins!

Anyway, I am sure this is long enough and I should end it for today... hope you all have a wonderful one!

Nicky-- lunch is ON! YAY! I am so excited to see you-- I have missed you so much! I haven't seen you in 3 months!! We'll have to discuss details of when and where! Sorry you are sick... I hope that darnned cold gets gone soon!

Dayna-- I am so excited to see you so happy and confident this time around! I can totally just see your little loulou swimming around in there! So how much money did you spend at the baby store??? :ROFL:

Kelly-- so glad you are back home. I bet Marco was so excited!! Thanks for the compliment on the picture... I like it, too... it's really the only family pic we have!

Theresa, not really sure if you read my journal... but if you do, let me know! I hope things are going very well for you!

Well, not much is going on. Work is boring today... most of the bankers ore traveling today-- I don't mind! So I have spent the morning here on PO, working out my Fantasy Football team for this week, and pumping... LOL

Last night when I got home Barb asked me if I had heard the bad news. I looked at her and said no, what do you mean? Than she motioned toward my mom. I knew that my mom had an appointment with her Oncologist yesterday morning and when Barb said that, my heart sank. I was so sure that she was going to tell me that her cancer was back. But that wasn't it at all, THANK GOD! I wanted to strangle them both for saying it like that and making me scared to death for about 30 seconds! It turns out that my mom'd cancer doc doesn't want her watching my kids yet because she needs to be taking it easy and healing... he told her she is jeapordizing her heath. And she also found out that she has a fractured rib which they think was caused by her lifting the kids or something to that effect. While I am sad about it, I would much rather make sure my mom gets well than have her watching my kids each day already. So, I may have to find daycare again. I don't know what we will do. DH and I were talking about it and getting daycare would cost about $600/week for all three kids. After medical insurance and all that stuff is taken out of my paycheck, daycare would eat up ALL of my take home pay. And I make more than DH does! So, if we can't find any cheaper option, one of us is going to have to quit our job and stay home. And since I make more, it would proabbly have to be DH! So weird! It scares me to think that I may have to completely support my whole family... makes me nrevous! But my mom is devastated that she is not supposed to watch the kids anymore and I am not sure that she will quit. I told her that I need her to do what's best and not worry about us. That when she is better, she can always come back to watching them again! She was in tears! SO I suggested that if it was THAT important to her, maybe we could work out a part-time arrangement where she has them 2 days a week vs. 5, or she watches them for half days, or something like that. So, we'll see what happens. Then we would only have to pay for part-time daycare which may not be so bad...

Anyway, as for my dad, as far as I know, there has still not been any change. I haven't called to check on him today, yet, though. I should do that now. I am on hold......lol. YAY! I'm back! I found out that they finally removed the balloon pump from his leg and that if all goes well, they will be removing his breathing tube tomorrow... then they will let him wake up and stuff once that happens. YAYAYYAYAYAY!! That is the best news I have gotten in forever! I think I will go visit tonight... he probably will not know that I am there, but I'll go anyway!

As for me and DH and the girls, we are all doing well. The girls were very cute last night, but really fought bedtime hard!! Usually they cry when it's bedtime, but they settle down after 10 minutes or so. But last night was a nightmare. They cried for about a half hour before quieting and then about 15 minutes later, Gabby began screaming again. She sometimes loses her nuk and that's how we know, so we usually go in there to pick it up off the floor and give it back to her, so I figured that's what was wrong. Well, it wasn't. I had given her a sippy cup of milk to have in her crib last night (which I NEVER do, BTW!!) just because I felt extra sorry for them since they really didn't want to go to bed. SO I was trying to be a nice mom! Well, the cup's top had come off and the milk was spilled all over in her crib. UGH. SO, I had to change her sheets in her crib, which meant I had to take her out and let her sit in the LR with DH until I was done. Well, Belle was still awake, so as soon as I took Gabby out and didn't take her out she began to scream bloody murder. So once I got Gabby's crib changed, we had to start all over with the crying and screaming which lasted another half hour!! UGH!! It was so hard last night. And to top it off, Deborah was screaming bloody murder last night for like 2 hours straight-- she must have had a tummy ache, but we tried everything we could to try to make her happy and NOTHING worked! Finally she fell asleep in DH's arms. GRR. Later she woke up to eat, but then right after eating she went to sleep for the night, so that was good, I guess. She slept, then, until 4 this morning and then went back to sleep a half hour later and slept until 7:30. So it turned out to be an okay night.

This morning we had a breakthrough-- Belle FINALLY went potty on the potty chair!! YAY! Gabby has been doing it for about a month now, but Belle would not sit on the potty unless her diaper was on... :roll: Kind of defeats the purpose. But we just kept letting her do it that way, knowing she just wasn't ready yet. UNtil now! YAY! That's not to say that either of them are potty trained, but it's a giant victory to be as far as we are with them only being 18 months old! YAY! My goal is to have them 100% potty trained by the time they are 2. We are on a roll!

So, that's my news. Nothing else has happened... LOL. Isn't my je long enough already? :shock:

Dayna: Glad you are still feeling good-- I am excited about your u/s!! It's gonna be great news, I am sure of it!

Nicky: Sounds like your day wasn't too bad-- if you don't want your new coat, I'll take it! LOL I love brown leather coats!

Kelly: Missing you... hope you are doing okay!

Talk to y'all later! L&H

Well, it's Friday today. I am crabby, to tell you the truth... and there is no real good reason for it besides that my husband is a dumb ***... which is nothing new so why am I so crabby?? I have been for 2 days, now! Could have something to do with the fact that I am going on day 9 of my period :shock: when I usually only have it for 3 or 4 days... and really I haven't had it in over a year so it could be just tormenting me on purpose. Anyway, enough whining.

Yesterday was an interesting day here at work. I did basically nothing. I took an extra long pump sessions, spent the morning spending other people's money to buy Halloween decorations for a little shindig for the kids today, took and extra long lunch and met a friend of mine who is moving to California :cry: , pumped again, then spent the afternoon decorating the office, and then an extra long pumping session. In between I was here at PO. Pretty sad, hunh? I just had no motivation yesterday and I don't have much today, either. I think I am kind of depressed, which is very odd for me. I'll discuss this later...

The fun thing is that we are having a party here at my office for all of the kids this afternoon. So my kiddos are coming down here at about 1:00 in their costumes... I am so excited!! I get to show off my kids and the bonus is that I get to see them, too! YAY!

About my dad... they took him off of the balloon pump a couple of days ago, but he has been sort of unstable since then. His heartrate has been very fast and his blood pressure has been low. He is still on the ventillator and sedated, though. It has now officially been 8 days since his surgery, so it's beginning to get a little frustrating to not really have any forward progress. It's scary! It's almost as if he has been in a coma for a week... and if he's in it much longer we are gonna have to let him know who won the World Series, who was elected president, etc. But I guess that since his progress is not going backward, I should be thankful.

This weekend should be interesting... Saturday George Busgh is coming to town and DH is volunteering so it will be me and the girls all day alone. :( The DH has to take his parents to the airport (they are going to Florida for a conference for his dad's work). Sunday is going to be a long day as we have a confirmation party to go to, then it's costume and trick-or-treating time. :)

So back to this depressed thing. It's kind of weird for me. I am the eternal optimist. I can always put myself back into a good mood if I find myself getting down. And I could probably do it now, if I really wanted. But the problem is that I have no desire to get myself into a good mood. :roll: I just think with as much as I have going on in my life right now that it's finally starting to weigh on me. Also, I miss my baby during the day which probably is not helping. And money is WAY tight as usual. And I just feel as if my DH does not help me out at all with the househould and the baby without me nagging on him and yelling at him and it's simply getting tiring. For the first time today, I actually considered leaving him for a while to try to knock it into his head that he needs to help out more. He always gets mad at me for not getting up on time in the morning (Hmmm, I am up two or three times a night with the baby sometimes... last night it was 3... and he doesn't ever help out), or for not doing the dishes, or for not making that phone call I was supposed to make, etc. but most of the time, if he would simply take it yupon hiimself to help out with any of those things, it would work out so much better and we would be fighting much less. It's just so frustrating.

The good news is that my mom is going to continue watching my kids for a while... she doesn't want to quit. Her friend is helping out for a while so that will help out. :) YAY!

Anyway, I love you all and hope you are having a great day. I have not read anyone's je's yet, so I will do that now. Nicky, if you read this, PM me... our e-mail server is down at work and I can't e-mail you and I don't have your work phone number!

Well, Monday, Monday... dreary and dark here today. Almost night already at 4:30. I hate daylight savings time ending... :(

Not much going on. My girls were very cute in their costumes for Halloween. I wish I had gotten some better pics of them all and more of them, but I'll take what I got, I guess... :) I only had my 35mm, so I won't be able to post them until I get them developed. The girls had a ton of fun at my work party on Friday... more than they did on Sunday, but they had fun that night, too. :)

My weekend was very interesting. Let's just say that DH and I had some major problems to work out and I broke down on Saturday and lost it. I told him that morning to get out and not come back. Ever. And at the time, I meant it. :shock: Well, needless to say, he did come back that afternoon after going to the Bush rally, but we had a big talk when he got home. And I earned myself a night out. LOL I went out the casino with my mom and our friend. I blew $50 in about 45 mins... I was so unlucky that night, it's unbelieveable. Then after the casino, we went out for breakfast and then we went back to my mom's house and hung out and laughed our asses off at nothing until I left at 3:30am. YIKES! I got honme around 4am. And then had to get up with the kids in the morning. That will teach me...

I am feeling a little better about everything today which is good. But I am totally annoyed that I am still bleeding. I am going on day 14 of AF. :wtf: I think that if I am still bleeding tomorrow I will call my OBGYN. I am not sure if it's normal, or if the IUD is causing probs. I usually only have AF for 3 to 4 days...

On a side note, I made up a quiz about myself today... if you are bored enough, go ahead and take it, ladies... http://melbeee.friendtest.com and let me know how you did! Hee hee...

Oh, BTW, Nicky, Kelly, Dayna, and anyone else I might be missing... I need your addresses if ya wanna give them to me... I want to send out Christmas cards this year! YAY! And they are photocards! Just PM or e-mail them to me so I can get them...

One last thing to share. On my twin board we were reminising about our twin pregnancies... and I wrote like 2 pages about my experience. I wanted to post it here for you to read if you feel up to it. If not, just skip past this quoted section...

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Ahhh, the joys of twin suprises! LOL

Okay, here's my story... get ready for a novel! :lol:

Dh and I got married in May, and the day we got to Italy for our honeymoon I got horribly sick. It lasted all through our 2 week honeymoon and for another 2 weeks after that. Nothing would work to make me feel better and I had tried a lot of things to feel more like myself again. So, in June I stopped taking my BC pills, thinking I would let my body be itself again for a while and maybe my "holistic" balance would right itself eventually. Since I stopped taking BC, DH and I were generally careful, but I wasn't terribly worried since I had been on BC for 8 years-- I figured it would take a while before my body was able to get pregnant. Well, in late August I was at a baseball game with my SIL and I could not stop eating!! I mean, inbetween every inning I would have to get up and go get food! Which was really weird for me... my SIL kept joking that I must be pregnant or something. HAH. That got me thinking.

I had NO clue when I had AF last. (I never kept track.) So, the next night I went out in secret and bought a pregnancy test. SIL was staying with us for a week then, and after she and DH went to bed, I took the test. I got a positive result IMMEDIATELY. I mean, it was pee on the stick, immediate positive result. So, I got a little freaked out. Went to bed, woke up before everyone else the next morning and took another. Of course that was + too. So I told my SIL because I was so shocked, nervous and excited, but told her not to tell anyone at all until I went to the doc... I wanted someone to tell me I wasn't nuts before I told the family. :lol: Well, obviously the doc confirmed the next day and that night I suprised DH with the news by giving him a giftwrapped box with a pair of baby booties in it. He didn't get it, of course :doh: and my SIL had to tell him what it meant. He was so excited! LOL

Anyway, my pregnancy went really well. I was nauseous a lot, but really no MS to speak of. I lost a ton of weight my first tri and had no problems-- I was simply exhausted every day. I had never been that tired in my life. At my 16 week appointment, I asked my doc if it was possible that I could be having twins and he told me no, and not to worry about it. But I just had this weird feeling and I was kind of pissed off that my doc just blew me off. He never checked for a second HB or anything. I also had my triple screen done that day and went on my way home. Two days later my doc called me at work to let me know that my triple screen results had come back abnormal. He told me that it could mean neuraltube defects, downs syndrome, etc. NEVER once did he tell me that it could mean twins. So DH and I were totally freaked out. The OB ordered a Level II U/S to check the baby, but we had to wait 3.5 weeks until I was 20 weeks for the U/S! I spent the whole time worrying.

My mom went with Dh and I to the U/S. They asked usa ton of family history Q's before they started and then finally the US tech started. She swiped the wand quickly across my stomach and looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't have a history of twins in your family?" I said, "nope, why?" not really thinking about it... so she looks at me, puts the wand thingie back on my stomach and says, "Well, there is now!" All the sudden I saw two heads... I started balling and couldn't stop. I was so scared, nervous, excited, etc. All of those emotions all at once, that I think very few people can understand besides someone who has gotten news of multiples. We decided to find out the sex, though we had not planned to, because we were overwhelmed with the news that we had to prepare for two.

After my U/S, I had my 20 week appt. and I saw a nurse practitioner who was shocked to hear how the U/S had gone. She measured me and said, "I can't believe you have twins... you are measuring small... I would have never known!" She was very nice, however, I soon switched OBs to one who was experienced with twins, and who I knew would be with me throughout the pregnancy instead of going to a clinic where you see whoever has the time to see you.

Anywho-- everyone in my family was so incredibly excited we were having twins... and THAT'S when I found out about our family history of twins... :roll: better late than never, I guess... :rofl: I, on the other hand, spent the first week in shock, the next week sort of angry and crabby, the third week totally freaked out and scared, and finally after about a month, I finally came to terms with it and was able to be excited for the girls' birth. Every U/S that I had after that was a total joy! I loved seeing those two little creatures in there, all intertwined and growing so well!

Basically, my pregnancy was awesome, and I got huge, though I never realized how big I was until I looked at pictures after the fact. LOL I went to a restaurant one night that only had booths, no tables with chairs and I couldn't fit into the booth, so we had to leave! :shock: When I hit 32 weeks, my OB began ordering a stress test twice a week and by week 35 I was begging him to get the damned babies out cuz I was so uncomfortable! LOL Finally, he told me that if I made it to 39 weeks that he would induce. So, my two beautiful babies were born via induction at 39 weeks. They both came naturally and the delivery was so smooth and great! It was the most amazing experience I have ever had... to be holding one child while I rested to get up the energy to push out the other. Gabriella stared at me with huge open eyes as I labored to birth her sister. I would do it again in a second, even though I do believe that twins are the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. But oh, they are so worth it!!!!!!!! YAY!

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Anyway, on to the real world again...

Nicky: glad you survived your weekend and had a little fun! :) I enjoyed our lunch on Friday... next time lets do Mexican! LOL

Dayna: SOO SOS SOO SO SO SO excited for your u/s! I can't wait for you to see your little loulou and share it with us! :D Hang in there until then and keep tossing your cookies! LOL

Kelly: Don't you hate insensitive people?? Just give it time and I am sure you will be able to handle the kids in your family again... until then, you have every right to not want to hear about them all! BIG hugs, girl! hang in there! Glad you had a relaxing weekend and were able to veg out a bit!

Hope you all have a great day!

November 3, 2004

Well, today is a good day. A damn good day! :woohoo: It seems like the world is being set right all around me today. The first wonderful thing is, of course, that George W. Bush will be in the White House for 4 more years!!! My prayers were answered. I have heard, too, that Kerry’s concession speech was very well thought out and delivered. I can’t wait to see it—I hope they play it tonight on TV so I can see it. It is really nice that Kerry chose to ignore those around him and simply allow the process to work as it is supposed to and let the vote counts be. I was dreading that it was going to be the 2000 election all over again where we didn’t know who won until December. So all of that was a huge weight off of me, and it’s time to relax about it for a while, now!

The second wonderful thing is that I am in a good mood today and have gotten some wonderful treats! LOL Pretty sad that good cookies would make me so happy… :roll: but they are not the only thing, I promise! My mood is also helped by the fact that Dayna updated with some awesome, awesome numbers, and therefore, GREAT news! :party:

The third thing is that I went to go visit my dad last night before DH and I headed off to the Bush victory party. I hadn’t been to the hospital to see him for quite a while, and I hadn’t called to find out how he was doing since Sunday. It was kind of a personal emotional break from dealing with it all. But anyway, so when I went to go see him, he was up, sitting in a chair and eating a meal!!!!!!! Holy awesome! On Sunday he was still is bad, bad shape and had barely come off the ventilator, still strapped down to the bed and sedated, etc. It’s awesome progress. It sounds as if he will be able to go home, now, in the foreseeable future. I am so excited! It was really nice to talk to him again and see him awake and up. I have never really had a great relationship with my dad, and this whole experience really makes me realize that he and I need to put our differences aside and spend more time together and he needs to see my kids more often…

The fourth thing is that I found out that even though my work’s benefit program is changing dramatically and the medical insurance provider is changing, all of my docs and my kids’ docs are included in the plan, and the whole thing is cheaper and covers more! YAY!!! I was really worried when I found out that they were dropping BCBS, because I had gotten comfy with them and had learned to like them. So this news is a big relief.

Other than all of that, life is going okay right now. I am tired today from being up so late last night, but I am fine. My kids are crabby and cranky as they have been lately, but that’s no surprise. I posted on my birth board for some advice about how to deal with Deborah’s extreme gassiness and was told that I should record what I eat and try cutting out dairy to see if she has a milk allergy. Well, recording what I eat doesn’t seem to make sense since she is like that everyday, no matter what I have eaten. But the milk allergy thing sounds like it’s actually possible. So as of last night, I cut out dairy and we are going to see if that will work. It’s gonna kill me, though, I swear!! I love milk! LOVE LOVE LOVE milk! And cheese! And sour cream! And butter! Well, you get the picture. But I am gonna try this for a week or two and see if it makes a difference. If after that, nothing seems to have changed, I am going to call the ped. I really think that there is something wrong. The poor kid is breastfed—she should NOT be having so many problems! And when it’s an EVERYday, ALL day problem, it’s got to be fixed!! The poor kid sometimes can’t even eat because she is so gassy! And her gas is incredibly stinky… I mean, it’s BAD. It’s just weird that I would have so many problems with the abby who is actually breastfed instead of bottle fed… :roll:

Anyway, it’s almost 5 and my DH will be here soon to pick me up from work (he stayed home today after last night’s late night! :roll: ) so I need to wrap it up. I will talk to you all later!! Have a great day!

Ugh, Tuesday. Sorry I have been gone from my journal for so long-- I have been really busy and was having a hard time getting on po for more than 10 minutes at a time! But today is a little slower at work (even though I have a ton of expense reconciling to do! :roll: ) and I just finished up a major project, not to mention that my boss is traveling today, so I decided to take a break and hang out on po for a while. :)

Well, a lot has happened over the last few days. I even had to read my last je to figure out where I left off... :roll: So, I will update all of the news.

My dad is apparently home now... he was discharged on Saturday. I, like the bad daughter that I am, have not visited or called to see how he is doing. As a matter of fact, I just found out a few minutes ago that he was discharged on Saturday-- 4 days later. Ugh. No one called me to tell me which I think just sucks all together. I know that I should have been following more closely with him and known myself, but with three kids, life tends to get away from you, you know?? I have been meaning to go see him, but it seemed like everytime I intended to, I either ended up not feeling well (I'll talk about this more in a little bit), my girls were being clingy and pitiful (I'll talk about this, too.), or the baby was throwing a fit, or the house had to be cleaned, etc. so I didn't get around to it. Anyway, I am afraid to call his house to see how he is doing because I don't know who is there with him and I don't want to disturb him if no one is... I'll probably try to call him tonight.

I have not been feeling great lately. I am now officially on day 21 of bleeding... but it's so light most of the time that I cannot see it being worth going in and getting checked out. My OB did tell me that I should make an appointment to see him one or two months following the placement of my IUD, but I haven't done that yet, and it's gonna be hard to get in to see him since I can’t really afford to take any more time off of work. :dontknow: It's not hurting or anything-- more of an annoyance than anything else. But what does really suck is that I have been battling headaches for the past couple of weeks now! I have always had a hard time with migraines, but have not really had a lot over the last few years-- rarely had them while I was pregnant which I understand can happen. It was wonderful! But now over the past few weeks, I have had one to two a week, plus have had to deal with regular headaches on other days. It is awful! And since I am BFing, I try to take as few drugs as possible... I have taken half of a Tylenol 3 one time, but that's about it. I need to go in and have them checked out again and get some new migraine meds prescribed-- I haven't had any for a few years. I am just hoping to death that this is not all brought on by the IUD... I would hate to have to have it removed so soon. :( But dealing with all of these headaches is draining both physically and emotionally, and my husband feels it, too! So do my kids-- I end up short with them and cranky when I have one and it's not fair to them.

I have noticed, lately, that when I am feeling well, I am in much higher spirits than I had been for a while, there. I am becoming much more comfy being a mother of 3, my DH must have finally let our arguments and talks sink in because he is being much more understanding and helpful around the house, our house is cleaner much of the time, and life seems to be sorting itself out. I am looking forward to the holidays, but very nervous about money, but well, that's a whole other problem to deal with. I have had a lot of fun lately playing with my girls... I made a conscious effort because of the way they have been acting since I went back to work, and it makes me feel good. So I guess that more and more I am coming out of my funk. I still have a little way to go, but I just keep going back to reminding myself that attitude is a matter of mind 100%. I control how I deal with life and it’s much easier to deal with it when I am positive and keep myself happy.

My girls have become a handful lately. Gabby and Belle have both gotten very whiny and hard to deal with. I really think that they are having a hard time with me not being home. So that is why I have been making sure I spend lots of time with them. I spend a lot of time on the floor playing with them and I am much more likely to drop whatever I am doing to play with them. It is easier when the baby is not screaming her lungs out. I was really heartbroken the other night, though, when we put them to bed and they had been having so much fun!!! But DH and I are pretty big on standing firm on bedtime, so even though they were hyper and having lots of fun, we put them to bed. Isabella screamed so hard for so long that I almost cried. I went back in there to settle her down and she could not settle herself down, she had totally lost control. I actually kind of smacked her face to shock her into stopping for 2 seconds so she could hear me talk to her (I swear it was not as bad as it sounded… I did not, and WOULD NOT, hurt her at all!!) and that finally got her to stop screaming and listen to me. I stroked her face and hair and she kept gulping and shaking… the way I finally got her to settle down enough to go to sleep was to promise her that mommy and daddy would be home in the morning when she woke up—that we would not leave her. Finally she quieted down and went to sleep. But it just broke my heart that I had to promise her that. :cry: Besides all of that, Gabby has been pulling at her ear a lot… I am afraid that she may have an ear infection, but she has had no fever or anything lately… so it seems like a waste to bring her to the peds if nothing is wrong. Grrr. She had been running a fever and acting all disoriented and dizzy just in time for her 18 month appointment, but the ped had checked her ears then and said she was healthy. I swore that she had an inner ear infection that was affecting her balance. Well, that seems to have stopped, but I am worried that they may have missed something since she keeps pulling at it. Oh well.

The baby is doing well and growing like a weed. I had mentioned trying to cut dairy out of my diet, but does anyone have any idea how hard that is??? EVERYTHING HAS DAIRY IN IT! Goodness!!!!!!!! And I can’t afford to buy special dairy-free foods—we barely have any groceries as it is since we can’t afford to go grocery shopping… so I haven’t been very good! I have managed to cut down on my dairy intake, however, and it seems like it may be helping a bit. She has pooped three days in a row, now, when she had been doing it only like twice a week. And she seems to be dealing better with the gas. She has good days and bad days, and it’s still worse at night than during the day, but it’s better. She has really gotten vocal and is smiling at herself in the mirror which is so cute! She still is not into grabbing things with her hands, yet, but I am sure she will get there. It’s getting much easier to put her down and leave her to play with herself or to stare at a mobile for a few minutes—she doesn’t scream the second you put her down anymore. However, she HATES tummy time. So it may be a while before this kid learns to roll over. I got some cute little outfits for her on clearance for $2.58 each, but they were size 3 months and they will not fit her for very long—she is already almost too big for them and has only worn them once apiece, but for that price, who cares? LOL She finally has some clothing of her own, now, though, because I have been buying a couple things here and there whenever I find stuff really cheap on clearance. It sucks that nothing the girls had will work for her this winter cuz all of their 3-6 month stuff is summer clothing. Oh well. I have also had to buy a lot of clothes for the girls since they are transitioning to 24months and 2T, but I have managed to get a bunch of stuff for them on clearance and on e-bay and at OUAC, too. So it has saved me a lot of money. 

A friend of mine called me just before I had Deborah to tell me that she was pregnant. It was awesome news—she and her DH had been trying for a few months before it happened. I am so excited for them. But I am also jealous because she told me that they had their ultrasound yesterday and found out they are having a boy! YAY! I am so excited for her!! I can’t wait to see her pregnant… it has been a while since I saw her… she is going to be one of those really cute preggo ladies. :D

I am not sure if I updated anyone about my mom before, so I will do so here. My mom has decided to stay on and watch the kids… oh wait. I just went back and re-read and I had already said that. Okay, so my mom watches the kids. And she told me the other day that I really need to get the girls in for professional pics for Christmas. Well, that’s nice and all in theory, but I have NO money to be able to take them for pics. I already feel horribly guilty that I haven’t done it—I missed their 18 month pics and Deborah’s 3 month pics. Plus, they won’t have a Christmas pic. And I have NO pics of all three of my girls together. I mean, I take snapshots all the time, but it’s just not the same. So my mom says that she might take them and do it herself. But that makes me feel even worse—like I can’t take care of my own kids and they have to have their grandma take them in for pictures. But then I remember what a living hell it was to take the twins in for their 12 month pictures—it was HORRIBLE. They were little terrors and just screamed through the whole thing. :roll: But anyway, I am not sure what to do about the whole situation. I’ve decided that being broke sucks! But we are paying my mom and her friend $400 a week to watch the kids (which is cheap, seeing as it would cost $600/wk in a daycare center) and that eats up basically all of my husband’s pay. I make a little more, but the mortgage comes out of my paycheck and we need to pay the rest of the bills somehow… now you know why we don’t even have money for grocery shopping! Grrrr. I hate that it’s so expensive to have kids. I love my kids, but think that it shouldn’t cost so much! I would love to stay home again, and maybe I will eventually… I am checking out an opportunity…

I am considering becoming a Tastefully Simple Consultant. I love the products, they’re easy to sell and the profits are fairly high for something like that. I went to a party this weekend and talked to the consultant who did that one. I also know some other people who sell it and they all love it. Plus, my family loves the products and if I sold it, I could make a big chunk of money right there. ;) So, I am going to check it out. Start out just doing one party a week or something like that and eventually do more as I meet more people. My hope is that I could eventually make enough money to do it full time, quit my job and stay home with my kids during the day since all of the parties and stuff would be nights and weekends! So, we’ll, see what happens.

Ugh, I am typing this in word and just realized that I am rambling—I hit page 4 already!! :shock: So I will wrap this up. Love you all…

Dayna: I love that you are sick!! LOL But seriously, it means that things are going the way they should be! Great numbers last week and all of the sickness and hormones is a great sign. Hang in there and it WILL get better once you get into the second trimester!! I promise! :bigwink:

Nicky: I want to see your haircut!! Ooh, excuse to do lunch again, soon! LOL Sorry about the fight with your roomie, but at least it sounds like you guys managed to sort it out. And guys say WE are difficult… :lol:

Kelly: I hope that work and school are going okay… sounds like you had a nice weekend!

Love and hugs to all of my friends, I hope you have a great day!